The need for girlfriends

There is a reason why the show Sex and the City was so popular. Okay, there are probably several reasons, but I know the biggest reason I like it:  it hit on the need for one’s girlfriends.

Girlfriends from high school...
Girlfriends from high school...

I love my husband with all my heart. He’s my best friend and my soul mate. I sincerely ENJOY spending time with him more than anyone.

However, I still need my girls. They just help me recharge in a way that is impossible to explain. Sometimes they give me a reality check. Sometimes they let me check out of reality. Sometimes its just… a sisterhood that just is.

I went out with a couple girlfriends last night, and I had a total blast. I’m so thankful my husband is so supportive and respectful of my girl time.

I’m blessed with what I would call three “groups” of girlfriends.

First and foremost I have my family girls. My mom and my sister-in-law. I always consider it an amazing blessing that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve had the good fortune to see my family as both my family and my friends. My mom is without a doubt my main female confidante. Without a doubt. And that is a fact that I cherish.

I have my old friends from high school and from college. Those girls who have THE most blackmail on me born out of years and years of friendship. My girls “back home.” My Texas Ladies. It’s pretty amazing that most of those friends are women I’ve known since elementary school! My friends back home are set in stone. Years of friendship that can’t be taken away. Girlfriends have come and gone within that group, but as I stand here today I can clearly see the select few that have stood steady all along.

Me and Elizabeth -- One of my Nashville girls
Me and Elizabeth -- One of my Nashville girls

Then I have my Nashville ladies. This group is probably my most complex set of friends, and that is probably because they are my “current” group. As always in my life, I have a select few that I truly open up to and consider my core girls. Doesn’t mean they all know one another! But they are the ones I have found I hold closest to me in my heart. They are the ones I can confide in, and that I know I could turn to in need. Then I have, literally, a few dozen more that I consider dear friends… however its in a more social manner than intimate manner.

The friend I had dinner with nailed it on the head: “I’ve been hurt worse by women than I have ever been hurt by a man.”

That in and of itself is the intriguing thing about girlfriends. We need our girls. We need our sisterhood. But women are most vicious to other women.  Just when you open up to a fellow female, you open yourself up to the potential of deeply being hurt. You tell them your secrets, your gripes, your fears. You lay it all out there. Which I think is precisely why I’ve always kept my number of CLOSE friends down. There is that fear of being hurt. I need and want to trust you… but it doesn’t come easy.

Being married, many friendships now come in the form of fellow couples. Its a natural thing to have happen, and there’s something awesome within it. It really is a lot like getting two friends for the price of one… at least in most cases. I have to admit, though, it always does seem men can get along a lot easier and a lot faster than two women will. I do remember at least once telling my husband, “I like him… can’t really stand her.”  (And at this point, any couple friends we have are now paranoid that I am speaking of them. Relax. I’m not. I promise.)

Me and Anne -- One of my Texas girls...
Me and Anne -- One of my Texas girls...

I love my friends. All of them. Within that fact, I do open myself up to being hurt. And also within that, I fear hurting one of my friends without even realizing I am doing it.

I mostly say that in that I’ve seen a lot of friendships fade due to life just getting in the way. It was never an intentional loss of a friendship, it just came one day that I realized I’d lost touch with someone. That is a fact that always leaves me a little sad. Because I do cherish every single friendship — be it one of my closest friends or one of my more social friendships. I cherish that individual.

That being said, I’ve had a few friendships that I had to pull the plug on myself. Just because I needed to for my own good. Doesn’t make that loss of a friendship hurt any less! But it does make the mind and emotions more peaceful in general.

I don’t know that friendships can ever be analyzed in a fair way. They all are what they are. They come. They go. They all leave a mark on your life. They all mold you into who you are today.

I remember my senior year of high school, confiding in that one teacher who became more like a friend than a teacher. I told her that I love my friends I had then, but that I was excited to meet the people who would further mold me and come to hold lead roles in my life.

I think that at any given moment in my life, that statement is still just as true. I will always be selective of who I draw closest into my heart, but I enjoy meeting new people. I need my girlfriends. Every single one of them. Be they my mom, someone I’ve know for 20+ years, someone I’ve known six months, someone in the music industry, or someone who just has a solid footing in the “normal world.” I need them all.