Show-stories…

This blog is called “Musician’s Widow” but I rarely talk about music or “the life” much. I generally save those posts for Road Widows. But, I figured perhaps it’s time I consciously try to start sharing a story here and there.

I get asked occasionally if I ever go out on the road with my husband. My answer is always, “Not really.” On a general basis, I don’t, but I have had a few cool adventures that you could say occurred on the road with my husband.

The one I’ll share today happened just before my husband and I got married. Most people don’t know that my husband and I were actually “long-distance” up to about three months before our wedding. Yes, folks, we are proof that long-distance relationships CAN work.

Moving day

We got married in January, and we moved me up to Music City the October before the wedding. My then-fiance flew down from Nashville, loaded all my things in a U-Haul trailer, hooked it up the back of my truck, and we moved me to Nashville.

Three days later, he had a show in Houston, TX, and I had responsibilities I still needed to attend to in Texas. So, I “caught a ride” on the bus down. My parents would pick me up at the show and bring me back home with them.

I’ll be honest, I don’t remember that much about hanging out on the bus before going to bed for the night. Somehow, my now-husband and I found a way for both of us to fit in his bunk. Keep in mind, a bunk of a bus is not much bigger than your average coffin. That is, if coffins came with air conditioning, electrical outlets and a flip-down TV. So, needless to say, it was a tight fit, but we made it work.

The next morning, I dreamed I was climbing a long, steep staircase. I just kept climbing and climbing and climbing until suddenly I woke up. Only to realize I really WAS climbing.

It was so bizarre. I was laying down, and yet I could tell that my feet were higher than my head in relation to what would be considered level. It panicked me briefly! I had to get up and out of the little confined space!

It took some maneuvering, but I was able to get up and let my now-husband sleep. I padded to the front of the bus in my PJs and bedhead (you get to know your co-bus-riders better than you really probably ever wanted to in cases like this) and poked my head out to see where we were.

View from the bus while riding back to Nashville

We were on a little two-lane farm-to-market road, going uphill! I remember thinking, “Uhhh… this doesn’t look right.”

Come to find out, we had indeed made a wrong turn, and we were far off course. You know you’re in Texas when the bus driver has to stop a guy on a tractor to ask for directions!! I’m sure everyone on that little road had a story to tell that day, watching us try to get out of nowhere-Texas!

Needless to say, we did finally find our way to the venue, and all was well. I ended up going over a day without a shower, but the show was great and it did leave me with quite the memory of climbing uphill feet-first! It gave me a taste of what it is like to sleep in a bunk on the bus, too. Which is definitely something you have to experience to appreciate.

It just so happened to work out that my husband had a gig in Dallas, TX a couple weeks later. So, I caught a ride back to Nashville after that show. My husband works as a co-driver on long runs, and it was the first time I got to experience his bus driving. It was fun to sit in the jump seat and watch the world pass from a tour bus. Not to mention watch cars slow down in hopes of seeing “a star.” Too bad all they saw was me and my bedhead again.

Good times and fun memories… more stories from the road to come.

Elephant in the room

THIS POST on another blog encouraged me to write this blog. I’m very serious. Go read that before continuing on here. I’ll wait.

Here’s the big elephant in the room: I have debts that I can’t pay. I have debts I’ve not been able to pay in awhile. I have debts that friends and family are starting to get calls about. And for this fact, I am deeply sorry. I never in a million years thought it would go this far.

Its not worth getting into too many details. Its not worth explaining it outside of the fact that we, like so many others, are victims of circumstance. I could curse any number of events for being where we are today. But at the end of it all, neither myself nor my husband are “bad people.” It just is what it is.

We’re working on it.

I’ve prioritized my bills. And as such, I am secure in keeping a roof over our heads, a vehicle to drive, utility bills paid and food on the table. Those are definite every month. What is left over is spread out as best I can over my other debts and various sundry. The funny thing is, up to about six months ago, I’d never missed a payment to anyone. It may have been late, but they always got a payment.  But today…

I’m simply doing the best I can.

You see me post in here a lot about my goals of making it working from home. My biggest push IS the want to eventually be able to work from home while raising my kids. We need to get secure in that as just the two of us before we bring in another mouth to feed. The other side of the coin is simply the fact that I HAVE looked at employment elsewhere. I know countless people who have similar degrees and experience as I do who have looked for employment. Its just not out there. In fact just yesterday I heard about another person here in my field that was “downsized.”

Truth be told, I feel very confident about where I am headed these days. But I do struggle sometimes to keep that confidence level up when the phone rings and its a creditor or a friend calling because they got a call from someone looking for me. My stomach clinches, and I feel a migraine start to try to come over me. Neither of these things are conducive to rectifying the situation. The more time and energy I spend looking at this issue, worrying over this issue, the less time and energy I have to actively work towards fixing it.

All I can do is the best I can do.

And within that? I will beat this and be better off down the line. I will.

Addendum: This was a scary post to write. I just felt the need to be honest about it all. Really, in the grand scheme of things, we’re doing okay! Like I said, we have prioritized our bills and thus the most important ones always get paid. Its something so many aren’t able to do right now, and we’re grateful for what we have. We’re only looking at “other” debts that have fallen behind, and we are actively working to correct it. Every day it is our focus. But I needed to get it off my chest and be honest about why sometimes I say “no” to things, or why I may in passing mention a lack of fundage.