Sunday night, the world changed a little with the announcement that US forces had found and killed Osama bin Laden. I “heard” about it first via Facebook… then immediately flipped the tv on for the news coverage.

I felt… stunned. Shocked. Amazed. And afraid.

People were celebrating in the streets. People were chanting “USA! USA!” at sporting events. Twitter practically exploded.

Still, I sat shocked. I couldn’t find it in myself to dance with glee. I was glad my American flag already flew with pride in front of my house. I was proud of our military… but then, I am ALWAYS proud of our military. I was happy for their victory… I knew for many, it justified their years of service in search of bin Laden. The photo of the FDNY reading the news in Times Square brought a tear to my eye.

But I couldn’t dance about this death. I simply was too shocked.

I felt a deep fear in my stomach… retaliation feels eminent. We just don’t know when, where or how.

I called my husband on the road to make sure he’d heard. He hadn’t, and it was one of those rare moments when I cursed his being so far away. I felt I needed him with me, watching the news come out.

President Obama impressed me deeply with his speech. The writer in me applauded. The American in me applauded. The Christian in me teared up with how he ended the speech. I literally did stand up and applaud as he left the podium. Alone in my little office in Nashville, TN. Thousands of miles away from the action unfolding before my eyes.

As more details have been released about the mission, I find myself imagining it in my mind like an action movie… or a first person shooter video game. Complete with slow motion moments, and lots of curse words that would make the critics cringe and most men cheer.

I wondered… have we become so used to violence from our media that we lose sight of what this meant? Or are we more able to see the big picture because we aren’t shocked by it all? I don’t really know.

I’m on the fence about if bin Laden should have been brought to trial instead. Part of me thinks he should have been, just so he had to face the American people and realize how badly he screwed up by picking on such a strong country. But then again, he’d have gotten glee from our anger… which would have only angered us further.

No, I’ve often felt like sometimes we should take care of things quicker and save the public the grief and expense of a trial. Especially in cases like this… or like in the case of the Fort Hood shooter. We know the guilty, let’s stop dragging our feet and prosecute already.

I respect our justice system and flawed as it is, I am glad it exists. But perhaps this all ended as best it could. And in a way that will be told for generations to come. History was made Sunday… and no matter how my gut and heart feel, that’s really cool.

God bless our military, and be with those reliving the horrors of 9/11 in their minds with these events. They need His love and strength more than ever right now.

I still can’t dance about the death of this “madman.” But I do appreciate what it means to the world to have one more terrorist — arguably the biggest of them all — out of the way. While I feel fear of retaliation… I also feel a door of peace cracking open a little further.