Eventually, however, that ceased to happen. And since then, I have given each year end a little bit of a cursory nod, but never the kind of attention I once gave. I’d like to say that this year will be different, that I’ll go month-by-month again. But, I can’t say that, because I, frankly, just don’t have time to go that in depth. I do, however, want to give this year some closure.

My  mom sent me an email with a newsletter giving ways to bring closure to the year. In it, Mike Robbins writes about how we need to give one year closure before we jump into the next one with all these hopes for where it will lead.

Last year at this time, we were in the process of moving. I was forced to find closure on the previous three years of living in the house we were in, and I embraced 2011 with hope and optimism as change was going on all around me. My address changed, and so did many ways I viewed various things. This year, though, I feel like I’m just rolling into 2012 without much fanfare. Its just another year. January 1st, just another day. I don’t really have optimism, but I don’t feel dread either. I’m a bit ambivalent to the whole thing.

So perhaps I am one who has a bigger need to find closure to 2011 than I would normally be as a year comes to a close. I thought I’d tackle the four questions found in Robbins’ newsletter.

1) What were my biggest lessons in 2011?

Absolutely the strong difference between want and need was my biggest lesson. This past year was a rebuilding one, financially, for my husband and myself. With that, I also learned the deep satisfaction that comes with paying for items with cash. I learned how to NOT live on credit and instead was reminded what it meant to put your money in a jar (or in my case, a big envelope) until you’d saved up enough money to purchase that great big WANT.

I learned my love for photography really can be more than just a hobby. I found a deep interest in the creative process of bringing music to life, and I discovered a potential market for documenting that process. I caught myself critiquing other’s photos with a better eye than just, “Oh that’s pretty!” and I soak in how other’s approach photography — both in what to do and what NOT to do.

On the writing side, I finally learned and held my first giveaways. I learned about how social networking in person can help you in the online world. I discovered even more strongly the kindred spirits I have in other bloggers.

Medically, I have learned an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If I will stay on a strict regimen for my sinuses, I won’t be so crippled by infections. You’d think I’d have known that already, but I REALLY learned it this year.

2) What am I most proud of from this past year?

See question 1. I am most proud of the fact that my husband and I ended the year without accruing any new debts. (Outside of an ER bill.)

I am proud that I have embraced myself as a writer and a photographer, not just as “trying to get into it.” I am proud that I’ve kept this blog going and its continuing to pick up traffic and grow consistently. I am super proud of the work I did on Rick’s CD, leading me even deeper down the photography path.

Finally, I am proud of becoming a biggest piece of our work-puzzle. Working more consistently has given me a nice feeling of satisfaction. I’ve met so many interesting people, many of which I’d have never met had I not been behind the bar this year.

3) What were my biggest disappointments in 2011?

I set the bar high for myself. I may not admit that out loud to anyone, but deep down I always set it high. While my blog does continue to grow, its growing slower than I’d like for it to grow. I am disappointed that I haven’t gone to any blogger conferences, nor attended any photo walks. I once again failed to complete NaNoWriMo.

I fully thought I’d be further in making photography profitable for myself, but I have to acknowledge there is still a lot more expense I need to go into first to really get that off the ground. Baby steps… even if I don’t want them to be.

On a personal note, I do wish we were closer to being able to purchase our own house, or maybe be back to two vehicles. And I had hoped we’d be more solidly ready to take steps towards starting a family.

4) What am I ready to let go of from this past year?

My disappointments for the year. They are heavily outweighed by the lessons and successes of the year. When many people look back on 2011, they call it a bust. When I look back on it, I call it a success. Maybe I didn’t grow to the levels I had hoped I would, but I sure didn’t backslide for a change!

But perhaps that is where I don’t feel this big surge into the new year. I didn’t necessarily grow “big time” this past year, but I didn’t backslide. I didn’t stagnate, but I think I easily could do that right now. Just go with the status quo as it stands now, content with where I am for awhile. But I don’t WANT to do that. I want to keep striving forward. I want to keep pushing. I want to build a positive momentum from here on out. And maybe… maybe I am afraid I won’t do that?  Hmm…

5) What else do I need to do or say to be totally complete with 2011?

This might sound bizarre to some people, but I need to clean out my closet. I need to clear out old things physically to be ready to clear them out mentally and emotionally. I may have to actively do this on the 1st since I won’t have time today to do it. But, I need to do something like that…I need to physically let go of things. I need to clean. I need to rearrange a room. Something like that.

⚝

Happy New Year, everyone. See you all in 2012…

Now, the unexpected happens a lot with a touring musician husband. Last minute shows. Cancelled shows. Traffic keeping them from getting home by a certain time. Weather, flights, gear malfunctions, any number of things can happen. I am generally, as a result, pretty good at taking things in stride. Generally. Not always, but generally.

I had a “not always” this week and it left me in a funk. Left me downright pessimistic. Hence my lack of post yesterday. I don’t write well when I am glowering at the world. Cursing its curve balls. But, a funny thing happened… I had even more unexpecteds occur, and they were really quite positive.

As usual, I tagged along to a jam night that my husband is in the house band for every Tuesday night. My heart wasn’t in it.  I walked in the bar, grabbed a beer and plunked my butt down at a table. I’m pretty sure I even gave a little “Hmph” as I did. I usually mix and mingle, but last night? Not even on my radar. I tried to bury myself in my Twitter feed on my phone. I hoped that I was giving off a huge, “Leave me alone” vibe.

However, mingling came to me. I saw several faces I’ve not seen a far too long. Faces that all lit up to see me and arms that wrapped me in big hugs. The bar was busier than its been on a jam night in awhile, with many road musicians in attendance (and a few artists as well!). As an extra treat, I got to see Eric (Nashville Musician’s Survival Guide) and Kelly (Do It The Hard Way), both of which unknowingly boosted my writing confidence. Something I needed, as I’ve felt like I’ve just been phoning it in lately.

Now, some of the mingling wasn’t exactly welcomed. At one point in the night, my table was pretty much just taken over by another group. I was at first determined to hold my ground. I was there first, and I was, by far, going to be there a lot later. I passive-aggressively complained on Twitter about my unwelcome guests. I was not happy. (Personal space, people! Personal space!)

However, I started to look around a noticed that the bartenders on duty were being swamped terribly. So I got up (in a huff) and decided maybe the best therapy for me was work. I started clearing tables and asking if anyone needed anything. I washed dishes, and I felt my mood lift a bit. I wasn’t doing it to make any money, I was doing it just to help out and get out of my own head.

Turned out it was just as well, as one of the bartenders needed to leave early any way! I ended up behind the bar for the rest of the night and not only lifted my spirit but did go home with a few dollars in my pocket.

The night ended with me, my husband, and two friends sitting at the end of the bar eating chips, drinking water and having a big therapy session until 5 AM. I had a doctors appointment the next day, and I had fully intended to be in bed early. But the unexpected early-morning hours talking was worth the lost sleep. I went home with a far better attitude than I’d had all night.

I had expected my doctor’s appointment to be fairly quick. My last one was, so why not this one? Of course, instead, I was called back an hour late. I was hungry. I was tired. I was grumpy…

My doctor made me laugh and had such an amazing attitude, I left smiling and not minding the late exit one bit. Oh my stomach was upset because it wanted food, but my attitude was much improved.

Expecting the unexpected doesn’t have to mean anything bad. It can also be for the good. And as I look over the last few days, I see a lot of little positive surprises, way more positive ones than negative ones. I’m sure going to try to focus on that, and, you know, I’m going to try to focus on that concept in the future. Its so easy to get wrapped up in the negative, but I sure would rather focus on the positive.

Lemming: a member of a large group of people who blindly follow one another on a course of action that will lead to destruction for all of them

It started when I had to go to the bank. As I approached an intersection, I noticed the turn-lane was unusually full. I pulled in anyway — I had to make a left up ahead — but I left about half a car-length between me and the car in front of me.

The light turned green. I noticed two cars make left turns and the rest of us… sat there. It didn’t take me long to figure out that the third car had stalled or something. I waited to see if anyone went around… nothing. Our time with green was running short and still… we all just SAT there. With a glance in my mirror, I pulled out, passed about nine cars, and suddenly became the first in line for the next left arrow.

Now, in some ways you could say that was a very “jerk” thing to do. I saw it as taking initiative. For, you see, after I did that, several other cars followed suit. I refused to just stare at the car in front of me, waiting to do what they did. If I had, I’d have potentially been there at least three more light cycles!

I thought about it later and realized that I want to live my life more like how I drove today. Less “wait and see what others do” and more “taking initiative and pulling ahead of the rest.”

In the evening, I flew out of Nashville International Airport. My gate was at the verrrry end of one concourse. (Always is, right?) Gate C21, squished in with gates C20, C22, C23 and C24. Just as I sat down, it came across that they were changing my gate… to C20. I looked around and realized moving meant going maybe 10 – 20 yards. Nonetheless, about 40 people get up and move. Literally maybe three rows.

I blinked.

I snorted.

I shook my head.

I stayed right were I was, as the people around me shifted… and I suddenly found myself still sitting with flight-mates… just different ones.

Again I sighed to myself. All these people moved because it was implied they might want to do so. Not because they took any time to consider if they actually had to. (Granted there were a few people who really did need to move, because they were seated on the edge of C21 and C22, making it a fairly long distance. But on a whole, over half did not need to move. At all.)

I don’t know. I guess I get frustrated when I run into people not doing anything other than what everyone else is doing. Who aren’t thinking outside the pack and making their own path… or who aren’t standing firm and refusing to be swayed.

I want to be an individual. I want to make my own path. I want to only follow the crowd when it truly is what needs to happen… not just because its easy or implied to be “right.”

Anyone with me??

;-p

I’ve been taking naps. And it is AWESOME.

Last week, I finally went and got strong antibiotics for a sinus infection I’d been fighting for a month, and therein lies where it all started. Just prior to getting the medicine, I would literally sleep a day away. A huge tip off that something was wrong, because… frankly… I am just not a napper. If anything I will force myself to live on a lot less sleep than I should.

I got my medicine and the instructions were to take it twice a day for 7 days, and due to the timing of when I took my first dose, I was set up to have to get up about three hours earlier than I would normally get up just to take medicine. So, I’ve been getting up earlier, having breakfast, taking my medicine and… I’m awake. No matter how fast I tried to do it before I woke up all the way, it couldn’t be helped. By the time I got it all done, I’d had enough sunlight, etc. to get my body in go-mode.

So the last few days, I’ve just stayed up and checked my email, etc. as I would normally do when I get up for the day. Putter around the house for awhile, then sleepiness would sneak back up. With the recent little heatwave, its worked out nicely. I go crawl back into bed and take a nap through some of the hottest part of the day, and then I get up just as its getting close to time to be able to go outside and get some exercise. It’s a total win!

Now, I don’t anticipate this being a steady thing. I mean, I do have to run some errands in the next few days right when I’ve been taking my little power naps, so its not like this is my new regular schedule. BUT I suddenly see the benefits of napping. I used to say if I took a nap my whole day would be wasted.

Just the opposite. I end up feeling like a million bucks after a naps! And I end up more focused and relaxed about the day. And as a result, I get more done in an hour than I would have done had I stayed up and tried to do it over the course of a few hours.

Naps are a good thing. Babies have it figured out. Cats have it figured out! I’m going to follow their lead a lot more and get more Zzz’s when I need them.

Now for something optimistic. I always hope for the best.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. My mom told me that years ago, and its always stuck with me. It’s become a life habit I don’t even think about doing. I just do it naturally.

One of my biggest lessons in doing that was when I didn’t get flag corp when I tried out my Freshman year. I couldn’t fathom not making the squad. My life would be OVER. I never considered the worst seriously. I never had a healthy approach to this ordeal.

I didn’t make it. My life was not over. I was, however, numb and devastated a few days. I justified it 1000 ways, but at the end of the day. I’d just failed to acknowledge the worst case scenario, and as a result I melted down.

I’m sure there are countless other times that I failed to even acknowledge the “worst case scenario” and as a result I was unprepared when it came to pass. But that example is probably the biggest one that always comes to my mind.

Hope for the best. Believe in the best.

Mindset is half the battle in all things. If you think you can, you will. I believe this to be true. However, if you put so much weight onto something HAVING to turn out a certain way, I think you put yourself right into the position of it not happening. Similarly, if you go in assuming a certain result, you’ll undoubtedly be disappointed when it doesn’t go exactly like you expect.

Today, my dad prepared our tax return. I went in bracing for the worst: owing. I know too many people who DO owe this year, and I knew much of our combined income had not had taxes taken out of it. And even though I work with tax returns right now on a daily basis, there is still so much of tax laws I don’t understand. One being what deductions are allowed and how they are applied. (This is why I make the returns look pretty as opposed to actually preparing them.) I was truly prepared to owe.

When we came out with a refund, I almost cried with joy and relief. Literally. I had hoped for the best, but I was fully prepared for the worst. And as a result, the outcome was better than I expected. Even if my refund was only $1, it would have been better than I was prepared to see. I was tickled.

I hope for the best in all things. Always. But I also brace myself for the worst. It allows me to have some sort of game plan and calmness in the situation that the worst does happen. In the same breath, it usually makes anything that happens a very pleasant result.

I plan to keep this mindset for a long time to come. It’s served me well so far. I am certain it will serve me well in the future.

I got laid off last Thursday. Two weeks before Christmas. TWO WEEKS! Now how do you tell a 7-year-old Santa lost his job before he’d finished his shopping? — A friend

It seems like the true pain of the economy has struck many this holiday season. Funds are low. Bills are high. Christmas dreams seem almost impossible to be dreamed. These woes have been fact for many for years, but for others its a new experience. I know I find myself with a deeper appreciation for my ancestors who survived The Great Depression.

As the press spends airtime trying to convince us all that the economy is getting better. That the recession it taking a turn. That its okay to spend money again. I call BS. If anything, now is the time we’re all feeling the pinch more than ever. That the true collapse of our economy has begun to settle, and we’re all looking around at the pieces around us. Pieces that come in the form of bills we can’t pay. Homes that today sit empty. Unemployment numbers that have reached near record highs.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle in their journey. – Author Unknown

A friend wrote that quote as their status update on Facebook tonight, and that really made me stop and think. It’s very true. We all have our own battles to fight every day. Some are facing potential job loss. Others are trying to find a job. I know of people who have family members in the hospital fighting for their lives. We are still hearing stories of families losing members — children — to the H1N1 flu virus.

We all have our crosses to bear. And in a season in which we’re all encouraged to be a little kinder to each other, it seems that this year that need is a little greater. Smiles need to be a little brighter. Hugs need to hold on a little tighter. Transgressions of the past year need to be forgiven. Time spent counting our many blessings needs to be taken a little more often.

Losing the spirit of the season only hurts you more. I was happy to address and mail Christmas cards, even as I grumbled about the postage hike that made it a little more difficult to afford. I couldn’t pass up participating in a recent “Dirty Santa” game at a Christmas Party… the laughter and friendship that occurs in a game like that is priceless. It’s memories that keep you warm in your heart all year long.

I have been so blessed lately to be surrounded by dear friends, and I look forward to a trip to spend Christmas with family. I can’t wait for midnight mass — a chance to truly remember the reason for this season. And even when life and my own personal “battles” get me down, I’m reminded to take a moment and let this season sink into my heart. It’s a time for joy. For family and friends. For hope. For love. For faith.

Perhaps even for a little magic. Christmas magic. That thing that takes the holiday doldrums and turns them into holiday cheer… I, personally, believe in magic.

Don’t you?

See, a couple weeks ago, my husband ended his time with the artist he’d been working for over the last 10 months. It came as a surprise, but thankfully we’re in an okay place at the moment for it have happened. Mostly, it’s been frustrating and disheartening. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve become jaded with the music business in general. However, I won’t give up on it either.

There are other things in the works, though, and I firmly believe the adage that everything happens for a reason. We’re just not yet in a place to see what that reason may be… We may never be, honestly. But I know there is a reason.

In the mean time, my husband and I have been busier than ever with work. Last week was CMA Music Fest in Nashville. It kept us both hopping. It kept all of Nashville hopping. I think anyone who had anything to do with the event is still recovering, and will be for at least the rest of the week.

However, it was a great time to network, and it made me appreciate more than ever my blessings of having work to do and being able to do said work. (The gas prices these days remind me to be grateful for that as well!)

But, as my subject line states, when it rains it pours. During a solo this weekend, my husband blew a speaker. THE speaker in fact. So it must be fixed before he can gig again. Then on top of that, our washing machine went out in a fit of smoke. And our oldest cat is sick. I’m half waiting to see what is going to fall apart next!! But… I am honestly in a mode to have to just laugh about it. Because I know things will get better, and I know that God never gives us more than we can handle. So I keep my head high and my mood optimistic.

Oh don’t think I’ve not gotten down over the last few weeks — because I have. But getting down doesn’t fix anything. It just makes things more dismal. I prefer to be optimistic and proactive to get things back on track.

And to find the humor in most situations.

My husband changed jobs. However, he spent a period of time working for his former artist as well as his new artist. I keep two schedules for him. One in simple spreadsheet format. The other on a calendar. Despite my double-schedule system, I have had a hard time keeping up with where he was supposed to be when and with which camp! Luckily, by having to focus harder for that period of time, I’m having an easier time keeping his one schedule memorized now.

I love problem solving. I love the challenge of keeping a schedule on track. Yes, it gets frustrating at times. However, I thrive under pressure. I guess that’s part of why I went into journalism for my degree. Those deadlines actually thrill me even as they can be stressful. So, in a similar respect, keeping up with the crazy schedule we keep is actually fun to me.

We are entering peak travel season, though, and airline stress multiplies when talking about big groups. Especially big groups with gear and a time schedule.

My husband has had his share of crazy travel stories in the last month. I know he’s sick of flying by now, but I also know he’ll have plenty more flights coming at him soon. What is worrisome is news reports like the one I saw just the other day. Over-booked flights. Unable to get a later flight when a flight is canceled or you’re bumped from one. It all just gets to be added stresses for everyone involved.

Peak travel season is also peak tour season for musicians. I’m spending more and more time home alone, but I’m also getting out more with friends. I also have friends coming from back home to visit me soon. I’m looking forward to that!

It also means, though, that time when my husband is home is more precious. Be it a few days, or only a few hours. I’ll take what I can get.