Musician's Widow

I just finished reading the book Remember Me by Sophie Kinsella, in which the lead character loses three years worth of memories in an auto accident. Set in 2007, Lexi only can remember her life up through 2004, and she is left to struggle to fit into her own life which has changed dramatically in those three years that she can’t remember.

As I read — no, devoured would be more precise — the book, I couldn’t help but muse over how much my own life has changed in the last three, five, even ten, years. Not just how my life has changed, but how much I’ve changed on the inside.

Over the last few years, I’ve come out of my shell dramatically. When I take a personality test, I now straddle introvert and extrovert, whereas even just three years ago I still was firmly an introvert. Even as I thought I’d live in Nashville some day, I never expected it to so dramatically become HOME for me. I have made countless connections with people here and across the country whom I can’t imagine not knowing today. Every connection, every challenge, every change has helped to shape the person I am today.

Today is my second wedding anniversary, and its so true when I say that I love my husband more today than I did when we said our vows on that warm January day in 2007. To be honest, I think there was a time I didn’t think I’d ever marry… much less discover someone who is so completely my other half and without a doubt my soul mate.

It’s been over five years since I graduated from college, and its been almost ten since I graduated from high school. Oh my how different I am since high school!! Honestly, I’m not sure I’d recognize who I am if my high school self met my married-living-in-another-state-doing-odd-jobs self.

As Christmas cards arrived in the mail — several from old friends that I’ve known for many, many years — I looked at pictures or read notes, and I mused over how we’ve all taken our own paths in life. How this one has children. This one has gotten divorced. That one is on the fast track of their career. These are married and enjoying their life of marital bliss. And yet we all jumped off the spring board into life from the same place at the same point. While life has taken us different ways, in our hearts we will always be the dearest of friends.

There’s no way to ever comprehend what it would be life to lose years of your life’s memories, but it is possible to look back and see how each of us have changed. While some of those changes were wonderful and others hard to get through, they all shape us and take us to wherever we each are at any given time. I am grateful for everything that’s taken me to where I am today. Because I’m happy. I have my challenges to deal with on any given day, but those challenges only show me that I am alive and living a life of my own. Living a life I never want to forget.

I’m 28-years-old today. Not really one of those “milestone” birthdays, but I happen to think every birthday is special. It’s not a date to dread or to avoid. It’s a date to celebrate a life, and a date to look forward to the next year.

This birthday, I hit it super lucky. I’m getting to spend my birthday with my family. It so happened that it worked out for my husband and me to take a few days and visit my family for both birthdays and holidays in one fell swoop. I just happened to be lucky enough to be with my family ON my birthday!

Most notable for me, though, is the fact that for the first time ever, I’m spending my birthday with my husband. Every year prior to this he’s been on the road for my birthday. It’s the way of the road. Things don’t stop for birthdays or anniversaries. However, that just makes the birthdays, etc. that you get to spend together all the more fun and special. And that is this year… He’s with me on my day. And that alone is present in itself.

I’d really like to give this blog a lot more attention. The problem is that my whole original angle is far too narrow. So I think I’m going to continue to open up topics and just see where it goes. Sometimes its best to let something grow on its own and not fight it.

As I write this, I am watching a History Channel show about 9/11. Seven years later I still feel emotions welling up inside of me. How much this country and world have changed in the last seven years since these events. And on such a smaller scale, how much my own life has changed since then.

Since then, we’ve had/have war in response to 9/11 and circumstances surrounding it. We had Hurricane Katrina, which brought about a new respect for Mother Nature and its power. And as we look back on a man-made disaster, my focus is now on Hurricane Ike churning in the Gulf of Mexico and heading for Texas. I worry for my family and friends that are in the direct line of the storm.

I’m going about life, though, as normal. What else CAN I do at this point? Yes, I am worried. Yes, I am taking time to pause and reflect. But ultimately, I have to push forward and continue to live my life. I have to continue to keep my focus on today. Enjoy today. Enjoy the moment.

My husband is in Switzerland right now for a music festival. It’s been strange not talk to him at all the last several days, relying on email to communicate when we can. We always at least say good night before bed! (Maybe that’s why my sleep schedule is so far off.)

I know he’s having a wonderful time, and I keep telling him that he must come back with LOTS of pictures and maybe a souvenir or two. I sure wish I were there as well! I must get my passport soon so if this ever happens again, I CAN go.

But, I myself have been keeping busy doing this and that. Dinner with friends was awesome, for example. I’ve also been taking care of those little things that you just never have time to do. And I do admit, I’ve taken time to be a little lazy as well, but that pretty much is counter productive to my goal: make the time pass faster until he is back home.

Right now, I have laundry stacked up on the other couch waiting to be put away, and I have a small list of errands to run tomorrow at some point. And, like I said before… I’ll also be watching Ike closely. There’s nothing I can do about it, but I’ll be watching nonetheless.

*disclaimer: this entry took about three hours to type between laundry loads, watching TV and chatting on-line. I apologize if its disjointed and has no real flow. I’ll do better next time.*