Musician's Widow

Ten years ago today, I had my first class at Texas A&M University.

If anyone is doing the math, yes I went to “junior college” for two years, then spent the last two years of college at TAMU.  I was an Aggie from the day I was born, so this was just an “official” step in Aggie status.

I thought for giggles, I’d share my entry from my private journal written that day:

11:13 pm August 27th, 2001

 She traveled this road as a child…

I’ve had that song in my head all day.

Well, that one and ‘Drops of Jupiter’ but that one only because it seems to be on every station I put the radio on.

Anyway, after the worst weekend of the past year… Ugh… being sick really, really sucks. I mean, I’m kinda hungry right now, but after being as sick as I was, I’m actually afraid to eat. *shakes head* I have some Pringles here, maybe I’ll eat on those.

I’m worn out. I am still not at 100% strength yet, so today was a little less spectacular than I like. Yes, my first day at TAMU.

My first class wasn’t until after 4 PM, so I didn’t leave home until after 2:00. Mom and Dad followed me, because I still hadn’t moved any of my clothes down here. So they brought my clothes while I went to class. Its an hour drive and I had to move to get to class on time. It poured on us on the way… I mean, you could barely see the car in front of you. So… yeah… I went to my first class in the rain.

I parked further away than I wanted too, but I had no choice. I got to class and… zoned out. LOL!! I mean, it should be a good class but she was basically reading the syllabus to us! My class today was Sociology of Religion. It’ll be interesting, and I don’t think it’ll be all THAT tough. We’ll see…

When I got out of class I called my friend, Lindsey. She lives on campus, so she came and got me and we went to her dorm room. We hung out with her room mate and other girls from that dorm in her room. Lindsey had a class so she went to class and I stayed behind with the other girls. That was pretty cool. They all had plans and slowly trickled, though, and eventually it was just me and the remote control. LOL!!! Lindsey got back, though, and we headed out with this girl from across the hall for Kyle Field… the football field. There was supposed to be an “All U-Nite” where they introduce the sports teams, band, corp of cadets, yell leaders, etc. Well, because of the rain it was canceled. So, we went back to the dorm. Lindsey and I were hungry so we went out to eat. LONG walk to my truck. *groan* *laugh*

it was nice, though. After we ate, I dropped her at her dorm and I came back here to my aunts house.

I have a really nice room here. I like it. Its big. When I get my X-Files poster, my three-eyed smiley poster, and a MB20 poster up on the walls I’ll take some pictures.

Right now? I’m headed for bed. I am really, really tired. I have an 8 am class, and the road I take to school will be going under construction in the morning, so… I gotta leave extra early. I’m going to go to bed, pop in one of my X-Files tapes… Bad Blood, I think… and zone out.

I laugh as I read that now. It traditionally rains on the first day of classes. I’m pretty sure it did every semester I was there. And Sociology of Religion is to this day one of my least favorite classes… mostly because it was more reading that I ever could handle and I skated through with a C.

I love that I have journal entries to look back on for my years at TAMU. I wish I still kept it up today like I did then. It’s fun to be able to see how much I’ve changed (and how much I’ve stayed the same!) through the years.

Amazing and amusing.

Yesterday, I read a column in the Washington Post about the number of adults writing letters to Santa this year. Then, I saw several national news articles on the same topic. It made me equal parts sad, hopeful, and nostalgic.

It pulled at my heart to know so many this year are in such dire need they’ve reached for their last resort. Perhaps its in a fit of frustration. Perhaps these letters were written more for therapy. Or perhaps they were written with the deep hope they would truly be answered. Blind letters sent out to Santa asking for food, clothing, or a little help with the bills. It shows the true state of our economy. A far cry from the rosey photo the news media tries to paint with, “Spending and sales are up this year! Showing an upturn in our economy!”

However, the letters also gave me a ray of hope, in that they are being read, and others are definitely trying to help where they can. Strangers helping strangers. A hand held out to one another. Together we rise and pull through the tough times we find ourselves in today. There’s no shame in asking for help. There is only shame in refusing to help when you really could.

Nostalgia runs wild when it comes to letters to Santa. I remember writing a yearly letter to Santa in school to be published in the local newspaper for all to read. You’d ask for the hottest new toy and maybe a bike. Then half the fun of reading the letters is all the misspellings (which as a former newspaper writer is hard to leave in when you’re typing those suckers up!) which just adds a bit of fun to the whole thing.

I think deep down we all still believe in Santa. We all still want to believe there’s a man out there who every Christmas Eve travels the globe to bring gifts to good little boys and girls. We still, deep down, get up on Christmas morning and look under the tree to see if maybe, just maybe, that jolly old man made a stop by our house this year.

If I wrote a letter to Santa this year, I’d be among those asking for a little help getting through the next couple months. But I’d also throw in a wish for a new camera, and maybe some bubble bath if he’s got time. A couple new movies and a pair of new boots. A laptop with the newest version of Photoshop would be pushing it, but, hey, wouldn’t hurt to ask! That’s the fun of Santa, you can ask for the serious right along side the way out there stuff.

What would you ask for if you wrote a letter to Santa? Would it be frivolous or serious? A mixture of both? Its all a part of the fun of the season… so get out that pen and paper and write a letter. Who knows… some of it just might come true.

I wish I could remember more about costumes I wore as a child. I remember a clown one year. And another year, wearing pajamas with curlers and cold cream all over my face. There were various plastic masks. However, I really can’t remember now a timeline and full list of Halloween costumes.

Junior and high school were, of course, the years that, “I’m too old to dress up.” was said. In high school, I do remember one year donning a witch’s hat for a FHA party… and I also remember being given funny looks for it. In college, I vaguely remember giving our candy at my brother’s house wearing a top hat. Past that, though, I think I was just too busy.

But, fast forward to moving to Nashville:

My husband and I have both found Halloween to be one of our favorite holidays. Why? To be honest, for me, it goes right along with my last blog post: it’s a night to be a kid again and have some fun. Dress up in costumes and get together with friends. Poke fun at ourselves. Be something we’re not.

My first year here, I just wore my old flag uniform. Yes, it still fit… actually better than it did in high school! Everyone said I was a cheerleader. By the end of the night, I quit correcting them. The best part was getting hit on by high school age guys at a party. I couldn’t pay someone to hit on me in high school!

The next year I just put together an all-black outfit and went with something of a goth look. The next year a witch. Last year I bought a black wig to wear with my prom dress from senior year of high school. We’ve ended up being called “Mr. & Mrs. Creepy” from that.

Halloween costumes are so dang expensive, that we always try to make the most out of spending the least. This year, we did buy costumes, but went as cheap as we could find. Even so, I’m excited to dress up tonight and gather with friends. We’re going to be Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf. I still need to go pick up a basket to carry as part of my costume.

It’s funny, though. In high school, we try to act so grown up. Now as a “grown up,” I just want to tell high school kids to stop trying to hard. Grow up and go with the flow… you’ll enjoy life a lot more if you do.

I’ve documented in this blog a few times (here and here, to name two entries) that I am a “night owl.”  However, I’ve always kept a staunch rule of not sleeping much past noon. Even if it meant shorting myself of sleep, I wanted to make sure I still had as much of the afternoon available.

I’ve not kept to that rule much as of late, and for the last week I just threw it out of the window.

My bed time has evolved to be around 4:30 or 5 am. As I always tell people, when my husband goes on the road I have a very hard time going to sleep before the sun starts to rise. It’s a strange mental safety blanket, but it also keeps my sleep schedule a little off from what most people would consider “normal.”

Aside from that, it also will be affected by if my husband is driving the bus while on the road.

It started years ago, when he was the only driver for the artist he worked for at the time. We credit his driving for the shift in our relationship from being just friends to being more. As he drove through the night, he’d call me for company and to “help him stay awake.”  I’d stay up all night on the phone until I knew he was safe at the next hotel in the next city. Then I’d grab a couple hours of sleep before starting my own day, only to do it all over again the next night. We really got to know each other then.

Today, I think of it as our just being a team. We work together and help each other out.

The last two weekends, my husband worked as both keyboard player and bus driver. We joked at one point that this was like “old times” as we talked through the miles.

The first run didn’t affect my sleep schedule too much. It was actually pretty normal, and even my husband had no trouble getting his sleep needs back on track. However, it was the sudden change of plans last Tuesday/Wednesday that resulted in a sleep-mess.

Between staying up with him as he drove to Indiana on Tuesday night, then staying up to pick him up Thursday morning from the bus, my husband and I both went on what I’d call “a bus driver schedule.” Sleeping through the day. Up all night.

However, this last weekend ended up all mixed up. A 7 am bus call meant up all night didn’t really work. But when you get up at 5 pm, its hard to go back to bed at 10 pm! So, my husband grabbed a couple naps. I did too, since I planned to follow the bus to Saturday’s show. We hoped it was enough.

We left our house at 5 am (bed time, right?) to get the bus, since it takes a little over half an hour to get to the bus lot followed by a little over half an hour to where the band is picked up. We were both doing good, though, at that point. Drove 3 hours to the gig, and my  husband set up his gear and sound checked. We grabbed lunch and then finally got to the hotel to sleep around 1 pm.

We were both wide awake, and it took a little while for sleep to come. Once we did both fall asleep, though, we slept well. I think we could have slept into the night if we had the time! But it was up, shower, supper and showtime. Tear down. Load up the bus. Then wait to get to leave.

I drove home, but my husband had about an 8 hour drive to the next gig. I stayed up through the night to make sure he made it there okay, and he did fine. It ended up another go to bed at 11 am day,  up at 5 pm.

I was able to nap periodically through the evening as my husband drove back to Nashville. I talked to him a few times to perk him up when fatigue started to set in on him. I really felt for him as at that point the crazy sleep times were catching up to him, but he loves what he does and he takes it very seriously. He wants to do the very best (and safest) job that he can, and I wouldn’t give up staying up with him to make sure that happens for anything. Truth be told, I find it a little fun to “ride along” and I hope he gets more drives!

But, as I said, I got to nap through the evening when he didn’t. As such, he’s sleeping soundly while I am still wide awake. I’m not entirely sure how I’ll turn my schedule back to normal…  So here is where I have to ask: Anyone have any go-to-sleep tricks that work for them when they find their schedules off? Be it from travel or work or just insomnia? I am all ears with eyes wide open.

I love BOOKS. It’s not just the stories they tell or the worlds they create, its the feel and smell of a book. It’s a book’s character, how every folded page or coffee stain shows use and love. It’s a worn out spine. It’s a scratched up cover.

It’s a book.

I got on this topic after/during a debate with a friend on Facebook who just purchased a Kindle. (Sorry Dave! You never know what might turn into a blog post!)  If you don’t know what a Kindle is, its an electronic book reader. It does more than just let you read books, but in its most basic description, its a book reader.

I happen to be one of those people who staunchly wants to keep books in book form. Before I go into my laundry list of reasons, I will in all fairness give the Kindle these kudos:

1 – You can carry a LOT of books in one small electronic device. In less space than one paper back book, you can have multiple books available right at your fingertips.

2 – Saves paper and trees. (However, my father-in-law was a logger and that is how many people make their living. Plus, no one ever seems to notice that they do replant trees after they take grown trees out.)

3 – You can do more than just read books on a Kindle. Although, my phone can also surf the web, play music, etc.

4 – I have to admit, being able to search for a phrase or section of a book with a few clicks is really, really cool.

Okay, I’m done playing nice. Now why I won’t use a Kindle. At least not any time soon. (I have to leave myself an out, you know, in case a moment of weakness comes and I go over to the dark side.)

1 – Like I said before. I love the feel and smell of a book. I happen to be one of those people who really loves going to the library and being surrounded by book after book after book. Its sensory overload for someone like me!

2 – When on a plane, I don’t have to wait to open my book, nor do I have to close it for landing. I regularly, when I fly, hop in my seat and open my book immediately. I read until the wheels touch down. I only pay attention to the “electronic devices” guidelines in regards to the iPod or maybe my camera if I am in a “take pictures from the plane” mood.

3 – I never have to worry about the battery dying. Granted, from what I have read about Kindles, they have stupid long battery life. But, hey, books don’t need batteries…

4 – …before anyone says they can read their Kindle in the dark, I respond, “So can I… its called a flashlight.”

5 – If I am on a desert island (because you never know when THAT might happen), I can read my book and then use it to start a fire and keep me warm.

6 – I never have to worry about losing my books to a dramatic hard drive crash or something of that nature. I just have to worry about a lighted match.

7 – If I drop my book, I don’t have to gasp in horror if I broke it. I can throw in my purse and not worry about scratching it up (even though I AM a stickler for keeping my books nice) or it breaking. Heck, a broken spine on a book shows use to me, and it is like a badge of honor.

As we go more to a digital world, more and more things that have been staples of the past are fading away. There’s a good chance that books will be next. Newspapers are already having to change their mode of operation.

Through our history, we’ve advanced as a people through technological innovations. Kindle, and other such book readers, are another step in our advancement. I acknowledge that. I’m just also a sucker for the ways and times of the past, and books represent that to me. Perhaps a big part of that is the fact that growing up, I always had a book in my hand. It went everywhere with me. Books to me not only represent where am going with my future, but they also represent where I came from.

And forgive me, but I am not ready to let that go yet.

School supplies are already out in the stores as students and parents begin gearing up for the next school year.

I am 11 years out of high school, and 7 years out of college, and I still LOVE new school supplies. Brand new spiral notebooks. Packs of pens. Crayon boxes. Folders with fun designs on the front. 200-sheet packs of lined notebook paper.

I repeat, I LOVE new school supplies.

Last night, I found myself poking around Target and their back to school section. I couldn’t resist grabbing crayons, markers, and spiral notebooks. (They were on sale!) I poked around the shelves full of folders, paper, dictionaries, and globes. I found myself musing over all the cute little desk organizers, trying to remind myself I didn’t need anything.

Memories of new school years came back to me. How I’d fill a three-ring binder with notebook paper, and I’d itch to write my name on a sheet of paper. Organizers for my assignments would have name, address, etc. filled out weeks before the first school bell rang. I liked school, but I liked new supplies 1000x more. It was like literally being handed a clean slate for the new year.

Today, its not “school supplies” but “office supplies.” Post it notes, printer ink, and staples just aren’t as much fun as three ring binders, erasers, and graph paper. So, I find ways to justify my visits to the back to school supply sales.

Coloring is a great way to relieve stress, but I also happen to really like making my own cards and wrapping paper. If I am shipping a gift to someone, because I can’t be there, it lets me make sure it is a lot more personal! So, I always keep boxes of crayons and markers on hand. (Stickers and glitter, too!)

Spiral notebooks are the best way to jot down ideas for blog posts or to keep to do lists. Unfortunately, with all my husband’s traveling, I am never short of ballpoint pens. He brings home plenty from hotels around the country!

I still carry my backpack from college as my carry-on on flights. I’ve read many articles on how you should present yourself professionally at all times; you never know who you might run into and when. A backpack just doesn’t look professional. But its SO handy and carries everything I need with ease, so I don’t care decide to go with usability over presentation. Plus, there’s the odd comfort level there with it. Its almost like a safety blanket that carries my laptop, magazines and some snacks.

I know its not necessarily rational, but I really do love school supply shopping. Maybe its some strange way of holding on to my youth. When we have kids, they’ll probably end up hating school supply shopping simply because I’ll end up embarrassing them. I’ll be that mom going, “Ooooh!” and grabbing glue, pencil bags, and note cards like it’s a shoe store with a sale on high heels. I’m weird that way.

I can’t wait!