Musician's Widow

Last week was my first edition of “Show stories” and after careful consideration, I’ve decided to make this a weekly contribution to my blog.  Landing either Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on how things fall for me.

This week, I bring you a tale from long before my husband and I were even dating. We’d been friends for years before we made that step, so I have many stories pre-relationship.

September 2003 -- Four friends go on a road trip weekend

So my tale today comes from 2003, when four friends set out on a weekend of fun and live music.

Oh how I stressed prior to this trip. I felt like our lives were in my hands, so I planned and planned. I had a full itinerary printed out with maps and times and phone numbers. Pre-GPS days, MapQuest was a savior (not to mention my Texas Road Atlas!)

I was our road manager for the weekend. And bus driver.

My three best girlfriends (all of whom would later be my bridesmaids) and I jumped in my truck and we took off on a weekend trip that took us to Brownwood, TX then up to Sulphur Springs, TX. Round trip for the weekend was around 650 miles.

We took off out of my hometown on an adventure that I still consider one of my favorite memories of all time. We laughed until our sides hurt at times. We have in-jokes that came out of that trip that still make us laugh to this day.

My friends got to experience what I still call, “Waitin’ on Craig” at shows. I’ve learned over the years that the musician’s life on the road is filled with, “Hurry, hurry, hurry! Okay now wait around for awhile. Now hurry, hurry, hurry!” And that’s something I experienced years in advance without even realizing it. We would get to hang out for awhile, only to have him disappear for long periods of time.

We did get the royal treatment with All Access passes all weekend. Our second show was actually sold out, and we spent it watching from side-stage. We were able to park behind security at both shows, and both netted us some good food.

The first show was a fair, and our host for the night (my now-husband) treated us to a deep-friend s’mores. Yes it was a gooey mess, but as I recall its still one of the most amazing things I’ve ever put in my mouth. I kind of want one right now, actually.

Dunking my class ring... topping off the road trip weekend!

The second show, we all got to take some of the band’s catering back to the hotel with us. A steak dinner that was also amazing. (We spent a long time looking for a six-pack of beer on our way back to our Dallas-hotel, only to learn how much at that area of Texas is dry. My friend who is today an Assistant District Attorney even asked a pair of cops how far we had to drive to get a beer. Insert hysterical laughter here, as well as the realization that it just wasn’t worth it to keep looking.)

I remember in-between shows was a 2 hour drive from Brownwood to Dallas, in which I did successfully miss my exit. Thankfully my co-pilot knows how to read a map and she got us back on track using that handy-dandy Texas Atlas I used to carry with me at all times.  I had hoped to follow the bus to avoid such an issue, but when I realized that waiting for them would probably mean not getting to our hotel until around 6 AM, I decided we’d chance it on our own. We were big girls, and we made it just fine.

A highlight of that weekend was dunking my class ring. I’d gotten it about a month before, but I had yet to participate in the Texas A&M tradition of ring-dunk. I did so the night of the second show. In a blue Dixie cup. Because I am high class like that.

By the way, both shows were great. But the things I remember most are the events surrounding those shows. A fun weekend with the girls, and getting to see my musician friend… getting to have a little taste of the traveling musician’s life.

Two shows. Two nights. 650 miles. Precious, precious memories.

This blog is called “Musician’s Widow” but I rarely talk about music or “the life” much. I generally save those posts for Road Widows. But, I figured perhaps it’s time I consciously try to start sharing a story here and there.

I get asked occasionally if I ever go out on the road with my husband. My answer is always, “Not really.” On a general basis, I don’t, but I have had a few cool adventures that you could say occurred on the road with my husband.

The one I’ll share today happened just before my husband and I got married. Most people don’t know that my husband and I were actually “long-distance” up to about three months before our wedding. Yes, folks, we are proof that long-distance relationships CAN work.

Moving day

We got married in January, and we moved me up to Music City the October before the wedding. My then-fiance flew down from Nashville, loaded all my things in a U-Haul trailer, hooked it up the back of my truck, and we moved me to Nashville.

Three days later, he had a show in Houston, TX, and I had responsibilities I still needed to attend to in Texas. So, I “caught a ride” on the bus down. My parents would pick me up at the show and bring me back home with them.

I’ll be honest, I don’t remember that much about hanging out on the bus before going to bed for the night. Somehow, my now-husband and I found a way for both of us to fit in his bunk. Keep in mind, a bunk of a bus is not much bigger than your average coffin. That is, if coffins came with air conditioning, electrical outlets and a flip-down TV. So, needless to say, it was a tight fit, but we made it work.

The next morning, I dreamed I was climbing a long, steep staircase. I just kept climbing and climbing and climbing until suddenly I woke up. Only to realize I really WAS climbing.

It was so bizarre. I was laying down, and yet I could tell that my feet were higher than my head in relation to what would be considered level. It panicked me briefly! I had to get up and out of the little confined space!

It took some maneuvering, but I was able to get up and let my now-husband sleep. I padded to the front of the bus in my PJs and bedhead (you get to know your co-bus-riders better than you really probably ever wanted to in cases like this) and poked my head out to see where we were.

View from the bus while riding back to Nashville

We were on a little two-lane farm-to-market road, going uphill! I remember thinking, “Uhhh… this doesn’t look right.”

Come to find out, we had indeed made a wrong turn, and we were far off course. You know you’re in Texas when the bus driver has to stop a guy on a tractor to ask for directions!! I’m sure everyone on that little road had a story to tell that day, watching us try to get out of nowhere-Texas!

Needless to say, we did finally find our way to the venue, and all was well. I ended up going over a day without a shower, but the show was great and it did leave me with quite the memory of climbing uphill feet-first! It gave me a taste of what it is like to sleep in a bunk on the bus, too. Which is definitely something you have to experience to appreciate.

It just so happened to work out that my husband had a gig in Dallas, TX a couple weeks later. So, I caught a ride back to Nashville after that show. My husband works as a co-driver on long runs, and it was the first time I got to experience his bus driving. It was fun to sit in the jump seat and watch the world pass from a tour bus. Not to mention watch cars slow down in hopes of seeing “a star.” Too bad all they saw was me and my bedhead again.

Good times and fun memories… more stories from the road to come.

This last weekend, I went to two shows to spend the weekend with my husband. He had shows in Katy, TX and then Poteet, TX — about three hours apart from each other — and a no-brainer for me to attend.

Now, before I continue with my story, two things I want to note:

1) No, I don’t “go on the road with the band.” I get that question a lot, and the short and simple answer is, “No.” Now, I know there ARE some acts that do take musician’s wives on the road with them, atleast here and there. However, I’ve not really done it myself.

I’ve hitched a ride on the bus twice. Once when I needed to go to Texas and my husband had a show close to my destination. So instead of flying, the artist he was with at the time allowed me to catch a ride with them down. Then another time I caught a ride to Nashville from Texas. I did get to go to Hawaii for a week with my husband on a gig,too. But past that, if I am at a show, its because I’ve taken myself there, and I’m taking myself back home.

2) This is the second time I’ve done a “two show weekend” to see my husband. Only the last time was about six years ago, and we weren’t even flirting with dating. Ironically, the travel time between those two shows was almost twice the time between the shows this last weekend.

So all that said, back to my story. I went to the show in Katy, and it was the first time I’d seen my husband in a month. I was beyond excited, and I made sure to enjoy every minute of the weekend.

A bonus of the trip is the fact that I genuinely really just love the group my husband is with right now. So I was also excited to get to hang out with these guys that I consider friends myself, and the really cool thing? They were SO aware and accommodating of the fact that my husband and I hadn’t seen each other in so long. A fact that did not go unnoticed and unappreciated.

At the show that first night, I was standing side stage, and when the band was introduced, I was introduced right along with my husband! It’s happened about three times now, and its not something I ever expect to have happen. In fact the first time, I turned bright red (we had JUST gotten engaged that time) and almost ran out of the showroom! I didn’t know how to react! This time, when I was told to, “Wave to the crowd!” I did with a giggle and… what can I say?? It was REALLY COOL!! REALLY cool. I am pretty sure I was beaming. LOL! How can you NOT be blown away by that and get, well, a thrill?

After the show, some fans went and got all the band members to sign a t-shirt… and they asked ME to sign it. “We’ll make you famous too!” they said.

I declined at first, but at their insistence, I signed below my husband’s signature. Bizarre much? Yeah. Definitely. And absolutely something I’m amused about, but let’s face it. I’m certainly not going to let it go to my head, and at the end of the day the only person I care to get recognition from is my husband. I’m his biggest fan, and I have this wonderful fulfillment knowing he’s mine.

THAT is all that matters.

Two nights ago, my husband played at Big Valley Jamboree in Camrose, Alberta, Canada. This in and of itself is pretty mundane. Tonight, though, its noteworthy as today a storm hit the festival and the main stage collapsed. As of right now, one has been confirmed with 60 others hurt. Billy Currington was finishing his set when it happened.

When I heard the news, I was literally in shock for a moment. Because on certain levels you really think it just can’t… won’t… happen.

How many times has my husband told me about their being in tornado watches and warnings. Trying to outrun storms in the bus. Etc. And every time they seem to get out unscathed. You slowly start to build this feeling of invincibility. Then… it does happen. The storm hits. And even though my husband wasn’t there tonight, it still hit far too close to home. It could have very easily been him scrambling off that stage. I had to hear his voice after wards.

Beyond that, though, the music community (especially the Nashville music community) really is like a family. Think of it kind of like a family tree, with all these little families making it up. And a branch of that tree suffered a very close call tonight. I worry for them all out there, and I send a prayer up that they all make it back home to their families safely every run.

Sidebar: I also find myself thinking about gear and equipment. This would have been a good time to be using backline, no? haha  Not a time to laugh, but I admit, the thought crossed my mind. For musicians, their equipment is their livelihood… its like a computer is to a data entry specialist. They need it to do their jobs. Stage collapse can spell being sidelined in your line of work if your equipment is damaged in the event.

Like me, I’m sure there was that element of belief in everyone affected today that it just can’t happen. I guess this proved… it can and does happen. You just never know…

Article on the event:  http://www.edmontonsun.com/news/alberta/2009/08/01/10337516.html

July 4, 2009

My  husband had a show this July 4th only four hours away from Nashville in Rogersville, TN. My parents are visiting from Texas, and so we made the trip to see him play. East Tennessee is absolutely beautiful, so it was a treat to make the drive out, and its always fun to see a show!

After a fantastic concert, we settled in to watch the fireworks. I was about to sit down on my lounge chair backstage when a man standing at the barricade asked me to come over. My initial thought was, “Oh no…” already anticipating a request for an autograph.

Now, I don’t make promises that I could even remotely fill such a request… especially since generally such a request is frowned upon. Or at least it always has been with past artists. My husband is still the “new guy” and I don’t want to make waves. So it was definitely with trepidation that I approached him.

Within moments of walking up, I was handed a military ID, and told that he had just gotten back from Afghanistan and would be returning in 28 days. He’d traveled himself from Nashville specifically hoping to meet Joe Diffie (whom my husband works for). He asked if I could possibly make that happen.

I paused a bit, but I decided the least I could do is try. So I headed towards the bus… not entirely sure what to do. I was saved when I saw the tour manager coming at me.

So, starting with, “please don’t hate me…” I explained the situation. And much to my pleasant surprise, he said he’d ask Joe! While I waited, two women approached me asking if Joe would be doing an autograph session after the show, then asking who I was, etc. I was, quite frankly, blind sided by them… and it is also people like these two women that make me hesitant to speak with show attendees. Its questions being shot at me rapid fire that will fluster me, and in turn irritate.

I was TICKLED when the tour manager came off the bus to say that Joe definitely wanted to talk to the man, and I lead him over and introduced them.

Over the course of about the next hour, I had the opportunity to interact with the soldier several times, learning he was originally from Texas — attended my rival school of University of Texas — and that he had come home on leave with many injuries. Shrapnel in his leg, a broken finger, bite wounds on his hand, etc. The fireworks freaked him out (understandably so!) but his kids loved it.

Finally, when he met Joe, he told several stories of things he had experienced while in Afghanistan. And afterwards, he came over and thanked me profusely for taking him seriously and making it happen that he got to meet Joe.  He hugged me several times and gave me a kiss on the cheek (telling my husband that if he pointed out that he’d just kissed an Aggie they’d tussle right there!), and all I could keep saying was, “No… thank YOU for all you do.”

The experience of meeting this soldier was a highlight of my July 4th. Getting to thank a soldier… we should all have the opportunity to do that. They are the true heroes.

There is one really big perk to having a husband that is a traveling musician: you DO get to do things you’d never do otherwise.

For example, two years ago I had the opportunity (which I took!) to go to Hawaii over the 4th of July holiday. Would we have gone otherwise? It’s possible, but also fairly doubtful. Honestly, I’d have never in a millions years thought I’d go there. Growing up, I never even listed Hawaii as a place I wanted to visit, simply because I knew it would never happen…

And then… it did. So beautiful! A wonderful trip! I’d love to go again some day, and who knows… we might. But, if we don’t, it’s okay, too. It’s a memory I will never, ever forget.

I also went to Las Vegas to see my husband do a show, and then just countless venues around Texas and, now, various locations close to Nashville. It’s a nice “perk” to the life. We spend so much time apart while he is on the road, but we do get advantages of getting to go and do things we’d never do otherwise. Occasionally, the random show sponsor will provide band members with gifts, or we’ll end up with the random CD of new music. It doesn’t make up for the time spent apart, per se. But, its a nice little bonus of sorts.

This last weekend, when everything went haywire due to a last-minute show being added, we again landed on things coming out better. Plus, we got to once again do something we’d otherwise have never done.

I drove up to Indianapolis, IN, for their show. Now, being from Texas, its still very strange to me to be able to drive to another state — much less through a whole state into yet another one! — for a concert. The 5 hour drive wasn’t bad at all. It was actually a very pleasant and beautiful drive.

The show was great, and we had friends there who we got to have fun with after the show. Due to checking in to our hotel so late, we ended up actually having our room through Monday! We discussed it and decided to stay an extra day.

I would have never known that Indianapolis was such a fascinating and beautiful city! We got to explore downtown, and I just could not get over how much there was to see. I sent my parents a cell phone photo of the skyline, and they too were amazed we were where we were… doing what we were doing. Heck, we discovered we enjoyed the city so much, we want to go back when it is warm so we can explore on foot! (It was SO cold and we had not packed for it, thinking we were going straight back home on Sunday.)

I plan to travel South soon to another show, and I will get the chance to explore some Southern history… whereas in Indiana there were such old buildings from a more Northern perspective. (Duh, right?) I have my fingers crossed my husband will soon get to fulfill one of his life-long dreams of played an awards show, and that I’ll get to come along to see that. I spoke with one of the crew’s wife and she plans to go with them on an upcoming California trip.

California would be so wonderful to get to come out to see them. I have friends there that I am itching to see again. However, funds will keep me grounded for this run. But, perhaps some day! You never know. All things are possible…

Coming from a girl who grew up in a small town, that has been quite the lesson learned. Often small town minds don’t see beyond their city limits. But there is a whole world out there to explore. And so many things that seem impossible, ARE possible. And I am forever grateful to the things I have gotten to experience…

Like I said… its difficult to be “a musician’s widow,” and its not a “job” many are cut out to handle. But, if you’re willing to put the faith, trust and belief in your marriage out there… it does come with its perks: both tangible and intangible.