Musician's Widow

All right ya’ll. I’m here to confess. It’s my birthday, and I want attention. I want the world to go, “Hey! Happy Birthday! You rock!” even if in the grand scheme of the world, its a minor thing. Because for me, its a big deal. It’s my birthday. And I am now 30.

As if this post isn’t a blatant attempt to invite lurkers to comment beg birthday wishes, I’ve given plenty of heads up to everyone this year. Specifically here, here, here and here. On top of this, I’ve declared this my birthday WEEK since it lands on a Wednesday.

I got a card yesterday in the mail in which my friend told me to, “Party like its 1914!” (Love that girl… she never fails to crack me up. You gotta have that kind of friend in your life.) And, well, I guess you could say I AM going to party like its 1914. We’re keeping it simple. Dinner out with my parents and husband, and then watching the CMAs on TV. I am fully prepared to throw things at the TV, but I still can’t wait to watch and root for my friends.

So there you have it. My birthday plans. I promise to go back to your regularly scheduled blogging tomorrow. For now… send me good wishes. *nods* I encourage that kind of behavior.

*Scheduled this to post at the time I was born. :)

30 Bound

I turn 30 tomorrow. I’m not bothered by that fact. I’ve actually looked forward to my 30s. For years, my gut has told me that my 30s will be the best years for me, so I embrace my third decade with open arms.

However, upon embracing my 30s, I thought I’d take a moment to look back at my 20s. Hit the highlights:

20: Started my years at Texas A&M University. Met the guy I’d eventually marry. The twin towers fell in New York. I became an aunt for the second time when my niece was born.

21: Legal to drink, of course. Started working at The Battalion. Visited Nashville.

22: Lost my last remaining grandparent. Wrecked my truck in a stupid accident. Quit The Battalion. Saw my first music video taped. Graduated from Texas A&M. Got Sully.  Took some time off due to serious burnout.

23: Bartending class. Started work at Marlin Democrat, and all the interesting things that brought along. Lots of concert travels.

24: Super emotional year of life! We will just leave it at that. Did a lot of growing emotionally.

25: Flew to Atlanta, then drove to Nashville to attend a wedding with Craig. Quit my job at the Democrat. Visited Oregon for the first time. Got engaged. Went to Hawaii. Moved to Nashville.

26: Got married. Trip to Oregon just to visit. Moved into our house. Started at the Dog House.

27: Adopted Bailey. Let the job juggling begin for hubby. Lots of house guests. Matron of honor in my maid of honor’s wedding. Christmas in Texas.

28: Christmas in Oregon. Project 365. Backstage at the Grand Ole Opry for the first time. My brother & family visit. 10 year class reunion. Got my bartending license in  Nashville. Trying to make it through life one day at a time.

29: Christmas in Texas. Much of the beginning of the year in Texas to work. Nashville flood. Stride & Ride at Cowboys Stadium. Decided to focus my attention towards writing. Lost Sully. Still taking it a day at a time. Chugging towards 30.

No idea what to expect for sure out of my 30s. My goals include starting a family, finding financial stability, and having my writing and photography really take off. All of which are reasonable and attainable goals. All of which are goals I WILL attain.

I’m ready. Bring it on!

30 Bound

I am just over a month away from the big three-oh.

It’s a big birthday! No more twenty-something for me. Another decade passed. Another decade begun.

Between me and all of you, I’m actually kind of looking forward to it. I can’t even explain it in a way that makes sense. I’m just optimistic that my 30s will be great… and I am sticking with that optimism.

No big plans as of yet for my birthday. Luckily, so far, it seems my husband will be home for it. It’s a wait and see if that holds or not. You never know with this crazy business. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s missed my birthday due to a gig, and I always understand. But this one is special. This one is 30. More than ever, I want him here to celebrate if at all possible!

I’ve been having a little fun lately. I decided for giggles to make a wish list for my birthday. When I was a kid, I’d make a list for my birthday just like at Christmas. Things I want for my birthday. I’ve not made a list like that in a long time, so I thought it would be fun for this one. As I got started I decided that, to take it to the next level, I’d make it a list of 30 items. 30 for 30.

Believe it or not, it was actually very challenging. I’m not good at asking for stuff. Especially now that I’ve gotten good at tightening the belt. If its not absolutely necessary, then its not really worth looking at getting.

So, this really did take me about three days to put together. I added a little bit of everything in the end. Everything from a little silly to silly expensive. Some of these are specifically what I want. Others are just ideas.

So here it is in fancy widget-form thanks to Amazon.com… my birthday list.

Mostly for my own amusement.

Oh okay, it never hurts to throw it out there, right?

;)

As 30 looms ahead, I find myself looking at my closet, then looking around in stores, and I find myself going through something of a crises. What should I wear!?

I feel creepy looking around in the Juniors section at 30… but I can’t find anything I like in Misses or Ladies or whatever they call it in the given store. I’m definitely not Petite. That I can mark off the list. With gusto.

I’m too young to dress old; too old to dress young. This is almost worse than puberty.

Okay, I take that back. Puberty was worse.

I mean, I’m not dealing with acne and… oh wait. Still dealing with that, too.  OKay, at least I’m not dealing with hormone driven boys… wait, I work in a bar part time. Still dealing with that, too. Okay, I don’t have to deal with Algebra. There. That makes it not a bad as puberty.

(Instead I deal with taxes, insurance, bills… huh. I should probably drop this argument at this point.)

I am absolutely hooked on TLC’s What Not to Wear, and this last weekend they had something of a marathon going. They did several 29 year olds, and boy was I taking notes! Ultimately, its about taking pride in myself and finding items that work with my body and my goals in life. The section label is just that, just a label. And its all about finding what works for me and projecting to others who I am in a positive light.

This last weekend, Easter weekend, I had quite a rant going about how people dressed for Easter mass. One person even wore old jeans and a concert t-shirt! I was livid at the lack of respect for the church and the Holiday! It hit me later, after I mulled over my irritation, that it came down to the fact that we all seem to forget that how we dress says a lot about us to others — like in my eyes, the t-shirt showed lack of respect and reverence — as well as about how we feel about ourselves.

Any time I wear even just a new shirt, I have an extra spring in my step. When I splurge and get my hair highlighted, I have an extra boost of self confidence. I find myself presenting myself more professionally and positively to those around me. That alone affects how people respond back.

So as I approach clothes shopping as 30 approaches, I have to look in the mirror and ask if what I am buying to wear fits who I am and what I want to project to others. 30 is just a number, and those sections are just labels. There’s no reason to have a pubescent meltdown of self.

I’m three months in to the journey towards 30, one-fourth of the way there. I’ve always said I wasn’t afraid of turning 30; I have looked forward to it. My 30s will rock!

But I have to admit.

It feels a little weird.

I still remember, when 30 was old…
–Strawberry Wine, Deana Carter

I heard that line the other day, and it was pretty much an “Oh Sh–” moment. Thank heavens 30 isn’t old, but it does seem to come with this feeling of maturity. Or this feeling like there SHOULD be a higher level of maturity when your ages flips another decade.

And I guess… I’m definitely creeping in that direction. I don’t know that it has much to do with age as a number so much as age in experiences. I’d venture to guess that the economy and the state of this country — of this whole world! — has aged all of us drastically.  It just happened to land at a “milestone” in my life.

So do I have anything exciting to report for these first three months? Not really. Just lots of lessons learned, and other lessons further hammered home. I’m taking every day one day at a time. I’m living on faith. I’m attempting to find more patience. I’m approaching everything with a shift in focus. Certain things I’m giving a lot more attention and focus, and other things I’m learning to let roll off my back.

I’m taking stock of the relationships in my life; I’m realizing my own personal value. I’m counting my blessings. I’m cutting my losses.

Ready or not, here I come.

- 30 -