However, I have two things going against me. One, its summer touring season, and for the next few months I’m going to be on my own more than I’ll be with my husband. Two, I’m broke and a trip to the beach just isn’t going to happen. So, I’m on a mission to find fun things to do that are cheap, and that — bonus points — I can do on my own.

My first stop is the library.

Call me crazy, but I’ve always liked the library. I had a craving for books all the way back to pre-school days. (That could be why I love to write today!) I remember being addicted to Boxcar Children, then to Sweet Valley Twins and Baby Sitters Club. RL Stine books, Sweet Valley High, and later Sweet Valley University. Books, books, books! I wanted one with me all the time!

My book tastes have advanced since those days, and I don’t devour them as fast. I still like to have one with me at all times, but I appreciate them much more than I did back then.

I got a library card for a local library last September. I was GIDDY to be handed a card, because it had been far too long since I had one. I promptly checked out a stack of books. I just as promptly earned myself late fees, even though you can renew books online with a click of a mouse button.  What-cha gonna do?

The other day, on a whim, I decided a trip to the library was in order. I drove over, and I was SO happy to see the parking lot almost full. I smiled extra big to see Moms taking big groups of kids in to attend a summer reading time.

It was nice and cool inside, which immediately made me feel like this would be a wonderful place to spend some upcoming hot summer afternoons. I quickly got lost among the books, mostly plotting out a summer reading list for myself. I even found a few books that I didn’t know existed; books I know I will be devouring in weeks to come.

Libraries are so underrated, and as the world becomes more and more digital, printed media is quickly losing its place in the world. Call me crazy, but I love to smell and feel of a BOOK. Being surrounded by hundreds of them in a library is, for me, like being enveloped in a wonderful literary hug. I plan to hug back. I left that afternoon with two books in my arms and a plan on where to go some summer afternoons when I want to get out of the house.

I can hear the cars on the interstate extra well tonight. My cat curled beside me is an extra comfort as well.

See, my husband left out on the road tonight… he’s been off the road for a month now, and I got very used to having him home every night. I loved spending every day with him, and every night curled up beside him. Now, even with the TV on, the house is all too quiet. Every bump and creak makes me jump a mile. How quickly I grow “out of practice” with this.

However, I will make the most of this time as I always do. My house will get cleaned extra well. I might even get the office organized a bit. I also have plenty of work to do otherwise! I am not at all lacking stuff to keep me busy!

Sleep, though, never comes easy when he’s away. At least not until the sun rises, and I start to hear the neighbors moving around. I think its a feeling of vulnerability that keeps me awake. It’s that fear of “something” happening in the dead of night. Not that something couldn’t happen in the daylight, but I do take comfort in the sun rays. As if they are my guards while I slumber.

So until the sky starts to become light, I keep myself busy with mind numbing computer games and with the local morning news. Tomorrow night will be easier, and the night after that, too. It’s simply a matter of getting back into the routine of things. It’s a routine I welcome… even as it ushers in an element of insomnia.

]]> http://www.musicianswidow.com/blog/2008/11/14/back-in-the-swing-of-things-2/feed/ 0 http://www.musicianswidow.com/blog/2008/09/12/blog-musings-911-ike-and-switzerland/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=blog-musings-911-ike-and-switzerland http://www.musicianswidow.com/blog/2008/09/12/blog-musings-911-ike-and-switzerland/#comments Fri, 12 Sep 2008 08:30:00 +0000 Denise http://denise.mattox-live.com/blog/?p=22 I’d really like to give this blog a lot more attention. The problem is that my whole original angle is far too narrow. So I think I’m going to continue to open up topics and just see where it goes. Sometimes its best to let something grow on its own and not fight it.

As I write this, I am watching a History Channel show about 9/11. Seven years later I still feel emotions welling up inside of me. How much this country and world have changed in the last seven years since these events. And on such a smaller scale, how much my own life has changed since then.

Since then, we’ve had/have war in response to 9/11 and circumstances surrounding it. We had Hurricane Katrina, which brought about a new respect for Mother Nature and its power. And as we look back on a man-made disaster, my focus is now on Hurricane Ike churning in the Gulf of Mexico and heading for Texas. I worry for my family and friends that are in the direct line of the storm.

I’m going about life, though, as normal. What else CAN I do at this point? Yes, I am worried. Yes, I am taking time to pause and reflect. But ultimately, I have to push forward and continue to live my life. I have to continue to keep my focus on today. Enjoy today. Enjoy the moment.

My husband is in Switzerland right now for a music festival. It’s been strange not talk to him at all the last several days, relying on email to communicate when we can. We always at least say good night before bed! (Maybe that’s why my sleep schedule is so far off.)

I know he’s having a wonderful time, and I keep telling him that he must come back with LOTS of pictures and maybe a souvenir or two. I sure wish I were there as well! I must get my passport soon so if this ever happens again, I CAN go.

But, I myself have been keeping busy doing this and that. Dinner with friends was awesome, for example. I’ve also been taking care of those little things that you just never have time to do. And I do admit, I’ve taken time to be a little lazy as well, but that pretty much is counter productive to my goal: make the time pass faster until he is back home.

Right now, I have laundry stacked up on the other couch waiting to be put away, and I have a small list of errands to run tomorrow at some point. And, like I said before… I’ll also be watching Ike closely. There’s nothing I can do about it, but I’ll be watching nonetheless.

*disclaimer: this entry took about three hours to type between laundry loads, watching TV and chatting on-line. I apologize if its disjointed and has no real flow. I’ll do better next time.*

Then why am I sitting here going, “Okay, its time for him to come home?”

I guess I’m just out of practice? Or perhaps its the fact that its a long weekend, so his absence this weekend seems more poignant? Though I’ve spend my birthday alone before. Last year he left on Thanksgiving. This shouldn’t matter. Those weren’t big deals. This shouldn’t be.

No, I guess no matter how much of a “pro” I fancy myself, sometimes you just miss your spouse. And I do miss him more than usual right now. How will I be in a couple weeks when he’s out of the country!? Well… granted… I already have plans to look forward to during that time, so that’ll help. Different circumstances all the way around with that, really.

And really, that’s what it all comes down to. I told him the other day that, “Time passes slower here than it does where you are.” Meaning, he’s so busy that time flies by… whereas while I am busy doing things here at home, I’m still at home. And the time seems to drag by at times.

Perception. That’s a big thing that is hard to adjust for each side of an equation. In a lot of ways, this has been a short run. Heck, had he stayed with his last employer I would have hardly seen him this entire summer. So I am ultimately grateful, and I know he’ll be home in just over a day and a half.

I think myself a pro… but even pros have their moments.

Baby you need to come home
There’s a little bit of something me
In everything in you…

October brought us moving into our first house. November brought both of our birthdays. December brought the holidays. And January… well January meant half the month off the road for my husband, and our having to buckle down and try to cut costs anywhere and everywhere we can.

We got married last January due to the fact that I knew it was the only time of the year, I was 99% guaranteed that my husband would be off the road and we could have a wedding without conflicting schedules.

It’s wonderful to have that time together. It’s a treat to get to spend an extended length of quality time, just us. I got used to going to bed with him every single night. And after having him home for about a month, it makes this first run a bit harder to handle as we get back into the swing of life as we know it.

It’ll be nice to have the stead income again. We can breathe a sign of relief there. And I have no doubt he is loving being back out on the road, playing the music he loves. Here at home, I’m buckling down myself and getting all sorts of work projects done myself. Web-sites, advertising, letters, etc. We’re both focused on work again.

But I do miss him. Especially when he ends up in one of those random areas where there is no cell service, so we don’t even get the luxury of talking on the phone. And this run happens to end right as I am flying out to do some thing back in Texas. So we’ll completely miss each other there. I’ll see him again when I make it back to Nashville after handling my things. This is fairly typical of us, though, so we’ve been here before. And we’ll be here again, I know.

I miss him. I just remind myself… it’ll make our time when he gets back home all the more sweet.

My husband’s job has had him out on the road three times as much as he’s been home. I have to admit, its nice to not have to stress over bills as much now. I miss him like mad when he’s gone, but his time at home is extra sweet.

His being gone, though, can feed into some of my fears. I worry what I’d do if I had an emergency sometimes. I know I have a lot of friends I can call on, plus, my parents are only a two hour plane ride away. Still, I worry that something might happen and he not find out about it “in time.” I wonder to myself what all the possibilities are if that were to happen. I don’t dwell on it all the time, but it’s something that pops up now and then. Especially depending on what my frame of mind is on a given day. It’s not a fun thing to think about, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to prepare for anything.

Now, though, I have lots of other things on my mind. We’re moving into a house in a month, which I am ECSTATIC to be doing. No more apartment life. Our first home. It’s such a sweet, sweet thing. I have a new focus on moving keeping me busy.

It’s football season. I love fall, and I am a total football junkie. So, I am keeping busy with the local club of alumni from my college, and we’ve been getting the club active again. One of the things we are doing is football parties. Gotta love those. What better way to spend a Saturday alone than to catch up with fellow former students to cheer your team on to a win?

Finally, though, we’re going on a much needed vacation soon. My husband has a decent break in his schedule, and we’ll go visit his family. We’re SO excited to do this, and I am counting down the days. Not to mention packing and getting things in order to go!

I work best late at night, though, thanks to my husband’s schedule. I have become a total night owl, usually not going to bed until the sun is coming up. One bonus of having a house… I can vacuum any time I want! However, I get done what I can when I can. (Hence why its 1:30 AM and I am just now posting to this blog.)

I admittedly live an “abnormal” life… but its normal to me. And I love it.