Musician's Widow

I like to think I am a “pro” at this whole musician’s widow thing. But even being a “pro” doesn’t make it easy sometimes. It just gives you knowledge on how to handle it.

Tonight, my husband embarked on a new gig. Or rather, this weekend is something of an audition towards this new gig. But nonetheless, I dropped him off at a bus in a grocery store parking lot, bound for Canada for two days.

I am so excited for him on this. A new gig. A big one at that! Plus, its one that will still allow him to be home more to continue work on a new project that we have started in the last few months. I have no doubts that he’ll do great, but still I say prayers and send him good vibes.

It felt great to say I was taking him to bus call, and there is a comfort in this routine as it is familiar. But that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t this sadness that came over me as I drove away without him. I’ve gotten so used to having him home all the time! I missed him within seconds of dropping him off at the bus!

I would think that for him, tonight was a little like the first day of school. He’s the new kid, and even though this is not his first time out on the road, its his first night with this group. And its also been a few months since his last trip out. So, even with as familiar as this lifestyle is, tonight was something new all over again.

Anyway, I’m not sure how to approach this whole thing at the moment. It’s not a done deal, exactly. But I also don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be, either. I just want him to be happy and enjoy what he does. (And having the steady income would be nice as well.) And I sure hope this gig will be a perfect fit.

It’s been four months since I last posted, and life’s been quite the roller coaster in those months. As it always is, of course, but perhaps moreso than ever. I’ve stayed busy doing my thing. My husband was busy doing his thing. Now… we’re busy doing each of our things together.

See, a couple weeks ago, my husband ended his time with the artist he’d been working for over the last 10 months. It came as a surprise, but thankfully we’re in an okay place at the moment for it have happened. Mostly, it’s been frustrating and disheartening. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve become jaded with the music business in general. However, I won’t give up on it either.

There are other things in the works, though, and I firmly believe the adage that everything happens for a reason. We’re just not yet in a place to see what that reason may be… We may never be, honestly. But I know there is a reason.

In the mean time, my husband and I have been busier than ever with work. Last week was CMA Music Fest in Nashville. It kept us both hopping. It kept all of Nashville hopping. I think anyone who had anything to do with the event is still recovering, and will be for at least the rest of the week.

However, it was a great time to network, and it made me appreciate more than ever my blessings of having work to do and being able to do said work. (The gas prices these days remind me to be grateful for that as well!)

But, as my subject line states, when it rains it pours. During a solo this weekend, my husband blew a speaker. THE speaker in fact. So it must be fixed before he can gig again. Then on top of that, our washing machine went out in a fit of smoke. And our oldest cat is sick. I’m half waiting to see what is going to fall apart next!! But… I am honestly in a mode to have to just laugh about it. Because I know things will get better, and I know that God never gives us more than we can handle. So I keep my head high and my mood optimistic.

Oh don’t think I’ve not gotten down over the last few weeks — because I have. But getting down doesn’t fix anything. It just makes things more dismal. I prefer to be optimistic and proactive to get things back on track.

And to find the humor in most situations.

A month passes since I last posted here, and a billion changes have once again occurred.

My husband has, once again, changed jobs. This one brings almost twice as many show dates and takes him off on the road for weeks on end. I truly am a musician’s widow now!!

It’s always hard to leave a job, and this most recent change was hard to make for emotional reasons. His former co-workers and boss are dear friends, and the feeling of abandoning them was strong. However, the new job offer was one he could not pass up, and luckily they understood.

Earlier this week he loaded all his gear on the back of a semi and boarded a bus for three weeks on a west coast run.

Interestingly, so much about this new job has given us both goosebumps as one thing after another just fell into place. It’s felt just so RIGHT time and time again that it was (and still is) just overwhelming!

The nicest part of it ALL? Hearing the happiness in my husband’s voice. Not that he wasn’t happy before, but he’s just happier than I’ve heard him in a long time. The only stress he’s had is wanting to do a good job and impress the new camp.

The night of his first show, he called me after it was all over. I wanted to cry and scream and squeal with joy as he talked about how well it went. I’d been so tense and stressed all night hoping and praying it would go okay. When he hung up I started jumping around the apartment screaming (quietly as it was after midnight) about how well it went. Hearing him SO HAPPY just gives me this overwhelming happiness as well.

On another great note, the day after the job offer came through, we found out we’ll be able to get into a house in October after all. We’re SO excited! Our first home!! New job. New house. Before anyone asks, NO I am NOT pregnant. I got asked that a billion times lately, and I’m going to put a stop to it right here and now.

Now, as I said, the new job is so many more shows that he’s not home much. More shows are constantly being added, which is WONDERFUL… but at the same time a few recent additions have made me pout a little as they take away a few of our small windows of opportunity to be together. I miss my husband! Does that really surprise anyone?

He and I talked about it last night, and we agreed… we’re just having to make adjustments and get used to this whole new schedule and way of life. We’ve wanted this for a long time and here it is… time to dig in and live the dream!

It’s been a long time since I wrote here. Primarily, that is because things have been just crazy.

My husband changed jobs. However, he spent a period of time working for his former artist as well as his new artist. I keep two schedules for him. One in simple spreadsheet format. The other on a calendar. Despite my double-schedule system, I have had a hard time keeping up with where he was supposed to be when and with which camp! Luckily, by having to focus harder for that period of time, I’m having an easier time keeping his one schedule memorized now.

I love problem solving. I love the challenge of keeping a schedule on track. Yes, it gets frustrating at times. However, I thrive under pressure. I guess that’s part of why I went into journalism for my degree. Those deadlines actually thrill me even as they can be stressful. So, in a similar respect, keeping up with the crazy schedule we keep is actually fun to me.

We are entering peak travel season, though, and airline stress multiplies when talking about big groups. Especially big groups with gear and a time schedule.

My husband has had his share of crazy travel stories in the last month. I know he’s sick of flying by now, but I also know he’ll have plenty more flights coming at him soon. What is worrisome is news reports like the one I saw just the other day. Over-booked flights. Unable to get a later flight when a flight is canceled or you’re bumped from one. It all just gets to be added stresses for everyone involved.

Peak travel season is also peak tour season for musicians. I’m spending more and more time home alone, but I’m also getting out more with friends. I also have friends coming from back home to visit me soon. I’m looking forward to that!

It also means, though, that time when my husband is home is more precious. Be it a few days, or only a few hours. I’ll take what I can get.