Tag Archives: confidence

What insecurity?

A whole new smile
A whole new smile

I am a pretty confident woman. Actually, I like to think I’m a very confident woman. A positive person. Someone who loves to smile and who loves to see others smile. I like to make other people happy, and I long ago found one of the best ways is through just a smile.  And I’ve been told many times over that I have a great smile.

However, when asked what my favorite facial feature is on myself, I would always without hesitation say, “My eyes!” They were hidden for years behind thick glasses until, when in college, I finally got the nerve to get contacts. (I couldn’t, prior to that, fathom putting something IN MY EYE. But now, I can practically do it in my sleep.) Even so, when wearing make-up I’d choose to feature my eyes. I’ve leaned on eye liner for years to make them stand out, and, as always told in make-up rules, I’d leave my lips alone. A little gloss, or a neutral tone now and then, but on a whole I wouldn’t accent them at all.

Strange for someone who loves to smile, right? Strange for someone with confidence.

However, deep, deep down, in a place that I never gave any power, there was an insecurity due to my teeth.

Tillamook Cheese Factory
Far from perfect teeth.

Now, I am dead serious when I say that I never gave it much conscious thought. About the only time I really gave my teeth much power was when taking a self-portrait. Let’s see if you notice what I am talking about…

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Yup. In photos, my teeth were my little hidden secret. And it is in THAT action that I admit they were an insecurity. Very few people would ever make a comment on my teeth. I generally felt that anyone who did had issues of their own and were making themselves feel better by pointing out MY major imperfection. But in reality, the few people who would say anything were always very nice about it. Asking with curiosity why I’d not ever had braces. Or, in one case, giving me a high five with a smile of their own to revel their own front gap! But it would never fail… it would take a few minutes to “shake it off” when my insecurity was brought out front to my attention.

All that being said, getting my teeth fixed has been very low on my radar for years. If I hadn’t fixed them by now, what was the point?

72_541515795924_2190_nI mean, I’m happily married to a man who makes me feel beautiful everyday… who looks at me like I’m gorgeous even when I know I look like I’ve been hit by a truck.

I have a great confidence already, and my teeth aren’t exactly on my radar. My family and friends love me as I am. I’ve never been held back in life in general (as far as I know!) due to my teeth.  So… what would be the point?

Then last summer, in the midst of getting a lot dental work done, my dentist presented me with an offer/option. One of my front teeth had a cavity in it, and it would need some work soon. What if we put crowns over the front teeth, and he could reshape them to be straighter through those crowns?

For me, my stomach clinched at the thought of the cost. It would be a lot of money! What on earth would I be thinking if I did this!? However, the offer was intriguing. And after some discussion with my parents and my husband, I agreed to do it.

So one day last summer, I went into the dentist for some sedation dentistry, and I came out with temporary crowns on my teeth. That looked just like my old teeth. I had seen the proposed models of what my teeth would look like in the end, and it was nice! A definite improvement.

We will skip the silly reasons why it took almost six months and one visit to re-cast my molds for the crowns, but on Monday morning I headed in for the big reveal.

And I walked out with a perfect smile. My dentist went above and beyond what he’d proposed to do for me. I keep looking in the mirror and being taken aback by my new smile. I keep running my tongue over the back of my teeth, looking for the gap that no longer exists. Occasionally I notice forming words with my lips has changed. And now… I want to wear lipstick. My old teeth-based insecurity replaced by a new smile.

Here I am at 33 with a whole new look… and here’s the funny thing. Now I feel more motivated to shed the 15 lbs I’ve put on in the last 7 years. I want the rest of my body to match the new smile. It’s made me want to care about ME more. It’s given me a boost I never in a million years thought I needed.

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Woman in the maroon dress

Last night, I “worked the door” at the bar I work at downtown Nashville. That just means I checked IDs (GUH! 1990 = 21. I feel so OLD.) and attempted to beckon people in the door.

Knowing I would be the first face they’d see at the bar, I decided to take a little extra care in how I dressed versus my typical bartender outfit of tank top, jeans and comfy shoes. I wanted to present the bar well (and actually DID bring a few people in based on my appearance because, “you make this look like a respectable place!”) and beyond that my allergies have still been going nuts, and dressing nicer makes ME feel better and gives me drive to keep going.

Now, working the door isn’t my favorite job at the bar. I don’t mind it, but I’m not the best at yelling out to random people, “No cover! Live band! Come check us out!” I’m too much of a people watcher. I can easily sit for hours on end, just watching the people pass. And within that, I’ve gotten pretty good at predicting ahead of time which bar a person is going to want to enter based on their dress, attitude, etc.

And boy! Let me tell you… dress, attitude, etc. is all over the board sometimes. I love the diversity! TV can never give the entertainment or variety of just sitting back and watching others interact with each other and their surroundings.

It just so happened, a large group had just come out of the bar I was at, and they’d come to a stop in the middle of the alley. I looked down at my phone to check the time, when a maroon purse and gold-ish (not gaudy gold, but gold toned) heels caught my peripheral vision. I could tell a woman was trying to get around the group.

My head snapped up to look as this woman walked away. And I’ll be honest. I was mesmerized.

Walking away was an elegant, sophisticated and confident black woman. Without missing a beat, she slung her purse over her shoulder, and she walked with a stride that never faultered. Her maroon dress hugged her curves just right, showing off a perfect hourglass figure without a single piece of skin needlessly being revealed. Her tall heels complimented her toned legs. Her hair a perfect round halo around her head, which was held high.

It was a little like something you’d only see in a commercial.

I couldn’t stop staring in admiration. I knew nothing of this woman. I hadn’t even made eye contact with her. And yet everything about her screamed confidence. Nothing she wore was flashy. She had not gone out of her way to be noticed. It was just her confidence in herself that caught my attention. Her confidence in herself burned itself in my mind.

After crossing paths with hundreds of people tonight, as I left to go home it was that one woman and her confidence that continued to stick with me. It’s kind of like reading a dozen blogs in one day, but only bookmarking one. This woman has inspired me to want that kind of confidence just radiate out — in what I do and in how I present myself. Deep down, I’ve been looking for inspiration lately. I just never expected it to come to me as a woman in a maroon dress walking down an alley.