Musician's Widow

The other night, on our way home from downtown, I (admittedly out of the blue) went, “I am so happy with my life.”

My husband was happy to hear that, but at the same time was rather baffled by my statement. Where did it come from?

It came from taking a step back for awhile, and taking stock of things. I looked around at other’s lives and realized I am where I am supposed to be. I’m in no way knocking anyone else’s life!! No, don’t get me wrong there. If anything, I could be accused of, now and then, watching others and thinking, “Why am I not doing that?” or, “Man that looks like fun.” or, “I want that.” Face it, we all do that. There’s that whole grass is greener thing that happens to us all.

But that night, I sat back and realized how happy I am to just be me. To be married to my husband. To be living where I live. To do the work I do. To dream the dreams I dream. To have the friends I have. To have a wonderful family. I am thankful for all I have to show for what I’ve done in my life. I’m thankful for the places I can show you where I’ve thoroughly screwed up… because those are lessons that have also helped shape me and my life.

I am right where I am supposed to be for me right now.

There is a wonderful peace in that realization. There’s a wonderful happiness in it. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. For every thing I take for granted, there is quite possibly someone else who is wishing for that same thing.

Love the life you have. Live it to its fullest. Strive for the next big thing, but also be completely be happy in the moment you are in right now.

I sure am.

I’ve been an avid viewer of What Not to Wear on TLC since season 1. Yup, I even remember long-haired Wayne of season 1. I love the show, and I’ve learned so much watching it — both about style and about self confidence. More on that later…

When I say I’ve been an avid viewer, I should clarify: I WAS an avid viewer. Until TLC moved it from Friday night to Tuesday night. Now, I only see it if I just happen to stumble upon it as a repeat later in the week. (Read: never.)

Friday nights were a tradition with my Mom! We’d watch together sitting on the couch, then after I moved to Nashville we’d watch together via AIM. The mother/daughter time was a wonderful bonus to one of my favorite shows!

Then… then it moved to Tuesday night. The one night a week I can’t watch. Mom and I find other shows to watch together, but none of them are our original What Not to Wear. None stand up to the high bar we’d set with that show.

Last night, however, I was actually free and I got to tune in for two episodes back-to-back. Mom and I chatted online through the show, discussing the style, attitude and the ending reveal of each participant. I was reminded how much FUN it is, and I was also reminded why I love the show so much.

It’s not just about fashion. Anyone who thinks that has never watched an episode, never REALLY watched it. Most style issues for the participants are a result of a deeper seeded issue that has led to a lack of self confidence. Often its a case of worrying so much about everyone else that the participant forgets to take care of themselves. Granted, sometimes its a case of just not knowing any better. Whatever the reason, though, you most often see not only a change in appearance, but a change in attitude and confidence.

The show makes me want to take more care in my appearance. The show reminds me how I present myself not only can change how people interact with me, but also how I think of myself. It reminds me that when I take extra care in my day’s appearance, I often have a more productive and better day.

I wish TLC would move it back to Friday, but since that won’t be happening, I’ll just have to wait until I get another Tuesday free. I look forward to the time with Mom, and I look forward to that kick in butt to step up and take better care of myself.

As I drove home from an afternoon partaking in Tennessee’s tax-free weekend, the sunset caught my attention. It was GORGEOUS, and I tried to take a few photos with my phone at a stop light.

Yeah, it didn’t do the sunset any justice, so I drove to a park where I knew I could get a mostly-unrestricted view. I set for about fifteen minutes watching the sun sink slowly. It was beautiful. It was peaceful. It made me appreciate my day. It made me happy to be going into the weekend.

As the sun ducked below a lower level of clouds, I turned to leave. The view I saw took my breathe away.

In that moment, no matter what direction I looked, all I saw was beauty of nature. It felt like God giving me a big hug. I felt so lucky. I felt so humble. I just stared and stared. I sat another five to ten minutes, staring at the rainbow until it faded away. I drove home with a whole new peace and joy in my heart.

Happy Weekend, everyone. May you find peace and joy in your heart as well.

I’ve always had great self-esteem. Oh, I’ve had my moments where its faded for awhile, but on a whole I’m a confident person. Sure of what I want. Sure of who I am. Sure of where I am going.

But I have to admit. I’ve lately had my moments of insecurity.

Suddenly, it seems everywhere I look, I see people doing the same things I do. Maybe that has to do with the fact that I am immersing myself more and more into the blogging, page design and photography worlds. So of COURSE I am going to find more people doing the same thing.

But sometimes, it gets a bit unnerving. Especially when sometimes it feels like everyone is doing it a little bit better than I am. Or they have more resources to get the job done better. It gets a little disheartening at times.

Oh, I’m not letting it stop me from striving towards my goals and dreams. More often than not, I use that to make me work even harder! But once in awhile… I find myself going, “What am I doing? How can I really compete?” And I wallow for awhile in my insecurity.

But every day, I open my blog to write another post. Some days, life gets in the way and it doesn’t get done. But on a whole, I do strive to do it every day. I keep my photo of the day project going, letting it push me towards working harder and getting better. I look at photos and want to figure out, “How’d they do that?”  The same for page design. I don’t let my insecurities hold me back; I let them push me forward. Let them make me work a little harder to over come them.

What are you insecure about? Do you let it hold you back? What can you do to turn that negative into a positive?

Our recent move was overwhelming at times. Unpacking and setting up our new home has also been overwhelming.

I look around and see nine hundred things that need to be done, and I feel like I will never get it done. On top of that, I know that what I see is only part of the things on my plate. I have a web-site to do, a business card to edit, and ads to create (among other things). I’m keeping up this blog, and doing my 365. I have bills to pay, but I can’t sit down to work long enough to make the money to pay them.

Suddenly, as I let those realizations sink in, I get that feeling. The one in the pit of my stomach that says, “I’ll never be able to do it all!” Then I get a headache and dizzy, and then I have the urge to just sit down and cry.

Its in that moment that I sit back and I tell myself, “Yes, you will. One thing at a time. You will do it all.”

Life can get overwhelming. Life IS overwhelming in general! And we all have our moments when we fee like the world is crashing down around us. Deadlines to meet. Social events to attend. Bills to pay. Chores to do. Appointments to make. It is all just too much.

I know. I feel it, too. Often.

But, ultimately, one thing at a time. It’s all you can do. Sometimes, just realizing that will make you more productive! I know any time I’d get overwhelmed with the move, if I would just stop and remind myself to take it one thing at a time (or, okay, I’d text my Mom and she’d remind me to take it one thing at a time)… I’d end up getting twice as much stuff done. If I didn’t beat myself up that I “couldn’t do it,” I’d literally just do it.

I know, I’m simplifying things, but sometimes simplifying things is exactly what makes anything possible. So anytime you get overwhelmed and it all just seems too much, take a moment to remember to take one thing at a time. You can only do what you can do. And that really is enough.