Tag Archives: rants

bartending, tips

From behind the bar

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195: Glasses lined upI’m a bartender. In case you didn’t know that, you do now. I’m sitting here with my feet up, bracing for a busy Halloween Party night behind the bar.

So before any adults go on their version of trick-or-treating (bar hopping) let me help you get on the bartender’s good side.

– Let’s just get this out of the way. TIP. We’re there to make a living. Don’t assume we’re making a big base pay. In a lot of cases, we’re not. And, frankly, if you think about it. When you make an order, we are working for you for those few minutes while we get your drink.  No tip or super low tip (I’ve gotten $2 on a $50 tab before. That’s 4%. Ouch.) can result in you getting less service than the people who DO tip. Think about your own job. Are you going to continue to work for someone who doesn’t pay you? No? Then don’t expect your bartender to be too excited to serve someone who doesn’t tip.

– Have your money ready when you order. ESPECIALLY when its super busy, like it will be at any Halloween festivity. In fact, I’m more apt to come take your order if I see the money or your wallet in your hand ahead of time. (You don’t have to wave it around for us to see it, either.) It generally means you know what you want, and you’re ready to make the order and go back to having fun. As a bartender, I appreciate you a lot. You’re helping me get your order and get to another one quickly.

– Know what you want. Few things are as frustrating to a bartender than going up to someone, asking what they want, and then that person turning around and asking their friends what they want. Or worse saying, “Stay there, let me see what they want.” and then wandering off.

– This isn’t, “Let’s make a deal.” This isn’t some shopping district in Turkey. I’m not here to haggle with you over what your order costs. I’m not here to give away from drinks. If you can’t afford to buy the drinks you want, don’t order those drinks. (This goes for Bachelorette parties, too. Don’t order six Lemon Drops and look shocked when I charge you for six Lemon Drops. If you want free drinks, go ask the lonely guy at the end of the bar, not the bartender.)

– You might be here to get a date, but I am not. K? Thanks. (Although, I have to admit, I get a kick out of the question, “So when do you get out of here?” Especially when I’m feeling spunky and I respond with something like “4 AM, then I’m going home to soak my feet and snuggle with my husband.” I’m so mean…)

– Here is my #1 peeve. NUMBER ONE. Don’t order drinks, then ignore me to finish your conversation when I come back with them. Take the drinks and THEN continue visiting. You’re being rude not only to me, but to the twenty other people waiting to make a drink order.

– Keep a head’s up to the bar “policies.” Some bars have waitresses like a restaurant would. Some bars are where you only order your drinks at the bar. Where I work, we bartend AND basically waitress at the same time. Which means, when it gets three deep at the bar, we won’t be out to take orders on the floor. We want to take good care of you… sometimes, though, we need you to meet us half-way. (A great example: I had a table last Saturday that I was taking care of from the time we opened. It got super busy, and I couldn’t get over to check if they needed another round. They came up to the bar, asked for another round and then sat down. I was SO thankful! I could make the order, run it out to them and then come back. I just couldn’t get away to take the order in the first place. They met me half-way. I wanted to hug them.)

– If you’re going to pay with a credit card, just open a tab. I don’t care what the bar’s policies are, running a credit card every single transaction slows us down terribly. And, hey, it probably saves you money in the long run if you tip each transaction. Instead of a $1 or $2 every transaction, you can do $3 or $4 for the equivalent of five or six orders. If you tip $2 five times, its $10. Or you can do $4 one time. You don’t get on my nerves and you save money. Its win/win!

I’m sure I’ll make other posts like this in the future, as I am already thinking of things I left out, but these are some of the big things. If you want to get into the head of a bartender, follow @Bartenders_Hate and/or @BartenderRants on Twitter. I usually end up giggling at them, because they’re brutally honest. I might not always agree 100% with them, but I always chuckle.

Be safe out there if you are indeed out drinking! Don’t drink and drive.  Don’t be too proud to ask someone for a ride or to take a cab.  Here is a list of Sober Rides home across the country, thanks to AAA. Your life and everyone else’s lives out on the road are worth more than the cost of that cab.

health, lessons learned, life, news-commentary, rants

Open mouth, let out… judgement?

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Bullying. It’s a HUGE topic in the news today. The government has even set up a web-site and an initiative to stop bullying in schools.

From that web-site, bullying is defined as:

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.

I actually like Wikipedia’s description a lot better, which admits bullying can happen at any age. Bullying can occur in any context in which human beings interact with each other. This includes school, church, family, the workplace, home, and neighborhoods. It is even a common push factor in migration. Bullying can exist between social groups, social classes, and even between countries.

All that aside, I feel like we’ve become very quick to define an action as “bullying.” Statements can be critical. Statements can be judgmental. But those same statements aren’t necessarily, by definition, “bullying.”

This week, a big item in the news has been about Jennifer Livingston’s segment on a Wisconsin news station addressing a man who sent her an email criticizing her weight. From that email: Surely you don’t consider yourself a suitable example for this community’s young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain.

Livingston chose to address that email by tying it into October being Anti-Bullying month. She encouraged young people to not let emails and comments like the ones she received bring them down. Her statement, “You don’t know me. You are not a friend of mine. You are not a part of my family, and you have admitted you don’t watch this show.  You know nothing about me but what you see on the outside.” really resonated with me.

Think before you speak

Whether or not the original email was actually a “bullying” action or just someone being critical or judgmental is up to debate. The fact remains, this man judged Livingston based on her outward appearance without knowing her personal story.

I hope my family does not mind my recounting this story (and I’ll probably get elements of it wrong, and for that I do apologize, but you’ll still get the gist of what happened.) I’ve mentioned many times in this blog that my nephew has Muscular Dystrophy. Part of his regimen of drugs and exercises and dietary restrictions to help slow the progress of his MD is that he takes steroids every day. And anyone who has ever had to take steroids for any medical reason knows, steroids will make you gain weight.

I still remember the anger that filled me when my mom told me about the night that apparently a man dared to tell my nephew he should probably lay off the french fries while at Dairy Queen, telling him it looked like he’d had plenty already. To this day I wish I could look that man in the eye and tell him what a judgmental and ignorant #@$#&* he is. To say that to ANY child in the first place makes this “man” very small, but to say it without knowing the person and their story makes it 10,000x worse.

When I heard the story of this reporter, I was reminded of that story with my nephew. Some people have medical reasons for weighing what they do. For others, it is just genetics. They can diet and exercise every single day, and they will never be a size 4. (Hey, in contrast, in high school I couldn’t get health insurance because they said I was “too thin” and clearly must be sick or something. Nope. Nor did I diet. Heck, I ate crap all the time! I just had that fast of a metabolism and couldn’t gain weight if I tried.)

For me personally, I’ve only dealt with anyone asking me if I am pregnant when I put a few pounds on… because I always carry the majority of my weight in my abdomen. Its the bane of my figure. I know this. But it still stings when someone asks, because for me it might as well be, “Hey why don’t you go do some sit-ups or something.” (Seriously, though, do I REALLY need to say its not smart to ask a woman if she’s pregnant or when she is due?)

But at the same time, when I say I am not, it is followed with, “Well when are you guys going to have kids?”

someecards.com - At least the end of the world would mean no pressure to have a baby.

This question is, for me, just downright rude. While I appreciate friends with kids telling me that having kids is the best thing they ever did, and while I know I’ll love it as well, I also appreciate people respecting that my husband and I are happy as we are and that we will have children when we are ready. And THAT decision is ours alone.

However, even more, I know too many women who are dealing with infertility to not find that question to be potentially very hurtful. I also know a lot of women who will wait to tell anyone they are pregnant, and if a miscarriage occurs — consider what kind of a knife it could be to that women’s heart if you go, “So, hey, when are you guys having kids?” if she just lost a baby?

YOU DON’T KNOW because a couple choosing to have a baby is a personal decision — not a group or community decision. Stop trying to meddle into that decision making.  (Or, if you will, stop trying to bully them into having children just to make you happy for them.)

I am not against criticism. You can learn a lot from criticism, and life will hand you countless opportunities to be criticized. Be it for a job not-so-well done, or going jeans shopping with your best friend. But criticism done out of “looking at the cover without reading the book” can easily be perceived as bullying.

As we work this month to fight bullying, can we also just fight to, “Think before you speak?”