Tag Archives: self confidence

What insecurity?

A whole new smile
A whole new smile

I am a pretty confident woman. Actually, I like to think I’m a very confident woman. A positive person. Someone who loves to smile and who loves to see others smile. I like to make other people happy, and I long ago found one of the best ways is through just a smile.  And I’ve been told many times over that I have a great smile.

However, when asked what my favorite facial feature is on myself, I would always without hesitation say, “My eyes!” They were hidden for years behind thick glasses until, when in college, I finally got the nerve to get contacts. (I couldn’t, prior to that, fathom putting something IN MY EYE. But now, I can practically do it in my sleep.) Even so, when wearing make-up I’d choose to feature my eyes. I’ve leaned on eye liner for years to make them stand out, and, as always told in make-up rules, I’d leave my lips alone. A little gloss, or a neutral tone now and then, but on a whole I wouldn’t accent them at all.

Strange for someone who loves to smile, right? Strange for someone with confidence.

However, deep, deep down, in a place that I never gave any power, there was an insecurity due to my teeth.

Tillamook Cheese Factory
Far from perfect teeth.

Now, I am dead serious when I say that I never gave it much conscious thought. About the only time I really gave my teeth much power was when taking a self-portrait. Let’s see if you notice what I am talking about…

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Yup. In photos, my teeth were my little hidden secret. And it is in THAT action that I admit they were an insecurity. Very few people would ever make a comment on my teeth. I generally felt that anyone who did had issues of their own and were making themselves feel better by pointing out MY major imperfection. But in reality, the few people who would say anything were always very nice about it. Asking with curiosity why I’d not ever had braces. Or, in one case, giving me a high five with a smile of their own to revel their own front gap! But it would never fail… it would take a few minutes to “shake it off” when my insecurity was brought out front to my attention.

All that being said, getting my teeth fixed has been very low on my radar for years. If I hadn’t fixed them by now, what was the point?

72_541515795924_2190_nI mean, I’m happily married to a man who makes me feel beautiful everyday… who looks at me like I’m gorgeous even when I know I look like I’ve been hit by a truck.

I have a great confidence already, and my teeth aren’t exactly on my radar. My family and friends love me as I am. I’ve never been held back in life in general (as far as I know!) due to my teeth.  So… what would be the point?

Then last summer, in the midst of getting a lot dental work done, my dentist presented me with an offer/option. One of my front teeth had a cavity in it, and it would need some work soon. What if we put crowns over the front teeth, and he could reshape them to be straighter through those crowns?

For me, my stomach clinched at the thought of the cost. It would be a lot of money! What on earth would I be thinking if I did this!? However, the offer was intriguing. And after some discussion with my parents and my husband, I agreed to do it.

So one day last summer, I went into the dentist for some sedation dentistry, and I came out with temporary crowns on my teeth. That looked just like my old teeth. I had seen the proposed models of what my teeth would look like in the end, and it was nice! A definite improvement.

We will skip the silly reasons why it took almost six months and one visit to re-cast my molds for the crowns, but on Monday morning I headed in for the big reveal.

And I walked out with a perfect smile. My dentist went above and beyond what he’d proposed to do for me. I keep looking in the mirror and being taken aback by my new smile. I keep running my tongue over the back of my teeth, looking for the gap that no longer exists. Occasionally I notice forming words with my lips has changed. And now… I want to wear lipstick. My old teeth-based insecurity replaced by a new smile.

Here I am at 33 with a whole new look… and here’s the funny thing. Now I feel more motivated to shed the 15 lbs I’ve put on in the last 7 years. I want the rest of my body to match the new smile. It’s made me want to care about ME more. It’s given me a boost I never in a million years thought I needed.

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I CAN do it on my own…

I prefer doing things with my husband. He’s my best friend, and everything is more fun done together. He’s my body guard, and more than once has stopped me from potentially doing something stupid.  And we each have unspoken “jobs” around the house. But, of course, as you can guess… when he goes out on the road, I have to step up and fill in the space left in his absence.

Like, yesterday, I mowed the lawn. I don’t mind mowing the lawn! I used to do it when I lived with my parents, and I have taken my turn pushing the mower at our old house. But since moving to our new house, I’ve not done the lawn. (Partly due to that sinus infection I found for what felt like forever.) However, due to the rainy days, followed by a long run on the road for my husband, I found myself staring at a brief window of sunshine and a lawn that despirately needed to be mowed.

So I did it. And it looks damn good, if I do say so myself! I was super proud of myself, even as I stood panting, pouring water over my head to cool down. I can do it on my own!

Then today, I read on Nashvillest about it being Night Market at the Nashville Farmers Market.  First, I pouted. My husband wasn’t home to go, so I couldn’t go. My best girl friends aren’t here. My mom isn’t here. What fun would it be to go alone, anyway?

Then I did a little re-think. Who said I couldn’t go? Who said it wouldn’t be fun to go alone?

Farmer's Market

I found myself getting into the shower. I found myself drying my hair carefully. I found myself getting dressed and putting on make-up. It was like someone else had possessed my body. I was going to do this. I was going to go to the Farmers Market alone.

I jumped in the truck, and I went to the ATM. I figured cash would keep me from spending too much money. Plus, I just don’t like using a debit card in a place like the Farmers Market. Takes too long and just too many people around to get something screwed up.

When I got to the Farmers Market, I was AMAZED. The parking lot was almost full! Night Market was obviously popular!

I did a full walk-through, first. Plotting my attack to the night, and just getting a feel for what I had at my disposal. I started with dinner. Seafood pies, a Dr Pepper, and a jazz band. It was a beautiful thing. I thought about picking up dessert, but the cupcakes I wanted only came in packages of six (or so their sign said), and I only wanted ONE. So I decided to move on to the Farm Shed. So many beautiful, beautiful fruits and vegetables!

I am all about lots of color on my plate these days, and it was almost sensory overload. I was in a version of heaven!

Farmer's Market

One booth was offering samples of their cantaloupe, so I decided to do the majority of shopping with them. Garlic, squash, corn, and local honey from them. Peaches from another vendor. Then the smell sucked me in, and I grabbed three bags of Kettle Corn from Moose Head Kettle Corn.

Dinner plus all my goodies cost me only $28!

It was such a beautiful night, I found myself being beckoned to Bicentennial Mall next door. Signs said to enjoy the park with a friend, which I was clearly breaking their rule (and what is usually my OWN rule as well!) but the high number of people in the park at that time gave me a sense of security.

Bicentennial Mall

A gentleman approached and asked if he could take my picture, then gave me a link to his website where he is doing a photo project of people in the park. He showed me his photos and they are GOOD! I can’t wait to see my mug make it on his page. Always happy to help a fellow shutterbug.

I walked around the park until I worked up a sweat and my feet were starting to complain. I breathed the night air in deep, and I said a little Thank You to the man upstairs for putting me in such a beautiful location on such a beautiful night. I love my city, and I need to stop letting my own fear of danger hold me back. I need to trust my instincts and ability to be alert to whats around me… I CAN go on my own and enjoy my world. I should do it a lot more often.

I WILL do it more often.