Category Archives: other widows

other widows, point of view

From "the outside" looking in…

Last night, I was lucky enough to get to attend a concert as a guest of one of the headliner’s band members. A group of us ladies got together and we all drove out to see the concert, and then we had All Access passes to visit our friends in the band after the show.

It felt equally weird and natural to me to do this.

The biggest thing that felt weird: my husband wasn’t there. I kept feeling like he SHOULD be there. For one thing, these guys we went to see are actually more his friends than mine. I know a few of them probably only know me as being his wife, and I am so okay with that! But for another, he’s a touring musician and he should be touring right now! And the fact that he’s not right now… my being at a show, backstage, without him there just made me feel a little sad. Because he thrives on the music, the travel, the energy of the fans, etc., and it feels like its been taken away from him for the time being. And that just makes me sad.

But, in the same breath of all of that, it feels weirder to go to shows and NOT be backstage these days. So in a lot of ways I felt completely at home. I go and end up taking notes more on what guys are playing, how the lighting is set, what the stage layout and set look like, listening to the mix, and then just watching the fans have fun. I think I almost blew my husband’s phone up sending him text messages all night!!

I know, now, how things go when putting on a concert. I understand things that I used to take for granted. Things that amaze some are just “the way it is” to me. And I like that it is that way! Concerts are still a ton of fun to attend! They always will be! I’m just saying that I see a lot of things I used to not see, and it feels less like a “special occasion” and more like just the way my life is.

Among all of it all, I got the pleasure of watching a band member and his wife interact after the show. I fear they felt I was staring! But, I’m very much someone who likes to watch people, and take in things like body language and the way people interact with each other. It’s interesting to me, and I’ve learned you can learn a lot if you just sit quiet, listen and observe.

Last night, as I watched the couple, I wondered often if others view me and my husband the same way. As a couple very much in love, and who know its a crazy life but embrace it with as much (if not more!) vigor as someone who has a regular 9-5 job. I wonder if I appear as at home and close with my husband’s band mates as this other “musician’s widow” is in her camp. I took notes on how she approached things, as she’s been in this life for much longer than I have been. I felt I could perhaps learn something through my observations.

In the end, I had a lovely time out with the girls. I saw a wonderful (intense!) show, and I got to get a taste of another camp that is out there pounding the pavement along with the many other acts touring the country today. It was fun! And I can’t wait to do it again… just next time: I want to be going to see own husband. ;)

other widows

Finding kindred spirits

A few nights ago, my husband played in an “All-Star Jam” and I went to watch him play as well as to network and socialize. I had such a great time floating from group to group, but two women that were with two of the other pickers were the people I spent the most time with during the evening.

One of the women, J.D., and I got a chance to talk for awhile as our husbands tore down. The music had stopped so we no longer had to yell at each other to be heard. Before long, we were exchanging “war stories” about our husbands on the road. We were immediate kindred spirits with similar philosophies on it.

Our big thing with our husbands is that, if you say you’ll call then call. It’s hard not to worry about him out on the road. If something happened, it would take a long time for it to get back to us, and even longer to get there to him. We need that reassurance from them that they are okay. And in the same vein, we need them to know WE are okay.

We then got on the subject out of “sleep schedules.” It was comforting to find someone else who says the words, “Don’t call before noon; I won’t be up.” With the guy’s working downtown late at night, or their not being able to call until the early morning hours after a show elsewhere — its not worth ever trying to turn our schedules “normal.” It’s bed between 1 AM and 5 AM. Then you get up at noon. It’s crazy to the rest of the world. It’s just the way it is with us.

I was so glad to find someone like myself. It was a nice reassurance. We’re out there — the musician’s widows of the world. There are less of us than there are musicians, so when you find one… you’re immediately friends.