Category Archives: other widows

Love of the music…

210: My husband and "the other woman"
My husband and his "other woman"

I noticed yesterday that I had a hit on this blog with the search, “musicians love music more than spouce.” Yeah, I didn’t fix the spelling. Keepin’ it real here.

That really made me stop. It really made me a little sad. It really made me want to share my point of view on that.

There was a period of time when my husband and I were dating that I thought that myself. In fact, for awhile it made things easier to think, “The music comes first. And I come second.” Deep down, I spent a lot of time wrestling with that thought and the feelings that accompanied it. Was I okay with that? Was that even true?

Here I am, four and a half years into our marriage, and I realize that thought I had couldn’t be further from the truth. And maybe… maybe I can help the person who did that search come to realize what I’ve come to realize.

Music isn’t something my husband loves. No, its simply a part of who he is. Music is in his soul. It’s as much a part of him as is his arms and legs. It’s practically in his DNA. He needs it like he needs air and water. Even if he were to quit the music tomorrow, he’d still play. He’d still pick apart songs on the radio. He’d still tune my voice out to listen to whatever is being piped through the little speakers in a restaurant.

It’s not that he loves music more than me. It’s that the music is a part of him. And it is in that fact, that I love the music, too.  I have always loved music, but I love it in a different way today. It is a part of our life — at times it IS our life — because its just who he is.

We have a running joke that his Leslie speaker is his “other woman.”  And that I bought her for him. He sees her more than he sees me these days. It’s a lighthearted humor we have in this crazy life.

We’ve talked at length about how WE come before the music. We’ve at least once faced the possibility of walking away from the music, because we thought it was what we needed. Thankfully? Unseen forces threw us right back into the life… wild, crazy, wacky and stressful as it is. I am thankful. Because its just a part of who my husband is… dare I say he is most alive when he’s on stage and everything is clicking. Harmonies, mixes, his piano sound, the Leslie is singing… even when he’s exhausted there’s the light in his eyes.

Simply put, music is a huge part of the man I fell in love with and married. It doesn’t come first, because for a musician… it is not a thing TO come first.

YOU, their spouse, come first. You keep them grounded. You give them the momentum and reason to keep going. Support them. Love them. Love the music. And you’ll find a beautiful harmony in your life.

Show me the pink

NBCAM_25yrs.Web_LOGOIf you don’t know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month you’ve either just not been paying attention or you’ve just not been paying attention. Everywhere I look these days, I see pink as, thankfully, these days Breast Cancer Awareness is at the forefront of our media.

Here in Nashville, last night the Grand Ole Opry even went pink. As I watched the news, they showed the video screen on the Opry stage as it listed survivors and those that had sadly lost their lives to breast cancer. I recognized one name.

Earlier this year, a friend — a fellow “musician’s widow” — was diagnosed with breast cancer, and she has been undergoing treatments for it.

I can’t begin to say how much I’ve admired her as she has gone through every hurdle placed in her path. She has only one more round of chemotherapy to go, thankfully. She’s been through a lot, but through it all she’s had a smile on her face, a loving husband by her side, and a million friends standing by to help her (and a million more silent admirers). She is without a doubt one of the strongest women I am blessed to know.

No one should ever have to go through all she’s been through, but, sadly, according to the American Cancer Society, over 190,000 new cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to be diagnosed in 2009. That number is far too high.

I still remember when I was in high school, I was among a group of four or five girls sitting in a circle waiting for the bell to ring to change classes. Somehow the topic of breast cancer and self examination came up, and one of the girls went, “You know… statistically, one of us sitting here will get breast cancer.”

She has no idea how that statement impacted me in that moment. It really rocked me back on my heels. It was the first time I really gave breast cancer much thought.

Fast forward about five or six years to when I worked at a newspaper in Texas. I covered the town’s Relay for Life and I quickly got caught up in the excitement and passion behind the event.

“It was like a punch in the stomach. It takes your breath away,” Karen Meyer said as she spoke about her battle with cancer to a small group of men and woman who met to plan the upcoming ‘Relay for Life’, an overnight event designed to celebrate survivorship and raise money for research and programs of American Cancer Society.   (Excerpt from another article about the event.)

original_imageMy hat’s off to the men and women of the American Cancer Society who do so much for those diagnosed with all forms of cancer, and for their families.

Today, I’m finding there is more and more appreciation, respect and attention given to breast cancer and those diagnosed with it. Tonight, when a friend, Sarcastic Mom, Twittered about Boobie-Thon, I had to investigate (and ultimately participate.)

Much like Sarcastic Mom’s Bewb Fest, I discovered a respectful celebration of “boobies” in general. Let’s face it, part of the hurt and pain of breast cancer is the removal of a woman’s breasts. We might not admit it in general, but many women get a lot of confidence and pride from their breasts. I’ll say it right here and now (just this once — haha) that I know I do!

From the Boobie-Thon site, though, I found myself linked to countless wonderful sites focusing on breast cancer awareness. Independent sites focused on bringing breast cancer to the forefront in an almost paradoxical manner of celebration. Let’s celebrate women and the breasts, but lets also be aware of how many women fight breast cancer. Money raised towards research helps to eventually eradicate it, and the lessons towards detecting it early helps to lower the mortality rate.

To end this blog, I will leave you with some of those links I found. Remember, ladies, to love your boobies. Check yourself regularly. Get yearly mammograms. Give love and support to those dealing with the challenge of breast cancer, both the women and their families… help them all get through the challenge and remember that they are FABULOUS and AMAZING.

We ALL are.

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