Category Archives: relationship thoughts

husband, random musings, relationship thoughts, road widows

Roses

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My husband gave me roses last night.

Red, red rose

It wasn’t our anniversary. It wasn’t my birthday. He wasn’t apologizing for anything. It wasn’t an early Valentine’s Day gift.

He gave them to me, because we make a good team.

080: Love

I rode with him, via cell phone, until after 8 am, keeping him company. The hours on the road had gotten long, and the white lines became a bit monotonous. So I read him Facebook posts and news articles.

“You’re almost home,” I’d say, joking I was being his cheerleader. He couldn’t see me actually pumping my arms as I chanted to him.

I looked for truck stops for him to stop and get some coffee. Encouraged him to take breaks. Stretch his legs. Sometimes we sat in silence, just listening to each other breathe.

I wouldn’t have hung up that phone for anything. I was his co-pilot. I AM his co-pilot. We are a team. 100%.

Roses weren’t even on my mind as I drove to pick him up last night. Dinner out was, sure, but roses weren’t even on my radar. When he stepped off the bus with them in his hands, I was floored. Touched. I couldn’t stop smiling. I still can’t stop smiling when I look at them.

Red, red rose

Sometimes I think women like to get roses more to show off to other women. I have to admit I had to take a photo of my roses right away to share on Instagram and Facebook. (Well!) But I’ll be completely honest here… these were so unexpected in any way that they just meant more than normal. I don’t know how to explain it. This wasn’t about showing off. This wasn’t some pre-determined date to give or get roses. This was… thank you and just because all wrapped up in one. And that… that’s just extra special.

husband, music community, optimism, other widows, point of view, relationship thoughts

Love of the music…

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210: My husband and "the other woman"
My husband and his "other woman"

I noticed yesterday that I had a hit on this blog with the search, “musicians love music more than spouce.” Yeah, I didn’t fix the spelling. Keepin’ it real here.

That really made me stop. It really made me a little sad. It really made me want to share my point of view on that.

There was a period of time when my husband and I were dating that I thought that myself. In fact, for awhile it made things easier to think, “The music comes first. And I come second.” Deep down, I spent a lot of time wrestling with that thought and the feelings that accompanied it. Was I okay with that? Was that even true?

Here I am, four and a half years into our marriage, and I realize that thought I had couldn’t be further from the truth. And maybe… maybe I can help the person who did that search come to realize what I’ve come to realize.

Music isn’t something my husband loves. No, its simply a part of who he is. Music is in his soul. It’s as much a part of him as is his arms and legs. It’s practically in his DNA. He needs it like he needs air and water. Even if he were to quit the music tomorrow, he’d still play. He’d still pick apart songs on the radio. He’d still tune my voice out to listen to whatever is being piped through the little speakers in a restaurant.

It’s not that he loves music more than me. It’s that the music is a part of him. And it is in that fact, that I love the music, too.  I have always loved music, but I love it in a different way today. It is a part of our life — at times it IS our life — because its just who he is.

We have a running joke that his Leslie speaker is his “other woman.”  And that I bought her for him. He sees her more than he sees me these days. It’s a lighthearted humor we have in this crazy life.

We’ve talked at length about how WE come before the music. We’ve at least once faced the possibility of walking away from the music, because we thought it was what we needed. Thankfully? Unseen forces threw us right back into the life… wild, crazy, wacky and stressful as it is. I am thankful. Because its just a part of who my husband is… dare I say he is most alive when he’s on stage and everything is clicking. Harmonies, mixes, his piano sound, the Leslie is singing… even when he’s exhausted there’s the light in his eyes.

Simply put, music is a huge part of the man I fell in love with and married. It doesn’t come first, because for a musician… it is not a thing TO come first.

YOU, their spouse, come first. You keep them grounded. You give them the momentum and reason to keep going. Support them. Love them. Love the music. And you’ll find a beautiful harmony in your life.