Musician's Widow

Feeling moody today

My mom talks to me a lot about living in the moment, and I’ve noticed more and more that its sinking in, and I’m going just that.

Live in the moment and enjoy it. Don’t stress about what is to come. Don’t regret what happened in the past. Live in this very moment. Enjoy it and have faith tomorrow’s concerns will work out due to the actions you’ve taken today… actions you took while living in the moment.

I’ve gotten a lot better at that lately. I’ve always been a positive and optimistic person, so my natural inclination is to find a way to be that way. These days, money concerns have without a doubt made that harder to do. And I have my days in which I let that get to me. On a whole, I’ve discovered that worrying and stressing about it only makes it worse. It keeps me from actively working to correct my “problem” and it clouds my judgment quickly. But, like I said, I have those days in which it gets me down.

Today was pretty much one of those days.

The funny thing is that I’ve had a really good week at work, and I’m going into another good week. Really, no reason for me to get down! But I just woke up feeling like I am swimming against the current, and while I am kicking harder than ever… I’m standing still. This feeling just left me with a patience level depleted.

A patience level that was tested multiple times today…

Yes. I am here to whine/rant/complain/bitch… all of the above.

A trip to the grocery store: the sacker put my eggs at the bottom of the bag. He’s lucky none broke. I was in the right mood to actually go back and complain.

Also? Those grocery carts that are made to look like a race car? Yeah, we didn’t have those when I was a kid, and I got through life just fine. And now, I spend half my shopping trip waiting for someone to navigate one of those monstrosities around a corner. Like Craig said, my opinion of them will probably change once I become a Mom myself, and to all the Moms reading this, I apologize. But as of right now, if I had a magical ray to destroy all of these carts, I’d use it.

The drive home: drivers with no clue how to navigate a 4-way stop. Seriously people. If you don’t know the rules of the road, don’t get behind the wheel. It’s that simple and would make sure the rest of us have fewer headaches (and keep me from using a variety of four-letter words.)

At work: I know my lack of patience dealing with drunks makes my working as a bartender a bit of an oxymoron. But when you’re too drunk to understand that I owe you change for your hot dog and you don’t owe me money still… you should seriously go home and sleep it off. Seriously.

Then later, a girl rants about work and how, “If you didn’t tip your waitress at Cracker Barrel it means you have lots of money!” and then fails to tip me, I have to laugh and bite back the retort, “Wow, you must have a lot of money!”

The drive home: Dude, what’s your deal? You don’t want me to pass, but you don’t really want to go as fast as I am going. Granted, this is comical (especially considering its a 4-lane interstate and we’re in different lanes), but also highly annoying. Either just let me pass you and be done with it, or set your cruise a bit higher and get lost.

The cats: Dear cat, please don’t throw up on the couch. If you must do so, at LEAST get off the furniture. Preferably, go find some linoleum, but I’ll be happy with you just getting off the couch. Please. I don’t ask much of you. You could at least do this for me. Thanks!

So. Yes. Here I am in rant mode, hoping to be in a better mood tomorrow. It’s just one of those days. Its my monthly down day. I think I’m allowed that.

Now… no more until next year.

I hope.

I did a Google search tonight.  “How to dress for church.” I came up with 37,700,000 results. Several How-to sites came up. A few blog posts (this one being my favorite that I found). A site with quotes about dressing up for church. It seems this is a topic that has been pondered many times over, and yet the answer still remains unclear.

I’ll be up front here and now about the fact that I am Catholic, and thus I am writing from that knowledge and stand point. I have attended services in the Lutheran, Baptist and Church of Christ faiths as well for various happenings. But I wanted to get that little “disclaimer” out there.

I absolutely love to attend mass every week. For one thing, its something familiar from my childhood that I carry on today. For another, church and faith keep me grounded, thankful, and hopeful. And finally… when I miss mass too many times in a row, I start to notice all other areas of my life start to get strained and tested. It is definitely one of my rocks in life.

I remember as a kid, I always had a new dress for Easter and for Christmas. We’d always “dress up” for mass every weekend. As did everyone around us.

Through the years, however, dressing for church has gone by the wayside. Yes, I admit, I regularly do wear jeans to church, but I never wear faded or torn up jeans. Dressier jeans with a nice top and nice boots or heals are my normal dress for mass. I still prefer to wear a dress for Easter and Christmas. Always makeup and my hair styled neatly. Dressing nice for church makes me feel good, helps me focus on mass, and is a sign of respect for the church and God.

A sign of respect for the church and God. That is what bothers me so much about how I see so many people dress for mass these days.

I know and have heard the argument time and time again that we should only care that the person attends mass. Be  welcoming to all who attend the services. Just be glad they are there.

I AM glad to see so many people attending church services. And I’ve attending plenty of churches in which I felt unwelcome to never put someone else thought that stress.

It makes me happy to see families coming together to mass. I feel like faith and the church are a key thing in keeping families together and in teaching children right from wrong through a moral code that the church teaches.

However, it makes me sad to see so many people not even try to show the church and their fellow parishioner enough respect to dress a little nicer than they would dress to spend a day on the lake or in their garden. I see so many come in torn up and dirty cargo shorts, t-shirts and flip flops. Or perhaps an over sized t-shirt, old jeans and sneakers stained from mowing the lawn. There’s absolutely no attempt made to acknowledge they are at church and not in their own living room in front of the TV. I see most people dress nicer to go to the mall.

It especially frustrates me when it people you will see on any other given day of the week in a suit and a tie for work. I’m not asking them to wear a suit and tie to church. Days in which that was expected have no-so-long-ago passed. I’m not even asking for khaki pants and a polo shirt. I’m asking simple for nice jeans, nice shoes and a maybe a button down. Or, okay, a polo shirt. At least comb your hair! Heck, there was one guy in church that regularly comes in jeans, hiking boots and a nice fitted t-shirt devoid of anything but a stylish design on it. Even that looks nice! It shows he tries to look better for church than for a day out at the lake.

Like I said, I am grateful to see so many people attending church these days. It is truly a wonderful thing. And it goes to show people feel more and more comfortable within the walls of our churches. They feel more welcome.

I just wish that everyone would take a little more seriously and reverently, and at least dress as nice as you would dress to go to a meeting with a VIP. Because really… when it all comes down to it… when you go to church, your going to meet with the ultimate of VIPs.

God.

I joked tonight that I’ve lived in Nashville too long when a movie being filmed outside my place of work annoyed me instead of leaving me excited. I say that about running into singers, actors, etc. as well because on a whole I really have just come to take it in stride. (Though I have to confess, George Strait made me totally freeze up and start stuttering and lose a great opportunity to possibly meet him, but some day maybe the chance will return. Doubtful. But maybe.)

I do think the whole Hollywood thing is pretty exciting. And there is a true mystique and fascination that exists around the whole TV and movie making process. I admit to getting wrapped up in it on occasion myself. Getting to participate in making the new Lee Ann Womack video was pretty incredible.

But twice in my life, Hollywood has made me throw my hands up in the air and want to scream in frustration.

My first Hollywood experience was actually in little ol’ Marlin , Texas, in 2005 when they used the Falls County Courthouse to film a lot of scenes for the movie Infamous whose cast included Sandra Bullock and Sigourney Weaver. I was working at the town’s newspaper at that time, and of course this was the biggest news to hit Marlin in probably almost 20 years. (Well, the biggest bit of positive news.)

They filmed inside the courthouse and outside the courthouse. For exterior scenes, they put out a call for classic cars to line the streets around the courthouse. To be honest, the cars got me more excited than the stars, but then that’s just how I roll.

Dawg.

Whatever.

On the afternoon that they filmed some of the exterior scenes, I went out to try to get a few photos for the next week’s issue. I was careful to stay OUT of the way, but before long I was sniffed out and scolded to not take any photos due to the need to keep things about the movie confidential. I could respect that fact up to a couple points. One point was the fact that Marlin is a small town that I doubt any entertainment reporters would be picking up our paper to sniff for things about the movie. The other point was the one in which they started to impede my ability to do MY job.

It took awhile, but I did finally get them to leave me alone enough to take pictures of the cars all around the square. One gentleman offered to let me sit in his car and watch from afar, which I gladly accepted as at that point I had to crouch down behind all these cars to stay out of view.

Eventually, the movie was done filming. We ran the photo I took of the cars in the paper. And life moved on…

I never did see the movie. It’s in my Amazon.com wishlist in case anyone cares to buy it for me.

Fast forward four years, and I had my second Hollywood experience. This time, Nashville, TN. Printer’s Alley. My job? Working in one of the bars in the Alley. The filming is going on in the bar next to the one at which I work, but it somewhat disrupts things in the whole Alley.

Now, understand, when I heard days ago about a movie being filmed in the Alley, I got excited about how much great PR this could mean for it. Perhaps seeing our Alley in a movie would bring visitors next year?

However, going into the night I was already in a bad mood, but it didn’t take long for the bad mood to sour further. I quickly felt like I couldn’t do my job properly lest I cause some sort of problem between “Quiet! Filming!” barks and worrying about how our band would be able to load in their gear. Ultimately, I wanted to do my job, while they did theirs, but struggled with how to do just that.

Again.

And I have to admit. That frustrated me. I believe my exact phrase was “Pain in the a–, huh?” to my husband as he pulled in to unload his gear to play.

I often get this exact same frustration from tourists who seem to forget that while Nashville is a tourism-centric city, it’s also home to many people. We’re happy to have you here. But please don’t stop us from living our lives; doing our jobs.

Chances are tomorrow night I’ll have my third experience, as apparently filming will be again occurring in the Alley. I don’t know if that will go into the night and overlap with my time there. But, the chance is there. And I can’t say that it excites me.

Call it a pessimistic approach to the experience if you want.

Me? I call it an experienced approach to it.

Because that’s how I roll.

Dawg.

Whatever.

I think most people would describe me as an agreeable person. Optimistic and upbeat a majority of the time. However, I do go through my phases in which a lot of little thing just eat at me. They bug me. Pull at my last nerve. Wear out what patience I have.

Now is one of those times.

Rivals
I graduated from Texas A&M University in 2003 with my BS in Journalism. I am an Aggie, and I have the diploma and ring to prove it. I am proud of my school, and I am a die-hard Aggie football fan. However, I also have a lot of respect for other schools. My only request is that you don’t rub your allegiance to a rival school in my face. I always want to simply ask, “And your point is…?”

This last week, I had a guy pointedly flash a Longhorns signal at me, and my blood immediately boiled. Especially since I was 99.9% certain the guy was what I like to call a T-shirt fan… no real alliance to the school other than being just a fan. He felt the need to act all better-than-you all because I am an Aggie? I wanted to walk over and tell him unless he had a diploma to back up that hand single he better shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Because I am sick and tired of being so severely disrespected because of my school. Which just so happens to be a REALLY GOOD SCHOOL with a loyalty and family-feeling that can not be compared to any other school.

I can take good natured ribbing from friends. But by a stranger? Its just disrespectful and unwarranted. So unless you have some true point and reason for your need to be obnoxious, can it. Because I will take your arrogance and raise you a hard-earned degree.

Redneck Men
This last week I went out for awhile to Fan Fair, oh wait… CMA Music Fest, on my own to people watch and take in some of the music myself. As I walked down the street to the stages, I had a guy go, “Heyyyyy…” I look at him, and he literally has his hand and arm up his shirt scratching his arm pit, leering.

REALLY???

I mean. Really. Woman walking down the street alone just MUST be in need of the first man who leers her way with his hand up in his sweaty arm pit. Yeah. We’ll all just jump on the first man that looks our way and goes, “Heyyyy….”

This is why you don’t see many women out alone! It’s not rapists and muggers we’re avoiding! It’s dumb rednecks that think this is okay! Newsflash: IT’S NOT!

Twitter Spambots
I’ve admitted my addiction to Twitter in the past. I’m not leaving it any time soon. However, I wish there was some way to put a handle on these Spambot profiles. I had one follow me about ten times over three days time offering a Britney Spears sex video. And for some reason, despite my profile stating I am married, Singles Dating Sites feel the need to follow me and try to offer me help setting up my singles profile.

I like to meet new people on Twitter. But I will not follow and will most likely block anyone who does not take the time to fill in any of their profile information. Throw me a little information here, people.

Comcast
Yes. I’m calling out a company that I’ve been annoyed with as of late.

It started with our cable bill going up steadily over six months time. And  our service wasn’t getting any better! So we called to see about getting it lowered, explaining that we just could not afford what we were paying now!

The young man on the phone promptly reads us this offer for better service (HD Channels, even though we explained we didn’t have an HD TV)… for a little more than we were paying. He wasn’t helping us any with that. THEN he offers us much slower Internet services, the same Internet and phone, for only about $10 less than we were paying now. Again, not helping matters any. FINALLY after going through several offers, he admitted he could set us up with the exact same service we had already for $30 less a month. We took it… not only was that pretty much where we were shooting to be, but we were also tired of his not really listening to us.

Fast forward to the other night when our service was out for hours. I mentioned it on Twitter via cell phone texts several times before I went on to bed. Four hours later, someone from Comcast jumps on Twitter and asks if they can help me. Well by this time my Internet is back, but beyond that… if my internet is down how am I to necessarily be able to respond to your offer to help via Internet!?

Well, that next day, Comcast actually calls to notify us of maintenance over night and that our internet would be down for a period of time. I am so grateful when they do that! Because I like to know when I need to work around an outage. I don’t mind the outage when I know its coming!

So, I post this on Twitter and promptly a Comcast service rep messages, “Can I help?”

I just closed my browser and walked away. Really Comcast? I am saying that I have service now, but won’t have it later in the evening… and you ask if you can help? One of these days I’m just going to Twitter the word “Comcast” and see how many “Can I help?”s I get.

Honestly, I do think the service reps via Twitter are a good idea. I’m just annoyed that they don’t seem to really grasp whatever their customer is Twittering about prior to responding. Read before you respond, guys. Please.

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EDIT TO ADD (4:00 pm) :: Note in the comments of this entry a response my a Comcast representative. Kudos to them for that… I’m very impressed! A ranty little entry from a woman in a bad mood as of late and they took the time to respond. Thanks guys!!!

With my husband currently not on the road — still shopping for a new artist gig — he’s working harder than ever, grabbing gigs in downtown Nashville in the bars and clubs along Broadway and in Printer’s Alley.

The best part of it all is that he’s home at the end of the night every night. I get to see and spend time with him every day of the week, and for that I do feel very grateful. I am accustomed to the “widow” life of seeing my husband leave for days or weeks on the road, and I know that as soon as he gets a new gig we’ll fall right back into that pace of life. So I am savoring this time together with more fervor than anyone knows, because it could change tomorrow.

The worst part of it, is that he’s working over twice as hard for less pay. We’re having to “tighten up the boot straps” quite a bit, and it’s exhausting going six nights a week. But in that same vein, and I grateful for there being work to do. Many people are getting laid off in their industries, and at least he (we) still has work to do. I give myself that reality check almost daily. Reminding myself that even when I’m tired and want a vacation, I need to instead of grateful to have work and to still be able to pay the bills.

Somewhere in the middle of it all has to be “people.” It’s frustrating to see people (ie the crowd) treat his speakers and keyboard cases like their chairs or drink holders. There is no regard for personal property — for the tools needed for him to do his job. At times I want to ask people if they’d like for me to set my beer on their laptops or blackberrys. If I can perch upon their copy machines. They’d probably be appalled, but in a round about way its the same idea.

In a similar vein, I came in with a group of friends to watch my husband play last night. Slowly, one by one, they meandered off to head home, tired from their work days. Soon, there was only me at the table…

But that never lasted long, as one by one I got hit on by men. It was flattering, yes. (Where were all these men when I was single??) But slowly it grew annoying.

Can a woman not sit at a table alone in a bar and not be needing male company? All were very polite and respectful once I explained the my husband was in the band, and that I was there to see him play. But at the same time, it made me want to find a shirt that said, “Married and with the band. Don’t bother. Save your breath and creativity to find the right line.” I amuse myself some times.

In every business, you deal with the good, the bad and the… frustrating. And every day you go back to your job knowing you’ll have to deal with it all over again. Tonight, my husband will haul his gear back into yet another bar and see his equipment get “disrespected.” I’ll go along, helping to move gear and enjoy a night of good music and people watching… and probably at some point try to politely get someone (male, female, sometimes a whole group of friends there to party) to understand why I am there and that, no, I do not need to be taken care of because I am alone.

My husband does it for his love of music, as well as to pay the bills. I come along for both my own love of music, but mostly for my love and support of my husband. It’s a hat I wear (along with “writer, designer, daughter, sister, friend, etc.)… and it’s the one I am most proud to wear.