Musician's Widow

Happy Labor Day to my American visitors! Show of hands, how many people are working today?

Today’s holiday got me thinking about that age old question, “What do you want to be, when you grow up?”

I'm too busy relaxin' out here to think about a career in 20 years...

We ask children that before they can even read. We ask that of each other as adults, half joking, half knowing that chances are, we’ll all have more than one career in our lifetimes.

When I was growing up, I wanted to be a teacher. That was my answer, without hesitation, when someone would ask me that question. I hit second grade, and I loved my teacher so much that I decided I wanted to be a second grade teacher!

I loved that year of school. Amusingly, when you consider how much I hate math today, my favorite subject that year was math. My teacher made it fun with Wanda Ones, Tommy Tens and Harry Hundreds. We earned ourselves a banana split day through our successes (something that would be horribly, horribly frowned upon with our striving to “eat healthier” in school) and however many challenges we successfully completed decided how many toppings we had on our banana splits. Some of my classmates hardly had a banana and a couple scoops of ice cream. Others had every topping we could get. (I was in the later group. SCORE!)

My teacher found fun ways to motivate us to work and to make things stick with us. I loved her. I wanted to be her.

This want stayed strong in me until high school. In 8th grade, we had to sign up for our Freshmen classes. Certain ones were a given, but I ended up with one more elective to fill. A couple girlfriends and I signed up for Journalism. I figured, “Oh that sounds like an easy A!”

It was.

Working hard on getting senior portraits for the yearbook...

But not because it wasn’t a challenge! I had plenty of classmates barely get through that class at all. No, it was an easy A because I fell in love with it. Those hearts I had in my eyes for my second grade teacher turned towards journalism. I loved it. I found my niche! It made sense to me. I won contests in it, and that simply seemed to validate this new love I had found.

I proceeded from that year to throw myself into journalism. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go in the field, I just knew I wanted to be a part of it. So when I went into college, I took both print and broadcast journalism classes. I was so undecided what I wanted to do!

In hindsight, I wish I’d paid more attention in certain classes, because their lessons would benefit me more today. I wish I’d known then that my focus would some day be working freelance. But instead, I tried to just be a sponge and soak up a little bit of everything. I really wasn’t entirely sure where I was going, still. Just Journalism.

I eventually did get a job in journalism — at a weekly paper in Central Texas. It taught me a lot. Ironically it it taught me less about my strengths and more about my weaknesses. It showed me where I needed to improve. (For that, I am grateful! It ultimately showed me where I wasn’t supposed to be after all.)

Just another day on the job...

One of my biggest, “Can I get that day back to redo it?” moments was a day I went to interview a soldier home on leave. I didn’t know what questions to ask! And it didn’t help that I got the feeling he wasn’t that interested in being interviewed, so every question I asked received very short answers. I found myself trying to lead him to tell me what I wanted to hear for a story. I really, really wish I could go back and redo that one. My biggest failure in interviewing.

Just as it showed me places I was weak, that job also showed me an ignored love. A digital camera landed in my hands for the first time, and I found myself wanting to take some great photos. Some were appreciated. Others weren’t. I found myself remembering how much I’d wanted to take photography in high school, but it never fit in my schedule. It ended up off my radar in college. And with that digital camera in my hand, I found myself wanting to push myself.

While it was a few years after that before I started to go, “Hey, I’m pretty good at this!” I still look back on some of the shots I took while at the newspaper with appreciation.

Today, I want to be a published author. I want to write. I want to take pictures. I also have a love for listening and helping people. And I’m finding I’m pretty good at planning parties. I want to start a family, too. I have so many options still ahead of me for “what I want to be, when I grow up.” And you know what? That’s pretty cool. It’s not just little kids who have the world wide open to them. It’s each and every one of us.

So tell me…

What do you want to be, when YOU grow up?

Songwriters Matt Willis and Rick Tiger

Yesterday, I went to a writer’s night to see a couple friends perform their songs. I’ve attended other writer’s nights, but last night… last night was just something special for me.

I sat down, and I listened. Really listened. Oh okay, I snapped a few photos, but I was there to be a spectator, not a photographer. My husband commented that I had a smile on my face the whole time.

For me, it was not just about the music, it was about watching these people living their dreams. Writing their songs and performing for people who want to hear them. I was so proud of my friends. So happy for them!

And… I was in awe.

See, when someone asks me what I do, I used to respond, “I’m a writer!”

I don’t do that any more. Not that I’m not a writer (blogger), but when you say “writer” in Nashville, people think you are a songwriter. And, hey, its an easy and logical assessment! Music city. Writer. Music. Songs. Songwriter. Makes sense.

But, alas, no. I am no songwriter. In fact, I am in awe of songwriters. I admire their abilities to convey such emotion through their words. I admire their ability to tell a whole story in a few verses and a chorus. I admire their ability to take a throw away hook and turn it into a work of art.

I write, but I can’t craft a song. I don’t even do (serious) poetry. I might write the random limerick or haiku for humor-sake. Perhaps a cute little rhyme here and there. But past that? I leave the song writing to the professionals. I admire their talents. I respect them. And I sincerely wish them all the success in the world doing it.

The video of the band Sidewinder covering the Adele song “Rolling in the Deep” comes courtesy of an anonymous Twitter feed run by a man who goes by the Twitter handle @areyousuprised. He says he’s stationed in a “Sandbox, Middle East” and he uses his Twitter feed and YouTube videos to “build up the courage to come out to family, girlfriend, friends, and coworkers,” once “don’t ask, don’t tell” ends. It’s not clear whether he’s one of the members of the band, but he did sent the video into a viral tailspin he hadn’t quite expected. “My latest video is getting blown up like crazy,” he wrote.

The band members did not expect it either. Staff Sgt. Angie Johnson, of the 571st Air Force Band, 131st Bomb Wing, Air National Guard, only found out about the viral video when Carson Daly contacted her on Twitter. In short order, Mark Burnett and NBC’s the Voice reached out as well. “ Totally can’t believe I’m tweeting with you right now. Jaw.On.Floor,” Johnson wrote.

Air Force band’s Adele cover goes viral
By Melissa Bell

Jaw on floor is exactly what happened to me when I saw Angie post on her Facebook page that Carson Daly was trying to reach her. I couldn’t wait to tell my  husband, who met Angie while overseas performing for the troops himself. He always said, “It is only a matter of time before she’s discovered.” His respect and amazement at the entire Air Force Band is one he’s never hidden. They are incredibly talented individuals who take it a step further by choosing to serve their country.

YouTube sensations happen every day. You never know what its going to be… a skateboarding dog… some crazy trick shot in any given sport… or recently, a barking cat. But its one of those things that happens to strangers. Watching it happen to a friend is… crazy!

Now, I’ll be the first to admit, my husband and I don’t “run around with” Angie and her husband, and I haven’t actually seen her in a couple years. She isn’t on speed dial — I’m not even sure I actually have her current phone number. But I keep up with her via Facebook and Twitter. I still deeply regret missing her wedding, but her posts about enjoying her home, or spending time with her husband, always make me smile. We do the, “We need to get together!” game, but sadly never actually do. Just a couple weeks ago, she posted a series of photos of her in a box as a prank while overseas in an undisclosed location. I admit I giggled and shook my head. I admire her; she doesn’t even know how much of a joy her posts are.

Living in Nashville, I am not for want for amazing singers. Some stand out more than others. But across the board, it baffles and saddens me how many get passed up by record labels for any reason or for no reason. So many great singers that the world will never know. So many who ache to just sing their songs for a living, but instead waitress or work as mechanics. So many that live on the tips they earn downtown, praying they don’t have their cars repossessed, cell phones turned off, or maybe just hope to get to eat tonight. Talent undiscovered all over the place.

Seeing Angie be discovered in such a random way in this crazy business amazes me. She wasn’t found anywhere here in Music City. She was found via YouTube while entertaining our troops somewhere out in the sands “over there.” It just reminds me to not give up hope of dreams coming true in the most random and unlikely of ways.

Good luck, girl!! You deserve it!

…want to be a writer. I love words. I’ve always loved words.

I love painting pictures with words. I love telling a story. I love bringing things to life for others with my words. Come on a trip with me, as I tell you my story. I want to encourage you. I want to inspire you. I want to make you laugh. I want to bring tears to your eyes.

I want to be a published author. I want to be a successful blogger. I want to see my name in print behind the word “by.” I want to be a writer when I grow up.

… want to be a photographer. I love to take pictures. I love to capture a moment.

I love to search for a different perspective. I love to make the ordinary pretty. I love to be behind the lens, looking at you from a macro or a zoom. I want to make you say, “Wow!”

I want to take photos at weddings. I want to take photos at concerts. I want to take portraits. I want to take landscapes. I want to take the obscure. I want to see my name in the corner of a print on the wall. I want to be a photographer when I grow up.

… want to be a counselor. I love to study people and their interactions. I’m a listener, and I care.

I don’t see myself going for a degree in counseling, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find a way to still do this. I like to listen and aid others. I like to be a study of people. I find relationships fascinating, and I like the psychology behind them.

More than anything, I want to help others. Even if all I do is listen. I can be a sounding board. I can avoid giving advice until its requested. I want to be a counselor when I grow up.

… want to be a Mom. I thought I’d already be one, but life has a way of showing you how little you are in control.

I was on the fence about having children for years. And still, the idea of being in charge of a little one scares me! But now? Now I definitely do want to be a Mom. I want to experience this joy that all my Mommy friends tell me about… this love, and this adventure.

It still scares me. Financially. Emotionally. Logistically (to a degree). But more than that, it excites me. I want to be a Mom when I grow up.

… want to be the best person I can be. I want to keep to my values. I want to know I did my best.

Two of my greatest fears: letting myself down and letting those closest to me down. I’ve always strived to be the best me I could be, and within that, always be true to myself.

I love knowing I’ve done my best. I love standing behind my work, behind my opinions, behind those I love, behind everything I do. I want to look back on life and have no regrets. I want to know I’ve been the best person I can be when I grow up.

I’ve always had great self-esteem. Oh, I’ve had my moments where its faded for awhile, but on a whole I’m a confident person. Sure of what I want. Sure of who I am. Sure of where I am going.

But I have to admit. I’ve lately had my moments of insecurity.

Suddenly, it seems everywhere I look, I see people doing the same things I do. Maybe that has to do with the fact that I am immersing myself more and more into the blogging, page design and photography worlds. So of COURSE I am going to find more people doing the same thing.

But sometimes, it gets a bit unnerving. Especially when sometimes it feels like everyone is doing it a little bit better than I am. Or they have more resources to get the job done better. It gets a little disheartening at times.

Oh, I’m not letting it stop me from striving towards my goals and dreams. More often than not, I use that to make me work even harder! But once in awhile… I find myself going, “What am I doing? How can I really compete?” And I wallow for awhile in my insecurity.

But every day, I open my blog to write another post. Some days, life gets in the way and it doesn’t get done. But on a whole, I do strive to do it every day. I keep my photo of the day project going, letting it push me towards working harder and getting better. I look at photos and want to figure out, “How’d they do that?”  The same for page design. I don’t let my insecurities hold me back; I let them push me forward. Let them make me work a little harder to over come them.

What are you insecure about? Do you let it hold you back? What can you do to turn that negative into a positive?

Going into this year, I said time and time again how the new year had to be better than the last. Moving would be forcing us to make big changes, and it would also give us a new place from which to leap into the year.

Here we are, 12 days into the new year, and as I talk to friends (or as I skim Facebook) I find that a strong majority of my friends and family are also using 2011 for new beginnings.

I know of at least four weddings this year, if not five. I know of several pregnancies. Friends are also packing up and making big moves. Still others are looking for new jobs. Some have even opted to go back to school.

Everywhere I look, I see everyone with something new… even if its simply a new life motto. It’s almost as if we all took 2010 to try to “fix” things, while 2011 is instead a reboot for us all.

As I look around me, I still see so very many problems in my country and in the world. But I’ve always believed big change happens after individual changes are made. It only takes a spark to start a fire, after all.

And perhaps, instead of trying to fix problems, or instead of looking at the big picture and how “dismal” things are (because, c’mon, last year we looked at the big picture a LOT with government deficits, etc.), if we all just take the initiative to fix things individually and internally, we can start to see some changes to the big picture. Even a forest grows one tree at a time, after all.

I don’t know! Maybe my optimistic self is starting to bounce back these days, but I am really feeling hopeful for this year. Not just for myself, but for all of my friends and family. For everyone who is making changes, no matter how big or how small. Dream your dreams. Make your new goals. Make those crazy changes you’ve been afraid to make. You’ll never know what kind of positive change it could be until you try.