Musician's Widow

Aggie Bonfire 2007 -- Photo By Mikel Duke (mikel_duke on Flickr)

Twelve years ago, on November 18, 1999, at 2:42 am, a favorite Texas A&M Aggie Tradition turned into an Aggie Tragedy. One that makes all Aggies pause — and will bring a tear to the eye.

Since the initial Bonfire in 1909, Texas A&M students have banded together each year to build and burn the Bonfire, and in the process helped it to evolve into the largest in the world. Bonfire burned each year through 1998, with the exception of 1963. That year Bonfire was built but torn down in a tribute to President John F. Kennedy who was assassinated on November 22, 1963.[...] The second time in A&M’s history that Bonfire did not burn was almost exactly 92 years after the first Bonfire due to its collapse on November 18th, 1999 at 2:42 a.m.  The collapse killed 12 Aggies and injured 27 others. Five years later, the Bonfire Memorial was dedicated on the exact location of the ’99 Bonfire.*

The Bonfire has not OFFICIALLY burned since that fateful night, twelve years ago. There have been off-campus bonfires, but it is no longer a University-sanctioned event.

It seems almost… I don’t know… poetic, I suppose, the it is 12 years after that collapse that we look at facing Texas for the last time.

From its inception as a scrap heap to the more familiar and impressive stack of vertical logs, the Texas Aggie Bonfire symbolized every Aggie’s “burning desire” to beat the University of Texas in football. Attracting between 30,000 and 70,000 people each year to watch it burn, Bonfire became a symbol of the deep and unique camaraderie that is the Aggie Spirit. *

In an even deeper stab to Aggie hearts is the fact that it was 12 Aggies that died in the collapse. Texas A&M is home of the 12th Man! The student body is the 12th Man. And we lost… 12 men (and women).

After the bonfire fell on November 18, overwhelming grief surrounded the university and the community. It was clear that the 12 students who died created a symbolic meaning from that number. †

We remember in our hearts today: Denise Adams, class of 2002; Christopher Breen, class of 1997; Michael Ebanks, class of 2003; Jeremy Framptom, class of 2000; Jaime Hand, class of 2003; Christopher Heard, class of 2002; Timothy Kerlee, Jr., class of 2003; Lucas Kimmel, class of 2003; Bryan McClain, class of 2003; Chad Powell, class of 2003; Jerry Self, class of 2002; and Nathan West, class of 2002.

The Aggie Spirit… Well. Our saying of, “From the outside looking in, you can’t understand it. And from the inside looking out, you can’t explain it.” And maybe today is one of those days that no one could possibly understand. I still get comments occasionally, “Oh yeah… aren’t ya’ll the ones that did that big burn thing?” And I try to keep my patience and know… no one can understand what Bonfire meant to Aggies, and what its come to mean today. But it sometimes makes me flinch deep down, and I usually do all I can to change the subject.

This tragedy tore at Aggie’s hearts that day, that week, that year… and still today. Any footage of that time brings tears to my eyes. Just today, at 2:42 am, I watched a video of the University of Texas band playing Amazing Grace at half-time of the 1999 game. I cried all over again. Just as I cried at that game that day.

It’s been 12 years, and life has continued on… but still we pause a moment to remember.

“There’s a Spirit, can ne’er be told… its the Spirit of Aggieland.”

—————–
I directly quoted from these sites in this post:

◊ Flickr photo used
*Histroy of Bonfire and Bonfire Memorial
† The 12th Man Tradition

Its no secret I’m an Aggie. Born. Bred. Its in my blood. I have the diploma on the wall.

I root for my team whether they win, lose or tie.

But I have to admit. There are times, its an effort to continue to root them on with optimism. It’s hard to watch a team you care about, basically, just fall apart.

I have our game on as I write this. I was optimistic at the half — optimistic that we would get just killed this game. We were holding the score down. Then, as we have habit to do, the third quarter came and the game ran away from us. As I sit here and stare at the current 41 – 17 score, I just sigh and shake my head.

Oh I will very proudly still be wearing my Aggie earrings and necklace when I work tonight. I’m still a proud, hardcore Aggie fan. That will never change.

I always support my team… especially when the support gets tough to give.

This Sunday is a somber anniversary. The anniversary of 9/11. It seems the question everyone has been asking this week has been, “Do you remember that day?” Oh yes, I do remember. Luckily, I wrote a detailed journal entry that evening, documenting my day for my own memories. I thought perhaps I would share my story today, as we lead into this weekend of remembering.

Written at 12:53 am, September 12th, 2001:

Photo by Jackie (Sister72 on Flickr) on 9.11.05

I went to school today like usual. I got good parking, sat and waited awhile, then went to my 8 AM class. Little did we all know, that as my professor began to speak on Media Economics… the American Stockmarket was screeching to a halt… as did America’s sanity.

 I walked to my next class with a new friend. We laughed about having fallen asleep in the previous class, swapped stories about the previous weekend. We were oblivious to the blank expressions on many people around us.

 In the next class there was a somber buzz. Words like “airplanes” and “World Trade Center” swirled around. “New York City” and “Washington DC” were used side by side. “Terrorists” and “Americans” used in opposition.

 I could not comprehend the seriousness of the situation, and even the fact that my professor promised to let us out early didn’t really register. Something major had happened, and yet it was still too unclear for me to pay much attention.

 The professor, who always keeps us late, released us half-an-hour early to go watch TV and find out what was happening now.

 I couldn’t’ decide what to do… I was out early and had the rest of the day ahead of me. I decided to go to the library to study. I am behind in my homework and needed to get to work. I grabbed a table at the coffee shop, and started getting organized. Around 11:00, the shop started selling sandwiches, and I got a turkey sandwich, a bag of chips and a coke. I sat down to eat, and the girl at the next table turned on her cell phone.

 I ate, reading homework, and eavesdropped. She was speaking to someone about two women she knows that worked at the WTC who had not yet been accounted for. She’d let them know when she knew something. My curiosity was piqued, but I still paid little attention.

 She left and someone else sat down. The couple was talking about people they knew that worked at the WTC; they were all okay, thankfully.

 All through this, I kept picking up my cell phone. Waiting for it to ring, and tempted to call my parents myself. I needed to know what had happened.

 I decided to wait. I finished lunch, and studied. A couple hours later, I had finished with that subject and I was sore and tired. I packed up my stuff, threw away my trash, and went over to the MSC.

 I entered the MSC, and found hundreds of students around a big screen TV set on CNN. There were too many people to get a clear picture of what was happening, so I went on to the bookstore… my intended destination. There was a small TV set up in there, also on CNN.

 It was there that I learned to true nature of this tragedy. I watched the footage of the second plane slam into the tower. I listened to the reporter give the run down. Then he said, “We have no way to know how many young children and teenagers were on those planes.”

 I physically doubled over as if I’d been punched. I was just in shock. How? Why? Who? WHY??? For that moment, my emotions were the most intense. I was fighting tears; I was fighting the urge to scream.

 I ended, however, simply in shock.

 I finished my shopping, and went back to the main room of the MSC. I joined a group watching CNN on the big screen TV. There I stood in silence with my school family. We all stood together in shock… A guy asked me what had happened, and I filled him in on what I knew.

 After awhile, I felt the need to leave. I needed to call my parents; I needed to get “home”.

 As I made my way across campus, I noted the flags at half-staff. I noticed that most of the corp of cadets now wore their dress uniforms. I noticed the muted attitude of all the students.

 I got home, and sat talking with my aunt for awhile. She filled me in on some of the stuff I was fuzzy about. Eventually, I got away to call my parents.

 They’d been waiting for me to call. At lunch they’d started trying to reach me, but the phone lines to College Station were too bogged down for them to get a free circuit to contact me through. I got a chill down my spin. It was the same time I’d been watching my cell phone, waiting for it to ring.

 We spoke for just under an hour… each filling the other in on what we knew. 

I saw on the news that there would be a prayer service at the campus, and I decided I would go. I needed to go. So, I filled my time on-line and watching the news until the time came to leave.

 To get to Reed Arena, where the service was to be held, I have to go around the campus, and get on George Bush Drive.  George Bush Drive was a parking lot. No one could get anywhere. I sat at one stop light for five lights. The guys in the truck beside me kept playing Chinese Fire Drill. We were all going a little crazy.

 I sat there for over 20 minutes before I gave up. I detoured off George Bush, and made my way back to University Drive. As I did this, I called my parents to let them know what was going on at the campus. They had just talked to [my brother], and they said he asked how I was doing. So I told them I’d call him. I stopped at Sonic on my way home.

 The gas stations were insane. I am quite thankful I have enough gas to carry me for quite awhile. I got back home, and called my brother. I think he was glad to hear from me. I was glad to hear his voice. He had my niece, and she kept getting fussy. He said she was telling me “hello.” That made me smile.

To be so oblivious to the tragedy. To be so oblivious to the drastic changes that have occurred in this world today… in just a few hours time.

There is an innocent beauty in that.

I have full classes tomorrow. I’m peeved in one way, and in another I’m relieved and proud of that fact. We will not let these terrorists stop us. We will continue on as always. We will triumph.

 For now, though, I remain numb… perhaps a bit nauseous, too. It makes me ill thinking about this. I need to go to bed, but the chances of sleep coming any time soon are slim.

Take care. God Bless. Call your family and friends. Let’s all join together… we will prevail in the end. We have to.

Where were you? Or please share your link in the comments to your own story from that day!

Ten years ago today, I had my first class at Texas A&M University.

If anyone is doing the math, yes I went to “junior college” for two years, then spent the last two years of college at TAMU.  I was an Aggie from the day I was born, so this was just an “official” step in Aggie status.

I thought for giggles, I’d share my entry from my private journal written that day:

11:13 pm August 27th, 2001

 She traveled this road as a child…

I’ve had that song in my head all day.

Well, that one and ‘Drops of Jupiter’ but that one only because it seems to be on every station I put the radio on.

Anyway, after the worst weekend of the past year… Ugh… being sick really, really sucks. I mean, I’m kinda hungry right now, but after being as sick as I was, I’m actually afraid to eat. *shakes head* I have some Pringles here, maybe I’ll eat on those.

I’m worn out. I am still not at 100% strength yet, so today was a little less spectacular than I like. Yes, my first day at TAMU.

My first class wasn’t until after 4 PM, so I didn’t leave home until after 2:00. Mom and Dad followed me, because I still hadn’t moved any of my clothes down here. So they brought my clothes while I went to class. Its an hour drive and I had to move to get to class on time. It poured on us on the way… I mean, you could barely see the car in front of you. So… yeah… I went to my first class in the rain.

I parked further away than I wanted too, but I had no choice. I got to class and… zoned out. LOL!! I mean, it should be a good class but she was basically reading the syllabus to us! My class today was Sociology of Religion. It’ll be interesting, and I don’t think it’ll be all THAT tough. We’ll see…

When I got out of class I called my friend, Lindsey. She lives on campus, so she came and got me and we went to her dorm room. We hung out with her room mate and other girls from that dorm in her room. Lindsey had a class so she went to class and I stayed behind with the other girls. That was pretty cool. They all had plans and slowly trickled, though, and eventually it was just me and the remote control. LOL!!! Lindsey got back, though, and we headed out with this girl from across the hall for Kyle Field… the football field. There was supposed to be an “All U-Nite” where they introduce the sports teams, band, corp of cadets, yell leaders, etc. Well, because of the rain it was canceled. So, we went back to the dorm. Lindsey and I were hungry so we went out to eat. LONG walk to my truck. *groan* *laugh*

it was nice, though. After we ate, I dropped her at her dorm and I came back here to my aunts house.

I have a really nice room here. I like it. Its big. When I get my X-Files poster, my three-eyed smiley poster, and a MB20 poster up on the walls I’ll take some pictures.

Right now? I’m headed for bed. I am really, really tired. I have an 8 am class, and the road I take to school will be going under construction in the morning, so… I gotta leave extra early. I’m going to go to bed, pop in one of my X-Files tapes… Bad Blood, I think… and zone out.

I laugh as I read that now. It traditionally rains on the first day of classes. I’m pretty sure it did every semester I was there. And Sociology of Religion is to this day one of my least favorite classes… mostly because it was more reading that I ever could handle and I skated through with a C.

I love that I have journal entries to look back on for my years at TAMU. I wish I still kept it up today like I did then. It’s fun to be able to see how much I’ve changed (and how much I’ve stayed the same!) through the years.

Amazing and amusing.

Graduation

Eight years ago Monday, I graduated from Texas A&M University with my Bachelor of Science degree in Journalism. To call it a dream come true would be accurate. I was born an Aggie. I grew up an Aggie. I graduated an Aggie. And I am a passionate Aggie today.

There are certain things I am passionate about: faith in God, my support and love for my husband, my entire family, my fabulous friends, supporting MDA, music, writing, photography and TEXAS A&M. I wear my wedding band and my Aggie ring 99.9% of the time (taking them off only to shower).

Now, I’m one of those who looks at the whole picture. It actually angers me when people dismiss my school based on how well our football team is doing at any given time. There is so much more to Texas A&M!! So. Very. Much. More. But, since moving to Nashville, I had a bitter pill to swallow.

No one else really cares.

I lamented living in SEC HELL for a few years (and I have still used it at times when I wanted to watch a game but couldn’t due to regional coverage maps) and pouted that no one took the Big XII seriously. Then… its not that I drank the water, its that I opened my eyes and started to realize how strong and successful the SEC truly is. I still unabashedly root for TAMU, and I am quick to point out big successes. But I learned to keep my mouth shut most of the time. This is SEC land, and no one cares about a Big XII team. Even Texas is fairly irrelevant to anyone except their incredibly vocal t-shirt fans.

Me & Lindsey at the Red, White & Blue Out Game following 9-11

All that being said, when Texas A&M going to the SEC started being discussed last summer, my ears perked up. My hopes went up. Could it be? Could my university basically come to me via a conference shift?

But, alas, no. We’d stay in the Big XII. Only it was more like Big 12(-2). My excitement was dashed, and I returned to keeping my mouth shut.

Now, don’t get me wrong. At that time, a little part of me was apprehensive about the move, too. Long-standing rivalries looked to come to an end if we left… I have passionate feelings about our foes of Texas, Tech, OU and Baylor. There’s something SO cool about having so many games within the state that consist of rivalries between friends and family members. I’d be sad to see that end. So maybe this was for the best after all.

Gig'em! July 2011

Already about a month ago, I noticed some SEC rumblings reappearing in my Twitter feed. Frustrations with things Texas had going on seemed to lead to unrest. SEC wishes were being made.

I pointedly ignored them.

Until literally two days ago. The posts on Twitter became impossible to ignore. This could ACTUALLY happen! We might just be moving to the SEC?? As I read the discussions on Twitter (a solid mix of “insiders” and “fans/alumni”) I got excited all over again. I’ve spoken with several SEC friends and all have given me high fives and open arms. Bring it on!

Now, don’t think I’m not stepping back from my personal excitement (Local sports coverage! Games within driving distance! My university on the walls of sports bars that are SEC centric!) and going, “Is this the best thing for my school?”

I think we will have an uphill battle for awhile. I think we’ll be a bit hated by our old rivals in the Big XII. But in the end, I think its a solid decision.

It separates us from the shadow we’ve been under with Texas for years. I’m not saying it makes us equal. I’m not saying it makes us “better than” them. I’m simply saying it separates us… and I welcome that. I welcome being acknowledged away from Texas on a different stage.

A Tennessee fan pointed out to me just last night that our traditions fit in line with many of the SEC school’s traditions.

WHOOP!!

I can’t deny the idea of being in a solid and stable conference is appealing as well. One that has lots of pull and strength with the TV networks. (Can we say revenue? I thought we could.) And by gosh, it’s going to be a challenge, but “I’ve seen ‘em win, I’ve seen ‘em lose, but I’ve never seen ‘em quit.” I like — no I love — the idea of taking on the challenge of playing at an SEC level. We may or may not rock it. We will see.

Finally, lets face it. While we are all looking at this like football is all that matters, but we have solid basketball, baseball and track teams. (ALL our teams are strong, honestly.) We came in 9th in The Director’s Cup for 2010-11. The highest of any Big XII teams, and only ONE SEC team came in higher. We’re up for the challenge.

When I read that the Board of Regents have moved their meeting to Monday, I might or might not have shrieked and bounced around the house. (Okay, fine, I did.) When I read that the Texas House Committee on Higher Education called a meeting for Tuesday to discuss “discuss matters pertaining to higher education, including college athletics”, I cringed. I respect that this move needs to be looked at from all angles, but I fear being made to look the fool by missing our chance to move to something new… again.

It’s going to be a long weekend for Aggies… Monday could be a turning point for our school. I, again, embrace the opportunity to embark on a new and potentially difficult challenge. If we do move to the SEC, I will mourn those old rivalries, and I hope they can at least somewhat remain alive through non-conference games. Time will tell… Time will tell on it all.

Due to Easter running right on the heels of Muster, my blog post is coming a few days late. I’ll be playing catch-up for a few days thanks to how busy its been lately. But, as always, I am thankful to be busy!

“If there is an A&M man within 100 miles of you, you are expected to get together, eat a little, and relive your days at the A&M College of Texas.” – 1923 Texas Aggie

You may be asking yourself, “What is Aggie Muster?” In the most basic of terms, its a memorial service for all Aggies who have passed away in the last year… a memorial service that is held all around the world (in more than 300 locations!) every April 21st. It’s held in restaurants and private homes. It’s held in large banquet halls and army barracks. The main Muster ceremony is held, of course, on campus in College Station, Texas.

As per the Association of Former Student’s Website:

Aggies gathered together on June 26, 1883, to live over again their college days, the victories and defeats won and lost upon the drill field and in the classroom. By April 21, 1903, this annual gathering evolved into a celebration of Texas Independence on San Jacinto Day. These early meetings included field games and banquets for Aggies to reflect and celebrate their memories of Aggieland. “Let every alumni answer a roll call,” wrote the Former Students. It was not until 1922, however, that April 21 became the official day of events for all Aggies; thus, the annual tradition of Muster was born.

By 1929, the meetings had spread worldwide, and in 1942 Aggie Muster gained international recognition. Twenty-five men, led by General George Moore ’08, Mustered during the Japanese siege of the Philippine island of Corregidor. Knowing that Muster might soon be called for them, these Aggies embodied the commitment, dedication, and friendship that is the essence of the Aggie Spirit. They risked their lives to honor their beliefs and values. That small group of Aggies on an outpost during World War II inspired what has developed into one of our greatest traditions.

Traditions. Anyone who knows anything at all about Texas A&M knows that we thrive on traditions. I’m proud of them all, but my two absolute favorite traditions are Aggie Muster and Silver Taps.

Think of Silver Taps as the smaller monthly version of Muster, where the memories of A&M undergraduate and graduate students who have passed away in the last month are remembered in a late night ceremony in the Academic Plaza.

From the Aggie Traditions Website:

Around 10:15 that night, the lights are extinguished and hymns chime from Albritton Tower. Students silently gather at the statue of Lawrence Sullivan Ross. At 10:30pm, the Ross Volunteer Firing Squad marches into the plaza and fires three rifle volleys. Buglers then play a special rendition of Silver Taps by Colonel Richard Dunn. Taps is played three times from the dome of the Academic Building: once to the north, south, and west. It is not played to the east because the sun will never rise on that Aggie again.

Campus Muster in 2002

Muster, however, honors current and former students. I remember attending my first Muster on campus, and I remember how tears filled my eyes as the roll call was read. I didn’t know any of the people personally. It didn’t matter. It was powerful and humbling. It was awe inspiring to know that some day MY name would be called.

While still living in Texas, even after graduation I made sure to attend the campus Muster every year. It was so important to me to be there. I took my now-husband to campus Muster one year as well, and he, too, was moved by it. I think it was that very night that he said himself that any children we have must attend A&M.

When I moved to Nashville, I made it a priority to attend the local Muster. I reached out to the only Aggie’s email I had, and ironically he happened to be Muster chair. I not only attended, I participated!

I’m not even sure how it happened, but the very next year was my first year to be Muster chair… and I’ve been it every year since. This year was my 4th year as Muster chair for the Middle Tennessee Texas A&M Club. This was the first year I wisened up and had a committee to help me… I have learned I can’t do it all and that sometimes it works best to let go a little and let others help out. I think it went a lot smoother this year because of that.

Honestly, the Association of Former Students guides the way of planning Muster. In that respect, its not that difficult. However, I want it to be good. I want it to be the best it can be. And it is in that want (and pride and love for Muster) that I find myself stressing out to the -nth degree.

I have learned, though, that you’ll never make everyone happy. SOMEONE will complain about something, and all I can do is look at the big picture. What will be best for the majority of the group, all while honoring the tradition.

Doing the War Hymn at Muster 2011

One of the coolest things about Mustering out of state is meeting so many wonderful Aggies. I’ve found many wonderful friendships I’d have never had otherwise — ironically many of them who were students the same time I was! We just never crossed paths back then!

I love meeting old Ags who have stories of days long before I got there (MANY before I was even born!). I love welcoming recent graduates who are just stepping foot out in the world.

I even love meeting the “significant others” of Aggies, especially those who are “Aggies by association” (like my husband). I teased one this year who attends the University of Tennessee. “Nobody’s perfect,” I said with a giggle and a twinkle in my eye. I wasn’t being serious, and I couldn’t have been happier to have them in attendance.

Two years ago, we actually had a Baylor Bear who just happened to be in Nashville that night attend our Muster, and they stood in silent respect as we called the roll. Even our rivals respect this tradition.

I am sure I drive many people crazy talking about Texas A&M and being an Aggie. I’m aware of that, and at times I feel a liiiiiittle guilty about it. But perhaps by taking a moment to explain Muster, maybe others will come to understand at least a little bit WHY I have such a pride for my University. It’s because of traditions such as Muster, and the way we all become a family when we become students… a family that helps one another, respects one another, and honors each other when we pass away. That’s pretty darn special, and that is something that can’t be denied.

Muster 2008

Roll Call for the Absent

In many lands and climes this April day
Proud sons of Texas A&M unite.
Our loyalty to country, school, we pray,
and seal our pact with bond of common might.

We live again those happy days of yore
on campus, field, in classroom, dorm, at drill
Fond memory brings a sigh — but nothing more;
Now we are men and life’s a greater thrill,

Before we part and go upon our way,
We pause to honor those we knew so well;
The old familiar faces we miss so much today
Left cherished recollections that time cannot dispel.

Softly call the Muster,
Let comrade answer, “Here!”
Their spirits hover ‘round us
As if to bring us cheer!

Mark them ‘present’ in our hearts.
We’ll meet some other day
There is no death, but life etern
For our old friends such as they!

by Dr. John Ashton ‘06