Tag Archives: life

Am I an adult?

A few days ago, I had this weird realization hit me. I’m 34; I turn 35 in 8 months. (I know a lot of people just rolled their eyes at this… hang with me here.)

My 30s are going to be half over! Or maybe I should look at it that I have half my 30s left.

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Either way, I’m not a kid any more. Not even close. But I also find myself wondering when I’m going to have that moment of, “I’m an adult now.”

I mean, I’m married. I’ve bought a house. I’m starting a business. I’ve done a whole bunch of totally grown-up things. I think I think like an adult. I hang out with adults…

Growing up, I was always the oldest person in my group of friends. After getting married and moving to Nashville, I am now generally the YOUNGEST person in a group. So you’d think I’d feel like an adult more than ever.

But there are plenty of things I still think I’m 18 about. Like I think I can eat anything and not gain a pound. Or if I do gain weight I can drop in two days still. I think I can still just break out in a dead run and do a 400 meter dash and only be kinda winded. I think I can fall asleep in the car and not have a neck ache afterwards.   I figure I still have YEARS before things like a yearly mammogram will apply to me. I don’t have an 8-5 job that I wear dress pants and button down shirts to every day. And I don’t have everything figured out, like I used to think adults did when I was a kid.

I guess I do, though, realize my age when I don’t think about it too hard.

When bartending, I regularly looked out at college-age and clearly-fresh-out-of-college 20-somethings with a weary eye knowing that I no longer had the amount of patience I had back then for their thought processes. I gain a lot of entertainment reading teens tweets and the fact that their life is bound to end because someone broke up with them. (I also spend more time than I’ll admit Googling what they say so I can understand.)

I find myself very thankful social media didn’t exist when I was 16.

I went out with my friends on Saturday night, and we ended up having long conversations about health. People we know with cancer was one long part of the conversation, and afterwards I commented how we used to talk about guys that in depth.

We spoke of loss. We talked jobs, traffic and keeping our homes. we talked about how much things cost. We talked babies, and dreams.

It’s natural. It’s where we are in life…

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Perhaps I am over analytically thinking. In fact I know I am. And perhaps this is some weird midlife crisis in which I go through this weird denial that time is passing faster than I like to admit.

I love that I’ve been married over 8 years, though it doesn’t FEEL that long until I look back at all we’ve already been through together. Sometimes I think I should have myself together a lot more by now. Other times I know there are many, many years still to come and we’re always growing and learning.

It’s just going to keep getting better.

IMG_20150316_044443None of us ever have it all figured out. That’s just part of life. Just like getting older. We learn to adjust and figure it out as we go… and I suppose its with that realization that I know I AM an adult.

 

How I’m honoring 9/11: By Living

I would be remiss to not post some thoughts on September 11th. I’ve posted the last several years regarding this day…

I missed 2009 due to my 10-year class reunion landing around the same time.

Here it is 2013, and here is how I plan to spend the day:

I’m going to fly. I’m going to board a plane and fly. When I booked my flight back to Nashville for this trip, I hesitated a moment when I realized my return flight would land on 9/11. Did I really want to fly on this day?

Yes. Yes I did. I would fly on 9/11, and I will take time on that flight to sit and remember. I’ll remember those souls lost that morning in 2001. I will honor their memory, and take a moment to grieve the loss of our innocence that day. I will remember where I was that day. I will muse over how much has changed in the years since… both in our country as well as in my personal life. I will look down on the Earth from my window seat, and I will marvel at being alive. I will marvel at being such a small piece of the larger picture.

I will pray. I will pray for those left behind by those lost that September day. I will pray for safety of all those traveling. I will pray for strength to face my fears but to also accept what life brings to me… the good and the bad. I will pray for wisdom and understanding. I will pray for faith to trust in God. I will pray for our country, our soldiers, our government leaders, and all the world’s leaders. I will pray and have a nice conversation with God while I fly on 9/11.

I will hug my parents extra tight as we say good-bye at the terminal. I will do the same with my husband when we greet each other at another terminal. I will say, “I love you” with an extra conviction to those I love — family and friends. I will strive to love more today, praying for the patience I sometimes lack with others. Today is not the day to get frustrated. Today is the day to strive to understand.

I will never forget 9/11/2001. But I think the best way I can honor that day is by simply living… living the best way I can.

 

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Proactive vs Reactive

Lighting experimentThere’s something I’ve been very guilty of over the last few years. I’ve become very reactive to things in life. Something happens. I deal with it. We move on. Keep on keepin’ on. Not necessarily backsliding in any way, but not taking big strides forward either.

I’ve mentioned in various posts lately that I’ve been in a cleaning mood, and cleaning moods usually equates life changes. Positive life changes.

So here I am also realizing that those changes can’t happen without effort from me. Just cleaning out my closet and hauling clothes to Goodwill isn’t going to be enough! It’s like the joke about people in a flood declining help from helicopters and boats while sitting on their roof, because “God will save me!” Then when they die and get to heaven, they ask God why he didn’t help and he said, “I sent you a boat and a helicopter!” You can’t just expect God to make things happen without doing a little work yourself.

Here’s what’s interesting. As soon as I decided I wanted to again be proactive chasing my dreams, and doing what I want to do career-wise, things started rolling without my trying too hard. It’s almost like it was all sitting there just waiting for me to make my mind up to go for it 100%.

First, I had an absolutely awesome photoshoot with Joseph Reed. He and his wife are amazing people that I already consider friends. I haven’t laughed that much during a shoot… ever. It just made me go, “This! This is what I want to do MORE of… gotta make that happen.”

Second, a new invigoration has come to RoadWidows. And you know what’s the coolest thing about this new push? Discovering how much of a drive both Chris and Lindsy have for it and their work ethics in general. Their focus is contagious, and they make me want to work harder. Work with more focus. They’re driven, focused and successful women. Just the type  I want to be associated with more and more.

Third, an old friend that I’d lost touch with over the last couple of years reached out to me, and we got together for dinner and drinks earlier this week. The refreshing things about her are that she has no association with the music business, she’s a successful business woman, and she’s a big fan of what I dream of doing and AM doing. Her encouragement has been yet another a kick in the butt.

Finally, I only need one word: FAMILY. My parents are patient with me. And Thank God for that!!! They know I’ll come into my own in my own time, and they’re supportive and encouraging. My husband and I had a long conversation this week about being proactive in BOTH our careers, and its invigorated us. We’re each other’s biggest fans and cheerleaders. So with my family behind me, how can I not throw myself into it all with a renewed vigor?

I’m excited. I’m terrified. I’m ready. SO ready.

C’mon future. Let’s do this.