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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Five on Friday: Everything I know about golf

August 16th, 2013 2 comments

1. Golf terminology includes things like birdie, eagle, bogey, divot, putt, sand trap, FOUR!, bunker, par, pin, handicap, caddie, tee, mulligan… and I have no clue what most of them mean. I just know golfers use those terms and they’re all important. Especially “FOUR!” That’s a big one right there.

2. The lowest score wins. I got that part figured out mostly from playing putt-putt golf and my occasional glances at the TV when golf is on… I’ve tried to play golf on my husband’s PS2, but I’m as bad at it as I am any racing game. I think I need to stick to Baldur’s Gate Dark Alliance, which I haven’t played in a long time but really enjoyed.

3. Paying for a round of golf for you and your friends is more expensive than a round of whisky for you and your friends. However, you get to enjoy the golf a lot longer than the whisky, and I guess if you added it up by the cup its actually cheaper. And I suppose both are paying for rounds of shots (ha!), so… I don’t really know where I am going with this here. Moving on…

4.  There are no referees. Except your friends. Who probably turn into referees after a few holes and a few drinks. So maybe there are referees. Kinda.

5. They make great fundraisers, and I am participating in my first ever charity golf tournament today. No, I’m not playing, but I am making sure the bars are ready to go for those who ARE playing.  All proceeds go to CASA of Nashville, which helps abused and neglected children find safe, permanent homes. Through no fault of their own, nearly 2,000 children annually come to the attention of Nashville’s court system.  The Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) program provides volunteers to speak for the children’s best interests in court. SO happy to be a part of such a wonderful event.

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*No I am not as dumb as I sound here. I’m just having a little fun. :)

Categories: five on friday Tags: , ,

Five on Friday: Song lyrics that make me facepalm

July 19th, 2013 1 comment

Nothing deep to be found here this week. In fact, the lack of depth is precisely why these song lyrics make me change the radio station. This is full of snark and should be taken with a healthy dose of humor.

My apologies in advance if I poke fun at a song you love. That’s fine if you love it! Doesn’t mean I have to…

1. “Baby you a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down… and cruise.” I’m sorry. I vehemently hate this song. Even more when someone sings it at the bar, and I find myself bopping along to it. Its an ear worm on top of being stupid. Le sigh.

2. ”I said, ‘Climb on up, but honey watch the cup that I’m spittin’ my dip inside…’” What part of singing about your dip cup is okay!? Look, I have to pick those damn things up at the bar every night. Leave ‘em off the radio. Please.

3. “Girl you make my speakers go boom boom.” Really? Just. Really?

4. “Chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco, spit.” I can’t. I just can’t. This song really didn’t have many redeeming qualities, but when that line came up it just made them all null and void. Cheese and rice, make it stop!

5. “Rock me mama, like a wagon wheel.” Okay, I liked this song the first fifty times I heard it. And I totally respect the people that still like it. But work downtown Nashville and try to like the song any more. And you can’t. It’s like an unwritten law to hate it if you work in any of the honky tonks. And its an easy law to follow, because tourists scream, “WAGON WHEEL” like you used to hear, “FREEBIRD!” just a few years ago. You kinda want to throw an empty beer bottle at the person requesting it. Some times you want to throw a full beer. But I digress. Bob, I can think of a lot of ways I’d like to be rocked, but “like a wagon wheel” is not one of them. :)

 

fiveonfriday

Please don’t play it again

January 15th, 2013 1 comment

imageIf you ever hear a musician say they are charting songs, it means they are learning the songs to perform. (That’s a general definition at least.) After they chart them, they’ll “woodshed” to commit them to memory.

When either or both of these happened in our old house, it meant my husband would be closing himself up in the upstairs bonus room for hours on end. I’d sometimes have to convince him he needed to break to eat!

In our house now, there’s no bonus room. So, it means he sets up where he can to practice. Normally he uses his in-ears system (think expensive ear buds) and all I hear is the thump-thump-thumpthumpthump of his fingers on the keys.

Last night, though, he didn’t have his in-ears with him, so he was practicing and I could hear everything.

It’s definitely interesting to see and hear how he goes about learning the songs. But after a couple of hours of hearing bits and pieces of the same song over and over and over, I finally went, “I’m seriously growing to hate this song!”

Note to self: Never ask hubby to learn a song I really like lest I grow to hate it!

In almost cruel irony, the gig he was learning songs for last night got canceled due to the “ice storm warning” we have been under all day. He’ll still need to know the songs for a later date, so its not lost time! But it might be awhile before I like the songs he’s been learning again.

Categories: music Tags: ,

Intelligence, time and fun

January 8th, 2013 2 comments

Yesterday, a friend posted this on Facebook (Yes I totally swiped it and posting it here):

wordsto2013

My first three words I found were: Intelligence, Time and Fun.

What?

I sat and mulled it over. What did that MEAN!? (And no, I don’t believe this game to be true. Just like I don’t REALLY believe eating black eyed peas and collard greens on January 1st will bring me good luck… but I do it anyway.)

I am an optimist! I AM! Honest! And yet my brain went, “Well, intelligence tends to come from experience and I learn most from my mistakes. Time… I end up with time because I don’t have any work. And fun… we get to go on vacation?”

How much more doom and gloom can you get!? Failure to be able to gain intelligence? Loss of work to have time?

I posed it to my husband. What did those three words mean?

He said, “We will use intelligence to make wise decisions. We will have time to enjoy together. And we’ll go on vacation.”

At least we both agreed we need a vacation.

I told him I liked his way better, and then told him what I came up with. We laughed at the difference, considering how I am usually the cheerleader for us. I told him I didn’t feel pessimistic! But, I guess between fiscal cliffs and the fact that 2012 WAS good to us… I’m braced to have to work harder in 2013. Even though, really, I feel like it’s just going to keep getting better, as we navigate life and make changes and advances in our goals and dreams.

And definitely — DEFINITELY — go on vacation.

Categories: general-post Tags: , , ,

Collegiate verbal smack down

November 14th, 2012 2 comments

image

Guy at bar: Who’s cup is that?

Me: Mine.

Guy: You like them or something?

Me: Graduate.

Guy (slinking back): Oh. Well. Uh. Congrats on your win.

Me: Thank you.

*smirk*

Categories: humor, texas a&m Tags: , ,

Finding a little humor in tax season

April 17th, 2012 5 comments

160: Another year doneIt’s April 17th. Do you know where your taxes are? Did you already file? Are they on extension? Are you just going to pretend they don’t exist and not file for another year or two or ten?

Last week, I posted on Twitter several little “tax rants” that friends said made them laugh. So to mark the end of tax season, I thought I’d compile those rants along with things that you have to laugh about… lest you go a little crazy.

  • Believe it or not, taking your financial documents OUT of their envelopes would save us about 2 hrs a day of BS work. At the very least, OPEN the envelopes!
  • I should start putting a dollar in a jar every time someone goes, “Bet ya’ll are busy right now!” 
  • (Yesterday)  I like to work on a deadline, but c’mon people. You’ve had 3 mo. to get your tax stuff in here. NO! We will NOT file it TODAY. Get in line behind all these people I’m making sure have extensions filed.
  • Don’t ask if you got the Earned Income Tax Credit when you didn’t have any, you know, earned income.
  • I’m baffled by those who file on the last day. It’s like shopping on Christmas Eve and wondering why all the Ferbies are sold out!
  • Yes, we do take a lunch hour!
  • At least every other day you hear, “Where’s the Crown bottle!?” and my parents don’t even drink!
  • “So… are you still married?” (Yes, someone asked me this since I was here in Texas working instead of in Nashville.)
  • My dad is a stickler for making sure the dependents a person claims are legitimately their dependents. You won’t believe how many people want to know how many dependents they need to get a “good” refund. What I want to know is where do they get these dependents. Do they grow on trees somewhere?
  • “Can I write off my daughter’s wedding?”
  • No, ma’am. We don’t give you your refund. The government does. Nice try, though!
Categories: humor Tags: ,