Tag Archives: humor

From behind the merch table

Once in awhile, when I go to see my husband play a show, I sell merch for the band. I sincerely enjoy doing this, as over the last few years of bartending I’ve grown to LOVE meeting random people. Sometimes even the grouchy jerks.

Yesterday, the band was at Fort Campbell in Kentucky, which is only an hour’s drive from Nashville. I knew that with it being a show on-base that going just to go was pretty much not going to happen, but if they needed a merch girl I was available. If not, that’s all right. I have over two weeks of photos to edit, anyway. BUT, I was super happy that they did need a merch person, and I got the call to do it.

Don't worry, I had my phone mounted on the windshield so all I did was tap the screen to take this picture.
Don’t worry, I had my phone mounted on the windshield so all I did was tap the screen to take this picture as I entered Kentucky on I-24.

Now, my truck is the cleanest on the inside as its been since we bought it. I had no idea what to expect when entering the base, so if they needed to search my truck they really didn’t need to go through empty to-go cups and months worth of gas receipts.

Luckily, after some unexpected logistical changes, it all worked out that I had the tour manager with me and all I had to do was give them my driver’s license to get on base. WHEW!!

I hit the ground running as soon as we got parked, as they had opened the gates early and there were already a lot of people around looking to buy merchandise.  I was thankfully relatively busy from the time I started to the time we tore down to head out.

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My view for the day… I couldn’t complain about anything except how ridiculously windy it was.

Now the highlights of the day:

  • Being introduced during the show as being “from the great state of Texas!” — something I only heard in the background as I had a line of people wanting stuff at the time. But I DID hear it, and it made me smile.
  • Military guys GET the importance of respect. I was called, “Ma’am” all day long, and it made me beam every single time. It was NOT an age thing (even though I probably was about *cough*10*cough* years older than a majority of them) but a total, “This is how you talk to a woman,” thing. And I loved it every single time.
  • Met a guy who grew up maybe 10 miles from me, which was pretty crazy for both of us to realize.
  • Big & Rich turned “You Shook Me All Night Long” into a country shuffle and as wrong as it was, it was so awesome that I want it recorded and on my computer RIGHT NOW.
  • I was reminded that Pepperoni Pizza Combos are a totally legit dinner food.
  • I sold out of the awesome hoodies that we sell and that I practically live in myself.

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Now for the parts of the day that made me chuckle and shake my head:

  • “I want that one!” *points* “Which one?” “That one! Right there!” “The blue t-shirt or the brown one?” “No, the grey jacket!” “Oh.”  Note: Please be more specific on what you want, because when you point, Merch people can’t tell which one you mean exactly and then we just all get frustrated.
  • “So are the kids games going to be here tomorrow?” “I don’t know…” “Is there anything to do around here for kids?” “Really, I don’t know…” “Do you have a program?” “No.”
  • “$25? Can I just give you $20?” “No.”
  • “Is he coming out to sign autographs later? The opening act did.” “I don’t think so.” “Why not? Can you call and ask someone?” “No, I can’t. I really don’t think there will be any open meet & greet after.” “Should I just hang out over here after he gets done just in case.” “Whatever blows your skirt up.”
  • “Hey you can run credit cards!?” “Yup!” “Really?” “Hey this ain’t no dog and pony show!” “Huh?” *sigh*
  • “Any way I can get this autographed?” “Will this shrink?” “Do you have it in another color?” No. Maybe. No.

 

I seriously had a blast. Ironically, after I got home and I thought about the day, I realized that while we were at the same venue all day, my husband and I saw each other for MAYBE an hour and a half, and that was mostly because we were able to grab McDonald’s after the show together. But you know, I wouldn’t change ANYTHING about the day, and I honestly can’t wait to do it again.

Five on Friday: Everything I know about golf

1. Golf terminology includes things like birdie, eagle, bogey, divot, putt, sand trap, FOUR!, bunker, par, pin, handicap, caddie, tee, mulligan… and I have no clue what most of them mean. I just know golfers use those terms and they’re all important. Especially “FOUR!” That’s a big one right there.

2. The lowest score wins. I got that part figured out mostly from playing putt-putt golf and my occasional glances at the TV when golf is on… I’ve tried to play golf on my husband’s PS2, but I’m as bad at it as I am any racing game. I think I need to stick to Baldur’s Gate Dark Alliance, which I haven’t played in a long time but really enjoyed.

3. Paying for a round of golf for you and your friends is more expensive than a round of whisky for you and your friends. However, you get to enjoy the golf a lot longer than the whisky, and I guess if you added it up by the cup its actually cheaper. And I suppose both are paying for rounds of shots (ha!), so… I don’t really know where I am going with this here. Moving on…

4.  There are no referees. Except your friends. Who probably turn into referees after a few holes and a few drinks. So maybe there are referees. Kinda.

5. They make great fundraisers, and I am participating in my first ever charity golf tournament today. No, I’m not playing, but I am making sure the bars are ready to go for those who ARE playing.  All proceeds go to CASA of Nashville, which helps abused and neglected children find safe, permanent homes. Through no fault of their own, nearly 2,000 children annually come to the attention of Nashville’s court system.  The Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) program provides volunteers to speak for the children’s best interests in court. SO happy to be a part of such a wonderful event.

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*No I am not as dumb as I sound here. I’m just having a little fun. :)

Five on Friday: Song lyrics that make me facepalm

Nothing deep to be found here this week. In fact, the lack of depth is precisely why these song lyrics make me change the radio station. This is full of snark and should be taken with a healthy dose of humor.

My apologies in advance if I poke fun at a song you love. That’s fine if you love it! Doesn’t mean I have to…

1. “Baby you a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down… and cruise.” I’m sorry. I vehemently hate this song. Even more when someone sings it at the bar, and I find myself bopping along to it. Its an ear worm on top of being stupid. Le sigh.

2. “I said, ‘Climb on up, but honey watch the cup that I’m spittin’ my dip inside…'” What part of singing about your dip cup is okay!? Look, I have to pick those damn things up at the bar every night. Leave ‘em off the radio. Please.

3. “Girl you make my speakers go boom boom.” Really? Just. Really?

4. “Chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco, spit.” I can’t. I just can’t. This song really didn’t have many redeeming qualities, but when that line came up it just made them all null and void. Cheese and rice, make it stop!

5. “Rock me mama, like a wagon wheel.” Okay, I liked this song the first fifty times I heard it. And I totally respect the people that still like it. But work downtown Nashville and try to like the song any more. And you can’t. It’s like an unwritten law to hate it if you work in any of the honky tonks. And its an easy law to follow, because tourists scream, “WAGON WHEEL” like you used to hear, “FREEBIRD!” just a few years ago. You kinda want to throw an empty beer bottle at the person requesting it. Some times you want to throw a full beer. But I digress. Bob, I can think of a lot of ways I’d like to be rocked, but “like a wagon wheel” is not one of them. :)

 

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