Musician's Widow

This is the rough draft of my speech for my cousin’s wedding today… I doubt it’ll go quite like this, but its the rough idea at least!

Good evening!  I’m Denise, Rebekah’s cousin on her Dad’s side. It’s been my honor to be a part of this wedding; to watch this couple grow as wedding plans have been made.

I can truly say I’ve known Rebekah since she was born. I remember spending time the summer of ’91 with George and Rene, and I got to help out with her care. I had no idea then it would start me on a path of getting to watch Rebekah grow up into the woman she is today.

Not too long after I got married and moved to Nashville, she flew up to spend a week with me. Now, there was a little part of me who was terrified. I would have a teenage staying with me!? What!? I’m the one who keeps asking if, when I have kids myself, can I ship them off to boarding school through their teenage years!!

A part of me braced for a moody teenager to step off that plane. What I was presented with was a mature young woman with her head on straight.

I. Was. Floored.

Nonetheless, when she told me she was getting married, I admittedly arched an eyebrow. As the social norm today is to wait to get married until your mid-to-late-20s, I was surprised and a little part of me asking, “Are they really ready?”

But throughout the process of this wedding being planned, I’ve witnessed, once again,  a young woman with her head on straight and a maturity that sets ME straight. After her bridal shower just last month, I left with a smile on my face going, “They’re going to be juuuuuust fine.”

Oh, I’m going on five years of marriage and I can tell you, when I say “just fine” it doesn’t mean it’ll be easy. There will be disagreements. There will be financial stress. There will be life simply getting in the way of “Happily ever after.” The washing machine will explode. He’ll leave the toilet seat up. And you’ll both get the stomach flu… at the same time.

If I could impart any advice it would be three simple things:

1 – Keep the faith. Rely on your faith in yourself, in each other and in God to pull you through every hardship.

2 – Keep a sense of humor. The saying, “Live. Laugh. Love.” Is a huge key to happiness.

3 – Look around and rely on the strength of others. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Take a moment to look around. Every person here is here because they support and love YOU and they wish you the very best.

Rebekah, you come from a line of love that will hopefully be a source of strength. Our grandparents were married over 50 years before death did they part… Grandpa loved our Grandma just as much the day  he met her in heaven as the day they said,  “I do” here on Earth. Your parents celebrated their 25^th Wedding Anniversary this year… something that in this day and age is almost as rare of those who make it to 50. Look on that history of love to be an example for your own marriage.

I wish you both many, many, many years of happiness. Josh… welcome to the family. Take care of her… I have no qualms about jumping a plane from Nashville to kick your butt if you don’t.

Here’s to Rebekah and Josh!!!

My husband and his "other woman"

I noticed yesterday that I had a hit on this blog with the search, “musicians love music more than spouce.” Yeah, I didn’t fix the spelling. Keepin’ it real here.

That really made me stop. It really made me a little sad. It really made me want to share my point of view on that.

There was a period of time when my husband and I were dating that I thought that myself. In fact, for awhile it made things easier to think, “The music comes first. And I come second.” Deep down, I spent a lot of time wrestling with that thought and the feelings that accompanied it. Was I okay with that? Was that even true?

Here I am, four and a half years into our marriage, and I realize that thought I had couldn’t be further from the truth. And maybe… maybe I can help the person who did that search come to realize what I’ve come to realize.

Music isn’t something my husband loves. No, its simply a part of who he is. Music is in his soul. It’s as much a part of him as is his arms and legs. It’s practically in his DNA. He needs it like he needs air and water. Even if he were to quit the music tomorrow, he’d still play. He’d still pick apart songs on the radio. He’d still tune my voice out to listen to whatever is being piped through the little speakers in a restaurant.

It’s not that he loves music more than me. It’s that the music is a part of him. And it is in that fact, that I love the music, too.  I have always loved music, but I love it in a different way today. It is a part of our life — at times it IS our life — because its just who he is.

We have a running joke that his Leslie speaker is his “other woman.”  And that I bought her for him. He sees her more than he sees me these days. It’s a lighthearted humor we have in this crazy life.

We’ve talked at length about how WE come before the music. We’ve at least once faced the possibility of walking away from the music, because we thought it was what we needed. Thankfully? Unseen forces threw us right back into the life… wild, crazy, wacky and stressful as it is. I am thankful. Because its just a part of who my husband is… dare I say he is most alive when he’s on stage and everything is clicking. Harmonies, mixes, his piano sound, the Leslie is singing… even when he’s exhausted there’s the light in his eyes.

Simply put, music is a huge part of the man I fell in love with and married. It doesn’t come first, because for a musician… it is not a thing TO come first.

YOU, their spouse, come first. You keep them grounded. You give them the momentum and reason to keep going. Support them. Love them. Love the music. And you’ll find a beautiful harmony in your life.

I still call it Fan Fair. I stubbornly always will. Oh I’ll throw out the random “CMA Music Fest” when I feel like I have to for someone to know what I am talking about. But to me, it’ll always be Fan Fair.

Fan Fair is a yearly event where country music fans descend upon Nashville — where a vast majority of your country music artists call home — for concerts and the opportunity to meet their favorite artists face-to-face. It’s also the artists chance to say thank you to their fans for their loyalty. No other genre of music has an event quite like this one.

This is the 40th Fan Fair.

It started in 1972, with only 5,000 people attending at Nashville Municipal Auditorium. In 1982, the event moved to the Tennessee State Fairgrounds, accommodating more fans and more events around the Fair.

Fan Fair called the Fairgrounds its home until 2000, which is when it moved to downtown. In 2004, it’s name was changed to CMA Music Festival… which, as I’ve stated, I refuse to use, eight years later. The 2010 boasted its best numbers to date, with more than 65,000 country music fans attending.

My very first trip to Nashville was in 1997 to attend Fan Fair. Who knew that I’d call Nashville home almost exactly 10 years later. I’ve attended events around Fan Fair in downtown since I moved here (especially after big chunks were made free of charge!), and the downtown employee is grateful for the added revenue the event brings to the bars, stores and restaurants. The long-time fan still thinks the Fairgrounds was an excellent location for Fan Fair, making everything much more centrally located. But… that’s just me. Vast majority of people will disagree with me.

So, as someone who has attended the event as a fan, and who has since poked around it as a fan AND local… I’d like to share my own little pieces of advice for those attending this year’s event:

• Wear comfortable shoes. Personally, I would NOT recommend flip flops (Though, lol, you’ll probably see me down there one afternoon wearing them.) if you plan to hit the photo lines and will be walking a lot. Wear shoes that will support your feet. They’ll let you rock it all the days of the event, versus wearing yourself out the first day.
• SUNSCREEN. This is not just some catchy line from a Baz Luhrmann song in 1998. No. WEAR SUNSCREEN. After Day 1, do you REALLY want to be laying in your hotel room, naked, radiating heat, cursing the fact that even the bedsheets hurt? Trust me. You’ll rock a suntan after that many days even WITH sunscreen. Do yourself a favor and USE IT.
• Hydrate. Welcome to Nashville where it is always ten degrees above normal the week of Fan Fair. We don’t want any heat-related deaths when all you have to do it DRINK WATER. Yeah, that beer looks good. I like a cold beer pretty much any time. But right now? You need water. At LEAST alternate beer with water. Kay?
• Please, please, please remember that people live here. This is our home. We have jobs to go to. Bills to pay. Lives to lead. We are not all here on vacation. PLEASE remember that. Have a heads up about traffic, etc. Don’t stop in the middle of the street to take pictures, oblivious of the six cars behind you late for work.
• Don’t fall all over any artists you see just out on the town. Most don’t mind pausing to take a picture or two (especially during Fan Fair — they know that’s why you are here), but don’t decide they are your best friend and you’re going to sit beside them all night. Nine times out of then, this will run the artist off. Grab your photo or autograph, say a few words, then move on and don’t stare. If you stay cool, they’ll probably hang out for awhile. Then you can “experience your favorite artist in their natural habitat.”
• Don’t wear a fanny pack. I would think this would be obvious, but every year there are one or two that show up. And it slays us all.
• Enjoy your stay. That’s what its all about. If you miss an autograph signing. If you can’t get right up to the stage to take a picture. Don’t let that ruin the experience. Shrug it off and continue to enjoy yourself.
• Tip the band in the bars. It’s not a joke. This really is how they make their living. Many rely on this week to “catch up” on late bills or to get a new piece of gear. They are there to bring you entertainment, and the least you can do it toss a buck in the tip jar (which will be split up among those on stage — so if its a 4 piece, each guy is getting a quarter). Thanks in advance.

I am sure I could write a few dozen more kernels of advice, but I’ll leave it at these. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!! And keep your eyes peeled… in the next few days, you might find my lens trained on you.

Fans watching the concerts at the Riverfront Stages in 2010

History of Fan Fair from the CMA Website.

I attended my cousin’s bridal shower today. During the shower, we were asked to write marriage advice for the young couple on a note card to later be placed in a book.

Here was my submission:

I joked that I was going to write, “Don’t do it!” which usually garners big chuckles. I’d never truly write that. I love being married and wouldn’t trade my life for anything!

When I got married, we didn’t do any “give the couple advice” thing, but I’ve been to enough showers that did to get an idea that the advice (amount and depth!) changes with how many years you’ve been married, or if you’ve been married at all. So… that being said. What would YOUR advice be to a new young couple… and perhaps tell what is your “status?” Would love to see what others have to say!

Sunday afternoon, my husband and I decided to grab a bite at a local marina. Dinner on the lake? Yes, please!

We grabbed menus and headed for the deck. On our way out, we were asked what we wanted to drink. My husband and I both ordered a cold beer. Ahhh… perfect on a hot day, out by the lake.

A woman walks up to me and goes, “You know you shouldn’t be drinking.”

I was confused! I went, “Yeah? Probably not…” with a nervous laugh. My mind racing… what? Why? I’m trying to get in better shape, and beer doesn’t exactly help that along. I know this. But I’ve also walked a lot today, and its hot outside. Besides… how would she know that I’m on a health kick? What on earth is she talking about?

I looked at her thinking maybe I’d seen her around. Perhaps a reader or Twitter follower.

Nope, didn’t know her.

She goes, “Yeah. I’m just saying. You shouldn’t be drinking.”

As I was handed my beer, I gestured to my husband and went, “Well, I’m not driving. So… whatever.”

She goes, “Well, that’s good…”

And I walked away without a second look. I have to admit, though. It bugged me for a long time. I sat and stewed. I posted about it to Twitter. What on EARTH did she mean? And where did she get off saying that to me?

Finally, I decided maybe she was implying that I’m pregnant. I mean, I admit, my “problem area” is my stomach. Always has been! When I barely weighed 110 lbs., I would buy tummy flattener underclothes for certain dresses. Some women say they have big butts. Some women have thick thighs. I have a belly. No matter if I weigh 110 or 150, its there. I’m working on it, but, frankly, its how I was made. It’s an imperfection, and there is only so much I can do.

I’ve been working hard lately, and I’ve lost over 5 lbs. in the last couple of weeks. My husband can see the change in my shape. I can feel it. I can see it. It feels great! So the more I thought about this, the angrier I got.  I wished I hadn’t been so thrown and I’d have said something to the effect of, “Excuse me? You don’t know me. I don’t know you. Your unsolicited advice is NOT appreciated.”

Oh ok. I’d have probably not said that. That is part of my confusion. I try to get along with everyone, and I didn’t want to be rude. But, I do wish I’d have asked her, “Why?” though. And had she said something to the effect of my being pregnant I’d have GLADLY set her straight. Because, dammit, that is just RUDE.

Yes, my husband and I plan to have kids someday. Just not yet. And as I said, I am working hard to get in shape, and her statement was hurtful in one vein, and motivation in another. On the oft chance she was making some sort of religious point or something else… well, her opinion is STILL not welcome.

For one thing, I’m not pregnant and implying as such is like saying, “You’re fat.” Which, I’m not. And WHAT IF I couldn’t get pregnant. Or WHAT IF I had recently had a miscarriage. Talk about being HURTFUL!!! Talk about this woman potentially placing extreme heartache on someone! How DARE she!?!

I would NEVER tell someone they shouldn’t be drinking. As a bartender, I will decline to serve someone who is already drunk. But past that… every person has their own story, every person is in charge of their own body. And unless you know that person personally, or you are their doctor, or at the VERY LEAST have some clue SOME THING about that person, it is NOT your place to say something.

Assume. It makes an ass out of you and me. This woman, made a TOTAL ass out of herself today. And I am sure somewhere she is thinking she did her part and tried to do a good deed.  Well, all she did was gave me blog fodder. Ha!

Anyone else have a similar thing happen to them? Please, do tell!!

I just stumbled upon “Top Ten Tuesday” thanks to a re-tweet on Twitter. Since Tuesdays do seem to be a day I struggle to get blog posts made, this just might by my Tuesday blogging saving grace. We will see!

Its projected to be a very rainy day here in Nashville, coming on the heels of a very snowy week last week. I think its safe to presume, most people around here are a little stir crazy! I know I’m getting there, that’s for sure.

So for my very first Top Ten Tuesday:

Ways to get through a rainy day

1. Sleep. Of course, as I said, coming on the heels of a week’s worth of snow, it might not be the best option to sleep that much. I know sleep does a body good, but too much sleep can also do harm as well. According to WebMD, too much sleep can be associated with a host of medical problems, including diabetes, heart disease, and increased risk of death. HOWEVER, I’ve always found that sleeping to the sound of rain fall is some of the best sleep ever, so instead of sleeping the day away, grabbing an afternoon nap might be just the ticket to help get through a rainy day.
2. Dress bright. I know, any men reading this are going, “What??” But I’ve found for myself that on dark dreary days, the best boost is to wear something with a little color. Anything other than just neutral colors. You’ll find the contrast to the outside weather to be a great boost in your mood!
3. Clean. There is something about the rain falling and making the atmosphere clean that makes me want to clean inside, too. Take time to sweep the floors or run a vacuum over the carpet. You don’t have to do a major cleaning, but take the time inside to do one of those “necessary evil” chores.
4. Attack an over due project. I read in my travels around the Weekly Winners participants about one woman who used her snow days to do some scrap booking she’s wanted to do. If you are stuck inside due to the rain, why not work on that project you keep putting off for a variety of reasons. Put up those shelves that need to be hung. Do some scrap booking. Organize your DVD collection. Whatever!
5. Jump in puddles. Granted its winter, and it would probably mean a good case of pneumonia. But if it were warm outside, go play in the rain like you’re five again! Clothing can be washed. Shoes can be replaced. But the freedom that running through the rain brings? PRICELESS!
6. Movies! Pop some popcorn and have a double, triple or quadruple feature!
7. Read. I have two books right now waiting to be read and reviewed. Maybe a rainy day is just the perfect time to sit down and read. Preferably with a cup of coffee close-by.
8. Write a letter. I heard on the news today that schools are taking cursive writing out of the curriculum, because kids prefer to type on their computers or phones. This made me so SAD. Nothing is as personal as a hand-written letter. Write a letter to your significant other. Write a letter to a family member or even a long-lost friend. Sure, you could do an email. That would be great, too. But wouldn’t writing it on paper make the day– and the message — much more special?
9. For those of you at work or school, share your umbrella with someone. Walking in from the parking lot. Going in between classes. What a wonderful opportunity for a random act of kindness! You might make a new friend in the mean time… boosting both your mood and their mood all through a kind gesture.
10. Eat a warm meal. To me, a rainy day cries out for a warm meal. Even if you’re on a diet, put the salad away. Have at least a warm bowl of soup. Whatever you do, get through a rainy day with a warm, fully tummy.

This post is linked up to Top Ten Tuesday at Oh Amanda