Musician's Widow

I have no idea what any of us did to July to make it so harsh this year, but whatever it is, I think I speak for almost everyone, we’re sorry!

I’ve mentioned a few things I’ve experienced this month in this blog. And I’ve left other things out. (Perhaps those will come in a later blog entry.) But all around me, I’ve heard tales of tragedy and hardships.

My two best friends have both had cancer strike their families. My “best friend from high school” has a aunt that was diagnosed, and my “best friend from college” had her mother-in-law diagnosed. Both within a day of each other.

A friend here in Nashville has a nephew that has been diagnosed with cancer as well.

An acquaintance from high school had tragedy strike, leaving her brother and a nephew in a burn unit in Dallas. Her other nephew, however, did not survive the accident.

A client of my family’s business had a heart attack and was left in ICU (out of state!) for a few days because of it.

My own nephew, today, is having a doctors appointment in Dallas regarding his Muscular Dystrophy. These regular appointments are key to his doing as well as he has done all these years, but I also know the appointments are stressful and carry a level of uncertainty every time.

All of these events have weighed heavy on my heart. Each event — every single one of them — are valid concerns and stressors. While some may be considered more “severe” than others, it does not lessen the feelings that come with each and every one.

All I can do, all so many of us can do, is simply say a few prayers for strength and comfort for each person and family affected by these negative events.  I often find myself wondering why? Why do these things happen? Why so many all at the same time?

Then I remind myself, sometimes the reason is not for us to know. Or perhaps the reason will come to light in the future. No matter what, we all pull together and help each other. We support each other. And in the end, we grow from these challenges. They make us appreciate the good times more. They make us work a little harder.

Hang in there everyone. We’re all going to get through all our various trials by taking it a day at a time and by leaning on each other. I welcome anyone needing a place to vent or to share their own story –  no matter how trivial or how extreme — in the comments. Sometimes it helps just to talk, and I’m a good listener.

I am drowning in a sea of return address labels!

They just keep coming. Every day, another set of labels appears in my mail box.

See, its how they get you. You donate to an organization or a cause, and suddenly every organization and cause wants your money. And they get you by sending you a “free gift.” 99% of the time, its a set of return address labels.

They just keep coming! Attack of the return address labels!

Why? Because they know that every time you use one of those labels you’ll get this deep feeling of guilt, if you didn’t donate. Every birthday card. Every anniversary card. Every thinking of you card. Every bill. This feeling of GUILT.

It’s enough to drive a woman mad!

It sometimes makes me wonder why any company ever offers to sell you return address labels. Surely all these non-profits keep them busy enough already!

In all seriousness, I wish with all my heart I could donate to every organization and every cause… even the ones that DON’T send me return address labels. But I don’t have an infinite pool of funds from which to give, and until that day comes, I have to pick and choose.

Meanwhile, my collection of return address labels is taking up over half of my mail organizer, and I just don’t send much via USPS any more. So some of these labels I’ve had for over a year, and I’ve already received my, “brand new set of labels as our thanks to you!”

Well, you’re welcome. My pleasure. Happy to help.

Now what?

I spent today brainstorming on creative ways to use my abundance of return address labels. Here’s what I came up with:

1. Mark items as mine that I take to any gathering. I remember my mom would do that when she’d take a casserole or a salad to a potluck supper. It always seemed brilliant to me. Not only did it mark her bowl or serving spoon as hers, but if for some reason we had to leave early, whomever took it would know where to find us and return the item.
2. Instead of writing my name in a book, use an address label! I don’t loan out books as much as I used to, but if I ever do, it would be easier to do that than to write my name inside.
3. Luggage tags!


Send more snail mail!

4. Keep a set in my purse for if I am ever at a conference where you can sign up for gifts, etc. Save me from writing my name and address over and over again; plus no chance of it being illegible.
5. I thought about using it to tag my cat in case he ever gets lost, but I figured he wouldn’t like that too much.
6. Same for my husband.
7. Send more mail. Any time I get a surprise card in the mail, it just brightens my day. Perhaps I should just send more notes and cards. Postcards don’t cost too much send, and the joy it might bring to someone would make them priceless.

So perhaps I can turn my attack of the return address labels into something positive instead of a guilt trip.

Anyone else have any ideas on ways to use return address labels in a new and creative way? I’m all ears!

The "Drive Drunk, Get Nailed" campaign aims to stop drunk driving.

It’s been reported that the July 4th weekend is the most deadly on the highways, with alcohol being the biggest contributor. I think another big contributor is simple lack of attention to your surroundings.

I am not a perfect driver. I have made my share of errors on the highway, when I’ve missed a sign or totally did not see another vehicle. I’ve had a couple of accidents (one weather related, the other was never fully determined what happened). I repeat, I have made my mistakes.

That being said, I will also admit to having my own version of road rage. My family, thankfully, lets it roll off them. Heck, my husband often says he doesn’t need road rage any more. I do it for him! I think friends find it a little funny. In hindsight, I usually feel a little silly and embarrassed by my rants, but I seem to do it consistently.

See, my version of road rage consists generally of a string of curse words, a rant about what happened and an angry glare at the offending vehicle. I’m all bark and no bite. I talk a big talk, but even if I end up side-by-side with the offender, I will stop glaring and purse my lips staring straight ahead. I don’t do angry confrontation. It’s not worth it in the end. But boy do I rant a good rant in the confines of my truck!

The long and short of it is the fact that my rants come from a blatant disregard for other drivers and traffic rules. My biggest annoyances on the highway:

• Yield signs mean to stop if there is on-coming traffic. Yield does NOT equal merge. It does not mean speed up and force your way into traffic. I have too many times watched vehicles blow through a yield sign and force another car out of their lane or even off the road completely.  Just today I had a guy blast through a yield sign, then immediately stop to make a right turn, almost causing a multi-car pile-up. I repeat YIELD DOES NOT MEAN MERGE.
• If you are not going the speed limit, do NOT get in the far left lane. Many state’s drivering laws state that the left lane is for passing. Which means, basically, the left lane is the “fast lane” there for those going faster to easily pass those who are going slower. Open your eyes. Look in your rearview mirror (its there for more than checking your lipstick). Realize you are holding up traffic and move out of the lane. Too many times, I’ve watched someone enter the interstate, cut across four lanes, and camp out in the fast lane. Many times these people are going 5 – 10 below the speed limit, forcing those going the speed limit — or admittedly a little over — to have to go around them on the right, which generally ends up mixing up traffic in more than one lane and causing headaches for many other drivers.
• Turn signals come standard on all vehicles. Use it. Love it. Live it. Realize the people around you are NOT psychic. They do NOT know you are going to turn. They do NOT know you are going to change lanes. They do NOT know you want to come over when traffic is backed up. Turn on a blinker and help people out. Believe it or not, this will even make for a more pleasant drive for YOU as well as for those around you. (Of course, I make this rant, but clearly remember a Nashville Metro Police Cruiser cut me off without using his blinker once while traveling down I-40 into town. I guess it COULD be argued that if the cops can’t even use a blinker, why should any one else. *sad face*)
• Heads up. As I mentioned before, vehicles come with mirrors. They aren’t there for you to check yourself out. Use them to look around. Take a moment and look over your shoulder directly as well (especially when backing up!). Check extra hard for bicycles, motorcycles and pedestrians.
  • Vehicles have blind spots, and that I can understand. My truck has a couple monster blind spots, and my biggest fear these days is not noticing a vehicle running in my blind-spot and my changing lanes into them. Similarly, be aware of you yourself being in a person’s blind-spot. Just don’t do it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had another vehicle pace me and camp out in my blind-spot. It’s stressful for the other driver, and it puts you in a bad place should there need to be any sort of sudden evasive maneuver by the other person. You’re flirting with danger.
  • Use your rearview mirror. Know whats coming up behind you. Its not weakness to let someone pass that’s going faster. You’re not “saving” them nor are you “teaching them a lesson” by holding them up. Let ‘em go and let the police handle it. Chances are, once they DO get around you, they’re going to drive even MORE recklessly than if you’d just let them pass in the first place. Why cause yourself AND them the frustration and anger. Let ‘em fly. (Besides, when YOU are late or maybe have an emergency, don’t you wish that other person would let you go?)  *This is also a big one when it comes to emergency vehicles! Know they are coming up on you and let them pass! Also, move over if you see one on the side of the road ahead of you. It’s the law.*
  • Use your side mirrors. Know what’s coming up beside you. Remember that blind spot I talked about? Not as big of an issue if you were aware of that vehicle in the first place. Either they were coming up on you, or you just passed them… either way, if you’re paying attention, the blind spot won’t matter as much. You’ll know there’s the possibility of a vehicle being beside you.
• Slow down in residential areas. Turn your radio down, too. These are people’s homes. There are children playing here and could run out at any given moment. Maybe someone is down with a fever in bed and the last thing they need is your bass booming at them. Its called respect for those who live in the homes you are passing.
• Actually, slow down in general. I used to be known for speeding. It was kind of a running joke with friends. Frankly, I’ve slowed down a lot through the years. Do I still push it some times? I do. Mostly in an attempt to just go the flow of traffic. But there’s still no excuse and something I admit to needing to work on more… speed limits exist for a reason. Even when the reason isn’t clear to us.
• Stop signs. The person who stops first has the right-of-way. If two stop at the same time, the person on the right has the right-of-way. (Meaning, if the other car is on your left, YOU are the person to the right.) If two stop at the same time across from one another, and one person is making a left and the other going straight, the person going straight has the right-of-way.
• Making a right turn does not mean you don’t have to stop at a red light or a stop sign. You still have to stop. Not just a rolling stop. A full stop. And look to see if anyone is coming. And if they are, and they have the right of way, don’t just assume, “Oh they’ll slow down for me” and pull out any way. Stop. Wait. Let them pass. Then go.
• Don’t pass on a hill, in a curve or in a general no-passing zone. These solid lines on the highway are there for a reason. Passing in these places is like asking to not get there at all.
• Truckers, Buses, and other large vehicles.
  • Car drivers, respect these guys. They go many miles in a day, and encounter more “bad drivers” than any of us could imagine. Don’t be one of their stresses. It’s not as easy for them to maneuver tight areas as it is for the rest of us on the high way. Don’t jump in front of them when they are trying to come to a stop, they have a heavy load and it takes longer for them to stop. Don’t sit in THEIR blind-spot. If you’re going to pass, PASS. Don’t just sit there, afraid to pass. Give them room to change lanes. They put their blinker on, let them in… don’t force them to do what they have to do and cut you or others off by not heeding their polite request.  Those thirty extra seconds in your drive just aren’t worth it.
  • Similarly, truck drivers, look out for vehicles and don’t tailgate us! I have literally had truck drivers put me into tears from fear, because they’ve ridden up on my back bumper so hard… and there was nothing I could do about it. I COULDN’T move over to let them pass. I COULDN’T speed up for them. I was totally  boxed in, and thought I was dead because all I saw in my rearview mirror was “Peterbilt.” Twice in one week (once to me, and once to my husband) we had a truck turn on his blinker the exact same instant he was already moving over… and we were already starting to pass. We were thankful for good brakes and quick reflexes, lest the trucks have clipped our front end and spun us out. Had they paused a moment, we both would have happily backed off and let them in safely. Just because sometimes people don’t let you in and you have to make a “rude” action, doesn’t mean there aren’t those drivers who will work with you.  You’re bigger than everyone else on the road… this comes with some responsibility as much as it comes with respect. Work with us and some of us will work with you.
• Drunk driving. Texting while driving. Digging through your backseat and driving. Sleepy driving. Reading while driving. All these things make you less aware. You may have done in a million times without incident, but it doesn’t make it any more okay. You are no longer aware of what is going on around you. Pull over or just don’t get behind the wheel. Put your distracted state with drivers who have blinders on… and its a recipe for disaster. (There are countless videos available on the internet showing the consequences of distracted driving… like this one, this one and this one. They’ll make your stomach turn and tear your heart out. Some of these, I couldn’t even watch all the way through. You’ve been warned.)
• Drive with confidence, not arrogance.
  • One of my biggest stresses, living in a city that thrives on tourism, is tourists. The people who forget that this city is somewhere people do live, and that slowing down at every intersection to read the sign is a huge cause of irritation. Or perhaps you realize your lane is a turn only lane and instead of attempting to merge safely (or making the turn and just finding somewhere to turn around and come back!) they just jump lanes and wave sheepishly in hopes their out of state plates give them an excuse. Drive with confidence even in a place where you are unfamiliar. You can almost always find a drive way or a parking lot to turn around if you miss your turn. Or, don’t be afraid to ask directions! Locals can often give you easy to find landmarks that will help you in your path. “It’s just past the Kroger on the right!” or “Look for the big pink house, and you know you are getting close.”
  • Arrogance does not equal confidence. Arrogant driving is when you refuse to “work with” other drivers. You refuse to let them over even if they have on their blinker. You think holding someone back is “for their own good” or you think a person making a turn into a drive way is in your way. You always have the right-of-way at intersections. You know better than anyone else on the roads. You think you never make a single mistake.

Like I said as I started this post, I am not a perfect driver. Lord knows I have done my share of dumb things — especially as a teenager when I thought I was invincible. Truth be told, I’ve broken one or more of these rants at some point; I’m sure I’ve cause my own share of road rage in others.

My aim here is simply to bring up traffic laws or ideas that I’ve seen over the course of the last several years broken time and time and time again. The things that I’ve discovered will trigger my #!&*@!#@$ reflex fastest.

Do you have any driver irritations not listed here? Please share them!

Whether its “officially” Summer or not, I think its safe to say that we all have that Summer-time urge to let our hair down. I know I do! Sunshine, beaches, water, flip flops. They all are calling my name!

However, I have two things going against me. One, its summer touring season, and for the next few months I’m going to be on my own more than I’ll be with my husband. Two, I’m broke and a trip to the beach just isn’t going to happen. So, I’m on a mission to find fun things to do that are cheap, and that — bonus points — I can do on my own.

My first stop is the library.

Call me crazy, but I’ve always liked the library. I had a craving for books all the way back to pre-school days. (That could be why I love to write today!) I remember being addicted to Boxcar Children, then to Sweet Valley Twins and Baby Sitters Club. RL Stine books, Sweet Valley High, and later Sweet Valley University. Books, books, books! I wanted one with me all the time!

My book tastes have advanced since those days, and I don’t devour them as fast. I still like to have one with me at all times, but I appreciate them much more than I did back then.

I got a library card for a local library last September. I was GIDDY to be handed a card, because it had been far too long since I had one. I promptly checked out a stack of books. I just as promptly earned myself late fees, even though you can renew books online with a click of a mouse button.  What-cha gonna do?

The other day, on a whim, I decided a trip to the library was in order. I drove over, and I was SO happy to see the parking lot almost full. I smiled extra big to see Moms taking big groups of kids in to attend a summer reading time.

It was nice and cool inside, which immediately made me feel like this would be a wonderful place to spend some upcoming hot summer afternoons. I quickly got lost among the books, mostly plotting out a summer reading list for myself. I even found a few books that I didn’t know existed; books I know I will be devouring in weeks to come.

Libraries are so underrated, and as the world becomes more and more digital, printed media is quickly losing its place in the world. Call me crazy, but I love to smell and feel of a BOOK. Being surrounded by hundreds of them in a library is, for me, like being enveloped in a wonderful literary hug. I plan to hug back. I left that afternoon with two books in my arms and a plan on where to go some summer afternoons when I want to get out of the house.

Today was definitely a day of “getting to my roots.”

Inscription on Albritton Clock Tower on the Texas A&M Campus

First, I went out to the cemetery where all my grandparents are buried, and its at the church where my husband and I got married. This location deserves a blog post all by itself, but suffice to say that you can’t get much deeper into my roots than this location!

Then, I visited Texas A&M University. I took some time to walk around a little bit of the campus and take pictures. I took in memories of days now-fairly-long past, and I observed the current student population a little. I am forever amazed by how little changes in light of how much things have changed.

I ran into the same family a couple times as I strolled around. It was a young man with his parents and a couple siblings. He was giving his family a tour of campus, and if I were guessing I’d have said he had to be a Freshman. Perhaps even a Senior checking out the campus he’d be attending in the fall.

I could only hear snippets of their conversations, and really it was none of my business. However, the young mans demeanor amused me. His body language screamed out that he would rather be doing anything other than what he was doing in that moment. Telling his family about traditions, etc. seemed to be almost an annoyance. It was as if they should know these things already.

I shook my head, and deep down I wanted to pull him aside. I wanted to convey to him that I’m over 5 years out of college now, and there are times I wish I’d taken more time to appreciate my campus. I was blessed with parents who took (and continue to take) an active roll in my life. He needs to be thankful to have his family there with him. Many would give anything to have that time. And 10 years from today, he’ll wish he had this time back. I could promise him that.

At another point in my tour, I couldn’t help but overhear another young man fretting over the coming summer. Should he stay in College Station, or should he go home to Dallas?

He was going through the pros and cons of both to his friend, and I have to admit, I was impressed at how he was thinking it through. But I felt the urge to go to him and tell him that neither choice was wrong. He is blessed to be in a time in his life that everything is a chance to grow and experience life. In a weird way, being a student gives him a safety net that “the real world” will not offer in the next few years. Enjoy having that problem. Revel in having the options ahead of you, and know that neither one is wrong. Both will offer lessons in life. Both will find you wiser come Fall Semester.

Its a funny thing about taking some time to visit your roots. You find yourself studying the lessons you’ve learned along the way. You realize you wish someone would have told you these lessons ahead of time. And yet within that, you find its learning these lessons on your own that have made them stick.

So even as I wanted to “offer words of advice” it was best I kept my musings to myself. Those lessons were for me to learn my own way, and for these current students to learn their own way as well. And some day, they may take their own stroll on campus and have the urge to share their own advice, but they, too, won’t.

I’m going to say something uncharacteristically pessimistic. I always prepare for the worst.

Now for something optimistic. I always hope for the best.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. My mom told me that years ago, and its always stuck with me. It’s become a life habit I don’t even think about doing. I just do it naturally.

One of my biggest lessons in doing that was when I didn’t get flag corp when I tried out my Freshman year. I couldn’t fathom not making the squad. My life would be OVER. I never considered the worst seriously. I never had a healthy approach to this ordeal.

I didn’t make it. My life was not over. I was, however, numb and devastated a few days. I justified it 1000 ways, but at the end of the day. I’d just failed to acknowledge the worst case scenario, and as a result I melted down.

I’m sure there are countless other times that I failed to even acknowledge the “worst case scenario” and as a result I was unprepared when it came to pass. But that example is probably the biggest one that always comes to my mind.

Hope for the best. Believe in the best.

Mindset is half the battle in all things. If you think you can, you will. I believe this to be true. However, if you put so much weight onto something HAVING to turn out a certain way, I think you put yourself right into the position of it not happening. Similarly, if you go in assuming a certain result, you’ll undoubtedly be disappointed when it doesn’t go exactly like you expect.

Today, my dad prepared our tax return. I went in bracing for the worst: owing. I know too many people who DO owe this year, and I knew much of our combined income had not had taxes taken out of it. And even though I work with tax returns right now on a daily basis, there is still so much of tax laws I don’t understand. One being what deductions are allowed and how they are applied. (This is why I make the returns look pretty as opposed to actually preparing them.) I was truly prepared to owe.

When we came out with a refund, I almost cried with joy and relief. Literally. I had hoped for the best, but I was fully prepared for the worst. And as a result, the outcome was better than I expected. Even if my refund was only $1, it would have been better than I was prepared to see. I was tickled.

I hope for the best in all things. Always. But I also brace myself for the worst. It allows me to have some sort of game plan and calmness in the situation that the worst does happen. In the same breath, it usually makes anything that happens a very pleasant result.

I plan to keep this mindset for a long time to come. It’s served me well so far. I am certain it will serve me well in the future.

Read the fine print. We’ve all heard that advice time and time again, but I’m willing to bet we are ALL guilty of not doing it now and then. Most of the time, I read the fine print when something seems too good to be true, and I want to prove to myself I am right. It’s the times I want to believe “too good to be true” IS true that I don’t read it. That, or when I think I already know the fine print.

Within the last few weeks I’ve run into cases where I failed to read the fine print. The first case came out fine, and I think I ultimately ended up making a better decision for my situation than I would have otherwise. The second case… Well…

My husband and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary this week. We celebrated it in the Smoky Mountains area of Tennessee. We’ve made many trips to the Gatlinburg area, and I think its safe to say that its our favorite vacation location.

This past summer, we got signed up for a three day/two night trip to Pigeon Forge through this time share resort company. Go on our trip, sit through their presentation, and receive gift cards to Bass Pro Shops whether we sign up for the timeshare or not. It was that easy.

Too good to be true, right? We should have thought so, but somehow it all made sense. And somehow we missed the “minimum income required” in the fine print.

Fast forward about six months to this week. Excited for our trip, we’d not been out that direction in over a year, and after a stressful few months we figured a pre-paid vacation would be the thing to clear our minds. We arrived at the check-in location, and it was at that time we were given a “questionnaire” and the one that stumped us was “yearly income.”

See, in both of our careers, nailing down a yearly income is a struggle. We both have income from multiple sources through the year, and usually we don’t know how we came out until we file our tax return. It usually ends up being the surprise that we are never really happy with. So, we opted to go fairly middle of the road in our answer. Enough to live comfortably, but low enough to show we’re not exactly able to have that many “fun times and toys.”

Page two comes. First requirement, a minimum income. One check box above the one we’d checked. We looked at each other with alarm, but I ultimately shrugged it off. Its not like we were drastically below that minimum (Literally could have been less than $100 less given the span of income choices) and we WERE starting a whole new year. Surely this wouldn’t be an issue. The final requirement would be that we both attend the presentation, lest our deal be voided and we’d be charged full price for our room instead of the discounted rate. (After all of the events of our trip, I read the fine print and discovered all of this in there. So they did cover their butt there. Its in the fine print, why should they tell you this from the get-go? Right?)

Our room was very nice. It reminded me of a small apartment, and with a full (small) kitchen we were able to avoid eating out that night. I had brought food along to cook, and we spent the whole evening inside from the cold.

The next morning — our actual anniversary — we headed over to the presentation. We checked in, and before long were called to the front desk. “You don’t make the minimum requirement, you can’t take the presentation. We can’t change the original answer you gave. Call this number for more details.”

We wouldn’t be ALLOWED to sit through the presentation? What did this mean for the room rate?

We found out fast it voided everything. No gift cards and the room price went immediately back to full price. AND we were minutes after check-out time. In other words, “You don’t make enough money so we are going to screw you over and charge you more money.” Kind of like credit cards these days.  Can’t pay your bill? OK! We’ll just charge you  MORE MONEY because that just makes the most logical sense. Right?

Married 3 Years!

I’ll never be a millionaire because I have too much logic going on in my brain. I can’t think of these ways to make people who can’t afford things to pay more for those same things that I’ll give to a rich man for free. But I digress…

Luckily, at the actual resort, the front desk woman was incredibly sweet and checked us out immediately and assured us we wouldn’t be charged for a second night after all. If more people were as kind as this woman, the world would be a far kinder and happier place.

I’ve carefully left out the name of this resort company all along, and I’ll continue to do so from here on out. However, I will add a link to “Pissed Consumers” page regarding the company… Reading this page made me realize that they probably did us a huge favor in the end. It is also in reading this page that I wish I’d done my homework sooner and known better what kind of company we were dealing with.

My husband and I refused to let it ruin our Anniversary, and in the end we made our way home a day early. Snow and ice that fell over night made us very grateful we HAD decided to come on home, and everything came out all right. We had a wonderful and memorable day. Made it home safely. And didn’t have to sit though some stuffy 90 – 120 minute presentation on our special day.

Oh and the lesson to read the fine print was nailed down even harder.