Musician's Widow

We made it home to Nashville from Texas yesterday morning. The 13 hour drive seemed longer than usual, and I attribute that partly to our lack of being in any hurry to come back. We just had that fabulous of a time!

Our plans to head to Oregon for Christmas were canceled thanks to budget concerns and the crazy-high prices of flights at the holidays. So we instead headed to Texas to spend the holiday with my family. Amusingly, the weather, for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, was all Oregon. Misty rain and cold. But our visit ended with warmer temps and sunshine.

I have to say… there was just something about this Christmas. It was so relaxed! It was just filled with this wonderful peace and joy. Its impossible to explain, but it was a special trip for sure. And while my husband and I knew we had to make the trip back home to Nashville to work this weekend, we just couldn’t get motivated to actually leave. We put it off as long as we could before making the long drive back.

Now, any time I am back in Texas, I have this little (okay maybe its kind of long) list of places I’d love to visit and things I’d like to do. I usually do good to knock one or two of the items off the list. This trip? I knocked off more than my fair share of things!

I got to see family, of course. Quality time with my parents, brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew is priceless, and always at the very top of the list. I have cousins I’d really like to get to spend time with as well, but those visits tend to be rare just due to time constraints. I got to see one of my girl friends to do a quick gift exchange. But friends’ visits will have to wait until I am down for an extended period of time for tax season. And that’s okay… we can spend more time than the rushed visits of the holidays.

Food: Whataburger! Freebirds! Mexican food in general! Green’s Sausage House! Czech Stop! Hiway 77 Cafe! Blue Bell and Dr Pepper! (Granted I can get both of those in Nashville, too, but they just taste better when actually IN Texas.) Places: Aggieland! Frenstat, where my husband and I got married, and where my grandparents are all buried. Cavender’s Boot City!

I got to do all of these things! Crazy cool, I gotta admit. Oh, I always leave things left undone. We wanted to go for a drive in my old truck from high school. There are various people we would love to go visit. And there are locations we always want to take time to explore, but we rarely have time to do so.

But you know, that’s a good thing. I would hate to ever leave not wanting more time.

Time visiting Texas is precious to me. Nashville is definitely home, but I’m a Texan at heart for life. And a Texas Christmas? Well… that’s just something super special to me. Now I look ahead to a planned trip to Oregon in the next couple of months. Ready to go experience my husband’s home with him and embrace his list of things to do. Bring it on!

My Christmas is not over. Not until I say it is. And I’m not saying it yet.

No, in my family, we usually kept Christmas alive until at least January 1st. The tree stayed lit. There were Christmas goodies left to eat. All the presents were just as new as the day we opened them. Christmas was not over just because the calendar said so.

I am not a fan of starting Christmas too early. Stores start stocking Christmas decor before Halloween, and that is just WRONG. Thanksgiving deserves its own attention, and Christmas can get its own attention in turn. Again, I do not want to rush Christmas… neither in starting it, nor in ending it.

So yesterday, as we took off on a ride through the country, the adventure felt just as much a part of Christmas as did wrapping presents and baking cookies. In fact, we picked up a gift for the people watching our house for us while we are away. (Hey, I do NOT leave my house unattended for an extended period of time… robbers take note. I have people watching over my house, and they have guns and know how to use them. So there.) We even went to look at Christmas lights on the way back home!

But it was while we were shopping that I saw it. I saw the biggest travesty of them all.

VALENTINE’S DAY THINGS ARE OUT ON STORE SHELVES!

There was a lady stocking the card section of the grocery store and I really wanted to go over, yank the cards out of her hands and give her a big, “What. The!?!?!?” if I didn’t know she was just doing her job and probably found the action just as stupid as I did.

I mean. I love Valentine’s Day. Sure. But its DECEMBER 26th!!!! No one has ended their Christmas goodies hangovers yet! Heck some of us are still working on them! And we still have New Year’s Eve to celebrate! And… and… just… c’mon! Really!?

(Can you tell by the sheer use of exclamation points above how very, very wrong I find this entire thing to be?)

I’m appauled. I’m disappointed. I’m reaching for another sugar cookie and peppermint schnapps flavored hot chocolate to drown out my sorrows. Christmas isn’t over to me, yet. We aren’t even in the next year yet. Please don’t rush the next holiday.

Please?

Christmas is a joyous time of year. Celebrating the birth of Jesus. Enjoying time with family and friends. Finding a moment of peace here on Earth. However, this Christmas I’ve acknowledged the sting of loss during this season. Just yesterday, I learned of two deaths, and my heart ached for their families left behind.

One was a regular at the bar I work at… a kind man who you could depend on for anything. He was our resident carpenter. Sometimes I think the bar was still standing thanks to him. He took many under his wings, standing in as a father figure to many. He had a genuine smile, and was quiet. Often times you didn’t know what he was thinking, but when you’d get to talk to him you’d be revealed a wealth of knowledge. He and my husband became friends after learning they were both Freemasons. When I would work in the hot dog stand, he’d come buy out the candy bars, often leaving me a nice tip. (Even when I’d carefully return him change to avoid it, he’d chide me and tell me to break the big bills down into smaller bills.) His want to buy all the candy to give to the bartenders and waitresses next door made me smile… his kindness unmistakable.

When I received word that he had a massive stroke, with 0% chance of survival, my heart stopped for a moment. And when I heard word he had been taken off life support and had passed away, my heart ached deeply for his children, left two days before Christmas without their Dad… a man who was truly an angel walking here on Earth.

Then later, I learned a woman who graduated a few years ahead of me — her sister a classmate of mine — passed away suddenly yesterday morning. Scouring Facebook for more details, my heart once again ached for the two beautiful little girls left this Christmas without their Mom. This woman posted just Tuesday that she couldn’t wait for Friday, I presume to start her Christmas celebrations. I was struck by life’s cruel irony that Friday would instead be her last day here on Earth. I dropped a note to her sister, but words just seemed cheap at this moment.

This all comes on top of learning about deaths in car accidents (specifically a Texas A&M football player earlier this week), and loss of homes. Death. Loss of any kind. They all sting. But their sting is just a bit sharper. Just a bit more bitter in this time of joy all around.

I pray for strength for these families dealing with their losses. I pray they can still find joy in Christmas, even if its a bittersweet joy. Similarly, I hope those who lost loved ones throughout the last year can find ways to honor their lost loved one, but still see the peace of the holiday. The hope and joy its meant to bring.

My grandma always loved Christmas. The family would gather. Songs were sung; poems were read. Gifts were shared, and food… oh all the food. My parents now live in what was my grandparent’s house, and even though they’ve been in this house for 10 years now — it being my home as well for over half that time — I still will get a moment of pause remembering memories of times lost past, especially here at Christmas. Just today I had one of those brief moments walking through the dining room. For a split second it was as if I stepped back in time, and instead of at Mom and Dad’s house, I was in Grandma’s house and it was time to start preparing for our Christmas dinner soon. I didn’t want to shake the feeling off. I wanted to revel in it. I wanted to remember with a smile.

I hope those facing their deep loss this Christmas will one day do the same; they’ll not look at Christmas with sadness but with the joy of those beautiful memories made before this sadness hit them. God Bless them all and give them strength.

Let’s all take a moment this Christmas to enjoy those we love a little more than usual. To file away those happy memories for the future. They are more priceless than any physical gift could ever hope to be…

Dear Santa,

Tomorrow your big night arrives. Hope you are ready!!

Sorry to be writing so late. That seems to be a trend for me this season. My Christmas Cards will go out days after Christmas, too. So I guess I’m doing good to write this before the big day at all!

I have so much to be thankful for this year. It’s been a wonderful rebuilding and healing year for us. We are entering 2012 with a confidence we haven’t had in a few years. I am excited to see where this year takes us… I am so very optimistic!

So I write to you with a heart full of hope and the belief that the magic of Christmas will continue to hold true. That it will be as amazing as it ever has been!

Christmas isn’t just for little kids. They, of course, have a far more innocent view of it. I miss that innocence, that feeling the big day will just never get here. These days, the holidays sneak up on me and I’m left lamenting how I am not ready! How I need more time to prepare, to get into the spirit of the season.

Luckily, despite being amazed Christmas is already here, I am sufficiently into the spirit of the season. I’m ready for lots of food, gifts, carols, laughter, and the birth of baby Jesus.

If you have a little room in your sleigh, could you hook me up with some more camera gear? Lenses, flashes, etc. I want it all! And some jeans? Maybe some cute sweaters and new boots? Could you throw a receptor in for my husband? He’s been wanting one for years now. If you can’t do the camera gear and receptor, could you slip some plane tickets to Oregon for us for February? Or just some money towards it? It’s been three years since we got to visit friends and family up there. We are long over due for it. I’d love a few new CDs or just an iTunes giftcard. Finally, we are due some new phones. In fact, we can upgrade our phones next week, but if you wanted to throw a couple iPhones in your bag for us… I wouldn’t complain one bit.

You know what, though? If you just take good care of my niece and nephew, I’ll be happy. Spoil them tomorrow night. We’ll figure out the rest.

Safe travels, Santa. I’ll be going to midnight mass, and I’ll look for you in the skies on my way home afterwards.

Love,

Denise

It finally happened. I finally procrastinated so  long that my Christmas cards will be sent out after Christmas.

The last several years, my cards hit the mail around December 5th. I’m one of those early birds. Our picture would be taken at one of our birthdays, the cards would be ordered pronto, and I could knock that little task off my list quickly.

This year? This year, we didn’t even take our picture until LAST WEEK. But, I figured it was no big deal. The printing company I always use is super fast. In fact, I never have to pay for expedited shipping, because I ALWAYS get my orders within 4 days of ordering. Always. Whether I pay $8 for shipping or $21 for shipping. Only 4 days. I can almost set my watch by it.

So, of course, I ordered my cards, paid for the $8 shipping, and I felt sure that by this moment in time I’d have my cards on their way to friends and family.

Nope! Not this time! Every time I check their status, my cards are “printing.” At this point, even if they shipped today, I wouldn’t get them in time to make it to their various destinations before Christmas Day.

So, I guess everyone will get their cards from us after Christmas. I’ll just tell myself and others that I did that on purpose. You know, extend the holiday. It sounds good to me, at least.

And next year? Next year I might order my cards by November 1st. Maybe our Christmas picture will be in our Halloween costumes.  Yeah… that sounds good to me.

Ah, Pinterest. That site that it seems everyone is addicted to now. I sure know I am! That virtual pinboard of things you like, want to save, and want to share with others. I have learned a lot thanks to Pinterest about photography, cameras, and things as random as how to tie a proper necktie.

About a week ago, I saw a friend pin the cutest Santa Hat Brownies, and I declared that I would have to make them. I followed the link to read how to make them, and then I decided to give it a go. I used a brownie mix, store-bought icing and strawberries. I don’t have the time or equipment or patience to go through all the steps to make them from scratch. Forgive me my laziness there.

I had SO MUCH FUN making them! The most fun part was figuring out how to cut out the brownie bites. I used a shot glass!! A lot of humor a couple times as I couldn’t get the brownie out of the glass. I was glad no one was videoing me trying to shake it out.

Are they as pretty as the original pin? No. But they were made with love, fun and a whole lot of Christmas spirit. I hope everyone likes them at the Christmas party tomorrow night!!

 YUM!