Musician’s Widow

There’s something I’ve been very guilty of over the last few years. I’ve become very reactive to things in life. Something happens. I deal with it. We move on. Keep on keepin’ on. Not necessarily backsliding in any way, but not taking big strides forward either.

I’ve mentioned in various posts lately that I’ve been in a cleaning mood, and cleaning moods usually equates life changes. Positive life changes.

So here I am also realizing that those changes can’t happen without effort from me. Just cleaning out my closet and hauling clothes to Goodwill isn’t going to be enough! It’s like the joke about people in a flood declining help from helicopters and boats while sitting on their roof, because “God will save me!” Then when they die and get to heaven, they ask God why he didn’t help and he said, “I sent you a boat and a helicopter!” You can’t just expect God to make things happen without doing a little work yourself.

Here’s what’s interesting. As soon as I decided I wanted to again be proactive chasing my dreams, and doing what I want to do career-wise, things started rolling without my trying too hard. It’s almost like it was all sitting there just waiting for me to make my mind up to go for it 100%.

First, I had an absolutely awesome photoshoot with Joseph Reed. He and his wife are amazing people that I already consider friends. I haven’t laughed that much during a shoot… ever. It just made me go, “This! This is what I want to do MORE of… gotta make that happen.”

Second, a new invigoration has come to RoadWidows. And you know what’s the coolest thing about this new push? Discovering how much of a drive both Chris and Lindsy have for it and their work ethics in general. Their focus is contagious, and they make me want to work harder. Work with more focus. They’re driven, focused and successful women. Just the type  I want to be associated with more and more.

Third, an old friend that I’d lost touch with over the last couple of years reached out to me, and we got together for dinner and drinks earlier this week. The refreshing things about her are that she has no association with the music business, she’s a successful business woman, and she’s a big fan of what I dream of doing and AM doing. Her encouragement has been yet another a kick in the butt.

Finally, I only need one word: FAMILY. My parents are patient with me. And Thank God for that!!! They know I’ll come into my own in my own time, and they’re supportive and encouraging. My husband and I had a long conversation this week about being proactive in BOTH our careers, and its invigorated us. We’re each other’s biggest fans and cheerleaders. So with my family behind me, how can I not throw myself into it all with a renewed vigor?

I’m excited. I’m terrified. I’m ready. SO ready.

C’mon future. Let’s do this.

This is the last week before April 15th, and I’m pretty out of it come the end of the day. Between tax season and Muster planning, my plate is overflowing. I need to get some sleep (its only 3:30 am!) but I just couldn’t let another day pass without a post!

Last Friday, I drove down to San Antonio to see my husband for awhile. I loaded the address of the venue they were playing into my phone’s GPS and away I went.

I knew there was one section of the route that the GPS wanted me to take that I did NOT want to follow. For whatever reason, Google Maps likes taking me as the crow flies, which in Texas usually means ending up on little Farm-to-Market roads in the middle of nowhere. That can be fun and all, but when you’re hitting those areas after 3 pm, you’re subject to school buses on top of the already lower speed limit. It is NOT the fastest route, no matter what Google seems to think.

Unfortunately, the location of my “don’t-go-the-way-the-GPS-says” was in a town I’ve gotten lost in more times in my life than I care to admit. Its seriously my Bermuda triangle. It’s sad, really. And just as I feared, I got all turned around and nothing looked right to me. I ultimately ended up following my GPS down lots of little FM roads, with lots of local Sheriffs looking to help their county pocketbooks, instead of hitting the tollroad with a speed limit of 85 mph. (C’mon Google maps. You can NOT tell me that going 55 down little two-lane roads as the crow flies is faster than hitting a 3 lane toll road going 85.)

Once I finally hit the tollroad, I was good to go. Or so I thought. My GPS kept telling me I’d be exiting onto “183″ or something like that, so I kept an eye open for that. I was coming up on a split, and I moved over to stay on the tollroad I was on… it wasn’t until I was committed to that stretch of road that my GPS told me to “stay right at the split” forcing me to miss yet another turn and dropping me onto a totally different state highway in 5 o’clock traffic and sitting through stoplights three or four times.

My 2.5 hour drive turned into almost 3.5, and my nerves were SHOT. (I am not even going to go into the idiots I dealt with… like the guy who blew through the yield sign and that I almost made pee himself when I laid on my horn as I avoided t-boning him… thank God I had slowed down from the 85 mph I’d been doing in anticipation for his stupidity.)

Luckily my Saturday went much better. Travel was a breeze and I got to spend the evening with my (to be a cliche teenager) BFFs.

I LOVE THESE WOMEN.

I am blessed with two amazing women that I call both best friend. One I’ve known since Kindergarten with a history that’s impossible to ignore, the other that amazing college friend that you know you’ll have rest of your life. Both like sisters to me, I cherish every time we can make it work to get together.

Our venue this weekend was downtown Bryan, TX. It’s definitely a place made for people our age, and it was just such a refreshing change of pace for me. I love my bars in Nashville, don’t get me wrong! But the class of the place and area was just… refreshing. I always say I can hang in a dive bar and be happy just as fast as I can dress up and hang in a fancy restaurant and be happy.

But the best part of our venue choice was that we were able to sit around a table, drinking wine, talking for hours on end without interruption. Another friend joined us for awhile — one I haven’t seen in 5 years — and it was such a treat to catch up with her as well!  The night was so very good for the soul, and I really hated to see it end. I already look forward to next time!

Sunday night brought the ACM awards. I’m not going to comment too much on it. I just know it left me very sad… sad of the state of the industry that I love so much.

I seriously feel like the class and respect it demanded all through the years has diminished to catering to… to… what I don’t even know. I work in a bar. I can take dirty jokes. But I was put out with the number of them thrown through the night. I remember when it was more about honoring the greats of country, not doing whatever it takes strictly to get ratings.  I remember looking forward to awards night, glued to the TV. Now, I force myself to watch, and I end it wondering why I bothered.

My biggest complaint since last year is making the “Entertainer of the Year” award fan-voted. There are fan-voted award shows already. Keep this one strictly Academy voted. To me, making the top award fan-voted dilutes it down and makes it just another popularity contest. I happen to be one of the few people who might not be a Taylor Swift fan, but for several years championed her getting the Entertainer award… because she IS an Entertainer. And it doesn’t matter my personal opinion of Blake Shelton, he’s become the current face of country. He’s the one people associate with the genre now. He deserved it, too. These are the angles that the Academy would vote from… or at least SHOULD vote from… in my personal opinion. (And yes, these are MY opinions, not anyone else’s.)

Finally, I got to watch my niece play ball tonight. She’s a fierce softball player, and I think it is going to carry her far. Her team (Born to Win aka BTW) was taking on a team the next town over.

My niece at bat… a swing and a HIT!

What a game! I have to say, its getting more and more fun to go to games as she gets older. They ended up playing an extra inning due to it being tied, but had to call it when it got too dark to play safely. It was like being left with a major cliffhanger… they were ONE out away from winning the game… or one batter away from losing it. I like to go with the first one, though.

I hope someone lets me know how it ends when the finally get to finish playing!

I was afraid this would be the only game I’d get to see, since the season started so late this year. But it looks like I’ll get to catch one more on Monday before I head back home to Nashville. Here’s hoping for a win!

I sit here right now deep in thought about two losses to this world last night.

Last night, news came out that country singer Mindy McCready took her own life, leaving behind two little boys. I posted on Twitter that I was sadly not too surprised, knowing she was a very troubled soul. Now, don’t take my lack of surprise as a lack of compassion! My heart goes out to her family and close friends left wondering why. Left wondering if there something more they could have done. I’m standing among the many going, “This is not an answer! There was still so much to live for… whether you can see it in that moment or not!”

Less than two hours after news broke of McCready’s death, my brother texted to let me know a friend had lost her husband. She and my sister-in-law are close friends, and we’ve spent many holidays and get-togethers with their family joining us.

Her husband had been sick for a long time, and I won’t pretend to know all he/they have gone through the last few years. But fighting is something I know he did every day… for himself, his wife and his kids. I can’t… I absolutely CAN’T… comprehend what his family is going through, and my heart aches for them. I pray for strength for them.

So here I sit, thinking about these two people taken from this world last night, and I see this cruel, cruel irony. As one gave up their life purposely, and the other had spent so much time fighting to live. Both leaving behind small children.

I guess, no matter what, my hope is they both are at peace, and that they families can pull together and support each other, love each other, and know that there are many, many others thinking of them and praying for them.

Road Widows contributors — Denise, Chris, Lindsy

Something awesome happened today. I got to have lunch with fellow Road Widows bloggers, Chris and Lindsy, whom I had never met in person before today.

Love. Them.

We’ve known each other through our words in the blog and through our Twitter feeds, but to meet in person was just wonderful. There’s a level of privacy needed on the internet, so to fill in the blanks in each of our life stories just made these women more amazing to me.

Its the week of thanksgiving, and it just seemed to fit to get to meet these two women that I am thankful to know. Hope we get to do it again sometime!

Every now and then, a couple comes along that you look at and go, “Of course! They’re perfect together!” A total match  made in heaven.

Today, I got to watch such a match exchange their vows and become husband and wife. I could NOT be happier for them both, and I am so thankful I got to be there and witness the beautiful event.

Kim and Vaston, we wish you the best… on this day and every day there is to come. Life will have its hard moments. Life will have its magical moments. The rough ones will be easier together, and the magic will be brighter shared with your spouse. You will get advice from every side today, and if I can interject my piece of advice it would be simply to love one another without hesitation and to remind each other of that love every single day.

Congratulations!!

Yesterday was the first day of school for most schools in Texas. (School started here in Tennessee a couple weeks ago.) Being from Texas, over half of my friends on Facebook are old friends and classmates there. Its the thing I love about Facebook: keeping up with old friends.

I was amazed how many of my classmates from high school had kids starting Kindergarten! Post after post after post of “first day of school” photos on my wall. I loved it, but it also made me sit back and really ponder stages of life.

Just last night, we had friends over for dinner and visiting. I had one of those moments that made me take stock of life. Sometimes, I wonder what its going to be like to “grow up.”

Despite being married over five years. Despite having a home of my own, paying my bills, going to work, etc. I still feel young! I AM young! I’m an adult making adult decisions, but I still feel young. But last night, hosting friends, I had a moment of, “This is my house. This is my life. I am an adult. Wow.”

Then I sat down at my laptop and saw so many classmates sending their kids off to school. And once again, I had to look at life. We’re the same age, but we are definitely at different stages of life. It doesn’t make them “older” or “more mature” than I am. They’re just on a different path, and I am SO happy for them.

The grass is not greener on their side. It’s not greener on my side. It’s all about living our own lives our own ways: and that right there is what make us all adults. To me, we are all still so young, but we are also all grown up taking each stage of life at our own paces.