Musician's Widow

October went by crazy fast for me. I was just BUSY, and as we jump into November with both feet I’m still busy!

Last month, it was busy downtown. I picked up a lot of nights in the bar — something that paid off really well, and I am SO grateful for that fact. It’s left me on a total vampire schedule (I just can’t flip flop like most people!), but its also left me feeling very satisfied with the feeling of hard work done well.

Now, though, my workload is completely different. I have a lot of stuff I need to handle for my parent’s business — research in products and stuff. I have a CD cover to design, like, yesterday. I have a friend looking to start a blog and wants me to help him with the design of it. I am trying to do NaNoWriMo. And I’m just looking to enjoy my birthday month and Thanksgiving!

BUSY! That is me.

And I plan to love every moment of it.

A big reason why I want to make writing and photography happen for me as a career (outside of a sheer love and passion for them) is that I love the personal flexibility it provides me. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I know I have to stay focused and on-task to be successful. However, I like being able to be at home when my husband is home.

Right now its touring season, and my husband is on the road more than he’s at home. A fact we are both extremely thankful for, and a fact I strive to work around as much as possible. On his few days at home, I want to be able to move my projects around to step away from the computer and sit on the front step with him watching fireflies, listening to the high school band in the distance.

I like to sleep later than usual, when he’s at home. My rush to get up and start the day disappears for a few days. I’d rather snuggle down and stay where he is for another hour… or two. If he has a meeting to be at, I like to tag along… even if I just sit in the car and people watch, waiting for him to come out.

In the same breath, even when he’s tired from the road and wants to go to bed “early,” he’ll push forward awhile so we can go to bed at the same time. If I have a meeting of my own, he too tags along. He’s always game to any hair-brained idea I may have for us to go do, “Just to get out of the house for awhile.”

We strive hard to coordinate our schedules when we are both at home, knowing the hours together are precious before I’m dropping him back off at the bus to head to another show in another state.

Sometimes… sometimes we aren’t too successful. Take tonight, as I write this. I am trying to keep my schedule a bit “off” for upcoming nights working downtown in a bar. My husband, however, has a session bright and early in the morning. So in an odd move, he went to bed hours ago while I sit doing some work on the computer. In the morning, he’ll get up and head into town, while I snuggle back down under the covers for a few more hours of sleep.

As always, we are thankful for the work. Oh, once in a blue moon, I get a little grumbly, wanting more time together than working, but it never lasts too long. I quickly remember that work is what we prayed to get, and work is what we are thankful to have. We make the most of our time together, and I aim to continue to be able to do that. I don’t want to be ships passing in the night, if I can at all help it.

We survived another tax season. Every year, my parents and I say at least once twice a few dozen times, “This year is going to be the death of me!” That’s the stress talking. We aren’t being literal.

We hope.

Every year, we find new ways to make the process smoother, just as the government finds ways to complicate things. You can claim that this year, but not next year. You can itemize this but not that. You get this credit but only if you stand on your head and drink water while saying the alphabet backwards.

You think I’m kidding? I swear that one is in the tax code somewhere. If it isn’t, it should be. If for no other reason that to give tax preparers something to laugh about as they wade through the idiosyncrasies of the tax code.

What makes the job so stressful is the fact that you’re dealing with people’s financial outlook. Mistakes can cost your client thousands of dollars and can even land a huge fine (or worse!) on the tax preparer. We strive to do the job RIGHT. No law bending or “personal interpretation” being done here!

So, within that, I present to you my tax season pet peeves for 2011 (in no particular order):

• Please don’t wait until the last minute to bring in your tax work and discover you have items missing… then STILL expect the return done by deadline. Let me introduce you to Mr. Extension. He will be taking care of you this trip, and we’ll attack your lack of information sometime AFTER deadline.
• We aren’t mind readers. We don’t sit with a crystal ball to consult on every return. Did you have a child this year? Did you get married? Divorced? Move? Go self-employed? Buy stocks? Did your nephew come to live with you for the year? These are all things we NEED to know to properly do your return. Just because your baby’s birth announcement ran in the newspaper back in July of last year doesn’t mean we saw it. Help us out here. (And when we DO ask, don’t get snippy with us. Just give us the information… please?)
• The old idea of throwing your receipts in a shoe box for your preparer to wade through is just not happening these days. Either wade through them yourself and put them in some sort of order or be prepared to be charged extra for the extra work/stress you’ve brought to our office. Or, you know, meet Mr. Extension.
• Bigger and better refunds than the competition! Bull corn. If you’re going to get a refund its based on tax codes and how everything falls together on your return. If you owe, it doesn’t mean WE (the preparer) screwed up. It just means you owe money. When a software or tax company promises you bigger refunds than the competition, it doesn’t mean they have this magic dust they sprinkle on the paper to make it appear. It just means its a gimmick to get you in the door.
• Please don’t try to get us to lower our fees. I had a whole blog post on this earlier this year. See it for more on THAT whole rant of mine.
• If we take a message instead of patch you through to the preparer you wish to speak with, its not because we don’t love you anymore. Its because they are doing a return and need to focus to do the job right. You get mad if we make a mistake (and we’re human, so it happens), but you have to understand that often mistakes occur due to constant interruption while the work is being done. We might not take you call because we DO love you. See?
• If you feel like I might be treating you like a 5th grader, its because I’ve found its just a good rule of thumb. It never fails that when I assume someone already knows where to sign, etc… they don’t. So its just easier to assume you DON’T know and risk offending you than it is to assume you DO know and then get us ALL in a heap of trouble.
• We have over 400 clients. Yes, over half of you have been coming to us for 5 – 10 years (or longer). Still… help me out with your name when you come in to pick up your return or if you want to see someone. It’s not that I don’t love you, its that sometimes I just haven’t had enough coffee to put a name to a face. Some days, there just isn’t enough coffee in the world. Feel free, in that moment, to treat ME like a fifth grader. I won’t mind. I promise.
• If I give you that deer in the headlight look its because you just asked me something I can’t answer. I figure you know that, but, hey, sometimes people reword the question thinking maybe I’ll know the answer if they do that. Nope. I still don’t know the answer, and now you’ve made me feel dumb twice. Give me a moment to find someone who CAN answer the question. Thanks.
• Please don’t ask us to bend the rules. We won’t. And when we refuse, don’t get angry. We’re telling you no for your own good. Kinda like the time your Mom said you couldn’t have that candy bar before supper, because she knew if you ate it you wouldn’t want that yummy pizza she was making. Remember? Yeah, kinda like that. Only we are saying you can’t fudge the rules because we don’t want anyone to go to jail, nor anyone pay a huge fine and yucky stuff like that. We’re licensed professionals. We do things by the book.
• Finally, please don’t ask me to discuss politics. Not only do I just not want to go there, but with the work we’re doing, it just isn’t appropriate. I’m so glad you’re so passionate about it, but please don’t ask me to jump on your bandwagon for the sake of making you happy. Lets do the work at hand and move on from there.

Oh I’m sure I have plenty more little things that either made me cover my face or beat my head on the desk over the last few months, but I figure these suffice.

Ah. We did it. Another season in the books. A lot of extensions to do in the coming weeks/months, but we’re always grateful for that as well. Thankful for another successful season, and thankful for the loyalty of our clients. Without them, we’d be nowhere. So even as I have my little pet peeves, at the end of the day… I don’t really mind. It keeps things interesting at least.

When I was a kid, I learned all my prayers for my religious education classes. I memorized them carefully, and over the years they became second nature. I could spout off any number of prayers almost like a robot.

Then, one day, in church we were challenged to really sit and think about those prayers. What were we really saying as we said our prayers at night, and did we mean them?

So I did just that. I sat down that night and really thought about the prayers I was praying… I couldn’t get past the first line. I was stuck. If I didn’t say them in the same rhythm and speed as I always said them, I couldn’t remember them. I couldn’t do it! I couldn’t think about it. I had to just do it.

Yesterday, I was brought back to that moment as I wrote up the steps to do one of the jobs I do at work. I’m going back to Nashville for the next week, and I wanted to make sure that anyone who sat down to do this one task could do it right. So I sat down to type up directions.

And I promptly got stuck. It’s so automatic for me today that I don’t think too hard about what I am doing. I just do it. I wasn’t sure if I should find it funny or alarming! Its often in doing things without thinking that mistakes are made.

So, I did the task one step at a time, stopping after each move to type up in detail what I did.

It was nerve wracking! As I’d finish typing up the last step, I’d go back to the task and go, “Okay, now what do I do?”  What’s the next step???

I got through it. A normal 15 minute job took me closer to an hour, but I’m quite proud of my little 12-step process now taped to the side of my desktop computer. I even peppered it with humor like, “Just do it right the first time, because I don’t feel like typing up the steps of how to fix it if things go wrong.” and my second to last step is, “Throw your hands in the air and yell, ‘DONE!’”

No reason to not find humor in my challenge of typing up the directions, right?

But, this isn’t a bad idea to do of any number of things, simply because it makes me stop and think about what I am doing. Heck, I might find I’ve been doing something wrong all along! Or I might find a BETTER way to do things, simply by taking the time to think about it more.

So, is there any tasks YOU would find it beneficial to write out the steps to?  Laundry? Dishes? How to give your cat a bath?

With my husband as a musician, I’m “used to” saying good bye for long periods of time. (Hence, “Musician’s Widow” of course.) I only “like” it because it means income into the household. But good-byes are never what you’d call fun.

Right now, it was my turn to “go on the road for work” and I said good-bye to my husband for a few weeks.

Confession: I still get sad saying good-bye, even if I’m “used to it.”

I woke up in a funk this morning of good-bye. I kept telling myself to not ruin our last few hours by moping, but it was HARD. My logical side said it had to be, but my emotional side wanted to make him stay with me a few more days. (He drove me to Texas for work, and he was leaving to go back home to Nashville while I stayed behind.)  Cancel gigs. Ignore the winter weather warnings. Stay!

But, no, he had to go. So I hugged and kissed him and waved as he drove away.

We’ll both get in an old rhythm that we get into when we’re apart. Phone calls. Chat session on AIM. Etc. We’re good at this, and at the end of the day it’s not REALLY that big of a deal. It’s our life and “how we roll.” We will both be so busy during this time that the days will fly by for us. It’s all good.

I’m fine now. Miss him like crazy, of course, but I’m doing fine.  But… I do still get sad to say good-bye.

Every business has its hours of operation, and they exist for a reason. In the service industry, the hours of operation are not necessarily the “work hours” of employees.

I work occasionally at a bar in downtown Nashville. Sometimes, I am serving food. Other times, I bartend. Occasionally, I bar back. Our hours are generally 8 pm to 2:30 am… ish. However, we arrive by 7:30 pm to set up and leave sometimes as late as 5 am.

It baffles me when I work serving food how often people show up around 7:45 and are shocked to find that there isn’t any food cooked. My frier is cold, water to make hot dogs cold, and chili… you guessed it… cold. My cash drawer is being set up. My sign isn’t even out yet. But they want food right now.

It always takes a lot for me to not snap, “Its not ready because we aren’t open yet! Do you go home, open your refrigerator and miraculously a meal appears on your table fully cooked? If it does, I want your house! But my guess is it doesn’t work that way, nor does it work that way here.”

No, instead I smile and ask that they wait. Occasionally, I’ve opted to ignore them until 8 pm and I’m open. Either way, I bite my tongue and keep my rant in my brain.

Okay, and it might make its way to Twitter.

And this blog.

But I don’t name names.

This time.

Nonetheless, people need to realize that for restaurants, stores, etc. to operate, they have a period of prep time and clean-up. This allows them the best chance to serve you properly. It’s important… respect that.