Musician's Widow

Is writing for the sake of writing fair to the written piece?

I ask that as I stare at the clock, hoping to write a post before midnight so I can say I actually got a post written today. Is it fair to write for that reason alone?

I’m a big fan of writing when it moves you. Let the words flow. Tell your story. Put your thoughts on paper. Don’t force it. It’ll come.

However, if I did that, there would be days on end that I wouldn’t blog at all. I’m either too busy or inspiration just doesn’t exist. A lack of inspiration can span upwards of a week (or more!). Not even writing prompts can get me motivated to write when I’m just not feeling it.

I’m battling that tonight. So I sit here wondering… do I write for the sake of writing? Or do I just let the day go? I, obviously, opted to write… because sometimes you just have to make it happen. Much like those days you just don’t want to get out of bed, you have to just do it. The reward of the day makes it worth it.

The reward of writing in general — something I do deeply enjoy doing — is worth it.

I had an epiphany tonight. I’m calling it an epiphany because it was just this calming fleeting moment in time. I was writing a friend a short little, “This is what I am doing” email. As I hit send, I thought, “I am a photographer and a writer.” That was it. That was my epiphany.

See, I’ve had others say I’m a photographer. I’ve had others say I’m a writer. But I, myself, have always said, “I’m trying to get into writing.” or “I’m trying to get into photography.” I actually had someone get almost mad at me one day and go, “There is no try. You ARE.”

And. I guess. Tonight it hit me. Really hit me. I am. And so with that, I embrace that I am a glutton for punishment. Because on top of NaNoWriMo this month. On top of finishing and preparing to start another Project 365. I am ALSO participating in NaBloPoMo — aka National Blog Posting Month. A blog post every day for the month of November.

Yes. I am crazy. But I am a writer. And I am a photographer. And these things are important to me.

So, upon having a total case of blog-block tonight, I made my way over to the NaBloPoMo homebase and looked for today’s writing prompt.

Friday, November 4, 2011
When you are writing, do you prefer to use a pen or a computer?

Ah. I will never give up my spiral notebook and pen. I prefer to write on the computer in general. Its just faster. But, I have to have my notebook and pen to jot notes. I think if I were still in college, I’d STILL lug a backpack of spirals over a laptop to lectures.

I heard that many schools don’t even bother to teach penmanship any more. I heard cursive writing is a thing of the past. And this makes me so sad to hear. I love getting cards in the mail. I still love handwritten letters. You need to know how to fill out a paper application for some jobs! And… dang it, sometime you just need to write a check.

Yes! I STILL WRITE CHECKS. (Oh okay, I only write them for my rent payment and to make donations at church. But still! I write them!)

I still get little hearts in my eyes at gel pens at the store. And Sharpies… Sharpies are just FUN. I wish my handwriting were better — I always have — but its not bad. And your handwriting is as much a part of who you are as is your eye color. I don’t want to see that fact just go away with laptops and smart phones.

I do prefer to write on the computer — but I will always ALWAYS love pens and paper.

Songwriters Matt Willis and Rick Tiger

Yesterday, I went to a writer’s night to see a couple friends perform their songs. I’ve attended other writer’s nights, but last night… last night was just something special for me.

I sat down, and I listened. Really listened. Oh okay, I snapped a few photos, but I was there to be a spectator, not a photographer. My husband commented that I had a smile on my face the whole time.

For me, it was not just about the music, it was about watching these people living their dreams. Writing their songs and performing for people who want to hear them. I was so proud of my friends. So happy for them!

And… I was in awe.

See, when someone asks me what I do, I used to respond, “I’m a writer!”

I don’t do that any more. Not that I’m not a writer (blogger), but when you say “writer” in Nashville, people think you are a songwriter. And, hey, its an easy and logical assessment! Music city. Writer. Music. Songs. Songwriter. Makes sense.

But, alas, no. I am no songwriter. In fact, I am in awe of songwriters. I admire their abilities to convey such emotion through their words. I admire their ability to tell a whole story in a few verses and a chorus. I admire their ability to take a throw away hook and turn it into a work of art.

I write, but I can’t craft a song. I don’t even do (serious) poetry. I might write the random limerick or haiku for humor-sake. Perhaps a cute little rhyme here and there. But past that? I leave the song writing to the professionals. I admire their talents. I respect them. And I sincerely wish them all the success in the world doing it.

I can definitely be accused of thinking too much. Sometimes, I think that’s why I get a major case of writer’s block for this blog… such is the case today.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I am no where near as bad of an over-thinker as I once was. I don’t live in my head as much as I did even just five years ago. I’m less introverted as I was then (although I think I’d still consider myself more introvert than extrovert… but that’s a post for another day.)

That being said, I often find myself with so many ideas that I am left with no idea what to write. So, I spend hours reading other blogs, looking for inspiration. Hoping something will silence the thoughts in my head and make them focus down into one solid blog post.

That didn’t happen today.

No, my biggest problem today is that the ideas I have for posts are good ideas! I just have to write them very carefully with a solid respect for my audience. I’m not opposed to being “controversial” — but I AM opposed to knowingly offending. Or, worse yet, getting someone, who is just an innocent bystander, in trouble.

So, instead, I vent my feelings and thoughts without censorship in a personal journal. Hoping that “getting it out” will help me take a more neutral approach to the issue at hand. It’s helped me focus my energy and organize my thoughts countless times. I often wonder if other bloggers use this technique as well, or am I just making more work for myself?

No matter what, it didn’t help, either.

I’m still sitting here, stewing over thoughts I don’t dare yet let see the light of day until I can correctly organize them and present them in the proper fashion. Perhaps I am still over thinking them. I am sure of it, in fact. However, if I were to write without thought and care, I’d be less likely to be able to sleep peacefully than I am if I continue stewing over things!

So here I am writing a blog post to tell you I don’t have a blog post today… and why.

Here’s hoping something strikes my fancy soon, or I am able to finally organize the train-wreck of thoughts going on in my mind. I’ll take either one at this point!

I’ve always loved to write. I really have. I think it is either some sort of quirk in a chromosome that I was born with, or it became ingrained in me through my mom reading a book to me every night before bed. (Something I can’t wait to do for my own kids some day!)

As far back as I can remember, I’ve loved books. I devoured books. The best Christmas gifts ever usually came in the form of… you guessed it… books. By second grade I was reading chapter books. Boxcar Children was my series, thanks to my teacher reading the first book of the series to us in class. (My addiction to series books later morphed into Baby-Sitters Club and the various Sweet Valley series.)

In 3rd grade, I started competing in writing competitions. Every year I’d enter. And every year, until 7th grade, I couldn’t win to save my soul. But it never stopped me from trying. I enjoyed learning how to write descriptively, or how to write a how to paper. I never minded the writing portions of tests (often accused of not even knowing how to write “short answers” because they’d always end up too detailed), and I would often “write” stories in my mind as I fell asleep at night. (Usually based on whatever book I was reading at the time.)

I hit high school, and I took journalism as “an easy A” and I discovered a talent for the writing style. So I pursued it all the way through college. I went into my first newspaper job, and I found what I loved was my column writing. Free form writing again. No journalistic rules (outside of, of course, making sure I was being honest and not slandering anyone). Just write whatever was on my mind. And I even won an award for one of my columns!

Even when I wasn’t in a writing job, I’d write. Fan fiction became a new outlet for me. Then just writing daily in my private journal. I have always been writing. It’s become like breathing for me. I have to do it to clear my thoughts. I have to to it to share with the world. And maybe, just maybe, it’ll mean something to someone else.

I was recently asked to put a price tag on my blog. I came up with some sort of arbitrary number, even as I wanted to scream, “PRICELESS!” Its like being asked to put a price tag on oxygen for me. If I didn’t have this blog, I’d have another one. I have to write. I need to write. I love to write.

Maybe some day I’ll actually make a little money doing it…

I try everyday to make my rounds to various other blogs to see what others have written. I consider it a chance to not only get to know more people, but to also learn from others what does or does not work. Some days, I don’t do so hot at making the rounds. I’m either tired or busy or just flat out not in the mood. However, I try to keep those days to a minimum.

I direct your attention to the right side of the screen. For those who are directionally challenged just as I am, its this way; —–>

Below the top ad, you’ll see three blog posts from other blogs on the Blogher network to go visit. I always visit those links. Always. They are guaranteed to be great posts. Those three links consistently leave me in awe of their writing talents. Those links make me want to be a better writer. There are some truly talented writers out there on the web, and it makes me glad that through blogs those writers get attention. It’s a whole new world in regards to publishing and writing these days!

I still dream of being a published author. Its a dream I will not give up on. Its a dream I will achieve. I see many other bloggers out there with the same dream, and as I read their stuff I know they’ll achieve that dream as well.

I may lament the decline of the English language due to text-speak and new versions of shorthand, but the fact, thankfully, remains that there are still a lot of people out there who do love to write, and they do so with great care. I salute all those who do, and I want to tell them I am in awe of them. I appreciate what you do, and I thank you for letting me be a part of your industry.