Finding kindred spirits

A few nights ago, my husband played in an “All-Star Jam” and I went to watch him play as well as to network and socialize. I had such a great time floating from group to group, but two women that were with two of the other pickers were the people I spent the most time with during the evening.

One of the women, J.D., and I got a chance to talk for awhile as our husbands tore down. The music had stopped so we no longer had to yell at each other to be heard. Before long, we were exchanging “war stories” about our husbands on the road. We were immediate kindred spirits with similar philosophies on it.

Our big thing with our husbands is that, if you say you’ll call then call. It’s hard not to worry about him out on the road. If something happened, it would take a long time for it to get back to us, and even longer to get there to him. We need that reassurance from them that they are okay. And in the same vein, we need them to know WE are okay.

We then got on the subject out of “sleep schedules.” It was comforting to find someone else who says the words, “Don’t call before noon; I won’t be up.” With the guy’s working downtown late at night, or their not being able to call until the early morning hours after a show elsewhere — its not worth ever trying to turn our schedules “normal.” It’s bed between 1 AM and 5 AM. Then you get up at noon. It’s crazy to the rest of the world. It’s just the way it is with us.

I was so glad to find someone like myself. It was a nice reassurance. We’re out there — the musician’s widows of the world. There are less of us than there are musicians, so when you find one… you’re immediately friends.

Of trust

A key element of the relationship between a musician and their significant other is TRUST. This applies to all careers — military the largest example — in which couples are separated for long periods of time.

Last night, when my husband and I talked after his show, he told me about a couple he met after the show at the bar. They’ve been married less than a month and as a fellow newlywed, my husband took an even greater interest in striking up a conversation with them.

The woman, he said, asked my husband if it was hard for me to let him go out on the road so far from home. He said that, no, its easy. We’ve just got that something special that allows it to happen without (much) consequence.

Now, I interrupt the story briefly to say I’d never categorize it as “easy” but its certainly not “hard” either. That is my little disclaimer in this tale.

My husband went on to tell me that the woman said she could never do it, because, after all, men will be men. My husband was alarmed by that accusation and told her simply that he disagreed. That when you find that right person, infidelity is not an issue. He’d never in a million years cheat on me, and he knows I am the same way. We have that strong level of trust between us, because we KNOW.

It actually left him and I very sad to see a couple JUST married carrying doubt in one another. It made us just more secure in how solid we are… the high level of trust we do hold in one another. Especially considering how often we are apart.

There is a song by Alabama that asks why the girls fall in love with the boys in the band. I am not stupid. There ARE women out there who are looking for a fast hook-up with one of the boys in the band. But just because there are women out there like that does not mean my husband will take the bait. Because I know with all of my being he wouldn’t, and there is great strength and comfort in that fact.

The wife of a touring musician tells it like she sees it…

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