Tag Archives: humor

The day I totally missed

I’ve been battling something fierce with insomnia lately. Oh, I would get sleep here and there. A two hour nap in the evening. A few hours in the morning. All adding up to close to my needed sleep amount. However, my body has taken its vampiric (vampire-ish?) ways to a whole new level.

It all started, I suppose, all the way back to the days after Thanksgiving, when we were all messed up after driving all night back to Nashville. Then deep worry about finances and the future created full-fledged insomnia. For days on end, my body screamed for sleep, but my mind said, “Nuh uh.”

I turned to mind numbing games on my phone. I tried ambient sounds. But nothing seemed to help. I would toss and turn until late-morning, praying for an off button to my thoughts!

Those thoughts have mostly quieted. Now, I lay awake deciding how I want to arrange my future home. How I want to decorate. What do I need to do about utilities? Oh and all those change of addresses I need to send out. All the while, no part of me itches for sleep except my rational brain that knows sleep is for night (or atleast it should start when its dark…ish) and that I would LIKE to see daylight and enjoy the afternoon.

Saturday, I got up at an “ok” time I suppose. No, actually, it wasn’t an okay time. In no sense of the word is 4 pm, okay. And, as such, I missed both church and picking up a prescription at the pharmacy before they closed. I told my husband countless times that I had to get up at a “decent” time to make it to pick up my prescription the next day. Had. To. And I was determined to make it to Sunday evening mass.

He agreed, and we went to bed early (for us). I set alarms. I was determined to make this happen. Get up at a normal time. Only once again I found myself plagued with insomnia. This meant war, I decided. War with my own body and brain. I would WIN.

I sprayed my pillow with the best aroma therapy pillow spray known to man. Or woman. Whatever. No, seriously, It. Is. FABULOUS. But as I sprayed it on my pillow, I told my husband this could be a bad idea simply because often I sleep a little too deeply and have a hard time getting up in the morning. But, I figured I was desperate, and my insomnia would counteract that ANYWAY. So, I sprayed it on liberally and plopped down on my pillow.

Half an hour later. Nothing.

My next option was hopes that sinus medication would help. I had been fighting a sinus headache all night anyway, so I got up and found some sinus headache medicine that warned “could cause drowsiness.” Perfect. I took one and laid down and waited.

Nothing. Still wide awake. My sinus pain ebbed away, but sleep was a no show. The sun was streaming in already, and my husband was sound asleep. Grrrrr… I kinda wanted to kick him. Kinda. Okay, not really, but I was a bit jealous.

So, I got up and went to the kitchen (stopping to note that it was snowing!), poured a glass of milk and heated it in the microwave. I’d never tried it, but so many people had sworn to me that its the best sleep-medicine ever. So I tried it. I drank the milk (yum!), and went back to bed. I updated Facebook and Twitter about the snow, then laid back and hoped this time it would work.

I guess it did, because the next thing I remember is opening my eyes to a pitch black bedroom. I rolled over to see… 5:30 pm.

5:30!??!?!??! The pharmacy closes at 6:00, and I HAD to have my prescription. Church was at 6:00 too, and over half an hour away. That too was a no-go. :(

I had totally slept the ENTIRE day away. Straight through my alarm, and my husband getting text messages (which, by the way, his ringer is set on “wake the dead” which, I guess didn’t wake me since I wasn’t dead, but STILL!). Literally, blankets were flying. Jeans, sweatshirts, and baseball caps were thrown on… and we RAN out the door. We got my medicine and were back home before the clock hit 5:45 pm. I kid you not. From sleep to Target to home in 15 minutes. A new record, that’s for sure.

But, Sunday? Sunday just didn’t exist for me. December 5th is the day I totally missed. I ate lunch at midnight for goodness sakes!

I’ve decided, its time to reboot. I’m staying up until tonight and going to bed at a “normal” time. It’s worked in the past, so hopefully it’ll work again. I’m not pulling an all-nighter, I’m pulling an all-dayer. Because that’s just how I roll. Or something.

So I hope everyone can learn something from this:

  • insomnia stinks
  • warm milk works
  • don’t mix warm milk with lavender pillow spray and sinus medication because it creates something close to being in a coma, it seems

You’re welcome.

A bad Halloween combination

I just found a new twitter feed to follow. One that has had me laughing my butt off for the last ten minutes. FakeAPStylebook If you were a journalist, are a journalist or know anything about journalism, go follow it for some much needed laughter at yourself. And the AP. Which is perfectly acceptable.

Anyway, a post this afternoon sparked a memory for me:

My husband and I spent our first Halloween together in an apartment.  We had no idea if we’d get any trick-or-treaters, but just in case, on Halloween, we made a run to the store for candy.

We picked up a fairly large bag of mixed flavors of candy, and then we wandered around the store browsing. My husband remembered he needed new razor blades, so he grabbed those as well.

It wasn’t until we stood in line at the check-out that we realized we had bought that bad-guy combo: razor blades and candy. We literally half-wondered if anyone would raise an eyebrow at us as we checked out. Instead, no one was even remotely phased by it! My husband even pointed it out to the checker, and still she gave us a blank stare that said, “So?”

As we left, I still waited for security and cops to descend upon us. I waited for the questioning of why we would want to harm little children dressed up as goblins, princesses and purple dinosaurs.

But instead, there was nothing. I was half relieved, half alarmed. We could have been criminals in the making! Razor blades and Halloween candy! These are two things you shouldn’t be purchasing in tandem! Quick someone come and question me about my motives!

We climbed in our vehicle without anyone even giving us a second glance. We drove off with our bad combination in hand.

We didn’t have a single trick-or-treater that year. We gave a neighbor’s kids a bag of candy, and we left some pumpkins with candy in them outside a few other apartment doors. Our candy didn’t go to waste, and my husband was able to shave just fine. But still, every Halloween we laugh about our first shopping excursion and our accidental combination purchase. An amusing memory from our first year together.

As an aside, parents definitely have to be careful every Halloween, and I know I will be when its my turn to take my kids trick-or-treating. The thought of razor blades in candy makes me shudder, and I wonder why someone would do something so awful to someone so innocent. :(