Category Archives: general-post

Don’t look back? Ehhh…

It’s often said to not look back. The future is ahead, not behind you. You can’t move forward if you obsess over the past. Etc. Etc.

For me? For me, looking back often propels me even better towards the future. Which is what this last week somehow ended up being all about. Even though it wasn’t the plan going into it.

Somewhere over Texas
Somewhere over Texas

I’m currently in my way back to Nashville after a, frankly, amazing week in Texas. I had traveled with the goal of seeing my neice graduate 8th grade, checking in on family affected by the storms, see my husband play a show in Oklahoma, and visit The Association of Former Students at Texas A&M. If I got some relaxation in there, awesome. I was definitely at, “I need a vacation” point simply due to recent financial stress.

I made it to my niece’s graduating. I mused over how it was 20 years (probably to the day) that I myself graduated 8th grade. One of my classmates is junior high principal, which was cool to see but also admittedly a little weird. (I am not old enough for that, am I!?)

Go Jeni!
Go Jeni!

How far my town has come since my 8th grade graduation! New schools. State championships. Classmates now in the roll of teachers. Sometimes I marvel at it all.

Sometimes it’s good to look back and see progress as its come along.

I then traveled the four hours to see my husband play in Oklahoma. Like, old times, it was me and my parents, off to see this guy with crazy talent, and a heart of gold… Who stole mine a long time ago.

I’m pretty sure when a girl is willing to travel over 4 hours to see you for just a few hours of your time, she finds you pretty special. And if her parents tag along, they approve.

I'm his biggest fan.
I’m his biggest fan.

The artist has changed (a few times) since the last time I saw him play in Oklahoma. This was a different casino. And of course we are married now. I’m also no longer dazzled by the “famous” side of the life. If anything I’m cynical about it all. But I still love going to see my husband do his thing, and it’s more about supporting him than anything else.

Of all of this, however, perhaps the most powerful look back to go forward came when I visited Aggieland on Monday.

I know to some it may sound crazy, but I NEED to visit College Station periodically. Graduating from Texas A&M is one of my greatest accomplishments in life. Those years shaped me more than sometimes even I realize.

Once an Aggie, always an Aggie.

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But it’s going to the Association that meant the most. To discover people who I so greatly respect also respect me means so much. I left my meetings that day feeling like I did when I walked across that stage with my diploma:

I can do anything I set my mind to. I have been set up for success. I simply need to reach out and take it.

The trip ended with a visit to the Bonfire Memorial. I’ve gone a couple times before, but it never fails to quiet my soul all over again. As I read about each of the 12 amazing souls lost 15 years ago, I hear them whispering words of encouragement. You can do anything. Live your life to its fullest. Be not afraid.
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So yes, I did look back for awhile, and all it did was push me towards my future. My seat back and tray table are up and locked, ready for landing. Let’s do this.

Photo booth fun

There is just something hilariously fun about a photo booth. Especially when friends are around…
   
 

and bless my husband for patiently letting me drag him into the madness…
 

Life’s too short* to not have fun. 

———-

* Yesterday the music community lost a beautiful soul in Race Godson. Cancer is an evil, horrible disease, but Race battled it with positivity and grace. I am sure he had his down and overwhelming moments, but to us he always had his gentle smile and a hug. Rest in peace, dear friend.

Am I an adult?

A few days ago, I had this weird realization hit me. I’m 34; I turn 35 in 8 months. (I know a lot of people just rolled their eyes at this… hang with me here.)

My 30s are going to be half over! Or maybe I should look at it that I have half my 30s left.

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Either way, I’m not a kid any more. Not even close. But I also find myself wondering when I’m going to have that moment of, “I’m an adult now.”

I mean, I’m married. I’ve bought a house. I’m starting a business. I’ve done a whole bunch of totally grown-up things. I think I think like an adult. I hang out with adults…

Growing up, I was always the oldest person in my group of friends. After getting married and moving to Nashville, I am now generally the YOUNGEST person in a group. So you’d think I’d feel like an adult more than ever.

But there are plenty of things I still think I’m 18 about. Like I think I can eat anything and not gain a pound. Or if I do gain weight I can drop in two days still. I think I can still just break out in a dead run and do a 400 meter dash and only be kinda winded. I think I can fall asleep in the car and not have a neck ache afterwards.   I figure I still have YEARS before things like a yearly mammogram will apply to me. I don’t have an 8-5 job that I wear dress pants and button down shirts to every day. And I don’t have everything figured out, like I used to think adults did when I was a kid.

I guess I do, though, realize my age when I don’t think about it too hard.

When bartending, I regularly looked out at college-age and clearly-fresh-out-of-college 20-somethings with a weary eye knowing that I no longer had the amount of patience I had back then for their thought processes. I gain a lot of entertainment reading teens tweets and the fact that their life is bound to end because someone broke up with them. (I also spend more time than I’ll admit Googling what they say so I can understand.)

I find myself very thankful social media didn’t exist when I was 16.

I went out with my friends on Saturday night, and we ended up having long conversations about health. People we know with cancer was one long part of the conversation, and afterwards I commented how we used to talk about guys that in depth.

We spoke of loss. We talked jobs, traffic and keeping our homes. we talked about how much things cost. We talked babies, and dreams.

It’s natural. It’s where we are in life…

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Perhaps I am over analytically thinking. In fact I know I am. And perhaps this is some weird midlife crisis in which I go through this weird denial that time is passing faster than I like to admit.

I love that I’ve been married over 8 years, though it doesn’t FEEL that long until I look back at all we’ve already been through together. Sometimes I think I should have myself together a lot more by now. Other times I know there are many, many years still to come and we’re always growing and learning.

It’s just going to keep getting better.

IMG_20150316_044443None of us ever have it all figured out. That’s just part of life. Just like getting older. We learn to adjust and figure it out as we go… and I suppose its with that realization that I know I AM an adult.