Musician's Widow

In continuation of yesterday’s, “I went to the movies” post, what I went to see was the movie Bridesmaids. I really didn’t know much about it except that a lot of people on Twitter feed were going to see it, and that they all had a different opinion about if it was good/bad/ugly.

A big reason I opted to go to the movie (because, seriously, that whole Twitter feed thing happens every weekend, but the movies never even really register with me) is because this is a year of weddings for me and my husband. I am SO GLAD so many of our friends and family have found the loves of their lives… I just want to know why they all found them at the same time! ;)

I am in one wedding, and my husband is in another. As such, a day does not go by that I don’t think about someone’s wedding, and so a title like Bridesmaids just screamed, “SEE ME!” So I did.

It was okay. I summed it up on Facebook as, “Hollywood’s version of a wedding with adult language and junior high humor.” So, as I said, it was okay. I think they tried a little TOO hard to get laughs, and the funniest parts were the ones that I think every woman in the theater could relate to having experienced themselves.

Because, seriously… weddings are serious business. And anything serious business is just RIPE for comedy. Oh, when you’re going through it, you can’t laugh. Noooo… the world really MUST stop because you can’t find the perfect garter to wear under your dress. This. Is. TRAGIC.

Then years later you facepalm yourself and wonder what the big deal really was.

The big deal, though, really is how you get from engagement to wedding without alienating everyone around you… because of those serious-tragedies-that-really-aren’t. And THAT, my dear friends, was the part of the movie that rung the most true.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in everything being perfect that you lose sight of the people around you, and the fact that they are the ones that truly matter. You forget that the world does not stop for your wedding, and that every person you’ve surround yourself with in the wedding planning is still living a day-to-day life that can not be put on hold. Watching that movie, there were moments when reality smacked ME in the face, and I looked back on my own wedding planning with a few regrets at how I handled things.

I’m excited for every one of my friends and family members who are getting married this year. I hope they find as much joy and satisfaction in marriage as I have. I can’t wait to hear those “I dos” and watch the bouquet be tossed (thankful I am no longer out there trying to catch it!). I can’t wait to hug the bride and groom and wish them all the best.

Because whether myself or my husband are in the wedding party, a wedding IS a party. Its a celebration of love and a new life beginning. And its in that moment that all the stress of planning, all the no-tragic-tragedies of planning cease to matter and the hurt feelings fade away. It’s in that moment that its all made worth it.

I don’t get it. I don’t understand the hate I see towards Valentine’s Day.

“Oh you’re married. No wonder you don’t get it,” I’m sure someone out there is thinking. Well, I wasn’t ALWAYS married, people. Heck, I was single all they way through college and beyond!!! And I don’t ever recall having the level of hate I see towards this day.

I always looked at it as a day to celebrate love in general! Love for my family. Love for my friends. Love for MYSELF! I was guilty of sending myself flowers on Valentine’s Day once! I seriously do not recall ever hating Valentine’s Day with the passion I see others hate it with…

Some of my favorite Valentine’s Day memories:

Kindergarten – My parents gave me a book (that came with heart shaped lollipops!) that was a cute story about Valentine’s Day. I remember taking it to school that day and my teacher reading it to the whole class. ♥

Coffee Mugs – I don’t remember the year now, but ironically Mom and I talked about it just yesterday… the year she got my brother and me coffee mugs full of conversation hearts. Those mugs are still around and still make me smile!

Rose to myself – I don’t remember the details now, but in high school we were able to purchase a single rose for someone one year. I sent one to myself. Why shouldn’t I get one!?

My First Concert – Bryan White concert in Waco, Texas. My first concert ever. Pretty much changed my life and focus.

Navel piercing – I got my bellybutton pierced on Valentine’s Day. It was a big ol’, “Single and fabulous!” moment.

Flowers for the first time – I got a bouquet of flowers from a friend in thanks for being there for them. Big bouquet of mixed pink flowers. First time I got flowers without asking for them.

Class parties – Oh come ON! We all know it somewhat sucked to have to buy Valentine’s for the whole class in elementary school, but we also all got a big kick out of them, too. I always loved how many different ways people had to spell “Denise” back then. And, seriously, it always made me happy to have a class party! Why can’t we still buy little cheesy cards for all our friends?

I love you – My husband and I said that for the first time to each other on Valentine’s Day.

So, c’mon… whether you are single or not, you must have SOME good story for Valentine’s Day. If not… why not make this year the year you make a good story! Go buy yourself a bottle of wine and chocolate and take a long bubble bath celebrating yourself. Or do something super nice for a random stranger who just might be more miserable for a much more legitimate reason that you. Or call a family member and tell them you love them.

Valentine’s Day isn’t just romantic love. It’s love in general.

Love one another… today and every day.

The only rings I wear... all the time.

The other day, my hair kept getting tangled up in my wedding set. As I tried to dry it, I was constantly having to stop and gently try to extract my own hand from my hair as strands got caught between the wedding band and engagement ring. (I have the two soldered together, but there’s a little gap on the top between them.) After about the forth or fifth time, because I have a hard time learning from my mistakes apparently, I finally took my ring off to finish the job without incident.

Once I finally had my hair dry, flat ironed and styled, I picked my ring back up to put it back on my finger. It was then that I looked at it closer and realized it was horribly dirty. I didn’t know when I had last cleaned it!

I dropped the ring into some jewelry cleaning solution, and I was mildly alarmed by how cloudy the solution became immediately. (I later also dropped my college ring in as well, and that REALLY clouded things up!)  I waited the suggested 30 seconds before I fished the ring out and used the little brush that came in the solution on it to get between the stones. The diamonds on my engagement ring are suspended, and the space below them looked terrible!

It’s hard to believe I’ve been wearing the set for over four years now, the engagement ring for over five. As I rinsed the ring off, carefully making sure to remove all the solution from the metal, I couldn’t help but notice a deep scratch down one side.  Part of the area under the stones still didn’t come completely clean, even after I used the brush.

I have to confess, instead of being upset about the blemishes on my prized possession, I instead smiled. I was struck by the symbolism behind those scratches and stains. After four years of marriage, my husband and I have done our battles with life in general. We stand stronger than ever, but with some scratches and stains just the same. Our marriage means even more to us today than it did when it was brand new… just like my rings.

I never knew when that ring went on my finger, “As a symbol of [our] love and commitment” that symbolism would actually grow stronger. I was SO glad I took the time to shine up my favorite pieces of jewelry that day. My husband and I spend a lot of time apart due to work so little things often mean more than normal… in that moment of cleaning my ring, that piece of jewelry meant more than normal to me.

With Valentine’s day a week away, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about love. Who I love. Things I love. What IS love? It’s a yearly trek of the brain and heart that this Hallmark Holiday brings me to take.

The other day I was struck by how many things are also things I “hate.” Things like:

I love/hate technology. Technology has brought about the ability to do things with ease. You can do more in five minutes today than our ancestors could do in a day. Technology and the internet has brought me friendships I’d have never had otherwise. It, ultimately, led to my meeting my husband. It’s given me knowledge and views of the world that would never have happened otherwise.

And yet, within that… technology has at times lead to families no longer sitting down at the dinner table together every night (instead opting to eat at the computer or TV). I spend more time trying to make my laptop work than I spend doing my job some days. I have found myself so reliant on my computer to be able to pay bills (again, something I LOVE being able to do!) or keep up with what I have to do each day that if I lose electricity or internet for more than a day or two… I’m up a creek!!

I love MDA/American Cancer Society/American Heart Association, etc. I hate that they have to exist. I am forever grateful for the things MDA has done for my nephew. I look at all the good all these organizations do to raise money to find a cure for all kinds of diseases, etc. and I am SO thankful. I love the people to spend their lives trying to help others.

I hate they have to exist at all. It’s not my place to ask why or question God’s plan. But I think its natural to look at those stricken by muscular dystrophy, cancer, heart disease, etc. and go, “WHY!?!”  I see someone struggle, and it hurts my heart. It makes me angry to see someone have to fight so hard to live.

I love music. I hate the music industry. I love music. Love. Music. I love that my husband loves music and is able to make a living making music on the road. I love all my musician friends. All the songwriters. The melodies that define our lives. Country. Rock. Jazz. Pop. Classical. I love it ALL.

I hate the “industry” side of music. The side that says all that matters is the dollar. The side that crushes dreams of the truly talented to promote those based on looks or age. The side that will look at someone and say, “You’re too old.” or “You just aren’t hip enough.” even if that person is the one who has a talent that no one can match. It makes so sense. It’s left me cynical.

I love to cook. I hate doing dishes. Thankfully, hubby doesn’t mind doing dishes. And then there’s that magical thing called a dishwasher. So. There’s that at least.

I love being much more money-savvy. I hate what I’ve had to go through to get there. I have a much greater respect for money these days, and I am better at budgeting than I’ve ever been in life. I am more grateful for what I have than ever before. I see hidden costs and expectations that I didn’t see before. I know the difference between want and need. I hate the struggles we had to go through recently. When I’ve told people I am broke, I am not just saying that. I can prove it. Legally. I hate that. But I love the reality check it gave me, making it not so bad.

I love snow. I hate how it shuts things down.

I love football. I hate obnoxious fans.

I love my cell phone. I hate making phone calls.

I love alone time. I hate being lonely.

I love to travel. I hate packing.

It’s all checks and balances I suppose. We take the good with the bad, ideally focusing on the good over the bad. I know I look at the things I love as things I love, far stronger than the things I hate.

What is on your love/hate list?

For the last few weekends, I’ve lit a virtual Advent wreath here on my blog. Week one represented Hope. Week two represented Peace. Week three represented Joy. This final weekend represents Love.

Lighting the last candle means Christmas is less than a week away. Or, in this case, its exactly a week away. I’m ready for it. I wish I were MORE ready, meaning I wish I’d have been able to do more leading up to the holiday to get into the spirit. I seem to be constantly falling in and out of the spirit, depending on the day. This last week I was sick, and most definitely not focused on Christmas through that! But here in this moment, as I write this, I am back in the mood. I am ready for it. Excited for it. Looking forward to it.

So here I light this last candle, virtually atleast.

Week 5: LOVE

Its hard to talk about love, because love is something you feel. Its something you experience. Its both a verb and a noun. It’s considered the greatest of all things…

Love life. Love each other. Live your life with love in your heart. Enter this season with love, for it is out of love that this most blessed of holidays exists. As you feel yourself filled with stress of to do lists, shopping, decorating and travel, remember to love one another. For it is out of love that everyone will experience the wonder of Christmas to its fullest.

And now abide faith, hope, and love, these three, but the greatest is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13