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Collegiate verbal smack down

November 14th, 2012 2 comments

image

Guy at bar: Who’s cup is that?

Me: Mine.

Guy: You like them or something?

Me: Graduate.

Guy (slinking back): Oh. Well. Uh. Congrats on your win.

Me: Thank you.

*smirk*

Categories: humor, texas a&m Tags: , ,

Finding a little humor in tax season

April 17th, 2012 5 comments

160: Another year doneIt’s April 17th. Do you know where your taxes are? Did you already file? Are they on extension? Are you just going to pretend they don’t exist and not file for another year or two or ten?

Last week, I posted on Twitter several little “tax rants” that friends said made them laugh. So to mark the end of tax season, I thought I’d compile those rants along with things that you have to laugh about… lest you go a little crazy.

  • Believe it or not, taking your financial documents OUT of their envelopes would save us about 2 hrs a day of BS work. At the very least, OPEN the envelopes!
  • I should start putting a dollar in a jar every time someone goes, “Bet ya’ll are busy right now!” 
  • (Yesterday)  I like to work on a deadline, but c’mon people. You’ve had 3 mo. to get your tax stuff in here. NO! We will NOT file it TODAY. Get in line behind all these people I’m making sure have extensions filed.
  • Don’t ask if you got the Earned Income Tax Credit when you didn’t have any, you know, earned income.
  • I’m baffled by those who file on the last day. It’s like shopping on Christmas Eve and wondering why all the Ferbies are sold out!
  • Yes, we do take a lunch hour!
  • At least every other day you hear, “Where’s the Crown bottle!?” and my parents don’t even drink!
  • “So… are you still married?” (Yes, someone asked me this since I was here in Texas working instead of in Nashville.)
  • My dad is a stickler for making sure the dependents a person claims are legitimately their dependents. You won’t believe how many people want to know how many dependents they need to get a “good” refund. What I want to know is where do they get these dependents. Do they grow on trees somewhere?
  • “Can I write off my daughter’s wedding?”
  • No, ma’am. We don’t give you your refund. The government does. Nice try, though!
Categories: humor Tags: ,

Cat sitting

July 27th, 2011 3 comments

260: Smokey is having a bad dayMy husband and I have a new kitten. I’ve mentioned him before in here. Like a child, he can get into things and be a hand full at times. As such, I end up locking him and our older cat out of the bedroom sometimes just to get some sleep.

This was the case this morning. I wanted an extra hour of sleep, and he wanted to play. So I booted the cats from the bedroom and closed the door.

I got up later, blurry eyed, and came out of the bedroom to find the older cat watching me from my desk chair. I pet him, and then I shoo’d him off the chair so I could sit down and check my email. I noticed my dark blue hoodie was still piled on the seat. The cats love to sleep on blankets, clothes, whatever, so I wasn’t surprised he’d been curled up on the chair.

I plopped down on the chair and… it moved. I don’t mean it rolled. The whole seat moved under me.

I HAD SAT ON THE OTHER CAT!

I never saw him sleeping on the hoodie. He blended in with it, especially with my only being half-awake. Why he didn’t scurry off with the other cat is beyond me. But boy did he squirm! He got out from under me and BOLTED.

I felt bad. I worried about having hurt him. In the end, I laughed. For about ten minutes. He got a rude awakening and, really, so did I!

Poor guy hasn’t had a good day since then, as he decided later to pass me in the hallway by going THROUGH my feet (didn’t go well for him) and his brother has been in play mode. So any time he emerges from a nap, he gets playfully tackled. That could be why, when I went to take the photo of him for this post, he got up and turned his back on me.

Oh he’s fine. No injuries except maybe some bruised pride. And I suspect he’ll not be napping in my desk chair again any time soon.

Categories: cats, humor Tags: , ,

A good book and a cup of coffee

June 24th, 2011 No comments

I sat staring at my laptop screen. Visiting the usual haunts. Twitter. Facebook. Flickr. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I felt lethargic. The previous day’s lawn work and heat left me aching all over. All I really wanted to do was lay on the couch with a cup of coffee. Beautiful sunshine, however, beckoned me outside. I finally consented, grabbing a book and my coffee. I stepped outside, braced for heat and humidity. Instead, a light breeze ruffled my hair. It was warm, but not too hot. I found myself wanting to do cartwheels in the yard or make chalk drawings on the driveway.

227: A good book and a cup of coffeeInstead, I plopped myself down in my porch swing. I put my feet up, and I proceeded read four chapters of my book, breaking only to refill my coffee mug.

I found myself wondering why I don’t do it more often. I listened to a neighbor mow their lawn. I watched cars go up and down the street. My American flag fluttered in the breeze, making the pole creak gently against the house.

My life won’t always afford me the time and opportunity to take moments to slow down and enjoy the moment I am in… I need to take the opportunities I have now and embrace them. Memorize them. Save them in my soul for when times get crazy and stressful.

The next chance you have to enjoy your world. Take it. Put down the phone. Close the laptop. Just BE. It’s amazing.

It was a total, “Oh shhh…” moment…

June 22nd, 2011 4 comments

This post is cross-posted to Road Widows.

My husband is on his way to a few shows in Canada… something that is always an extra challenge due to cell phone rates going sky-high when there. But apparently, I decided to make it an extra level of stress today.

We got a new kitten this week. Our cats’ liter boxes are on a back porch, with a little cat door for them to go through. Keeps the smell down in the house and it gives them privacy. However, the little kitten had yet to figure out how to use the cat door, so I decided to take on the task of getting him to “get” it today.

I walked out into the porch, closed the door, and started trying to coax the kitten through the door to me. After trying for close to half an hour, I gave up. We’d try again another time. I reached for the door handle and… it wouldn’t budge.

THE DOOR LOCKED BEHIND ME. I wanted to cry. I fought with the door. I tried kicking it in. I tried to pick the lock (which I’ve never done before but seemed to think I could do it this time). Nothing worked. I reached for my cell phone. Only. It wasn’t in my back pocket where I keep it all the time. Then I remembered… I’d left it on the couch. My mind raced for ideas on what to do.

The back door is off that porch, so I could at least get OUT. Just as I got that door open, as if the situation needed a splash of humor, the cat door swung open and the kitten came out onto the porch with me. I guess on the bright side, the kitten figured out the door!

But once I got outside, I had to ask myself, “Now what?” I started trying windows. None would budge. I was starting to realize that breaking into my own house is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. A good thing, of course, but it didn’t help me in that moment! My husband has spare keys to the house and our truck, but he is hundreds of miles away.

I looked around and decided it was time to start knocking on doors. I tried four doors before I found someone home. I asked to use the phone, and they let me! So I called my husband, since his number is the only one I know (and left a voicemail) asking if he’d call our landlords to come let me in the house. I visited with the neighbor — a single mother who is my age! A new friend, perhaps! — and then I said I’d just wait on my front porch until help arrived.

As I left her house, another neighbor drove up and asked if they could help me. I explained my situation, and this couple invited me to visit on their back porch until my landlord got there with a key. I told them all about myself and my husband, and I left their house with their phone numbers should I ever need help again. The wife said, “With you home alone so much, you NEED someone close by that you can call for help!” So true!

At one point, the neighbor asked me, “What did we learn from this?” and I laughed and said, “Never leave my phone on the couch?” but in reality, I learned that I live in a great neighborhood. I am the most cautious person in the world. I don’t like people really knowing when I am home or when I’m not… when I’m alone and when my husband is home. But it felt so good to find good people nearby who were willing to help out a “stranger” and end up with a new friendship.  Maybe I need to know my neighbors and let them help look out for me, especially when I am here alone so much.

Something in the water…

June 14th, 2011 2 comments

I participate in Me You Health’s Daily Challenge. Absolutely love it, and I feel weird any time life gets in the way and I miss a day (or two or seven).

Today’s challenge is to Take 5 minutes to learn about the quality of your tap water. As I read people’s posts, it sparked a memory for me that made me laugh out loud all over again…

When I was in junior high (or possibly Freshmen year of high school — time has blurred the edges of those years) we had a slight break out of girls getting pregnant. It just seemed like every day, another girl was revealed as expecting.

A friend’s dad made the comment, “Must be something in the water!”

The next day, my friend’s little sister very seriously made her promise to not drink from the water fountains at school.

“Why?” my friend asked.

“Because I don’t want you to come home pregnant, too!!”

Ahhhh… we laughed about that for weeks, and here it is, around 15 years later, and I still got a nice belly laugh from that memory. Something in the water, indeed…

Categories: friends, humor, memories Tags: , ,