Musician's Widow

…made to kick off the weekend with friends.

Atleast this one is for me.

What’s your definition of this Friday?

Sully (2003 - 2010)

We lost our Sully today.

He was a GREAT cat. Had this strange ability to make people like him, even as he was one “grumpy ol’ man” much of the time.

He at least went peacefully

I discovered him sick on Saturday night after coming home from being out all day. I knew in my heart he’d not make it, and I felt totally helpless within that fact.

My goal became just to keep him calm and comfortable. I don’t think I even expected him to make it 24 hours, but I think he was waiting for Craig to get home. He was really Craig’s cat, even if I had him for seven years.

Craig got home Monday morning, and he agreed… Sully wasn’t going to make it through the night. If he did somehow, we’d take him immediately the next day and just have him put down.

We continued to give him his space, letting nature take its course. It wasn’t long at all, and I happened to peek in at him at the exact moment he took his last breath.

I am glad he was at home, comfortable, with family when he passed as opposed to in a vets office — a place he hated with a passion.

Which brings me down memory lane…

Sully as a kitten

Sully was 23 lbs. Yes, he was fat and needed to go on a diet, but a lot of that was muscle, too. He LIKED it when you’d pet him roughly. It would elicit big purrs and eyes slammed shut in joy.

But he was also a tough guy. My vet in Texas would actually mention him to new employees! I would laugh so hard when I’d come in for something and I’d get, “Oh so THAT’S Sully. Uhm. Okay. I’ll be right back.”

It would take three people to hold him down to trim his claws!! Muzzles, etc. had to be used!

The bizarre thing? Craig never had ANY problems with him. Like I said, he was more Craig’s cat than mine… Craig could just do things with him that NO ONE else could do. Not even me. Or maybe more like especially me!

My last visit to the vet with him was almost a total wash. He fought off the vet from doing all she wanted to do with him! And I was no help, no matter how I tried to hold him and keep him calm for her. Evidence of how strong-willed he was.

But Sully absolutely adored Craig. In fact he’d know when Craig was on the phone with me, and he’d come running full speed to sit beside me… as if it got him closer to Craig. He’d regularly lay on the couch between us, insistent on touching us both somehow.

This photo of Sully is in my most interesting photos on Flickr. He was photogenic!

Sully was very territorial, eliciting a deep growl when something wasn’t right. He’d alert me to someone at the door much like a dog would!

He was also loyal. He never forgot my parents, whose home he lived in for most of his life. When they’d come to visit me, he’d perk up and try to lead my mom to the food bowl like he used to do.

I loved taking pictures of him. He had a regal quality, even as he was a total goofball. We would get the biggest laughs from some of his antics!

I remember when we got our other cat, he ran away! It was hilarious to see this huge, tough cat, RUN from a tiny kitten! It didn’t take too long, though, for the two of them to both become the best of friends. Brothers.

We’re all going to miss him horribly. He seemed so healthy, and my biggest worries were his allergies and the potential of feline diabetes. I kept him up on all his vaccines through the years, and he was my kid… our kid. I’ll miss his being a roaming speed bump, and his need to try to drink out of the shower while we were still in it. I’ll miss him wrestling with Bailey, and his coming to sleep between me and Craig at night.

Rest in peace Sully, you will forever be missed. Pets come and go, but certain ones leave an indelible mark on your heart. Sully was one of those pets.

Blowing out the candles on my birthday cake

Twenty-nine. That’s me now. My birthday was this week, and I am now officially knocking on the door to my thirties.

I’m not bothered by this fact! Really! I’m not! Believe it or not, I’ve actually looked forward to my thirties for years. I have always felt like they’d be some of the best years of my life, so as I pass through this next year staring down the barrel of three-oh going, “Bring. It. On!”

But, as I look back on the last year, I have to ask myself if I am any wiser than I was when I turned 28. I’m far more fabulous, that’s for sure. But am I wiser?

Considering the fact that in the last year we’ve watched the economy tank, its pretty hard not to answer that question with a great big resounding YES!!

Celebrating my birthday

With every year that passes… every day that passes… you gain knowledge and wisdom about the world you live in, and it molds you even as you mold it. In some ways, the world has left me very cynical about many things. The fuse on my temper has gotten a little shorter in direct relation to the amount of patience I have these days. I also am slower to trust people, things and situations.

However, in that very same breath, the amount of faith I have has not only doubled but quadrupled. A higher being — I say God — has stepped in countless times at that last second to catch me before I fell. Just when I am ready to throw my hands in the air, a hand reaches out to pull me back up.

I don’t take that for granted, of course. No, I always do all I can to pull myself through. I strive to make things happen for myself. But I’ve had plenty of things happen that make me go, “That has to be God talking to me.” I’m listening!

I’m listening to my heart and to my gut. I’m listening when someone gives me advice, and I take it to heart. I am growing wiser by listening and having faith. I’m preparing for my 30s and beyond.

So do I know what the next year will bring? Not at all. I don’t even know what tomorrow will bring. But I have my dreams and goals, and I am running towards them at full speed. How long will it take for me to get there?

Only time will tell.

“Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!”

I’ve migrated from Blogger to WordPress… Welcome to the new Musician’s Widow!!

I like to think I am a “pro” at this whole musician’s widow thing. But even being a “pro” doesn’t make it easy sometimes. It just gives you knowledge on how to handle it.

Tonight, my husband embarked on a new gig. Or rather, this weekend is something of an audition towards this new gig. But nonetheless, I dropped him off at a bus in a grocery store parking lot, bound for Canada for two days.

I am so excited for him on this. A new gig. A big one at that! Plus, its one that will still allow him to be home more to continue work on a new project that we have started in the last few months. I have no doubts that he’ll do great, but still I say prayers and send him good vibes.

It felt great to say I was taking him to bus call, and there is a comfort in this routine as it is familiar. But that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t this sadness that came over me as I drove away without him. I’ve gotten so used to having him home all the time! I missed him within seconds of dropping him off at the bus!

I would think that for him, tonight was a little like the first day of school. He’s the new kid, and even though this is not his first time out on the road, its his first night with this group. And its also been a few months since his last trip out. So, even with as familiar as this lifestyle is, tonight was something new all over again.

Anyway, I’m not sure how to approach this whole thing at the moment. It’s not a done deal, exactly. But I also don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be, either. I just want him to be happy and enjoy what he does. (And having the steady income would be nice as well.) And I sure hope this gig will be a perfect fit.

Stress can be negative or it can be positive. I think it all depends on how you react to said stress.

Yesterday, my husband and I went from having a couple of quiet days ahead of us to having to get him ready and to the bus in about four hours time. A last-minute show (filling in for a fellow, ailing, artist) came into the schedule and they had to be in Wisconsin by the next morning. We got the call at about 5 pm.

At first, I was a little bit frustrated by the change in schedule. But, it didn’t take long to realize I needed to just be grateful for the added show. Plus, last-minute changes in his work schedule are not new to us. Though, usually its a show canceled last moment versus one being added! Nice change of pace right there!!

We had been out running errands, and I had planned a nice supper at home. However, with the newly truncated time schedule, we opted for a quick meal out. As soon as we got home, my husband got to work learning a new song they want to put in the show. I, on the other hand, quickly got to work on getting things together for him to go. I made coffee for him to have for driving the bus for a few hours. I ironed his show shirts. I was happy to do all I could to make this change in plans easier to handle.

What’s funny, though, is that I think we were both in a total daze for most of the evening. It can be hard to comprehend the changes that have occurred, even as you are handling them.

When the time came, I took him to bus call. I plan to drive to his show on Saturday, and we’ll drive back from there together. So there was no need for him to take his truck to the bus lot and then try to figure out a way to pick it up later this weekend.

My point in all of it is this: when changes occur, you can either fight them or adjust with them. Adjusting with them admittedly challenging, but its also less stressful. Why? Because if we all make adjustments together, less changes have to occur for each person. And that’s just a much happier and more peaceful situation — no matter what the specific case may be.

Ultimately, for us, this probably ended up being a good change. It’ll make for a less stressful weekend for both of us in the end. A few hours of, “ACK!” is worth it.

A month passes since I last posted here, and a billion changes have once again occurred.

My husband has, once again, changed jobs. This one brings almost twice as many show dates and takes him off on the road for weeks on end. I truly am a musician’s widow now!!

It’s always hard to leave a job, and this most recent change was hard to make for emotional reasons. His former co-workers and boss are dear friends, and the feeling of abandoning them was strong. However, the new job offer was one he could not pass up, and luckily they understood.

Earlier this week he loaded all his gear on the back of a semi and boarded a bus for three weeks on a west coast run.

Interestingly, so much about this new job has given us both goosebumps as one thing after another just fell into place. It’s felt just so RIGHT time and time again that it was (and still is) just overwhelming!

The nicest part of it ALL? Hearing the happiness in my husband’s voice. Not that he wasn’t happy before, but he’s just happier than I’ve heard him in a long time. The only stress he’s had is wanting to do a good job and impress the new camp.

The night of his first show, he called me after it was all over. I wanted to cry and scream and squeal with joy as he talked about how well it went. I’d been so tense and stressed all night hoping and praying it would go okay. When he hung up I started jumping around the apartment screaming (quietly as it was after midnight) about how well it went. Hearing him SO HAPPY just gives me this overwhelming happiness as well.

On another great note, the day after the job offer came through, we found out we’ll be able to get into a house in October after all. We’re SO excited! Our first home!! New job. New house. Before anyone asks, NO I am NOT pregnant. I got asked that a billion times lately, and I’m going to put a stop to it right here and now.

Now, as I said, the new job is so many more shows that he’s not home much. More shows are constantly being added, which is WONDERFUL… but at the same time a few recent additions have made me pout a little as they take away a few of our small windows of opportunity to be together. I miss my husband! Does that really surprise anyone?

He and I talked about it last night, and we agreed… we’re just having to make adjustments and get used to this whole new schedule and way of life. We’ve wanted this for a long time and here it is… time to dig in and live the dream!