Musician's Widow

Back in July, I read a post in Living in the Moment called Future Unsure. It really resonated with me, and I bookmarked it so I could some day write my own version of that post. Here I am, just over a month from my 30th birthday, and it seems as good a time as any to tackle that post.

Ten years ago, I was a sophomore in college at Temple College. (Yeah, I was a transfer student to Texas A&M, but I bled maroon from birth.) I’d, luckily, already figured out that I didn’t know everything. I used to joke that at 18 I went blonde literally and figuratively. I’d colored my dark blonde/light brown hair to a bright blonde, and around that same time I felt like I went “stupid.”

Perhaps a big part of that was the fact that I had, thanks to exam exemptions through high school, forgotten how to take tests and, beyond that, I had a general “whatever” attitude regarding my grades in school. They wouldn’t transfer as A’s anyway, so why bother?

Herein lies something I’d tell my going-on-20-self: Just because you might not get to keep credit for a job well done, its no excuse to not do your best. Give everything you do your all. If you give everything your all, you’ll always either succeed with greatness or fail miserably, but you’ll be able to solidly stand behind what you did either way. Giving anything only half-yourself, you’ll always wonder if you could have done better. If you could have been the best of the best as opposed to just running with the crowd.

But, as I said, I knew I didn’t know it all, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t think I had it all figured out. See, I knew I would soon be going to Texas A&M and would graduate with a degree in journalism. I also knew I’d some day live in Nashville, TN. I knew I’d one day throw myself towards the dream of writing a book. I got all those things right on the money!

However, I didn’t know my husband yet. I didn’t know I’d be a “musicians widow.” I didn’t know I’d grow disillusioned by the newspaper business. I didn’t know I could actually enjoy working for my parents bookkeeping and tax business. I didn’t know I’d get myself deep in debt. I didn’t know I’d at any point in life feel unsure of myself. I didn’t know I’d end up a cat person. I didn’t know I’d this deeply wish I’d studied photography. I didn’t know that the path I dreamt of could ever change direction and course… and that I’d actually be more than okay with that fact.

With every thing I didn’t know, I’ve learned a lesson and grown. There is one thing I can say for certain: I don’t have a clue what to expect in the next ten years. If I could tell my 20-year-old self another thing, it wouldn’t be all those details I listed. It would simply be: Keep your goals and your dreams alive and chase them with all your might, but know that nothing is guaranteed except for the many twists and turns along the way towards those dreams.

See, at 20, I was career woman extraordinaire. I had a set path that would take me eventually to NYC for a huge journalism career that would eventually wind around down into Nashville… some day. I would live life in power suits, attending big events, rubbing elbows with all the elite people you’d want to meet.

I’ve traded in my power suits for sweats most days, but I keep a healthy selection of business attire for any number of potential meetings or events. I can say I’ve been blessed to still rub elbows with some of the elite people in the music industry. But I tossed NYC off my list of places to live. I’ve realized I’d not be happy there… I’d love to some day visit, but I don’t think it would fit me to live there.

I have a much more down to Earth view of myself. So in the next 10 years, my goals are for us to have a beautiful family, be as debt-free as possible, and to make a solid living with my writing and photography while my husband continues to tickle the ivories for a living. Those are sensible goals and dreams, leaving plenty of opportunity to chase any number of possibilities as they come along the way. Leaving myself room for adventure, learning and growth.

So to my 20 year old self and my 30 year old self: keep the dream, but realize you might not get there along the exact path you think… you’ll get there along the path you’re meant to take, complete with joys, sadness, successes and failures. Embrace that fact, and simply LIVE.

Sunset over my own backyard

My husband and I occasionally talk about wanting to go on vacation. A trip to the mountains or maybe a beach somewhere. Or even just a night at a hotel somewhere not related to work in any way.

However, funds are short and there’s no way to swing that right now. That’s simply a fact.

I often mention, though, that we need to explore our own city and area a little more. I still want to eat at Loveless Cafe and drive down the Natchez Trace Parkway. We are planning to visit Adventure Science Center next month, and even though we used to live minutes away, we’ve never visited The Hermitage.

We always enjoy visits to Stones River Battlefield, though, and an afternoon at Centennial Park never gets old. Every fall we visit a pumpkin patch and corn maze, and I hope we can make it to Oktoberfest this year.

There’s plenty to do right here, but its so easy to miss that fact.

When we take a drive out into the country, or even times we’ve visited my father-in-law on the coast of Oregon, I often wonder if the people who live there appreciate the true beauty of where they live. I venture to guess they don’t, simply because I so often forget to look around and appreciate what we have right here myself.

Yesterday, my husband and I took our cups of coffee into our backyard and just sat enjoying the sunset. It was so peaceful and relaxing. I mentioned to my husband that while we may not be on the porch of some cabin in the Smoky Mountains, I was enjoying it just the same. I unplugged for a little while in my own backyard. I sipped coffee and we watched the outside cats play and tackle each other. We watched the sun fade and twilight begin.

It was in a word, wonderful.

In this world, we seem to always be looking for the next best thing. Looking for something more. Looking for something better.

Maybe once in awhile we need to realize… what we each have is someone else’s “more” and “better.” Shouldn’t we appreciate that fact? Shouldn’t we live in the moment in the place where we are right then? Shouldn’t we just… be?

When I am at a loss of how to handle something, I often think to myself, “Humans thousands of years ago didn’t have the modern conveniences that we have today. They figured out how to handle this; I will, too.”

Granted, thousands of years ago the human life expectancy was nothing like it is today, and there’s something to be said about where science has brought us. However, sometimes those old natural remedies just WORK.

I have three that I’ve found to work fairly consistently, and I thought I’d share them today…

Neti Pot

There seemed to be a resurgence in the Neti Pot about the same time I was introduced to this old sinus remedy.

In October of 2007, I came down with the most horrific sinus infection of my life. My entire left cheek became swollen, and the doctor I saw worried about an abscess and it being so close to the brain. I was in bad shape.

She suggested I try a Neti Pot. I looked at her like she was a little crazy, and I never believed I’d really be able to do it. I could not imagine using this contraption that looked like a gravy boat to run salt water in one nostril and out the other. Was she crazy!? My brain my start to float or something!

Instead, I’ve discovered it to be one of my best friends. It’s dragged me through several other sinus infections, and I firmly believe its helped me avoid getting one all together. Any time I help mow the lawn or if we are in an exceptionally smokey bar, I use it to clear out my sinuses. I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone with any sinus troubles. (You can find where to order one in my “Favorite things” widget on the right sidebar.

Garlic for a tooth ache

It was Valentine’s Day 2008, and I got the worst tooth ache. I wanted to just cry! I wanted to go out with my husband, not lay on the couch in misery.

A little searching online for natural remedies, and I discovered the suggestion to put a garlic clove on the tooth. I was extremely skeptical, but it was better than nothing. Much to my surprise, the garlic clove trick (combine with a salt water rinse) WORKED! A day later, I had NO pain whatsoever. I was shocked!

I’ve used the trick several times since then. Only ONCE did it not work, but I blame it on the infection in the tooth just being too much for the garlic to work anymore. Penicillin had to be called into action that time. Yuck. BUT every other time I’ve had even a twinge of discomfort, I’ll turned to the garlic cloves natural antibiotic properties.

This doesn’t replace a dentist of course! I am not saying that at all. I’m just saying that when its the weekend, or you just flat out can’t afford an emergency dental visit, this IS a good natural remedy. I’d also highly recommend using a salt water rinse in addition to the garlic. It just seems to help move things along.

Vinegar for fruit flies

This last week, my house has had a crazy “infestation” of fruit flies. I could not figure out where they were coming from. I don’t have any fruit nor any house plants for them to be in. I keep a clean kitchen. They seemed to just be EVERYWHERE.

Again, I did a search for natural remedies. The one that kept popping up was a bowl of apple cider vinegar with lemon Palmolive set on a cabinet or table. It would draw the flies to it, and as they landed to try for the lemon that they sense from the Palmolive, they instead get caught in the vinegar and die.

Well, I had regular vinegar and orange juice instead. To my amazement, IT WORKED. Over night, I came back and found five dead fruit flies floating in my concoction. I also noticed I didn’t see any flying around.

I later went and got apple cider vinegar, but the store was out of lemon Palmolive. So I picked up orange instead. My new mixture hasn’t caught any dead bugs, but I definitely no longer have any fruit flies. At all!  It may not have caught anything, but it seems to have run them off!

So, vinegar to get rid of fruit flies… try it!!

By the way, there are a TON of good uses for vinegar. I’ve also used it to clean my microwave and coffee pot. I’ve combined it with baking soda to make a gritty paste to clean food stuck on dishes, etc. without scratching them up. Baking soda also makes a great tooth paste if you’re out of tooth paste. It also helps you take smells out of carpet when used prior to vacuuming.

Lots of fun natural remedies out there to try… what are some of your favorites?

I have no idea what any of us did to July to make it so harsh this year, but whatever it is, I think I speak for almost everyone, we’re sorry!

I’ve mentioned a few things I’ve experienced this month in this blog. And I’ve left other things out. (Perhaps those will come in a later blog entry.) But all around me, I’ve heard tales of tragedy and hardships.

My two best friends have both had cancer strike their families. My “best friend from high school” has a aunt that was diagnosed, and my “best friend from college” had her mother-in-law diagnosed. Both within a day of each other.

A friend here in Nashville has a nephew that has been diagnosed with cancer as well.

An acquaintance from high school had tragedy strike, leaving her brother and a nephew in a burn unit in Dallas. Her other nephew, however, did not survive the accident.

A client of my family’s business had a heart attack and was left in ICU (out of state!) for a few days because of it.

My own nephew, today, is having a doctors appointment in Dallas regarding his Muscular Dystrophy. These regular appointments are key to his doing as well as he has done all these years, but I also know the appointments are stressful and carry a level of uncertainty every time.

All of these events have weighed heavy on my heart. Each event — every single one of them — are valid concerns and stressors. While some may be considered more “severe” than others, it does not lessen the feelings that come with each and every one.

All I can do, all so many of us can do, is simply say a few prayers for strength and comfort for each person and family affected by these negative events.  I often find myself wondering why? Why do these things happen? Why so many all at the same time?

Then I remind myself, sometimes the reason is not for us to know. Or perhaps the reason will come to light in the future. No matter what, we all pull together and help each other. We support each other. And in the end, we grow from these challenges. They make us appreciate the good times more. They make us work a little harder.

Hang in there everyone. We’re all going to get through all our various trials by taking it a day at a time and by leaning on each other. I welcome anyone needing a place to vent or to share their own story –  no matter how trivial or how extreme — in the comments. Sometimes it helps just to talk, and I’m a good listener.

I am drowning in a sea of return address labels!

They just keep coming. Every day, another set of labels appears in my mail box.

See, its how they get you. You donate to an organization or a cause, and suddenly every organization and cause wants your money. And they get you by sending you a “free gift.” 99% of the time, its a set of return address labels.

They just keep coming! Attack of the return address labels!

Why? Because they know that every time you use one of those labels you’ll get this deep feeling of guilt, if you didn’t donate. Every birthday card. Every anniversary card. Every thinking of you card. Every bill. This feeling of GUILT.

It’s enough to drive a woman mad!

It sometimes makes me wonder why any company ever offers to sell you return address labels. Surely all these non-profits keep them busy enough already!

In all seriousness, I wish with all my heart I could donate to every organization and every cause… even the ones that DON’T send me return address labels. But I don’t have an infinite pool of funds from which to give, and until that day comes, I have to pick and choose.

Meanwhile, my collection of return address labels is taking up over half of my mail organizer, and I just don’t send much via USPS any more. So some of these labels I’ve had for over a year, and I’ve already received my, “brand new set of labels as our thanks to you!”

Well, you’re welcome. My pleasure. Happy to help.

Now what?

I spent today brainstorming on creative ways to use my abundance of return address labels. Here’s what I came up with:

1. Mark items as mine that I take to any gathering. I remember my mom would do that when she’d take a casserole or a salad to a potluck supper. It always seemed brilliant to me. Not only did it mark her bowl or serving spoon as hers, but if for some reason we had to leave early, whomever took it would know where to find us and return the item.
2. Instead of writing my name in a book, use an address label! I don’t loan out books as much as I used to, but if I ever do, it would be easier to do that than to write my name inside.
3. Luggage tags!


Send more snail mail!

4. Keep a set in my purse for if I am ever at a conference where you can sign up for gifts, etc. Save me from writing my name and address over and over again; plus no chance of it being illegible.
5. I thought about using it to tag my cat in case he ever gets lost, but I figured he wouldn’t like that too much.
6. Same for my husband.
7. Send more mail. Any time I get a surprise card in the mail, it just brightens my day. Perhaps I should just send more notes and cards. Postcards don’t cost too much send, and the joy it might bring to someone would make them priceless.

So perhaps I can turn my attack of the return address labels into something positive instead of a guilt trip.

Anyone else have any ideas on ways to use return address labels in a new and creative way? I’m all ears!

The "Drive Drunk, Get Nailed" campaign aims to stop drunk driving.

It’s been reported that the July 4th weekend is the most deadly on the highways, with alcohol being the biggest contributor. I think another big contributor is simple lack of attention to your surroundings.

I am not a perfect driver. I have made my share of errors on the highway, when I’ve missed a sign or totally did not see another vehicle. I’ve had a couple of accidents (one weather related, the other was never fully determined what happened). I repeat, I have made my mistakes.

That being said, I will also admit to having my own version of road rage. My family, thankfully, lets it roll off them. Heck, my husband often says he doesn’t need road rage any more. I do it for him! I think friends find it a little funny. In hindsight, I usually feel a little silly and embarrassed by my rants, but I seem to do it consistently.

See, my version of road rage consists generally of a string of curse words, a rant about what happened and an angry glare at the offending vehicle. I’m all bark and no bite. I talk a big talk, but even if I end up side-by-side with the offender, I will stop glaring and purse my lips staring straight ahead. I don’t do angry confrontation. It’s not worth it in the end. But boy do I rant a good rant in the confines of my truck!

The long and short of it is the fact that my rants come from a blatant disregard for other drivers and traffic rules. My biggest annoyances on the highway:

• Yield signs mean to stop if there is on-coming traffic. Yield does NOT equal merge. It does not mean speed up and force your way into traffic. I have too many times watched vehicles blow through a yield sign and force another car out of their lane or even off the road completely.  Just today I had a guy blast through a yield sign, then immediately stop to make a right turn, almost causing a multi-car pile-up. I repeat YIELD DOES NOT MEAN MERGE.
• If you are not going the speed limit, do NOT get in the far left lane. Many state’s drivering laws state that the left lane is for passing. Which means, basically, the left lane is the “fast lane” there for those going faster to easily pass those who are going slower. Open your eyes. Look in your rearview mirror (its there for more than checking your lipstick). Realize you are holding up traffic and move out of the lane. Too many times, I’ve watched someone enter the interstate, cut across four lanes, and camp out in the fast lane. Many times these people are going 5 – 10 below the speed limit, forcing those going the speed limit — or admittedly a little over — to have to go around them on the right, which generally ends up mixing up traffic in more than one lane and causing headaches for many other drivers.
• Turn signals come standard on all vehicles. Use it. Love it. Live it. Realize the people around you are NOT psychic. They do NOT know you are going to turn. They do NOT know you are going to change lanes. They do NOT know you want to come over when traffic is backed up. Turn on a blinker and help people out. Believe it or not, this will even make for a more pleasant drive for YOU as well as for those around you. (Of course, I make this rant, but clearly remember a Nashville Metro Police Cruiser cut me off without using his blinker once while traveling down I-40 into town. I guess it COULD be argued that if the cops can’t even use a blinker, why should any one else. *sad face*)
• Heads up. As I mentioned before, vehicles come with mirrors. They aren’t there for you to check yourself out. Use them to look around. Take a moment and look over your shoulder directly as well (especially when backing up!). Check extra hard for bicycles, motorcycles and pedestrians.
  • Vehicles have blind spots, and that I can understand. My truck has a couple monster blind spots, and my biggest fear these days is not noticing a vehicle running in my blind-spot and my changing lanes into them. Similarly, be aware of you yourself being in a person’s blind-spot. Just don’t do it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had another vehicle pace me and camp out in my blind-spot. It’s stressful for the other driver, and it puts you in a bad place should there need to be any sort of sudden evasive maneuver by the other person. You’re flirting with danger.
  • Use your rearview mirror. Know whats coming up behind you. Its not weakness to let someone pass that’s going faster. You’re not “saving” them nor are you “teaching them a lesson” by holding them up. Let ‘em go and let the police handle it. Chances are, once they DO get around you, they’re going to drive even MORE recklessly than if you’d just let them pass in the first place. Why cause yourself AND them the frustration and anger. Let ‘em fly. (Besides, when YOU are late or maybe have an emergency, don’t you wish that other person would let you go?)  *This is also a big one when it comes to emergency vehicles! Know they are coming up on you and let them pass! Also, move over if you see one on the side of the road ahead of you. It’s the law.*
  • Use your side mirrors. Know what’s coming up beside you. Remember that blind spot I talked about? Not as big of an issue if you were aware of that vehicle in the first place. Either they were coming up on you, or you just passed them… either way, if you’re paying attention, the blind spot won’t matter as much. You’ll know there’s the possibility of a vehicle being beside you.
• Slow down in residential areas. Turn your radio down, too. These are people’s homes. There are children playing here and could run out at any given moment. Maybe someone is down with a fever in bed and the last thing they need is your bass booming at them. Its called respect for those who live in the homes you are passing.
• Actually, slow down in general. I used to be known for speeding. It was kind of a running joke with friends. Frankly, I’ve slowed down a lot through the years. Do I still push it some times? I do. Mostly in an attempt to just go the flow of traffic. But there’s still no excuse and something I admit to needing to work on more… speed limits exist for a reason. Even when the reason isn’t clear to us.
• Stop signs. The person who stops first has the right-of-way. If two stop at the same time, the person on the right has the right-of-way. (Meaning, if the other car is on your left, YOU are the person to the right.) If two stop at the same time across from one another, and one person is making a left and the other going straight, the person going straight has the right-of-way.
• Making a right turn does not mean you don’t have to stop at a red light or a stop sign. You still have to stop. Not just a rolling stop. A full stop. And look to see if anyone is coming. And if they are, and they have the right of way, don’t just assume, “Oh they’ll slow down for me” and pull out any way. Stop. Wait. Let them pass. Then go.
• Don’t pass on a hill, in a curve or in a general no-passing zone. These solid lines on the highway are there for a reason. Passing in these places is like asking to not get there at all.
• Truckers, Buses, and other large vehicles.
  • Car drivers, respect these guys. They go many miles in a day, and encounter more “bad drivers” than any of us could imagine. Don’t be one of their stresses. It’s not as easy for them to maneuver tight areas as it is for the rest of us on the high way. Don’t jump in front of them when they are trying to come to a stop, they have a heavy load and it takes longer for them to stop. Don’t sit in THEIR blind-spot. If you’re going to pass, PASS. Don’t just sit there, afraid to pass. Give them room to change lanes. They put their blinker on, let them in… don’t force them to do what they have to do and cut you or others off by not heeding their polite request.  Those thirty extra seconds in your drive just aren’t worth it.
  • Similarly, truck drivers, look out for vehicles and don’t tailgate us! I have literally had truck drivers put me into tears from fear, because they’ve ridden up on my back bumper so hard… and there was nothing I could do about it. I COULDN’T move over to let them pass. I COULDN’T speed up for them. I was totally  boxed in, and thought I was dead because all I saw in my rearview mirror was “Peterbilt.” Twice in one week (once to me, and once to my husband) we had a truck turn on his blinker the exact same instant he was already moving over… and we were already starting to pass. We were thankful for good brakes and quick reflexes, lest the trucks have clipped our front end and spun us out. Had they paused a moment, we both would have happily backed off and let them in safely. Just because sometimes people don’t let you in and you have to make a “rude” action, doesn’t mean there aren’t those drivers who will work with you.  You’re bigger than everyone else on the road… this comes with some responsibility as much as it comes with respect. Work with us and some of us will work with you.
• Drunk driving. Texting while driving. Digging through your backseat and driving. Sleepy driving. Reading while driving. All these things make you less aware. You may have done in a million times without incident, but it doesn’t make it any more okay. You are no longer aware of what is going on around you. Pull over or just don’t get behind the wheel. Put your distracted state with drivers who have blinders on… and its a recipe for disaster. (There are countless videos available on the internet showing the consequences of distracted driving… like this one, this one and this one. They’ll make your stomach turn and tear your heart out. Some of these, I couldn’t even watch all the way through. You’ve been warned.)
• Drive with confidence, not arrogance.
  • One of my biggest stresses, living in a city that thrives on tourism, is tourists. The people who forget that this city is somewhere people do live, and that slowing down at every intersection to read the sign is a huge cause of irritation. Or perhaps you realize your lane is a turn only lane and instead of attempting to merge safely (or making the turn and just finding somewhere to turn around and come back!) they just jump lanes and wave sheepishly in hopes their out of state plates give them an excuse. Drive with confidence even in a place where you are unfamiliar. You can almost always find a drive way or a parking lot to turn around if you miss your turn. Or, don’t be afraid to ask directions! Locals can often give you easy to find landmarks that will help you in your path. “It’s just past the Kroger on the right!” or “Look for the big pink house, and you know you are getting close.”
  • Arrogance does not equal confidence. Arrogant driving is when you refuse to “work with” other drivers. You refuse to let them over even if they have on their blinker. You think holding someone back is “for their own good” or you think a person making a turn into a drive way is in your way. You always have the right-of-way at intersections. You know better than anyone else on the roads. You think you never make a single mistake.

Like I said as I started this post, I am not a perfect driver. Lord knows I have done my share of dumb things — especially as a teenager when I thought I was invincible. Truth be told, I’ve broken one or more of these rants at some point; I’m sure I’ve cause my own share of road rage in others.

My aim here is simply to bring up traffic laws or ideas that I’ve seen over the course of the last several years broken time and time and time again. The things that I’ve discovered will trigger my #!&*@!#@$ reflex fastest.

Do you have any driver irritations not listed here? Please share them!