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weddings

My MOH speech

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This is the rough draft of my speech for my cousin’s wedding today… I doubt it’ll go quite like this, but its the rough idea at least!

Good evening!  I’m Denise, Rebekah’s cousin on her Dad’s side. It’s been my honor to be a part of this wedding; to watch this couple grow as wedding plans have been made.

I can truly say I’ve known Rebekah since she was born. I remember spending time the summer of ’91 with George and Rene, and I got to help out with her care. I had no idea then it would start me on a path of getting to watch Rebekah grow up into the woman she is today.

Not too long after I got married and moved to Nashville, she flew up to spend a week with me. Now, there was a little part of me who was terrified. I would have a teenage staying with me!? What!? I’m the one who keeps asking if, when I have kids myself, can I ship them off to boarding school through their teenage years!!

A part of me braced for a moody teenager to step off that plane. What I was presented with was a mature young woman with her head on straight.

I. Was. Floored.

Nonetheless, when she told me she was getting married, I admittedly arched an eyebrow. As the social norm today is to wait to get married until your mid-to-late-20s, I was surprised and a little part of me asking, “Are they really ready?”

But throughout the process of this wedding being planned, I’ve witnessed, once again,  a young woman with her head on straight and a maturity that sets ME straight. After her bridal shower just last month, I left with a smile on my face going, “They’re going to be juuuuuust fine.”

Oh, I’m going on five years of marriage and I can tell you, when I say “just fine” it doesn’t mean it’ll be easy. There will be disagreements. There will be financial stress. There will be life simply getting in the way of “Happily ever after.” The washing machine will explode. He’ll leave the toilet seat up. And you’ll both get the stomach flu… at the same time.

If I could impart any advice it would be three simple things:

1 – Keep the faith. Rely on your faith in yourself, in each other and in God to pull you through every hardship.

2 – Keep a sense of humor. The saying, “Live. Laugh. Love.” Is a huge key to happiness.

3 – Look around and rely on the strength of others. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Take a moment to look around. Every person here is here because they support and love YOU and they wish you the very best.

Rebekah, you come from a line of love that will hopefully be a source of strength. Our grandparents were married over 50 years before death did they part… Grandpa loved our Grandma just as much the day  he met her in heaven as the day they said,  “I do” here on Earth. Your parents celebrated their 25th Wedding Anniversary this year… something that in this day and age is almost as rare of those who make it to 50. Look on that history of love to be an example for your own marriage.

I wish you both many, many, many years of happiness. Josh… welcome to the family. Take care of her… I have no qualms about jumping a plane from Nashville to kick your butt if you don’t.

Here’s to Rebekah and Josh!!!

husband, music community, optimism, other widows, point of view, relationship thoughts

Love of the music…

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210: My husband and "the other woman"
My husband and his "other woman"

I noticed yesterday that I had a hit on this blog with the search, “musicians love music more than spouce.” Yeah, I didn’t fix the spelling. Keepin’ it real here.

That really made me stop. It really made me a little sad. It really made me want to share my point of view on that.

There was a period of time when my husband and I were dating that I thought that myself. In fact, for awhile it made things easier to think, “The music comes first. And I come second.” Deep down, I spent a lot of time wrestling with that thought and the feelings that accompanied it. Was I okay with that? Was that even true?

Here I am, four and a half years into our marriage, and I realize that thought I had couldn’t be further from the truth. And maybe… maybe I can help the person who did that search come to realize what I’ve come to realize.

Music isn’t something my husband loves. No, its simply a part of who he is. Music is in his soul. It’s as much a part of him as is his arms and legs. It’s practically in his DNA. He needs it like he needs air and water. Even if he were to quit the music tomorrow, he’d still play. He’d still pick apart songs on the radio. He’d still tune my voice out to listen to whatever is being piped through the little speakers in a restaurant.

It’s not that he loves music more than me. It’s that the music is a part of him. And it is in that fact, that I love the music, too.  I have always loved music, but I love it in a different way today. It is a part of our life — at times it IS our life — because its just who he is.

We have a running joke that his Leslie speaker is his “other woman.”  And that I bought her for him. He sees her more than he sees me these days. It’s a lighthearted humor we have in this crazy life.

We’ve talked at length about how WE come before the music. We’ve at least once faced the possibility of walking away from the music, because we thought it was what we needed. Thankfully? Unseen forces threw us right back into the life… wild, crazy, wacky and stressful as it is. I am thankful. Because its just a part of who my husband is… dare I say he is most alive when he’s on stage and everything is clicking. Harmonies, mixes, his piano sound, the Leslie is singing… even when he’s exhausted there’s the light in his eyes.

Simply put, music is a huge part of the man I fell in love with and married. It doesn’t come first, because for a musician… it is not a thing TO come first.

YOU, their spouse, come first. You keep them grounded. You give them the momentum and reason to keep going. Support them. Love them. Love the music. And you’ll find a beautiful harmony in your life.