Tag Archives: opinion

point of view, random musings

Before they even know me

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Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Brilliant little line there. I suspect its been used to open countless other blog posts or even books. I suspect we’ve all reminded ourselves of this saying at some point, or we’ve pleaded with someone to be careful of this as well.

Don’t judge me before you know me.

The other day, my husband asked me if I had talked to a fellow music-industry person while we were out for the evening. I told him I hadn’t, but I’d seen them there. He asked why I hadn’t stopped to talk to them, since I’d been making the rounds to make sure I spoke to everyone while I am in town.

I told him it was because I’d gotten the vibe through other encounters that this person didn’t really like me. I said this person usually either clammed up or, often times, left all together when I’d make an extra effort to come say hello. So I opted, this time, to keep a wide berth of them as the night passed.

My husband was surprised. I can (generally) get along with anyone. I wasn’t going to lie and say it didn’t sting a little to have that distinct impression of dislike being sent my way. However, I was going to respect that fact and not make anyone uncomfortable.

I told my husband, “I have a suspicion that its the ‘musician’s wife’ thing. Maybe they’ve had bad experiences with wives and girlfriends on the road, and now they’re not going to give me even half a chance.” After a moment, my husband agreed that that might be the case.

Oh, I’m not going to throw stones nor pat myself on the back. I have my own moments when I find myself being THAT road wife… the one that is a little higher maintenance that normal. Its rare, but it does happen on occasion. Some wives, however, are just generally a little more high maintenance. Others you hardly know exist, they are so independent. I try to walk the line between the two… a little closer to independent, but not too close.

Anyway, I’m only making wild guesses, of course. But the end of the night, no matter what, I felt myself being judged for the cover title, versus for the content. And it stinks when that happens! We all do it, but hopefully we strive not to.

Do you have a time when you’ve felt yourself being judged before someone got to know you?

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Defining yourself

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How do you define yourself? I’ve heard a lot of people hate “about me” sections in which a person lists all their “titles” or “definitions.” Personally, I like them. It simplifies things nicely, and you get a very clear picture of how a person sees themself.

For example, mine might read something like this: I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, and a friend. I am a Fightin’ Texas Aggie. I am a Catholic. I am a writer and fledgling photographer. I am an optimist. I am happy (most of the time – LOL). I am intelligent. I have a lot to learn. I am female. I am 30…

I could go on and on with titles and descriptive words for myself. I’m sure we all could if we took a moment to write down how we see ourselves individually.

If you’re outside of the Nashville area, you may not have heard the latest controversy in the news. A soccer coach at Belmont University found herself without a job recently after announcing she and her same-sex partner are having a baby. It’s ended up being  a big he-said/she-said story, with the focus being the belief that this coach was discriminated against due to her sexual orientation.

When I heard this story, I immediate found myself once again chewing on a somewhat similar story that recently came out of Aggieland, where members of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Aggies (GLBT) claimed they were harassed at Yell Practice due to their sexual orientation. (A statement that I don’t doubt, to be honest. You have realize its regularly listed as one of the top ten most conservative schools in the country and was recently named by Princeton Review as having the most conservative students. GLBT is going to take awhile to be fully accepted. I’m not saying I agree with that nor that I disagree with that. I’m simply stating it as a fact.)

However, the whole thing sparked a huge debate on various Aggie message boards. I read one thread for awhile until it made my head hurt. Ultimately, it came down to whether or not a homosexual person (or in the Aggie group, an organization) can be accused of wearing their sexual orientation on their sleeve. Whether or not they throw it other’s faces with the hope of causing some sort of scene or controversy.

My response is that… don’t we all do that about whatever thing we feel defines us most? For me, I’m an Aggie. THAT is the thing about myself that I can be accused of throwing in people’s faces. I have my former student sticker on my truck. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wear SOMETHING TAMU on my body (my class ring for one).

My husband is a master mason. He has a sticker on our truck, wears his ring, and regularly will talk about being a “brother” with anyone who asks. It’s what defines him these days along with his musician status.

For years, we discriminated (okay, face it, we still do at times, especially here in the South) against people based on their color of skin. Many have, over the years, been persecuted for their religion. Today’s discrimination du jour seems to be sexual orientation. However at the end of the day, none of these decide if a person is capable of doing a job.

So within that, if I can choose to place a Texas A&M sticker on my truck or my husband can have a Masonic symbol, why shouldn’t someone be allowed to place a rainbow on theirs.  There are people who are pro-life or pro-choice. I’ve seen stickers, buttons and t-shirts about religion, sports, politics and even who is a person’s favorite musician!

We choose to define ourselves one way or another.  However, at the end of the day, what matters most is that others be willing to see past our own personal definitions and get to know us for ALL that we are. Because we are all unique, and we are each the sum of our beliefs and multiple-definitions. I am uniquely me. You are uniquely you. Shouldn’t we all embrace those two simple facts, and take a moment to see each other for all that we each are? I sure think so…