Musician's Widow

Lent. The period of time between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. The 40 days of preparation for Jesus’s resurrection.

I’ve been amazed by how many people are participating in “giving something up for Lent” this year, and it’s really made me feel good and hopeful. It’s been several years since I seriously gave something up for Lent. I’ve, year after year, set out with something in mind only to have to fall by the wayside a few weeks in. I’ve even failed to follow not having meat on Fridays!

Tonight at a buffet. A brother and a sister filling cups of ice cream. Little Boy: “OH NO! We weren’t to have any sweets!” Little Girl looking at her bowl of ice cream: “Oh well!”

I had to laugh at that exchange to myself. It was about when I was that little girl’s age that I, too, gave up candy for Lent. I made it! I slipped up by having a chocolate mint after supper one night, but I justified it by saying it was for fresh breath. Funny how I remember that so clearly.

This year, for some reason, I’m approaching Lent with a whole new (or perhaps a very old) frame of mind. I’m going at it full force. I even found out about Stations of the Cross in Nashville, and I hope I can make it one weekend.

I’ve decided to give up Dr. Pepper and Beer for Lent. The beer won’t be too tough. When I am at my parent’s house, I just don’t drink it much. It’ll be difficult, though, when I go home, as its just the thing to have when socializing. The Dr. Pepper, however, has already proven difficult. I saw a real sugar Dr. Pepper today, and I itched to grab it.

I’ve thought of a third thing to do for Lent, and I think I’m going to go for it. Even though I’m technically starting it a few days late. To write a blog entry every day of Lent. THIS will be the tough one, as some days I’m just too tired to be creative. Other days, I frankly just don’t have time. But in the spirit of my last entry, I think its a challenge I need to take on for myself.

So brace yourself. Time to put this blog on 10.

Or rather 40.

Dear 2010,

Be nice.

No, seriously. Be nice. Your predecessor, 2009? Talk about your evil woman! I say good riddance to her. Don’t let the champagne cork hit you when you go.

I should be fair and admit 2009 had its good aspects. One of which was my laying the groundwork for the future professionally. And within that, I know in my heart that you, 2010, will be successful.

It has to be, and thus will be.

I don’t make New Years resolutions. I choose to make resolutions throughout the year, and personally I feel like making a New Years resolution is setting yourself up to fail at those goals. Because its hard to take goal seriously when its made because you feel like you should make it, versus making the goal at a time you are prepared mentally to truly succeed in that particular goal.

I do, however, choose to look to the new year with an unspecific and broad feeling of hope and determination.I’m going into the new year with a positive outlook on it. Stress and worry and pessimism be gone! Determination and activism and optimism enter!

So, you see, 2010… you really have no choice but to be nice. I will accept nothing less of you. I allowed 2009 to dictate me too much. And, as a result, 2010, I am taking over as boss. And you WILL be better, and you WILL be successful.

I will welcome you with open arms at the stroke of midnight with my husband and family and friends. And I will be very glad to see you. Welcome to 2010…

- Me

Yesterday, I wrote about having the Holiday Doldrums. Today, I write about an unexpected burst of Holiday Spirit.

It was a frustrating beginning to the day, when a bid to get some much needed funds to cover a few bills hit a brick wall. We attempted to sell a couple of my husband’s old keyboards to a used music store, only to be turned down cold. We left feeling frustrated, angry, and admittedly a little depressed. On to Plan C. Whatever that may be.

We went from there to a place in which we needed the Christmas spirit.

See, my husband is a Mason, and his lodge puts together gift baskets for the widows of Masons who have passed away. We had a basket in our backseat, and two keyboards in the truck bed. The cab of the truck filled with a feeling of… well, anything but Christmas.

We arrived at the widow’s condo, and we went to the door. Both fighting to find the Christmas spirit to bring to this woman who would either welcome us or send us on our way immediately. We had no idea what to expect!

I know one thing for sure: we certainly didn’t expect to leave her home with smiles from ear to ear, and the feeling of Christmas in our hearts. I felt like a Christmas Angel had just swooped into my life in that half hour we spent visiting with this most delightful of women.

She told us of how she’d lost her husband in 2005, and how the first two years after his passing she felt her own life over. How she cried every day, missing him deeply. Then, one day, how she decided she needed to live, and has since joined a cards club, and a gardening club. How she has so many friends, and how she goes all the time.

Then she explained how she’d had a car accident earlier this year, and how four of her five doctors told her she’d never survive her injuries. But then how her primary doctor told her she could survive… and the next day she was out of bed walking around the hospital. She told us of how she doesn’t use the wheelchair nor the walker in her living room, and how she is determined to eventually be off oxygen completely.

She was filled with such life. She was filled with such determination. She was filled with such a positive glow.

How could we not leave her home feeling like WE were the ones to have received a gift. An intangible gift that you can only see in our new moods and demeanor. Things suddenly didn’t seem quite so bad. And those keyboards? Well, they’re back in our garage, to be dealt with at another time. Instead of lamenting our “loss” of not selling them, we’re saying thank you for our many, many blessings.

We found our Christmas spirit in a very unexpected angel. And I am so very thankful.

I’m trying really, really, really hard to be in the Christmas spirit this year. And as I look around me, I see that to be true for so many people this year.

I got laid off last Thursday. Two weeks before Christmas. TWO WEEKS! Now how do you tell a 7-year-old Santa lost his job before he’d finished his shopping? — A friend

It seems like the true pain of the economy has struck many this holiday season. Funds are low. Bills are high. Christmas dreams seem almost impossible to be dreamed. These woes have been fact for many for years, but for others its a new experience. I know I find myself with a deeper appreciation for my ancestors who survived The Great Depression.

As the press spends airtime trying to convince us all that the economy is getting better. That the recession it taking a turn. That its okay to spend money again. I call BS. If anything, now is the time we’re all feeling the pinch more than ever. That the true collapse of our economy has begun to settle, and we’re all looking around at the pieces around us. Pieces that come in the form of bills we can’t pay. Homes that today sit empty. Unemployment numbers that have reached near record highs.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle in their journey. – Author Unknown

A friend wrote that quote as their status update on Facebook tonight, and that really made me stop and think. It’s very true. We all have our own battles to fight every day. Some are facing potential job loss. Others are trying to find a job. I know of people who have family members in the hospital fighting for their lives. We are still hearing stories of families losing members — children — to the H1N1 flu virus.

We all have our crosses to bear. And in a season in which we’re all encouraged to be a little kinder to each other, it seems that this year that need is a little greater. Smiles need to be a little brighter. Hugs need to hold on a little tighter. Transgressions of the past year need to be forgiven. Time spent counting our many blessings needs to be taken a little more often.

Losing the spirit of the season only hurts you more. I was happy to address and mail Christmas cards, even as I grumbled about the postage hike that made it a little more difficult to afford. I couldn’t pass up participating in a recent “Dirty Santa” game at a Christmas Party… the laughter and friendship that occurs in a game like that is priceless. It’s memories that keep you warm in your heart all year long.

I have been so blessed lately to be surrounded by dear friends, and I look forward to a trip to spend Christmas with family. I can’t wait for midnight mass — a chance to truly remember the reason for this season. And even when life and my own personal “battles” get me down, I’m reminded to take a moment and let this season sink into my heart. It’s a time for joy. For family and friends. For hope. For love. For faith.

Perhaps even for a little magic. Christmas magic. That thing that takes the holiday doldrums and turns them into holiday cheer… I, personally, believe in magic.

Don’t you?

A little late, but pausing to give thanks…

Family

My parents and my husband at Thanksgiving dinner

I have the most awesome family. Ever.

My husband is wonderful. I seriously married my best friend. We regularly joke, “Its just too bad we never have any fun together” as we’re doubled over with laughter as we crack each other up. Or if there is something wrong, we can always pick it up in just a few words. It’s… something I am so lucky to have.

And even days when I am PMSing, and I know he feels like he can’t do anything right. And maybe deep down I wish he’d go find some gig to do for the night. (But, you know, if he did, I’d probably get upset that he’s not home. LOL!) I’m sincerely thankful for him every single day, and I really don’t know what I’d do without him.

He’s stuck with me.

My parents are in a word: incredible. I am blessed with parents that are my teachers, my friends, my cheerleaders, and my psychiatrists. I could never begin to say “Thank you” enough for all they’ve done for, and with, me in my life. I am so, so, so lucky. They are without a doubt the coolest parents ever.

Ever.

My brother and sister-in-law probably have no idea how much I admire them. As a couple. As indivduals. Especially as parents themselves. I look up to them, and I’ve been taking lots of notes. They are an inspiration to me.

My nephew and niece are just cool, cool kids that are growing up WAY TOO FAST. My nephew is in junior high. HOW did that happen already?? I was just putting him to bed in a crib yesterday, I swear! And my niece has better fashion sense than me. And I am okay with this. I think. Maybe. Hmmm… But in all seriousness? Those two kids have no idea how much they make my day every time I see them, and how they cross my mind daily.

My in-laws are awesome as well… and I really wish we could see them a lot more often than we do. If I could ever say I have any regrets, it would be not seeing my husband’s family far more often. Miles and money always seem to get in the way. We are very blessed to have them in our lives, and I am grateful to at least have internet and telephones to keep in touch with them.

I also have really rockin’ (albeit dysfunctional at times – LOL! – I say that very lovingly) extended family, that make me smile. And I know I could lean on them at a time of trouble. And for this fact, and for so many more, I feel so blessed.

Surrounded by friends

Friends
Old Friends! New Friends! Acquaintences!

If a person’s wealth were to be measure by the friends they have, I’d without a doubt be a millionaire.

Friends in Texas. Friends in Nashville. My Aggies. My fellow writers. My friends around the country. I couldn’t begin to list them all, but I also do not take a single one for granted. Not a single friend taken for granted… and I am deeply thankful.

Faith
I’m living a lot of my life these days on sheer faith. My motto has been, for many years, “Everything happens for a reason.”

Within the last couple of years, that fact has shown itself to be true time and time again. And sheer faith and belief that it’ll all be okay has come true. I truly and strongly believe in a greater being. I believe in God. And he’s stepped in and held my hand a lot. And for that… I could never say Thank you enough. All I can do is give credit where credit is due… and God and my faith in Him has been a big part of getting through the trying times we all find ourselves going through today.

So this holiday season, I take a moment to focus on three things:

- my family.

- my friends.

- my faith,

Happy Thanksgiving, all!