Musician's Widow

My husband and I ended up on an impromptu date night last night. Actually, we do those a lot. I think its our way of justifying eating out instead of going home and cooking. But no matter, I absolutely love our impromptu date nights and it has nothing to do with not cooking. Its because it means we won’t eat staring at the tv… we eat looking at each other.

Yesterday, it was day three or four of overcast, dreary skies. I’ve lost count already, but the funk I found myself in couldn’t be denied. My husband is a bit under the weather, but we both just wanted to get out of the house. Despite gas prices, I went, “Let’s just go for a drive.” So we did. No destination in mind. Just drove.

I don’t know how long we drove, nor did I pay much attention to how far, but eventually it grew dark and our stomachs started to growl. However, we were listening to a radio program that we didn’t want to stop listening to, yet. I suggested we “take the long way” back to downtown Nashville, and then we could eat at our favorite corner bar. Hubby liked the idea, and that’s what we did. We took the long way back, and we probably averaged just under 40 mph the whole time. Still, we somehow got to our destination faster than we wanted, but with stomachs growling, we parked and went to eat.

And you know what happened? Last night, we didn’t talk about work. We didn’t talk about bills, groceries or laundry. We didn’t talk about current events. We talked about each of us individually. Sharing stores from “back in the day” and growing up. It was like we were dating again, just getting to know each other. I think had another patron in the bar not started smoking a cigar, we’d have stayed at least another hour just talking. But with my husband under the weather, we agreed he needed to get away from the smoke. So we headed home and called it a night.

We went on an impromptu date, only this time it definitely wasn’t just an excuse to not cook. This was a DATE. And I loved it.

Oh Wilson County Fair, how I look forward to you every year. We missed you last year, and for that I am sorry. But we came out last night, as you treated us so very good.

The Wilson County Fair, in Lebanon, TN, is one of the best fairs I’ve ever been to in my life. They just have it figured out! Great selection of food. Tons of rides. A free concert. A petting zoo. And pig races. In the past they’ve had a banana derby (Monkeys riding dogs!!) but they were sadly absent this year.

My husband and I attended this year with a big group of friends, which just seemed to up the fun factor. Nothing like sharing a ferris wheel pod with another couple that you know, or sharing your various deep fried goodies. (And let it be known, everything tastes better “on a stick.”)

I literally turn into a 10 year old the days leading up to attending the fair. I actually had an upset tummy out of sheer excitement yesterday morning! Then I joked I’d end up with a sick stomach from eating things like chocolate covered bacon, deep friend strawberry short cake and deep fried cookie dough. I think I drank my weight in fresh shaken lemonade and sweet tea mix!

John Anderson was the headliner for the night at the free concert. I’d never seen him live, and it wasn’t high on my list of things to do at the fair. (So many rides, so much food, so little time!) But I am glad my husband insisted… he was GREAT! And I have to admit, when he sang “Swingin’” I got super excited and gave my parents a concert call.

Ah… so good to see these pure country artists getting a lot of love from a big crowd. Makes my country-lovin’-music-business-livin’ heart proud.

We ended the night with a little more fair food, and lots of big hugs with friends. We had an amazing time, and we’re trying to figure out if we can fit another trip out there before it ends this year. I hope we can, but if not? My heart is full of joy from the night. And I can almost (almost) feel Fall starting to make its way to us.

A big reason why I want to make writing and photography happen for me as a career (outside of a sheer love and passion for them) is that I love the personal flexibility it provides me. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I know I have to stay focused and on-task to be successful. However, I like being able to be at home when my husband is home.

Right now its touring season, and my husband is on the road more than he’s at home. A fact we are both extremely thankful for, and a fact I strive to work around as much as possible. On his few days at home, I want to be able to move my projects around to step away from the computer and sit on the front step with him watching fireflies, listening to the high school band in the distance.

I like to sleep later than usual, when he’s at home. My rush to get up and start the day disappears for a few days. I’d rather snuggle down and stay where he is for another hour… or two. If he has a meeting to be at, I like to tag along… even if I just sit in the car and people watch, waiting for him to come out.

In the same breath, even when he’s tired from the road and wants to go to bed “early,” he’ll push forward awhile so we can go to bed at the same time. If I have a meeting of my own, he too tags along. He’s always game to any hair-brained idea I may have for us to go do, “Just to get out of the house for awhile.”

We strive hard to coordinate our schedules when we are both at home, knowing the hours together are precious before I’m dropping him back off at the bus to head to another show in another state.

Sometimes… sometimes we aren’t too successful. Take tonight, as I write this. I am trying to keep my schedule a bit “off” for upcoming nights working downtown in a bar. My husband, however, has a session bright and early in the morning. So in an odd move, he went to bed hours ago while I sit doing some work on the computer. In the morning, he’ll get up and head into town, while I snuggle back down under the covers for a few more hours of sleep.

As always, we are thankful for the work. Oh, once in a blue moon, I get a little grumbly, wanting more time together than working, but it never lasts too long. I quickly remember that work is what we prayed to get, and work is what we are thankful to have. We make the most of our time together, and I aim to continue to be able to do that. I don’t want to be ships passing in the night, if I can at all help it.

I’ve been fairly MIA the last week due to having my parents in town. I decided to unplug while they were here, and it was wonderful! So I thought I’d take a moment to catch everyone up on a few of my recent adventures.

•  Huh? — When I was down in Texas, my left ear kept flirting with plugging up. My last couple days there, it finally plugged completely. I found my most comfort by just wearing an ear plug (the cool pink ones they have out now!) in my congested ear. After being plugged for just shy of a week, I was finally convinced to go to a doctor. Upon the recommendation of a follower on Twitter, I visited a CVS Minute Clinic. I. Loved. It. I wish I got that kind of thorough and personal treatment at every doctor’s visit! If I did, I’d probably never hesitate to visit a doctor. Ultimately, I found out, I had fluid in my ear, and it wasn’t draining do to sinus congestion that I didn’t even know I had! A steroid spray and some great advice later, I can hear again. My ears still pop and crackle a bit, as the congestion doesn’t quite want to give up entirely, but I’ve never been so grateful to hear.

• Summer NAMM –NAMM is, basically, a trade show for musicians. As I understand, Winter NAMM is held in Los Angeles, and Summer NAMM in Nashville. It’s pretty hard to get to attend, but a friend had an extra pass. My husband was on the road, so I went in his place. He needs some new gear, and ideally needs an endorsement from the company of the gear he wants. (Follow that?) So, despite only being able to hear at 50%, I dove into NAMM with both feet.

The cacophony of sounds — guitars, drums, keys, band instruments, etc. just made it hard to focus with full hearing! Had I not had my ear issues, I’d have easily poked around for hours. I may not be a musician, but the booths were fascinating! I was sooooo lost on a lot of it, but it was interesting nonetheless. I wanted to visit with his current endorsement people, but I was on a mission.

However, I found the booth, and I patiently waited to talk to one of the company representatives. Once I had my chance, I was able to get what I came for… I practically skipped around the rest of the floor. I at least walked past all the booths before leaving with a spring in my step.

• Exploring my city– I like to think I know everything about Nashville, but the truth is, there’s a lot of areas I’ve never explored. This last weekend, my parents and I explored an area that even my husband didn’t know existed. In East Nashville, there’s an ice cream shop — Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams — and my parents and I wanted to find it. My niece’s name is Jeni, and she turns 10 this week. Today, actually! So we went in her honor.

SO COOL! This area is trendy and this interesting little oasis among homes, and just past a “sketchy” area of town. I definitely want to go back… often. DELICIOUS ice cream. CUTE shop. And it is just fun to explore new places.

That’s just a sampling of good times I’ve had lately while being unplugged from my computer. Now its time to go back to normal. It’s nice to do something different for awhile, but I am looking forward to delving back in to all my usual haunts and catching up with everyone.

Did I miss anything?

I’m sitting on a flight to Austin, TX again. My head leans against the wall of this Southwest Airline plane, and LeeAnn Womack croons to me about Solitary Thinkin’. (FYI – I’m in the music video for this song.)

You’re probably wondering what the title of this post means. I’m getting to it.

Ah… Heidi Newfield now. A dear friend. “Cry Cry (Til the Sun Shines)” I turn it up to hear the B3 sing to me. I smile.

No one around me can hear it. Similarly, if someone spoke to me now, I’d hear nothing. I’m wearing my husband’s back-up pair of E5s.

E-what you might ask. I know I was lost the first time I heard of them. Think super-duper-expensive and high-tech pair of ear buds. Like the ones that come with your iPod.

If you’ve been to a concert, or perhaps have watched live music on tv, you’ve probably seen the musicians and artist wearing headphone/ear buds. They’re called in-ear monitors. They let the musicians hear themselves. Some artists use floor monitors (basically speakers facing them) to hear instead, but a vast majority today use In-ears.

Random side story, I was at a concert when the guy beside me very seriously told me, “They wear those so someone can tell them the words to the songs.” I just nodded and acted like it was brilliant he figured that out, all the while going in my head,”You wouldn’t believe the truth even if I showed you my lammie (backstage pass) to prove I know the REAL story.”

I still remember the first time my husband let me wear his In-ears for awhile. It was long before we even started dating; he stuck them in my ears to hear what he was hearing. I was amazed. The quality was impeccable and I am sure my jaw dropped when he said they cost him $400 new.

He’s used these In-ears for years, but as all things have want to do, they started to just wear out. They have ceased to be the superior quality he needs and expects on stage, and he’s gotten a new pair. (Thankfully this time NOT paying $400.) His old faithful pair are his “just in case” back-ups.

They’ve made many miles with him. Every state in the US. They’ve been to Canada, Turkey, Iceland, Switzerland, Qatar, Japan, South Korea and more.

Last night, as I packed for my trip, I found my iPod ear buds were MIA. I tore through multiple bags to no avail. Dug in jacket pockets. I found $5 but no ear buds. I was facing a 2 hour flight without music.

I plopped on the couch with a pout.

My husband offered me his old E5s.

“No self-respecting wife of a musician should have sub-par ear buds anyway,” he said.

I was giddy!!! This morning he dug into his work-box and carefully packed the old E5s and tucked them in my purse. He has no idea that that gesture meant more to me than if he’d stuck a note in there that said, “I love you.”

So as I carefully put them in my ears and cranked up the iPod, I felt like he was wrapping me up in a big bear hug. I was no longer traveling alone.

Now Exile is singing “Gimme Just One More Chance” and my toes are tapping happily, sipping a cup of tea from Starbucks. Ready, now, to embark on the weeks adventure: my cousin’s wedding…

My husband and his "other woman"

I noticed yesterday that I had a hit on this blog with the search, “musicians love music more than spouce.” Yeah, I didn’t fix the spelling. Keepin’ it real here.

That really made me stop. It really made me a little sad. It really made me want to share my point of view on that.

There was a period of time when my husband and I were dating that I thought that myself. In fact, for awhile it made things easier to think, “The music comes first. And I come second.” Deep down, I spent a lot of time wrestling with that thought and the feelings that accompanied it. Was I okay with that? Was that even true?

Here I am, four and a half years into our marriage, and I realize that thought I had couldn’t be further from the truth. And maybe… maybe I can help the person who did that search come to realize what I’ve come to realize.

Music isn’t something my husband loves. No, its simply a part of who he is. Music is in his soul. It’s as much a part of him as is his arms and legs. It’s practically in his DNA. He needs it like he needs air and water. Even if he were to quit the music tomorrow, he’d still play. He’d still pick apart songs on the radio. He’d still tune my voice out to listen to whatever is being piped through the little speakers in a restaurant.

It’s not that he loves music more than me. It’s that the music is a part of him. And it is in that fact, that I love the music, too.  I have always loved music, but I love it in a different way today. It is a part of our life — at times it IS our life — because its just who he is.

We have a running joke that his Leslie speaker is his “other woman.”  And that I bought her for him. He sees her more than he sees me these days. It’s a lighthearted humor we have in this crazy life.

We’ve talked at length about how WE come before the music. We’ve at least once faced the possibility of walking away from the music, because we thought it was what we needed. Thankfully? Unseen forces threw us right back into the life… wild, crazy, wacky and stressful as it is. I am thankful. Because its just a part of who my husband is… dare I say he is most alive when he’s on stage and everything is clicking. Harmonies, mixes, his piano sound, the Leslie is singing… even when he’s exhausted there’s the light in his eyes.

Simply put, music is a huge part of the man I fell in love with and married. It doesn’t come first, because for a musician… it is not a thing TO come first.

YOU, their spouse, come first. You keep them grounded. You give them the momentum and reason to keep going. Support them. Love them. Love the music. And you’ll find a beautiful harmony in your life.