Musician's Widow

This Sunday is a somber anniversary. The anniversary of 9/11. It seems the question everyone has been asking this week has been, “Do you remember that day?” Oh yes, I do remember. Luckily, I wrote a detailed journal entry that evening, documenting my day for my own memories. I thought perhaps I would share my story today, as we lead into this weekend of remembering.

Written at 12:53 am, September 12th, 2001:

Photo by Jackie (Sister72 on Flickr) on 9.11.05

I went to school today like usual. I got good parking, sat and waited awhile, then went to my 8 AM class. Little did we all know, that as my professor began to speak on Media Economics… the American Stockmarket was screeching to a halt… as did America’s sanity.

 I walked to my next class with a new friend. We laughed about having fallen asleep in the previous class, swapped stories about the previous weekend. We were oblivious to the blank expressions on many people around us.

 In the next class there was a somber buzz. Words like “airplanes” and “World Trade Center” swirled around. “New York City” and “Washington DC” were used side by side. “Terrorists” and “Americans” used in opposition.

 I could not comprehend the seriousness of the situation, and even the fact that my professor promised to let us out early didn’t really register. Something major had happened, and yet it was still too unclear for me to pay much attention.

 The professor, who always keeps us late, released us half-an-hour early to go watch TV and find out what was happening now.

 I couldn’t’ decide what to do… I was out early and had the rest of the day ahead of me. I decided to go to the library to study. I am behind in my homework and needed to get to work. I grabbed a table at the coffee shop, and started getting organized. Around 11:00, the shop started selling sandwiches, and I got a turkey sandwich, a bag of chips and a coke. I sat down to eat, and the girl at the next table turned on her cell phone.

 I ate, reading homework, and eavesdropped. She was speaking to someone about two women she knows that worked at the WTC who had not yet been accounted for. She’d let them know when she knew something. My curiosity was piqued, but I still paid little attention.

 She left and someone else sat down. The couple was talking about people they knew that worked at the WTC; they were all okay, thankfully.

 All through this, I kept picking up my cell phone. Waiting for it to ring, and tempted to call my parents myself. I needed to know what had happened.

 I decided to wait. I finished lunch, and studied. A couple hours later, I had finished with that subject and I was sore and tired. I packed up my stuff, threw away my trash, and went over to the MSC.

 I entered the MSC, and found hundreds of students around a big screen TV set on CNN. There were too many people to get a clear picture of what was happening, so I went on to the bookstore… my intended destination. There was a small TV set up in there, also on CNN.

 It was there that I learned to true nature of this tragedy. I watched the footage of the second plane slam into the tower. I listened to the reporter give the run down. Then he said, “We have no way to know how many young children and teenagers were on those planes.”

 I physically doubled over as if I’d been punched. I was just in shock. How? Why? Who? WHY??? For that moment, my emotions were the most intense. I was fighting tears; I was fighting the urge to scream.

 I ended, however, simply in shock.

 I finished my shopping, and went back to the main room of the MSC. I joined a group watching CNN on the big screen TV. There I stood in silence with my school family. We all stood together in shock… A guy asked me what had happened, and I filled him in on what I knew.

 After awhile, I felt the need to leave. I needed to call my parents; I needed to get “home”.

 As I made my way across campus, I noted the flags at half-staff. I noticed that most of the corp of cadets now wore their dress uniforms. I noticed the muted attitude of all the students.

 I got home, and sat talking with my aunt for awhile. She filled me in on some of the stuff I was fuzzy about. Eventually, I got away to call my parents.

 They’d been waiting for me to call. At lunch they’d started trying to reach me, but the phone lines to College Station were too bogged down for them to get a free circuit to contact me through. I got a chill down my spin. It was the same time I’d been watching my cell phone, waiting for it to ring.

 We spoke for just under an hour… each filling the other in on what we knew. 

I saw on the news that there would be a prayer service at the campus, and I decided I would go. I needed to go. So, I filled my time on-line and watching the news until the time came to leave.

 To get to Reed Arena, where the service was to be held, I have to go around the campus, and get on George Bush Drive.  George Bush Drive was a parking lot. No one could get anywhere. I sat at one stop light for five lights. The guys in the truck beside me kept playing Chinese Fire Drill. We were all going a little crazy.

 I sat there for over 20 minutes before I gave up. I detoured off George Bush, and made my way back to University Drive. As I did this, I called my parents to let them know what was going on at the campus. They had just talked to [my brother], and they said he asked how I was doing. So I told them I’d call him. I stopped at Sonic on my way home.

 The gas stations were insane. I am quite thankful I have enough gas to carry me for quite awhile. I got back home, and called my brother. I think he was glad to hear from me. I was glad to hear his voice. He had my niece, and she kept getting fussy. He said she was telling me “hello.” That made me smile.

To be so oblivious to the tragedy. To be so oblivious to the drastic changes that have occurred in this world today… in just a few hours time.

There is an innocent beauty in that.

I have full classes tomorrow. I’m peeved in one way, and in another I’m relieved and proud of that fact. We will not let these terrorists stop us. We will continue on as always. We will triumph.

 For now, though, I remain numb… perhaps a bit nauseous, too. It makes me ill thinking about this. I need to go to bed, but the chances of sleep coming any time soon are slim.

Take care. God Bless. Call your family and friends. Let’s all join together… we will prevail in the end. We have to.

Where were you? Or please share your link in the comments to your own story from that day!

I’ve been fairly MIA the last week due to having my parents in town. I decided to unplug while they were here, and it was wonderful! So I thought I’d take a moment to catch everyone up on a few of my recent adventures.

•  Huh? — When I was down in Texas, my left ear kept flirting with plugging up. My last couple days there, it finally plugged completely. I found my most comfort by just wearing an ear plug (the cool pink ones they have out now!) in my congested ear. After being plugged for just shy of a week, I was finally convinced to go to a doctor. Upon the recommendation of a follower on Twitter, I visited a CVS Minute Clinic. I. Loved. It. I wish I got that kind of thorough and personal treatment at every doctor’s visit! If I did, I’d probably never hesitate to visit a doctor. Ultimately, I found out, I had fluid in my ear, and it wasn’t draining do to sinus congestion that I didn’t even know I had! A steroid spray and some great advice later, I can hear again. My ears still pop and crackle a bit, as the congestion doesn’t quite want to give up entirely, but I’ve never been so grateful to hear.

• Summer NAMM –NAMM is, basically, a trade show for musicians. As I understand, Winter NAMM is held in Los Angeles, and Summer NAMM in Nashville. It’s pretty hard to get to attend, but a friend had an extra pass. My husband was on the road, so I went in his place. He needs some new gear, and ideally needs an endorsement from the company of the gear he wants. (Follow that?) So, despite only being able to hear at 50%, I dove into NAMM with both feet.

The cacophony of sounds — guitars, drums, keys, band instruments, etc. just made it hard to focus with full hearing! Had I not had my ear issues, I’d have easily poked around for hours. I may not be a musician, but the booths were fascinating! I was sooooo lost on a lot of it, but it was interesting nonetheless. I wanted to visit with his current endorsement people, but I was on a mission.

However, I found the booth, and I patiently waited to talk to one of the company representatives. Once I had my chance, I was able to get what I came for… I practically skipped around the rest of the floor. I at least walked past all the booths before leaving with a spring in my step.

• Exploring my city– I like to think I know everything about Nashville, but the truth is, there’s a lot of areas I’ve never explored. This last weekend, my parents and I explored an area that even my husband didn’t know existed. In East Nashville, there’s an ice cream shop — Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams — and my parents and I wanted to find it. My niece’s name is Jeni, and she turns 10 this week. Today, actually! So we went in her honor.

SO COOL! This area is trendy and this interesting little oasis among homes, and just past a “sketchy” area of town. I definitely want to go back… often. DELICIOUS ice cream. CUTE shop. And it is just fun to explore new places.

That’s just a sampling of good times I’ve had lately while being unplugged from my computer. Now its time to go back to normal. It’s nice to do something different for awhile, but I am looking forward to delving back in to all my usual haunts and catching up with everyone.

Did I miss anything?

No wedding is perfect. Anyone who looks me in the eye and says their wedding was absolutely flawless is either lying or they had quite the support team in place to keep them from knowing about any hiccups that occurred.

For example, at my wedding the DJ was less that stellar. Oh I take some of the blame for perhaps not being clear enough with him about what was expected. But past that, how many times does a bridesmaid have to come tell you what kind of music to play before you figure out you’re doing it wrong?

My point is, I’ll say my wedding was perfect… but even in that, we had our hiccups.

So, going into the wedding this last weekend — especially as MOH,  not knowing the other bridesmaids very well — I was prepared for almost anything. I even came armed with leopard print duck tape.

Flat iron? Check.

Hairspray? Check.

Lip gloss and perfume? Check.

Band aids? Check.

Extra shoe insoles? Check.

Safety pins, nail clippers, wet wipes, Pepto, Advil, extra colors of lipstick? Check, check, check, check, check and check.

Scissors? Damn.

Well, so I forgot something. Again, not perfect. But I tried.

The ceremony was beautiful. The reception was a blast. No, things didn’t go 100% according to plan, but  you know… it still went great. The bride and groom were named man and wife. Toasts were made. Dances were danced. The cake was cut and the bouquet tossed. It was beautiful.

Oh I have a million stories I dare not share to the world. What happens in the bride’s room, stays in the bride’s room, after all! Though no promises that they won’t find their way into a novel some day…

Let’s just say that leopard print duck tape came to some interesting uses…

My Wedding Day

There we stood in the back of church. My bridemaids were all filing up, arm-in-arm with my fiance’s groomsmen. I held hands with my dad… a hand that had helped me through so much in my life.

Things I don’t remember — learning to walk, learning to talk.

Things I remember vividly — high school, college, my first job, a broken heart.

Things that have no real description — lessons, emotions, failures, successes. And there we were, about to embark on the next chapter of my life.

“No tears,” he said, giving me a hug.

“No promises,” I said with a little laugh.

There are tears of joy. There are tears of sadness. There are simply tears that result from overwhelming love and this mixture of emotions that have no words.

THAT’S how I feel when I think about my dad. Overwhelming love, respect, thankfulness, and joy. There is no Hallmark card that can ever convey that. They come close, but never quite get there.

My family celebrated Father’s Day a couple weeks ago, when I was down in Texas. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to still acknowledge my dad ON Father’s Day. I’m a Daddy’s girl… any chance to celebrate him, I take!

I went to church tonight, and at the end of mass they had all the fathers, grandfathers and great-grandfathers stand up. I have to confess, I got a tear in my eye.

A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society. – Rev. Billy Graham

Dad and my niece in 2004.

We rarely hear, “Hi Dad!” on TV. Rarely does a speech start with, “I want to thank my Dad.” They’re that silent strength in so many people’s lives. A thankless job, but one that is so priceless… one that deserves its own day to stop and go, “Thanks, Dad!”

My dad has lead by example. With strength. With kindness. With love. He instilled in me a strong value system. He showed me how to be independent and a leader. He taught me right from wrong.

He has always believed in me, telling me I could do whatever I set my mind to do. Always doing what he could do to pave the way for me to do anything. (He is still doing that to this day!)

He is one of my biggest fans and greatest assets in life. I don’t know that I say thank you enough. I don’t know that I tell him how important he is to me. But I do know that I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if I hadn’t had the incredible father that I have.

I get a huge smile any time my mom laughs at something I do or say and goes, “You are definitely your daddy’s daughter.” Or occasionally my husband will even go, “Oh you picked that up from your dad!” And I usually laaaaaaugh. Yup. Daddy’s Girl indeed.

Wish I could be with my dad on Father’s Day, but I am definitely there in my heart. And I know I’ll get talk to him on the phone for awhile at some point during the day.

If you can’t be with your dad, pick up the phone and call him. If he’s passed away, take a moment to reflect on him. Talk to him in your heart. Or if you have someone who was/is in your life as a father figure (because, lets be honest, not all fathers are Dad’s), take a moment to thank them for being there. Dad is such a thankless but important job. THANK YOU to all the Dad’s out there… hope you have a wonderful day!

I participate in Me You Health’s Daily Challenge. Absolutely love it, and I feel weird any time life gets in the way and I miss a day (or two or seven).

Today’s challenge is to Take 5 minutes to learn about the quality of your tap water. As I read people’s posts, it sparked a memory for me that made me laugh out loud all over again…

When I was in junior high (or possibly Freshmen year of high school — time has blurred the edges of those years) we had a slight break out of girls getting pregnant. It just seemed like every day, another girl was revealed as expecting.

A friend’s dad made the comment, “Must be something in the water!”

The next day, my friend’s little sister very seriously made her promise to not drink from the water fountains at school.

“Why?” my friend asked.

“Because I don’t want you to come home pregnant, too!!”

Ahhhh… we laughed about that for weeks, and here it is, around 15 years later, and I still got a nice belly laugh from that memory. Something in the water, indeed…

Today was my last day in a quick trip to Texas to my family. It’s been a whirlwind trip, and I can’t believe its almost over!

My first day was relatively quiet. I worked in the office at the family business for awhile, followed by a trip to the store and late night sewing of hot pads to give to my cousin as a bridal shower gift.

Leopard print because the wedding is jungle themed, and leopard print is the most common “design” throughout the plans. I think they’re cool looking! Go Mom and me getting those done!

My next day here (Saturday) was spent at the bridal shower, and then spending time with Mom, some of my aunts and my cousin. After most of the day spent that way, we went to church, had dinner out and did a little shopping.

I spent over 12 hours in high heels. My feet and legs were NOT happy with me. But my soul and heart? Smiles all around from the day.

Sunday, since I was here, we celebrated Father’s Day early. My brother and his family came over for the afternoon, and we had a nice big barbecue lunch. I was overfed. And it was a good thing.

Later, I went to my brother’s house to see their new project car. I got to ride and drive my first convertible! WOO HOO!

I had another great day that day… priceless family memories.

But I was exhausted after two days running non-stop. So today? Today I slept. A lot. And it was wonderful.

Then I went to my niece’s softball game. When it was 103 degrees outside. And the wind was whipping.

And their team lost. In overtime. Sadness.

But once again. Priceless memories, followed by a really nice supper with my parents.

Tomorrow, I head back to Nashville with a suitcase full of good times and memories I wouldn’t trade for the world. It was a fast trip, but I successfully crammed a lot into it.

Soooo thankful for these days. So very thankful.