Musician's Widow

Our stockings are hung by the chimney with care...

My husband and I started the process of decorating for Christmas. Informed that our neighborhood goes “all out” at Christmas, we realized we’d need to step it up a bit this year.

We headed to the store and picked up a few items we knew we’d need. A few new strings of lights, some extension cords, and a spotlight for a new cutout we have to set out in the yard. Then when we got home, we dug out all the boxes of decorations we already had.

I started to go through the boxes, getting a few things out to go ahead and put up in the house and getting other things ready to put up later. As I dug into the biggest box of decor, my heart sank.

Earlier this year, our basement flooded with about two inches of water. I wasn’t the least bit worried about the big plastic tote we had our decorations stored in safely. Everything would stay dry.

I had no idea, the bottom of the tote had cracked. Decorations that hold countless sentimental memories for me were either covered in mold or their boxes were practically eaten through with mold. I briefly reminded myself that this was nothing like the May 2011 flood that people went through here in Nashville, but still… as I threw out a few items that just couldn’t be salvaged, my heart broke a little. As I carefully cleaned the nutcrackers that were my grandmas, I realized there is a good chance this could be their last year if I didn’t get it all cleared off their bright red and green painted uniforms.

Several ornaments that were salvageable had boxes that were not… boxes that had the years I’d gotten them written on them. I threw the boxes in the trash with a sigh, but was grateful the ornament inside was okay.

Tomorrow I will go through ornaments that look okay from the outside. I’ll find out if they’ll join ones that weren’t okay.

Oh, I know I could look at it as an excuse to buy new decorations. But for me, Christmas is more about MAYBE buying one or two new items, using the old, well-loved decorations year after year. It’s a time to remember our past and the loved ones tied to those items. Ornaments exchanged with friends through the years. Decorations passed down from my parents and grandparents. Newer ones, bought or received as newlyweds. Christmas isn’t about whats new… its more about what’s old to me. Making the day’s mold discovery downright devastating.

It’s not the end of my world, though. I salvaged well over 3/4 of my decorations, but I am braced for some to not make it another year in case any mold was missed in my cleaning. I’ll just enjoy them extra this year, and reminisce to my heart’s desire.

I finished my second Project 365 today. I did one two years ago, too, and I plan to leap right into another one tomorrow…

…which is my birthday.

I always do my photo-a-day, every day, for a year starting with my birthday. It lets me document a year of my life; I can look at a photo and remember where I was and what I was doing at the moment that shot was taken.

Not only is this a great way to look back over the year, but its constantly pushed my boundaries with photography. You can actually see the improvement over the course of 365 photos.

If anyone is interested in taking a trip down memory lane with me:

If you search my Flickr photostream for the word “Fall” you get 136 photos back… a lot when you consider that I’m pretty sure I’ve failed to tag all my fall photos with “Fall” and I’ve only been seriously keeping up my Flickr page for about three years.

Growing up in Texas, Fall basically meant football season. The temperatures would go from sweltering to warm with the occasional chill in the wind. Past that, Fall = Football. Period.

Oh okay, it meant a bunch of birthdays, Halloween and Thanksgiving. And school pictures. But past that? Fall colors were what you saw only by cutting out construction paper leaves. You saw them in decorations bought at arts & crafts fairs. Or you saw them in magazines and on TV. But in Texas? It just goes summer leaves to no leaves at all in the blink of an eye. No magical color change.

Then I moved to Tennessee.

I still remember I had just recently moved here, and I was driving to our apartment from the store and I was struck by the colors all around me. I called my brother to squeal on his voicemail about how pretty it was. I don’t know why that memory remains with me, but it does.

Fall tends to not love me back. I get a yearly sinus infection, and I end up staring out the window at the pretty in misery. But it never stops me from still anticipating the season with glee.

My first visit to a "pumpkin patch" in 2006

Pumpkin patches to visit. Corn mazes to traverse.

There’s Pumpkin Spiced Lattes to drink.

Its time to get out warmer clothing.

And the colors… oh the colors! It starts with a little tinge of color in a tree here and a tree there. Then you start to notice all the trees are slowly changing from green to reds, yellows and oranges. The leaves that have already fallen crunch under your feet as you walk through the grass, and they speckle the drive way with their brilliant beauty.  Sometimes when the wind blows, they fall around you like glitter.

My husband and I like to go on drives through the country to look at all the colors. Those construction paper leaves of elementary school have nothing on the real thing! I stare out the window — be it my living room window or the passenger side window of our truck — in awe. Mesmerized by the changes this season brings.

We’ve had our first freeze warning of the year… though the extreme cold is short lived for now. We’ll be back in the 70s this weekend, just in time for a group trip to a corn maze where we’ll laugh and get lost among the cornstalks. A hayride will make us feel like kids again, and a cup of apple cider will warm the soul as much as the tummy.

Yes, Fall is definitely my favorite season of the year. And I plan to enjoy everything I can about it before winter gets its grip on the area.

Five years ago, I moved to Nashville. Five years ago October 3rd, or so my old private journal tells me. Of course, its kind of weird to say that, since between October 3, 2006 and our wedding in January, I spent about as much time in Texas as I did in Nashville due to wedding planning, etc.

Anyway, I thought I’d share my moving recap from my private journal. As I said, I moved on October 3rd, but just a couple days later I was already headed back to Texas… in one of my very few actual trips on the tour bus…

01:51 am October 3rd, 2006

Well. I’m all packed up and ready to roll. All that is left is a few things that I need tomorrow and then Sully.

I was in a reflective mood all day, and I was also a little snippy. I’m excited to be going! But I’m also… I dunno. Not sad, really. But I’m definitely… reflective.

Anyway, keeping this short. Gotta go to bed. Headed Nashville-way tomorrow! Should be there tomorrow night. :)

03:28 am October 4th, 2006

Made it to Nashville fine. Will give better update tomorrow when more coherent. But we’re here and all doin’ fine.

04:38 am October 7th, 2006

I’m writing this somewhere in Alabama. At least that’s what my cell phone cames back with when I do a “Find Me” on my Weather Channel application a little while ago. We might be in Mississippi already. I have no idea.

It’s hard to keep up with where you are on this bus. C and I are in the back lounge for the night. He’s already trying to sleep since he has to get up and drive in the morning. Me… it’s only 12:14 am. I’m not the least bit sleepy. So I thought I’d write a journal entry to be posted later….

Monday we spent the entire day packing me up to move. Loading the U-Haul up. I found myself very short tempered as the day passed, and I snipped at C a lot. He was giddy-excited. Me? I was happy and excited, sure! But there was the underlying sense of sadness and reflection. So his playfulness ended up, well, he said it himself… annoying me.

That night, I apologized for being so short with him, and I asked him to please be patient with me. This was a big deal for me. He said he understood and tucked me into my bed. He left to his room, and I sat up on the edge of the bed… I looked around the room.

All the walls were bare. My laptop and cell phone plugged in but sitting on the floor. A few empty boxes we hadn’t needed in one corner. Boxes of things I’d still need in the morning stacked in another corner. Slowly… silent tears started to fall. I turned off the lamp, crawled into bed and quite literally cried myself to sleep. I was excited for my future, but I mourned the end of what had been my life for the last (almost) 26 years.

The next morning, I’ll admit that I got started later than I had planned, and yet somehow I didn’t care. I showered and then got C up to go shower as well. I called my parents to come say good bye, and when they did we all realized it would work out to have an early lunch together.

We loaded up the last few items. Put Sully in his crate. I got C to take a picture of me with my parents at the house before leaving. And we headed to Dairy Queen for a quick lunch.

We ate and then it was time to really say good bye. I held back tears as I hugged my parents and told them good bye. It was emotional! Even though I knew I’d be back in a few days, I also knew that this was it. When I came back… yeah, it would be home. But it was never going to be the same.

We climbed in the truck, gave Sully some water and we were off. I let Sully out of his crate, but he chose to stay in there for a long time. When he DID crawl out, we both realized… neither of us had grabbed his litter box. OOops.

Sure enough, he chose to use his bed as a liter box… the smell was AWFUL. We had to roll the windows down and find the first place to pull over and dump it out. Once we did, twenty minutes later he did it again! UGH! This was going to make for a long trip! But, luckily, that was it. And not long after we were able to stop at a Wal-Mart and buy a small box that fit on the back seat perfectly.

I took the wheel for a few hours – all the way into Arkansas. We stopped for supper in Texarkana before continuing on our way. C drove the whole rest of the way into Nashville. The drive was good. Not much traffic. Sully came to life and paced a lot. He sat in both our laps at times. Then would perch on the center compartment in the front seat. Then he’d get on top of his crate and watch the world go past us. Trucks fascinated him. He only got panicky one time, but it only took a few minutes to calm him down.

We made it into the apartment complex around 2:30 am. Unfortunately, even with as tired as we were, sleep would not come. So we sat watching TV until almost 5 am before retiring to bed.

It was around noon when we got up and moving. We ordered a pizza to be delivered so we could eat while we moved everything from the trailer to the apartment. It was low 90s and we kept having to take a break. Second floor apartment. It was hot. It took it out of us! Plus, we were snipping at each other non-stop. It was borderline worrisome how we kept bickering over boxes and stuff.

J showed up finish cleaning out her stuff, so we ended up helping each other. We’d take stuff down of hers, and she’d help carry stuff of mine up. ‘She also left boxes of clothes she was going to toss – one even still had its tags! So I grabbed a ton of clothes that are like new! I love that we are the same size of clothes – except for jeans of course. LOL Once we emptied the trailer, C and I returned it to U-Haul. Then we went driving around to just relax and get away from it all for awhile.

C and I spent all evening cleaning the apartment up. Putting my things in place. I took over J’s bathroom, and its MY room. It the one room that is all mine in the apartment. The other bathroom is C’s. It’s kinda nice to each of us have one room all our own. It’s our sanctuaries, if you will.

Once we decided to call it a night on unpacking me, we sat on the couch and talked for a long time. We ended up discussing out bickering – discovering why we were on such different pages. Mending fences. Agreeing that it’s going to happen from time-to-time, it was just that this was our first time to really bicker for a long period of time. Nothing serious, just individual frustrations that we needed to discuss.

We again stayed up way late before crashing. I got up today “early.” I was so excited about my bathroom that I wanted to go play with it some. Arrange my closet. Take a shower. Etc. Lovely!! It’s silly how excited I got over it.

We had a 6:00 pm bus call, so the day had to be quiet and simple.  I got to meet the new guitarist and bus driver upon bus call. Everyone was thankfully cool with my riding down tonight. I love that they’ve all figured out they don’t have to sensor themselves around me and stuff. I’m one of the guys now. Only, you know, not

Mom and Dad should get to Pasadena mid-afternoon tomorrow. We’ll all have supper together, watch the show, and then I’ll head back to Cameron. Two busy weeks and then its off to Billy Bob’s.

I’m very happy to be in Nashville now. Even though I’ve only been there two days. My sadness has given way to excitement. It’s still going to take some getting used to, this new life of mine. But I’m happy for it. I respect and miss my past. I appreciate my present. And I anticipate my future.

I’m sure we’re in Mississippi by now. I need to call it a night. I’m starting to fade a little bit.  C has to get up and drive in the morning, and I figure I’ll get up with him and sit in the jump seat while he drives. So I should get some sleep. It’ll be a long day tomorrow.

Me dressed up as St. Therese

With the start of a new month, along comes the job of flipping the calendar pages. As I changed the religious calendar I have hanging on the basement door, I couldn’t help but make note of the fact that October 1st is the feast of St. Therese of the Child of Jesus (aka St. Therese of Lisieux or “The Little Flower“). It made me smile with a memory.

The photo over here on the right? That is me, dressed up as St. Therese. November 1st is All Saints Day, and at least one year while in (basically) bible school, we were encouraged to dress up as our favorite saint. My mom had told me a lot about St. Therese and she was my favorite saint.

Mom made my costume, and she went all out. I was definitely the best dressed of those that dressed up. (Hey, I just call it like I see it.) I still smile at that memory, and I can’t believe I actually found a photo of me in my costume!

Therese was also the saints name I took for my Catholic Confirmation.

That was many, many years ago, and I’ve long since forgotten much of St. Therese’s story. I took last night as my opportunity to research her again. I thought I’d share some of my favorite excerpts from what I read…

“What matters in life,” she wrote, “is not great deeds, but great love.” [Link]

“Instead of being discouraged, I told myself: God would not make me wish for something impossible and so, in spite of my littleness, I can aim at being a saint. It is impossible for me to grow bigger, so I put up with myself as I am, with all my countless faults.” [Link]

Thérèse herself said on her death-bed, “I only love simplicity. I have a horror of pretence” [Link]

The depth of her spirituality, of which she said, “my way is all confidence and love,” has inspired many believers. [Link]

“Love proves itself by deeds, so how am I to show my love? Great deeds are forbidden me. The only way I can prove my love is by scattering flowers and these flowers are every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and the doing of the least actions for love.” [Link]

I have stacks of laundry to be done. I have one basket of clean towels to be folded. I have another basket of clothes that are folded already, just waiting to be put away. I have dishes to be washed in the sink. Instead of handling any of those, I’m sitting on the couch, catching up online, sipping a glass of wine. It’s been a good month. I want to savor looking back for a moment.

My husband had some time off. Time off equates to not making money, which can often be a bummer. However, this recent time off was welcomed. It meant some serious reconnecting time, in the form of a Stay-cation. Exploring our own city. Going for a bike ride on our new bikes. A relaxing, romantic evening at Arrington Vineyards was perhaps the best part of it all, though.

A very special Opry. I always love going to the Opry, but George Jones’ 80th birthday was fantastic. Definitely goes down in my book as one of the coolest Opry nights I’ve ever been blessed to attend.

My parents came to visit. This is the reason for my latest hiatus. I opted to enjoy my time with my parents, while also balancing some extra nights working downtown. I seriously have the best parents ever, and I so enjoy every time they visit. We didn’t do too much while they were here, keeping it low key. And honestly? I loved that… just chilling with my parents. Who needs to run around all the time and end up exhausted? Relax. Enjoy. Live in the moment.

Texas A&M officially joining the SEC. I, for one, am excited. I’m a little nervous that we’ll struggle a few years against our new opponents, but I am so happy we’re facing the challenge. Sure, I’ll miss many of the rivalries of the Big 12. I hope we can schedule some of them non-conference… at least every few years! But I’m excited for this new venture. I’m excited to have my Aggies come to town. I’m excited to have games shown more locally. I’m excited to see my team on the local news. I’m just… excited!

All the good comes with a little bad. I’ve been fighting allergies for the last few weeks, and my new laptop is having issues. Fingers crossed a friend can fix the later tonight. The allergies… will just probably hang around another month.

September… you felt like a long month. But you were a good one. Here’s hoping October is a good one, too!