Musician's Widow

It’s been all over the news the last few months. Twitter. That social networking site that asks, “What are you doing?” And like every “new big thing” it has its fans, it has its haters, and it has its lukewarm participants.

I, personally, land in that first group. Twitter has become my new one-stop-shop online. It lets me get the news, check in on friends, share pictures, have a laugh, etc.

However, it does have its “haters.” I can understand this group. Twitter does come across as one huge narcissistic tool for users. Who really cares what you made for dinner, what color your underwear is, and/or if your cat just hacked up a hairball? Beyond on that, is it really safe to tell the world where you are at any given time?

Posting your location at any given moment, gives an unheeded vulnerability to your life and your safety. This is a stalker’s DREAM, and even a house burglar’s. I admit myself of being guilty of exposing myself with too many details on my location at a given moment. Its all too easy to do, and you get caught up in the moment, never thinking about the potential consequences.

Some question if Twitter is the death of the true blogging or journaling. In this world of faster is better, are we sacrificing well thought-out writings to made a point quickly in 140-characters? Possibly! I admit that that is very possible.

However, despite the misgivings of Twitter, I am a solid fan of the site and the “product” it provides its users. I can receive the latest news in world news, local news, entertainment and financial. They are delivered to me, by my choice, to my Twitter page, or whatever program I’m using (TweetDeck or Twhirl are my favorites). I can access it by cell phone, update it via text message, and even choose “Twitter feeds” that I have delivered to my phone via text message! (A favorite is Nashville Traffic updates.)

Herein lies my strongest vote for Twitter. The instant news updates.

Last week, middle Tennessee became the target of an EF-4 tornado. A tornado that came within about 10 miles of my house. My absolute best updates on the storms came from Twitter. People who live near me were posting updates. The local news media posted updates. All of these were available at the tips of my fingers with the simple click of “Refresh.” Within hours, I knew people were safe. My home was safe. And I “met” people online who knew those who weren’t as lucky as I was.

In those stressful hours, I came to realize what an invaluable tool Twitter can be. It could be considered our modern day Ham Radio and/or telegraph.

Twitter is serious in serious times. When times are good, its a fun discussion among like-minded people (some have come to call their followers their “Tweeples”) that, yes, consists of what they had for supper, what they think about the latest infomercial or the fact that their cat hacked up a hairball. Witty banter, mundane day events, and hard news exist side-by-side in the Twitter universe.

As with any social networking site, post your thoughts carefully. Choose your follows even more carefully. Make friends… make enemies. Spread the news. Learn the news. Realize that jobs can be made and lost based on your Twitter posts. Realize its the Internet, and much like life… once you say it, you can’t take it back.

Over the last few years, I’ve thought of a lot of things that I felt the collective population of this world has needed; logic, respect, tolerance, faith, and accountability being a few of those. But I never thought of optimism.

Today, our 44th President was sworn into office. A vast majority of the whole world rejoiced, and I scratched my head at that. The whole world? Really? But I also have found myself caught up in this feeling of optimism, of hope, that President Obama seems to bring to the world’s stage.

No, it won’t be easy by a long shot, fixing all the problems of our country and by extension, the world. I do not envy him his job. Not even a little bit. We’ve lived in a horribly pessimistic world for a long time, and its hard to let go of that completely. Turn on the news and hear about what all is wrong. (Today alone, the stock market continued to flounder.) The world is not going to change tomorrow. He has a very long and a very hard road ahead of him. He has opposition from places unseen as of now, and he’ll age dramatically during his term with the weight of the world o his shoulders… just as every other President before him has.

But for right now, there is suddenly this feeling of optimism. This feeling that we CAN get things right for a change. And I think with that umbrella of optimism, all those other things I have thought we needed will fall into place.

As soon as you start to say, “I CAN do this,” suddenly things do start to fall into place. This need for optimism and confidence is echoed in the many self help books that can be found in almost every home. How can I help myself be more confident?

By believing in yourself and in your future. By saying “I can”versus, “Well everyone is against me and this is why.” This country — this world — has lived under the pressure of what we can’t do for a long time. Every day a new law is made telling us what we CAN’T do. And we’re always ready to blame someone else when something goes wrong.

Today, though, the tune changed. Today we said we will do this. We can do that. We are a strong people in a strong country. We need to take control and move forward with heads held high. And while I am still apprehensive to say, “Oh everything is fixed now.” and while I still have my strong fears (for things usually have to get worse before they get better), I feel this bubbling hope deep in my heart and gut. It makes me feel lighter. It gives me this new optimism that we’re going to be okay. We just have to believe.

I never say it enough. I love my city.

I grew up a small town girl. 3A high school graduate. Living in the country until college. And even then, I went to college in… what you’d pretty much STILL call a small town in a way. (A small city, perhaps?) Believing myself to be that small town kid for life, I was surprised how the pull of the city tugged at me. I knew for YEARS I’d end up in Nashville eventually. I just figured it would be via Dallas, Texas, first. But, instead I skipped the middle step and went from small town to “big city.”

Here is the craziest thing of it all, though. I have more friends here than I ever did “back home.” Sure, my closest friends — the ones dearest to my heart and that I confide in most — come from years of experiences in our small town(s). But the sheer number of people I know now boggles my mind some times. And I am constantly making new friends and acquaintances.

A step beyond that, I’ve found I love to keep my finger on the pulse of the city. No, I don’t know everything that is happening. But I like to have a general idea of things that are happening. Simply because I love my city!

It’s so funny how… I will always feel Small Town Texas to be my home, but I have this love for Nashville. I think the skyline is beautiful. I love the general vibe it has. This has become home now, and… it makes me happy. It’s where I belong now.

I’m supposed to be good at this.

Then why am I sitting here going, “Okay, its time for him to come home?”

I guess I’m just out of practice? Or perhaps its the fact that its a long weekend, so his absence this weekend seems more poignant? Though I’ve spend my birthday alone before. Last year he left on Thanksgiving. This shouldn’t matter. Those weren’t big deals. This shouldn’t be.

No, I guess no matter how much of a “pro” I fancy myself, sometimes you just miss your spouse. And I do miss him more than usual right now. How will I be in a couple weeks when he’s out of the country!? Well… granted… I already have plans to look forward to during that time, so that’ll help. Different circumstances all the way around with that, really.

And really, that’s what it all comes down to. I told him the other day that, “Time passes slower here than it does where you are.” Meaning, he’s so busy that time flies by… whereas while I am busy doing things here at home, I’m still at home. And the time seems to drag by at times.

Perception. That’s a big thing that is hard to adjust for each side of an equation. In a lot of ways, this has been a short run. Heck, had he stayed with his last employer I would have hardly seen him this entire summer. So I am ultimately grateful, and I know he’ll be home in just over a day and a half.

I think myself a pro… but even pros have their moments.

Baby you need to come home
There’s a little bit of something me
In everything in you…

With my husband currently not on the road — still shopping for a new artist gig — he’s working harder than ever, grabbing gigs in downtown Nashville in the bars and clubs along Broadway and in Printer’s Alley.

The best part of it all is that he’s home at the end of the night every night. I get to see and spend time with him every day of the week, and for that I do feel very grateful. I am accustomed to the “widow” life of seeing my husband leave for days or weeks on the road, and I know that as soon as he gets a new gig we’ll fall right back into that pace of life. So I am savoring this time together with more fervor than anyone knows, because it could change tomorrow.

The worst part of it, is that he’s working over twice as hard for less pay. We’re having to “tighten up the boot straps” quite a bit, and it’s exhausting going six nights a week. But in that same vein, and I grateful for there being work to do. Many people are getting laid off in their industries, and at least he (we) still has work to do. I give myself that reality check almost daily. Reminding myself that even when I’m tired and want a vacation, I need to instead of grateful to have work and to still be able to pay the bills.

Somewhere in the middle of it all has to be “people.” It’s frustrating to see people (ie the crowd) treat his speakers and keyboard cases like their chairs or drink holders. There is no regard for personal property — for the tools needed for him to do his job. At times I want to ask people if they’d like for me to set my beer on their laptops or blackberrys. If I can perch upon their copy machines. They’d probably be appalled, but in a round about way its the same idea.

In a similar vein, I came in with a group of friends to watch my husband play last night. Slowly, one by one, they meandered off to head home, tired from their work days. Soon, there was only me at the table…

But that never lasted long, as one by one I got hit on by men. It was flattering, yes. (Where were all these men when I was single??) But slowly it grew annoying.

Can a woman not sit at a table alone in a bar and not be needing male company? All were very polite and respectful once I explained the my husband was in the band, and that I was there to see him play. But at the same time, it made me want to find a shirt that said, “Married and with the band. Don’t bother. Save your breath and creativity to find the right line.” I amuse myself some times.

In every business, you deal with the good, the bad and the… frustrating. And every day you go back to your job knowing you’ll have to deal with it all over again. Tonight, my husband will haul his gear back into yet another bar and see his equipment get “disrespected.” I’ll go along, helping to move gear and enjoy a night of good music and people watching… and probably at some point try to politely get someone (male, female, sometimes a whole group of friends there to party) to understand why I am there and that, no, I do not need to be taken care of because I am alone.

My husband does it for his love of music, as well as to pay the bills. I come along for both my own love of music, but mostly for my love and support of my husband. It’s a hat I wear (along with “writer, designer, daughter, sister, friend, etc.)… and it’s the one I am most proud to wear.

Last night, I was lucky enough to get to attend a concert as a guest of one of the headliner’s band members. A group of us ladies got together and we all drove out to see the concert, and then we had All Access passes to visit our friends in the band after the show.

It felt equally weird and natural to me to do this.

The biggest thing that felt weird: my husband wasn’t there. I kept feeling like he SHOULD be there. For one thing, these guys we went to see are actually more his friends than mine. I know a few of them probably only know me as being his wife, and I am so okay with that! But for another, he’s a touring musician and he should be touring right now! And the fact that he’s not right now… my being at a show, backstage, without him there just made me feel a little sad. Because he thrives on the music, the travel, the energy of the fans, etc., and it feels like its been taken away from him for the time being. And that just makes me sad.

But, in the same breath of all of that, it feels weirder to go to shows and NOT be backstage these days. So in a lot of ways I felt completely at home. I go and end up taking notes more on what guys are playing, how the lighting is set, what the stage layout and set look like, listening to the mix, and then just watching the fans have fun. I think I almost blew my husband’s phone up sending him text messages all night!!

I know, now, how things go when putting on a concert. I understand things that I used to take for granted. Things that amaze some are just “the way it is” to me. And I like that it is that way! Concerts are still a ton of fun to attend! They always will be! I’m just saying that I see a lot of things I used to not see, and it feels less like a “special occasion” and more like just the way my life is.

Among all of it all, I got the pleasure of watching a band member and his wife interact after the show. I fear they felt I was staring! But, I’m very much someone who likes to watch people, and take in things like body language and the way people interact with each other. It’s interesting to me, and I’ve learned you can learn a lot if you just sit quiet, listen and observe.

Last night, as I watched the couple, I wondered often if others view me and my husband the same way. As a couple very much in love, and who know its a crazy life but embrace it with as much (if not more!) vigor as someone who has a regular 9-5 job. I wonder if I appear as at home and close with my husband’s band mates as this other “musician’s widow” is in her camp. I took notes on how she approached things, as she’s been in this life for much longer than I have been. I felt I could perhaps learn something through my observations.

In the end, I had a lovely time out with the girls. I saw a wonderful (intense!) show, and I got to get a taste of another camp that is out there pounding the pavement along with the many other acts touring the country today. It was fun! And I can’t wait to do it again… just next time: I want to be going to see own husband. ;)