Musician's Widow

Yesterday evening I did something I rarely do.

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Oh I looked at Facebook periodically. And I did get some postcards addressed to be mailed. But past that? Nothing. And it was wonderful!

I’ve been fighting the last bits of a cold I’ve had since before Thanksgiving. I’m past this sicky point, but I’m smack dab in that it-just-won’t-go-away-why-is-there-so-much-snot point. And blowing my nose has earned me a strained muscle and/or inflamed ribs on one side. It’s a big case of “Ow!” when I sneeze or blow my nose now. I ask people to hug me very gently right now!

But life doesn’t stop going at full speed for a lingering cold and sore ribs. So I’ve plugged along despite it all. I’ve needed a nothing night. No laundry. No dishes. No straightening here and there. No Christmas decorating. Just me, the TV, the recliner and periodic naps. Hubby is learning new music for a fill-in gig this weekend and he followed my lead. He’d practice awhile, then he’d nap. Back and forth.

Again: It. Was. Wonderful.

Rest is, in my opinion, the body’s best medicine for all things, but rest is always the first thing sacrificed for one thing or another. A Christmas wish for all my readers: An evening like I just had. An evening doing nothing but resting. Do it. You’re body will thank you.

You know what stinks? That moment you realize, “I’m getting sick.” And then you spend the next few hours or days in denial, all while doing what you can to avoid it happening.

Yeah, that was me a few days ago. I fell asleep on the couch for about 15 minutes, and when I woke up my head felt it was twice its size. It was THAT moment. So, I started my battle with my old faithful of sinus rinses and apple cider vinegar tonic. Musicinex and a couple doses of Sudafed PE. I also take Zyrtek and Flonase daily.

A couple days of teetering between okay and not-okay, I woke up with a full-fledged cold. And the crappiest part of it?

My husband was on the road. And Mom is 800+ miles away. I was on my own.

What is it about being sick that just makes you want to be doted on? To want to just wrap up in a blanket, sit on the couch, eat popsicles and watch mindless TV. To want to have someone else make you supper, and bring you a cold glass of water when you just don’t want to get up off the couch.

Oh, its not the first time I’ve been on my own while under the weather. It won’t be the last time. But it still makes me WANT to turn into a whiny little kid. Even at 30.

Now the funny thing about a cold is that there’s really nothing you can do about it, and within that, I had no real good reason to call out of work. (Trust me, though, if I’d felt I was contagious I’d have called out. ) And, you know what? I am glad I had to work. A hot shower, flat ironed hair, make-up and just being up and among people made me feel better. It made me forget about how big my head felt. It motivated me to keep going.

I followed a work evening with a day of sleep, water, Muscinex, Vitamin C, Sudafed and sinus rinses. Mostly sleep. And as a result, I am running at about 90% now. I alternated sleep with house work today (and hubby is home, so he went to the grocery store for me and instead of popsicles brought me a six-pack of a new seasonal beer — I love that man!), and I think I should be running at full speed again tomorrow (or darn close!).

We’re going into Fall, though, which usually means sicky time for me. I’ll try to keep the whining to a minimum. Try.

Yesterday, I woke up and went, “Oh no. I have a sinus infection.”

See, I’ve had enough of them through the years that I can tell you when I have one without going to the doctor for a diagnosis. I just know. My biggest tip off is that horrible smell I get from it, combined with the constant need to blow my nose.

Landing plugged one ear to the point of my wanting to sob from the pain. I mean, not even those ear plugs made for flying helped. It was like someone took an ice pick and jammed it in my ear.

Luckily, I’ve already been able to open it back up, but my nose is still a source of misery for me. The smell. The constant need to try to clear it out. The pressure.

I’m miserable.

But I’m not miserable. It’s not laid me up. Oh, its wearing on me, and I get tired pretty quick. And I am staying on Ibuprofen and Sudafed pretty steady. But otherwise, you’d never know I had anything wrong. It’s so strange!

My neti pot is my best friend right now. I’m using it multiple times a day in an attempt to fight this infection off without having to get antibiotics. I suspect I’ll end up finding a doctor somewhere to give me an antibiotic eventually, but I want to try to fight this on my own. At least TRY.

So far, it does seem to be helping. My medicine actually wore off two hours ago, and I’m still doing “okay.” A bit tired, but okay. Hopefully its a sign of things improving…

Hopefully.

I thought about calling this, “How to be sick,” because on Friday I was lamenting that I don’t know HOW to be sick. Here it is Tuesday, and I still don’t know how to be sick. There is no how. There is only… am.

Every year for the last several years, I’ve battled my share of sinus infections. The random stomach virus would attack. Occasional migraine headaches. This last weekend, I think, seriously took the cake. I think perhaps the last time I can remember feeling that bad would have to have been Sophomore year of high school when I got the flu and ran 100+ fever.

This time, though, there was no fever. Only aches and pain. Best I can tell, it was a stomach flu, followed by a migraine, followed by a sinus infection. I was still as of yesterday, Monday, not at full speed. In fact I only just finally got an antibiotic, and I feel I am truly on the mend.

Being sick stinks!! I’ve missed out on so much! I don’t like being confined to a bed or couch out of pure lack of energy and/or strength. I don’t like having a hot shower zap all of my day’s energy. I don’t like not being able to eat.

I do like, though, that I lost 4 pounds and my jeans fit way better. That’s kind of nice.

But now I am at that weird point. I’m still weak, and yet resting makes me feel worse. I am at that point of having to push past it. When I want to lay down, don’t. When I want a dose of Advil, don’t. When I want to hide from the world, don’t. If I don’t ever just keep pushing, I’ll never regain my strength and be back to me again.

I miss me.

I don’t DO sick.

I don’t want to know how to be sick. I only want to be well. And that’s my goal. To be well. To be happy and healthy.

I can do it.

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Apologies extended to all my fellow Weekly Winner’s participants. I never am one to post my link and disappear. However, I did good to even post my link. I owe you all double comments on your posts for weeks to come.

I’ve been flirting with a sinus infection for almost a week now. Not unusual for me in May and October. My evil months of the year for health. I think I successfully kept the infection away, but…

This is the first time in a long time that my voice has completely exited. I can barely whisper… occassionally a little sound comes out. But on a whole, no voice. Atleast my throat doesn’t HURT. It just won’t emit sound!

Thank heavens for text messaging, instant messaging, Twitter and notepads! Otherwise, I’d be cut off from all communications. That would pretty much drive me crazy. Especially since my husband is in Oklahoma today, and I have a friend from back home visiting! This is not a good time to have no voice!

Me and Lindsey in the Alley

I guess I should be grateful I have a few days before I work downtown again. Perhaps that would be a worse time. Pretty hard to ask what someone wants on their hot dog when there’s no voice. I suppose I could just point at the menu and list of toppings. That might work, assuming they aren’t seeing double by that time.

I digress. Since I am all about adding pictures to my blog entries, I’ll put a picture here of me and Lindsey from Wednesday night. A picture is worth a thousand words, they say. I wonder if that counts double when there is no voice to say those words.

Hmmmm…

Anyway, Lindsey is my oldest friend with a history there that can never, ever, ever be denied or beaten. Known her since we were both 5! So 23 years of friendship. That’s rare to find these days. And reminiscing has been a BLAST! Not going to be ready to see her leave tomorrow morning.

Here’s to hoping my voice reappears this afternoon so we can continue to visit… maybe a trip to the mall will help. Maybe.

Do they sell voices at the mall?

A downside of being a musician’s widow: home alone and sick.

Nashville being ranked 16th highest city for allergies, it stands to reason that my usual Spring allergy outbreak would be worse than normal. I’m miserable and taking care of myself. My husband took off on the road for the weekend, and I kissed him good bye at the airport with a sneeze and a sniffle.

Now, it is kind of nice to be able to sleep on the couch all day drugged up and not feel too bad about not taking care of your spouse since they are off doing what they need to do. But at the same time, it would be really nice to be babied while sick.

At least its not the first time I’ve battled allergies, and I know it won’t be the last. And… at least its just allergies and not something like the flu. I will survive!