Musician's Widow

No wedding is perfect. Anyone who looks me in the eye and says their wedding was absolutely flawless is either lying or they had quite the support team in place to keep them from knowing about any hiccups that occurred.

For example, at my wedding the DJ was less that stellar. Oh I take some of the blame for perhaps not being clear enough with him about what was expected. But past that, how many times does a bridesmaid have to come tell you what kind of music to play before you figure out you’re doing it wrong?

My point is, I’ll say my wedding was perfect… but even in that, we had our hiccups.

So, going into the wedding this last weekend — especially as MOH,  not knowing the other bridesmaids very well — I was prepared for almost anything. I even came armed with leopard print duck tape.

Flat iron? Check.

Hairspray? Check.

Lip gloss and perfume? Check.

Band aids? Check.

Extra shoe insoles? Check.

Safety pins, nail clippers, wet wipes, Pepto, Advil, extra colors of lipstick? Check, check, check, check, check and check.

Scissors? Damn.

Well, so I forgot something. Again, not perfect. But I tried.

The ceremony was beautiful. The reception was a blast. No, things didn’t go 100% according to plan, but  you know… it still went great. The bride and groom were named man and wife. Toasts were made. Dances were danced. The cake was cut and the bouquet tossed. It was beautiful.

Oh I have a million stories I dare not share to the world. What happens in the bride’s room, stays in the bride’s room, after all! Though no promises that they won’t find their way into a novel some day…

Let’s just say that leopard print duck tape came to some interesting uses…

My Wedding Day

There we stood in the back of church. My bridemaids were all filing up, arm-in-arm with my fiance’s groomsmen. I held hands with my dad… a hand that had helped me through so much in my life.

Things I don’t remember — learning to walk, learning to talk.

Things I remember vividly — high school, college, my first job, a broken heart.

Things that have no real description — lessons, emotions, failures, successes. And there we were, about to embark on the next chapter of my life.

“No tears,” he said, giving me a hug.

“No promises,” I said with a little laugh.

There are tears of joy. There are tears of sadness. There are simply tears that result from overwhelming love and this mixture of emotions that have no words.

THAT’S how I feel when I think about my dad. Overwhelming love, respect, thankfulness, and joy. There is no Hallmark card that can ever convey that. They come close, but never quite get there.

My family celebrated Father’s Day a couple weeks ago, when I was down in Texas. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to still acknowledge my dad ON Father’s Day. I’m a Daddy’s girl… any chance to celebrate him, I take!

I went to church tonight, and at the end of mass they had all the fathers, grandfathers and great-grandfathers stand up. I have to confess, I got a tear in my eye.

A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society. – Rev. Billy Graham

Dad and my niece in 2004.

We rarely hear, “Hi Dad!” on TV. Rarely does a speech start with, “I want to thank my Dad.” They’re that silent strength in so many people’s lives. A thankless job, but one that is so priceless… one that deserves its own day to stop and go, “Thanks, Dad!”

My dad has lead by example. With strength. With kindness. With love. He instilled in me a strong value system. He showed me how to be independent and a leader. He taught me right from wrong.

He has always believed in me, telling me I could do whatever I set my mind to do. Always doing what he could do to pave the way for me to do anything. (He is still doing that to this day!)

He is one of my biggest fans and greatest assets in life. I don’t know that I say thank you enough. I don’t know that I tell him how important he is to me. But I do know that I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if I hadn’t had the incredible father that I have.

I get a huge smile any time my mom laughs at something I do or say and goes, “You are definitely your daddy’s daughter.” Or occasionally my husband will even go, “Oh you picked that up from your dad!” And I usually laaaaaaugh. Yup. Daddy’s Girl indeed.

Wish I could be with my dad on Father’s Day, but I am definitely there in my heart. And I know I’ll get talk to him on the phone for awhile at some point during the day.

If you can’t be with your dad, pick up the phone and call him. If he’s passed away, take a moment to reflect on him. Talk to him in your heart. Or if you have someone who was/is in your life as a father figure (because, lets be honest, not all fathers are Dad’s), take a moment to thank them for being there. Dad is such a thankless but important job. THANK YOU to all the Dad’s out there… hope you have a wonderful day!

Today was my last day in a quick trip to Texas to my family. It’s been a whirlwind trip, and I can’t believe its almost over!

My first day was relatively quiet. I worked in the office at the family business for awhile, followed by a trip to the store and late night sewing of hot pads to give to my cousin as a bridal shower gift.

Leopard print because the wedding is jungle themed, and leopard print is the most common “design” throughout the plans. I think they’re cool looking! Go Mom and me getting those done!

My next day here (Saturday) was spent at the bridal shower, and then spending time with Mom, some of my aunts and my cousin. After most of the day spent that way, we went to church, had dinner out and did a little shopping.

I spent over 12 hours in high heels. My feet and legs were NOT happy with me. But my soul and heart? Smiles all around from the day.

Sunday, since I was here, we celebrated Father’s Day early. My brother and his family came over for the afternoon, and we had a nice big barbecue lunch. I was overfed. And it was a good thing.

Later, I went to my brother’s house to see their new project car. I got to ride and drive my first convertible! WOO HOO!

I had another great day that day… priceless family memories.

But I was exhausted after two days running non-stop. So today? Today I slept. A lot. And it was wonderful.

Then I went to my niece’s softball game. When it was 103 degrees outside. And the wind was whipping.

And their team lost. In overtime. Sadness.

But once again. Priceless memories, followed by a really nice supper with my parents.

Tomorrow, I head back to Nashville with a suitcase full of good times and memories I wouldn’t trade for the world. It was a fast trip, but I successfully crammed a lot into it.

Soooo thankful for these days. So very thankful.

My grandpa and my dad outside the milk truck

My grandpa was the milk man.

I know. That sounds like some bad “dirty joke” pun, but it’s true! My grandpa was the milk man. And if he were still alive, he’d have been 89 years old today.

I always took great pride in being my grandpa’s granddaughter. I remember introducing myself to people growing up, and they would get this thoughtful look on their face.

“Any relation to the old milk man we used to have here?” And I grin from ear-to-ear and confirm that, “Yup. That’s my grandpa! … What’s he up to today? Oh he’s a jack-of-all-trades handyman around town.”

“Ah… good… good. I remember the time…”

Everyone always had a story about grandpa. It wasn’t until after he died that I heard the story of him pulling a family out of a burning building while on his milk route. I think that one is my favorite one of them all. That and the fact that he raised seven kids with my grandma… yes, seven. They were married over 50 years before death did they part, when my grandma passed away.

Oh and did I mention he served in WWII? Yup. He was a cook! And man… those cooks on M*A*S*H? Yeah, they weren’t my grandpa. He made GREAT food. Best hamburgers ever.  EVER.  Whataburger? In-N-Out. Pffffft. They WISH they were as good as grandpa’s burgers. They WISH.

Grandpa and Grandma

By the way, you know how I’m an Aggie? Yeah, my grandpa worked as a cook at Sibsa mess hall back in the day. So, you see, my ties to Texas A&M go way back. (My Uncle Milton, Mom’s brother, worked at TAMU at one time as well!) The first time I ate dinner in Sibsa, I looked around and smiled, knowing Grandpa was smiling down on me as well.

I remember when I got accepted to Texas A&M, my grandpa was in a VA nursing home. I got him an “Aggie’s Grandpa” bumper sticker for his motorized wheelchair.  And, you know, he put it on it and rode around with it proudly displayed!

Grandpa always said I reminded him of my grandma when she was younger. And I think that’s why he got so upset the first time I colored my hair. I still remember feeling guilty when he gave me that look of disapproval of my choice to lighten my hair.

But, I think deep down, he knew I was me and I was going to do my own thing.  That or Grandma set him straight on that. haha!!! Who knows.

I just know that if anyone asks me about my grandparents, I smile and say, “My grandpa was the milk man.” and if anyone will listen long enough, I’ll tell them all about him.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa! Make sure you dance with Grandma in heaven today and celebrate your special day… just the way I know you two danced the day you joined her up there. You had a special love… and you’ve always been a role model for me and, I don’t doubt, all your kids and grandkids. I love you!

I was safe in Grandpa's arms.

In continuation of yesterday’s, “I went to the movies” post, what I went to see was the movie Bridesmaids. I really didn’t know much about it except that a lot of people on Twitter feed were going to see it, and that they all had a different opinion about if it was good/bad/ugly.

A big reason I opted to go to the movie (because, seriously, that whole Twitter feed thing happens every weekend, but the movies never even really register with me) is because this is a year of weddings for me and my husband. I am SO GLAD so many of our friends and family have found the loves of their lives… I just want to know why they all found them at the same time! ;)

I am in one wedding, and my husband is in another. As such, a day does not go by that I don’t think about someone’s wedding, and so a title like Bridesmaids just screamed, “SEE ME!” So I did.

It was okay. I summed it up on Facebook as, “Hollywood’s version of a wedding with adult language and junior high humor.” So, as I said, it was okay. I think they tried a little TOO hard to get laughs, and the funniest parts were the ones that I think every woman in the theater could relate to having experienced themselves.

Because, seriously… weddings are serious business. And anything serious business is just RIPE for comedy. Oh, when you’re going through it, you can’t laugh. Noooo… the world really MUST stop because you can’t find the perfect garter to wear under your dress. This. Is. TRAGIC.

Then years later you facepalm yourself and wonder what the big deal really was.

The big deal, though, really is how you get from engagement to wedding without alienating everyone around you… because of those serious-tragedies-that-really-aren’t. And THAT, my dear friends, was the part of the movie that rung the most true.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in everything being perfect that you lose sight of the people around you, and the fact that they are the ones that truly matter. You forget that the world does not stop for your wedding, and that every person you’ve surround yourself with in the wedding planning is still living a day-to-day life that can not be put on hold. Watching that movie, there were moments when reality smacked ME in the face, and I looked back on my own wedding planning with a few regrets at how I handled things.

I’m excited for every one of my friends and family members who are getting married this year. I hope they find as much joy and satisfaction in marriage as I have. I can’t wait to hear those “I dos” and watch the bouquet be tossed (thankful I am no longer out there trying to catch it!). I can’t wait to hug the bride and groom and wish them all the best.

Because whether myself or my husband are in the wedding party, a wedding IS a party. Its a celebration of love and a new life beginning. And its in that moment that all the stress of planning, all the no-tragic-tragedies of planning cease to matter and the hurt feelings fade away. It’s in that moment that its all made worth it.

I’ll be honest. I’ve been putting off writing this blog, because I have felt there is no way I could possibly put into words what I want to say.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!!

First off, I am amazingly hit-or-miss on getting things in the mail on time. Sometimes, I rock. Other times… well… let’s just say, Mom’s Mother’s Day card is still sitting here beside me. Somewhere in my brain, I had another week to get it in the mail. But alas, no. Here we are, and here it sits.

My mom? She rocks. Yup. She does. I am truly blessed, and I am truly thankful.

My mom is… well… Mom. I turn to her for advice. I turn to her for help when I am sick. I turn to her to tell me when I’m screwing up and need a good talking to. I turn to her to teach me things. I turn to her for comfort. I turn to her for her faith in me… it helps build my own faith in myself.

My mom is my friend. I WANT to call her every day and chat about the day. We laugh and girl talk regularly. I enjoy girl’s days/nights out with her.  I love to go shopping with her. I even turn to her when maybe my husband made me a little mad, and I need a friend to vent to about it.

I pray that if I ever have a daughter myself some day, that I have the kind of relationship with her as I do with MY mom. It’s amazing.

I recently told Mom something I believe is true… “I think Mom’s prayers have a stronger pull with God’s ear.”  There’s a Miranda Lambert song on her Kerosene album. “Mama, I’m Alright”  There’s a part of it that always makes me think of my mom…

She loves me more than anything
And she wants the world for me
Her west dropped of in El Paso
And her north in Abilene
Hey Mama I’m okay out here
I’ve seen how hard the world can be
My step is sure and I know my name
I’m strong just like you prayed I’d be
I’m strong just like you prayed I’d be
I felt it every time you prayed for me

I love you, Mom! I would not be half the woman I am today if not for you and Daddy, and I am forever grateful for you both. I am incredibly blessed with the best parents in the world. THANK YOU just doesn’t seem adequate. Happy Mother’s Day… I do wish I were there with you today.

I am in my heart…