Musician's Widow

The government and media can tell us all they want that the economy is getting better, but I know from where I stand… it sure doesn’t feel like it. I’m doing ok right now just because we’ve found ways to cut costs left and right.

But… at what point does cutting costs reach the point of insult?

Where I am working right now, at least once a week it seems someone comes in ready to negotiate their bill down to a lower price. Every time that happens, I’m left with a sick taste in my mouth. (It happened twice in one day recently, and it sent me in to a fit of pure anger… something that VERY rarely happens.) Why? Because I know what goes into doing the service being provided: aka Overhead.

When you receive a bill for a service, what you have to realize is that the bill exists to help cover hundreds of hidden costs.

Let’s take your local plumber. You call him to come unclog a drain, and when you receive the bill you might find yourself asking yourself, “Why so high when he was only here for 10 minutes.”

What you don’t see is:

• fuel costs to drive over
• the expense of having the proper tools to do the job
• training and KNOWLEDGE of how to fix the problem quickly and efficient.
• taxes paid by the business owner to even be in business.
• insurance they have to carry.
• etc.

In my own case, when doing any design work, I often try to figure myself by hours of work… plus a little extra to help me afford the computer I need to do the work. The programs. The hours I’ve spent learning how to do the work.

I’m not just putting food on the table. I’m trying to stay in business. And at the end of the day, the only number that can truly be negotiated down is what you think that individuals time and knowledge are worth. And it is in that moment that negotiating a bill down comes off as insulting. Just as you’re trying to save money, a business it trying to stay in business… and those words, “Why so high!?” can easily be the equivalent of, “You’re just not worth that!”

If everyone were to negotiate their bills down as hard as some people do, businesses would go out of business left and right. Now, I’m not saying you can’t ever negotiate to get a better deal. I’m just saying… sometimes take a step back and realize its not only about you.

Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Brilliant little line there. I suspect its been used to open countless other blog posts or even books. I suspect we’ve all reminded ourselves of this saying at some point, or we’ve pleaded with someone to be careful of this as well.

Don’t judge me before you know me.

The other day, my husband asked me if I had talked to a fellow music-industry person while we were out for the evening. I told him I hadn’t, but I’d seen them there. He asked why I hadn’t stopped to talk to them, since I’d been making the rounds to make sure I spoke to everyone while I am in town.

I told him it was because I’d gotten the vibe through other encounters that this person didn’t really like me. I said this person usually either clammed up or, often times, left all together when I’d make an extra effort to come say hello. So I opted, this time, to keep a wide berth of them as the night passed.

My husband was surprised. I can (generally) get along with anyone. I wasn’t going to lie and say it didn’t sting a little to have that distinct impression of dislike being sent my way. However, I was going to respect that fact and not make anyone uncomfortable.

I told my husband, “I have a suspicion that its the ‘musician’s wife’ thing. Maybe they’ve had bad experiences with wives and girlfriends on the road, and now they’re not going to give me even half a chance.” After a moment, my husband agreed that that might be the case.

Oh, I’m not going to throw stones nor pat myself on the back. I have my own moments when I find myself being THAT road wife… the one that is a little higher maintenance that normal. Its rare, but it does happen on occasion. Some wives, however, are just generally a little more high maintenance. Others you hardly know exist, they are so independent. I try to walk the line between the two… a little closer to independent, but not too close.

Anyway, I’m only making wild guesses, of course. But the end of the night, no matter what, I felt myself being judged for the cover title, versus for the content. And it stinks when that happens! We all do it, but hopefully we strive not to.

Do you have a time when you’ve felt yourself being judged before someone got to know you?

Sunday afternoon was gorgeous. One of those perfect days. Temperature in the mid-70s. Sun shining. It beckoned for us to come outside and play.

So my husband jumped in the truck with no plan in mind. We ultimately ended up at a sports bar and grill, sitting beside an open window, just enjoying being out. We had a delicious barbecue dinner, and then just sat. Visiting. People watching. We paid no mind to the clock.

We contacted a couple who live close to us to see if they wanted to join us. They did and then we really proceeded to ignore the clock! Laughter. Stories. A few shared pitchers of beer between us all. It was wonderful!

As the evening drew to a close, we finally looked at our watches. My husband and I had been there almost 7 hours by that time! Where had all those hours gone!?

I have to say with certainty… those hours were far from wasted. How often do you just ignore the clock? How often do you not have somewhere else to be? How often do you find yourself in the company of people that you don’t feel the need to go, “Oh gosh, when can I get out of here?”

We left the bar, and I had a smile on my face. It was a very relaxing afternoon and evening. I was thankful for good friends, beautiful weather, my husband, and having a carefree attitude for a day. Monday would come soon enough, and responsibilities would be knocking on the door. But in that moment… I wasn’t worried about them.

I didn’t know I needed that time without borders, but I am sure grateful I had it.

I am writing this blog post in Word, to later be copy/pasted into MW because our internet is down.

I’ve made a couple discoveries in these hours of internet-less-ness.

First, I rely heavily on Twitter to find out what is up.

I feel this is the beauty of Twitter. This is why I tell people that “Twitter is the awesome.” When something happens, I can usually find out information about whatever it is with a quick Twitter search.

For example, a week or so ago, the Nashville City Council were going to be voting about the fate of the Nashville Fairgrounds. My husband and I went out for the evening, and someone commented that they wondered what had happened with the vote. In less than 5 minutes, I found a reporter Twittering from the meeting, and I could give a play-by-play of the meeting from miles away. As I said, Twitter is the awesome.

Tonight, however, as the internet went down, I went in search of some sort of status update about my parent’s internet provider (using my handy smartphone). I discovered that their provider did not have a Twitter account. They didn’t even have a status blog to keep customers updated about any outages. A major business FAIL in my book.

Meanwhile, my blog went down at the same time. However, my host not only has a Twitter account, they also have a blog on which they post updates explaining what happened and when users could possibly expect their sites to be back up. WIN.

Anyone who thinks Twitter is all about posts like, “I am going to the bathroom now” need to give it a second look.

With that said, second, I rely a little too much on the internet.

No internet for the evening? No big deal! I have PLENTY of other projects to work on that don’t require internet.

Or wait. Those image files I need? I never downloaded them out of email to be able to build that banner for a friend.  I’ll play with my new camera! Maybe I can find some tutorials to follow on-l… oh wait. Can’t do that either.  At least I have Word to write my blog posts in to post later! Right?

I’ll be glad to have internet back. I’m building my career with the internet and no internet, no work. No work, no income. No income… STRESS!

With my husband as a musician, I’m “used to” saying good bye for long periods of time. (Hence, “Musician’s Widow” of course.) I only “like” it because it means income into the household. But good-byes are never what you’d call fun.

Right now, it was my turn to “go on the road for work” and I said good-bye to my husband for a few weeks.

Confession: I still get sad saying good-bye, even if I’m “used to it.”

I woke up in a funk this morning of good-bye. I kept telling myself to not ruin our last few hours by moping, but it was HARD. My logical side said it had to be, but my emotional side wanted to make him stay with me a few more days. (He drove me to Texas for work, and he was leaving to go back home to Nashville while I stayed behind.)  Cancel gigs. Ignore the winter weather warnings. Stay!

But, no, he had to go. So I hugged and kissed him and waved as he drove away.

We’ll both get in an old rhythm that we get into when we’re apart. Phone calls. Chat session on AIM. Etc. We’re good at this, and at the end of the day it’s not REALLY that big of a deal. It’s our life and “how we roll.” We will both be so busy during this time that the days will fly by for us. It’s all good.

I’m fine now. Miss him like crazy, of course, but I’m doing fine.  But… I do still get sad to say good-bye.

Yesterday, my husband and I had the pleasure of spending some time visiting with George Gruhn of Gruhn Guitars. We took a friend’s guitar to the store to see if they would be interested in her line of guitars, never expecting to spend such quality time with a guitar expert.

I plunked around with a guitar in high school for awhile. My husband is a piano player. On a whole, our guitar knowledge pretty much extends to what we see our guitar-playing friends use and do. And, frankly, I know I’ve never had any interest in extending that knowledge. However, when we left the store, we left with this odd, new passion and interest in guitars in general. Why? Because Mr. Gruhn took the time to really explain guitars to us.

He taught us how the wood effects the sound. He explained what types of wood are best, and in one case even told us when a certain type of wood began to be used in guitar building. We both soaked it all up. Every word. Things that meant nothing to me before suddenly not only made sense, but seemed common sense when explained with the care, passion and knowledge that Mr. Gruhn spoke.

Photographers know their equipment. They know F-stops, white balance, aperture and focus.  Writers know words. They craft them with a skill beyond noun, verb, pronoun and prepositional phrases. Mechanics know cars. Car collectors know every nuance of every change in body style through the years. Accountants know math and money skills.

When you talk to someone who knows their craft, who truly loves what they do, some of their passion will inevitably rub off on you. You’ll find yourself learning and remembering things you never really thought you would need to know. Perhaps you DON’T need to know it… but in that moment, as that person is educating you about this thing they love, you feel you do need to know.

George Gruhn started with a love for guitars and has built a successful and legendary store and line from that love. It wasn’t by scheming or “politics” that he and his store has become a known name. No, it was his passion rubbing off on others, that then rubbed off on others, and then rubbed off on others…

I have had time to sit and think about this afternoon, and its made me wonder: What is my passion and love? What is that thing that I love to tell people about? Am I sharing my passion with others with a skill and confidence that will carry me where I want to go?

Are you?