Musician's Widow

After my shower today, I carefully dried my hair in sections. Making sure every strand laid down straight. My usual quick five-minute hair dry replaced by a fifteen minute project.

When I was done, I pulled out the flat iron and as it warmed up I went to pick out my outfit. I carefully chose each piece, making sure it was equal parts flattering and functional.

I then went and carefully ran the flat iron over my already-straight tresses. It brought a shine to each strand, and it took out all the frizzies that just seem to hang around all the time in the winter.

Then it was time for make-up. Foundation and powder. Eye shadow and mascara. Lipstick and a thin layer of gloss.

Perfect. I was ready.

I walked into my office and sat down at the laptop to work. I had no plans outside of going to the grocery store for milk, hamburger meat, and ant traps. But I decided to take the extra steps today because it just gives me a boost. Plus, my husband was off at a meeting… I thought I’d surprise him by not just being in sweats and a t-shirt like I’d been in a lot lately.

Oh lazy days are wonderful. We all need days when we don’t get out of our PJs all day. But you can’t have days like that all the time. If you work at home, like I do, its easy to fall into that PJ rut. It’s easy to fall into pony tails and toe socks. But, we go out of our way to look good for others… why not look good for ourselves? Why not look good for our family? Why not show the world we are proud of who we are, even when the only “person” we may see is our cat that day?

It will make you appreciate PJ days as something to enjoy, not as everyday wear. It will help you focus. It will make you happier.

I think few people would disagree with me when I say this: 2010 STUNK.

Oh, I know. It had its high points. Other years have stunk, too. January to December is arbitrary start and stop points in the grand scheme of things. Yadda yadda yadda. Doesn’t matter. I look back on 2010 with a scowl on my face. I actually FEEL 30 in a lot of ways. I guess the year aged me to my age for a change. Perhaps that is not such a bad thing, but its also not what you ever want to say.

What made the year so bad you ask? It just felt like an uphill climb the entire time. We lived month to month financially. I became buried in a dark cloud financially that, yes I created, but it was also one that was created at a time when the idea of being able to dig out of it was not far-fetched. Then life happened, and it all came to a head in 2010.

I ended up taking comfort in watching the news and hearing of others right where we are. We at least had family and friends to lean on… we at least had work in general. I was thankful for my blessings, but it was hard to not sink into a stressful depression.

Time and time again, we found ourselves taking one step forward, two steps back. We found ourselves making hard decisions — selling my husband’s truck, canceling services that we realized were a luxury. We definitely learned  the difference between want and need!

And perhaps its within things like that, that I look into 2011 with optimism. We’ve learned hard lessons and picked up new habits that will make big differences for us in the new year. What first felt like the last blow, we are having to move. But now I look on the change with optimism for a clean slate. I, myself, laid a lot of groundwork in my writing and photography. I go into 2011 with optimism professionally, and with hope that changes we’ve made will have a positive effect.

I’ve picked up a motto and belief this year… that its after our greatest failures that our greatest successes are realized. 2010 is one of the hardest years I’ve ever experienced, and its my belief that 2011 will follow with stark contrast of positive strides professionally, financially and even personally.

Yesterday, I read a column in the Washington Post about the number of adults writing letters to Santa this year. Then, I saw several national news articles on the same topic. It made me equal parts sad, hopeful, and nostalgic.

It pulled at my heart to know so many this year are in such dire need they’ve reached for their last resort. Perhaps its in a fit of frustration. Perhaps these letters were written more for therapy. Or perhaps they were written with the deep hope they would truly be answered. Blind letters sent out to Santa asking for food, clothing, or a little help with the bills. It shows the true state of our economy. A far cry from the rosey photo the news media tries to paint with, “Spending and sales are up this year! Showing an upturn in our economy!”

However, the letters also gave me a ray of hope, in that they are being read, and others are definitely trying to help where they can. Strangers helping strangers. A hand held out to one another. Together we rise and pull through the tough times we find ourselves in today. There’s no shame in asking for help. There is only shame in refusing to help when you really could.

Nostalgia runs wild when it comes to letters to Santa. I remember writing a yearly letter to Santa in school to be published in the local newspaper for all to read. You’d ask for the hottest new toy and maybe a bike. Then half the fun of reading the letters is all the misspellings (which as a former newspaper writer is hard to leave in when you’re typing those suckers up!) which just adds a bit of fun to the whole thing.

I think deep down we all still believe in Santa. We all still want to believe there’s a man out there who every Christmas Eve travels the globe to bring gifts to good little boys and girls. We still, deep down, get up on Christmas morning and look under the tree to see if maybe, just maybe, that jolly old man made a stop by our house this year.

If I wrote a letter to Santa this year, I’d be among those asking for a little help getting through the next couple months. But I’d also throw in a wish for a new camera, and maybe some bubble bath if he’s got time. A couple new movies and a pair of new boots. A laptop with the newest version of Photoshop would be pushing it, but, hey, wouldn’t hurt to ask! That’s the fun of Santa, you can ask for the serious right along side the way out there stuff.

What would you ask for if you wrote a letter to Santa? Would it be frivolous or serious? A mixture of both? Its all a part of the fun of the season… so get out that pen and paper and write a letter. Who knows… some of it just might come true.

Due to a serious lack of inspiration, I thought I’d share a short list of things I am looking forward to watching on TV. Especially because in the grand scheme of things… I really don’t watch much TV.

Today
Texas A&M vs Baylor — Battle of the Brazos

Sunday
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition — The episode where they build the school here in Nashville! Can’t wait after having driven down the interstate and I saw it being built. SO COOL!

Backstory: Rascal Flatts — I am 99% sure this is the special that SHOULD feature a few of my photos taken of the Fiddle & Steel. *happy dances in excitement*

Wednesday
Throwdown with Bobby Flay — Bobby vs. Pioneer Women. I’ve only just recently discovered PW, and I’m already in love with it. So I seriously can’t wait to see this one.

Other shows I am addicted to: (yes I said I don’t watch much TV… must you be such a stickler for details?)

Ghost Hunters — Just because its FUN

Paranormal State — Just because its FUN

Undercover Boss — Seriously, if you haven’t watched this show, you are missing out big time. Gives me so much hope!

Chopped — Because sometimes I pretend I can cook like a real chef.

What Not to Wear — Everyone woman should watch this show. Don’t roll your eyes. They make great points, make big changes for people, and I’ve learned a lot about fashion from them.

Hoarders & Intervention — Guilty pleasures that make me more aware of all sorts of things.

Pawn Stars & American Pickers — It’s like Antiques Roadshow on steroids. Or Crack. It depends on the episode.

Past all of these shows… anything is fair game. News. Family Guy. Anything. Just don’t ask me to get addicted to a show that makes me watch EVERY week to keep up with the story line. I just don’t have that kind of time or patience.

What’s on your TV-list?

I try everyday to make my rounds to various other blogs to see what others have written. I consider it a chance to not only get to know more people, but to also learn from others what does or does not work. Some days, I don’t do so hot at making the rounds. I’m either tired or busy or just flat out not in the mood. However, I try to keep those days to a minimum.

I direct your attention to the right side of the screen. For those who are directionally challenged just as I am, its this way; —–>

Below the top ad, you’ll see three blog posts from other blogs on the Blogher network to go visit. I always visit those links. Always. They are guaranteed to be great posts. Those three links consistently leave me in awe of their writing talents. Those links make me want to be a better writer. There are some truly talented writers out there on the web, and it makes me glad that through blogs those writers get attention. It’s a whole new world in regards to publishing and writing these days!

I still dream of being a published author. Its a dream I will not give up on. Its a dream I will achieve. I see many other bloggers out there with the same dream, and as I read their stuff I know they’ll achieve that dream as well.

I may lament the decline of the English language due to text-speak and new versions of shorthand, but the fact, thankfully, remains that there are still a lot of people out there who do love to write, and they do so with great care. I salute all those who do, and I want to tell them I am in awe of them. I appreciate what you do, and I thank you for letting me be a part of your industry.

It happens. We all get a little overwhelmed and discouraged. I’m putting off this week’s Show Stories entry by a day, because I’m there right now: Overwhelmed and discouraged.

Ironic considering I have two new projects waiting in the wings. No reason to feel discouraged. I should be feeling energized and excited! I should be jumping on this with vigor! But instead I feel just the opposite.

I think a part of that is due to my schedule lately not lending itself to work very well. I’ve also not straightened my office in awhile, which has chased me out of there to work. I’ve drifted from the online networking, etc. that I’d been doing hard and heavy, and I’ve noticed that in my site stats dropping off a bit lately.

It just adds up.

Oh, I’m not giving up.  I read somewhere that blogging seems easy at first because you have no where to go but up. Then you hit a plateau and it doesn’t all seem so easy any more. I think I’ve hit a self-inflicted mini-plateau.

I need to, first, work on my schedule. Then, second, clean my office and reclaim it for work. Then, third, nurture my business relationships better.

I confess, some days, I shake my head and think it would just be easier to go find a job as a waitress somewhere and forget this “crazy dream.” But it also wouldn’t be the least bit fulfilling for me. Oh sure, it would have its perks here and there. But a few years from now, I’d be right back where I am now. Kicking myself for not pushing forward and being further along in my goals. Wishing I’d not given in to “the easy route.”

No, I’m going to keep pushing forward. Keep learning about my trade. Keep putting myself out there every single day. It’s too important to me to do anything else.

I’m just having “a day.” I’m having a Monday on a Wednesday. It happens. It won’t even last through tonight. (At least I hope not!!) But I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the struggle. Acknowledge what it takes, and acknowledge that sometimes… it gets difficult. And its in time like this, you have to push a little harder.

So here I go… pushing along.