Tag Archives: change

about-me

The day I changed my mind

I don’t talk that much about my degree in Journalism. It’s not that I’m not super proud of having it, because I am! It’s just that it doesn’t come up much.

I did, however, spend a year and a half at a small-town, weekly newspaper after graduation. I was using my degree! Even more fun, it was a sister newspaper to the one my best friend from high school was working at as well. I quickly found being the local news reporter made me something of a local celebrity, and I found myself in the most fascinating places meeting interesting people. I even got to cover a movie being filmed in the town! (Hollywood types don’t like cameras near movie sets.) I enjoyed the job at heart, but there was only one major issue…

We were a staff of three women. That was it. Or bookkeeper/receptionist, the publisher/editor and me, the staff writer/pretty much anything else.

Can we say a fast trip to burnout? At first I loved it, because I got experience in everything. I was writing, reporting, photography, editing, etc. But later, it just dragged me down… I couldn’t really hone my skills in a specific direction. I felt mediocre in all things. I started to be less enthusiastic about work…

…of course the fact I was dating a guy I was pretty sure I’d marry and move to Nashville to be with didn’t help…

But the breaking point really came after Thanksgiving the year I hung up my journo hat. Around 4:00 one afternoon, report of a bad accident came across the police scanner. It happened to be on my way home, so my boss told me to go see what happened then just go home after. I could do the article the next day.

I drove out with a sick feeling. I pulled up to the scene to see a badly mangled car… Christmas gifts in the back window. I could hear a child crying and screaming from the car. I froze. I was sick about myself. I’m there to take pictures of this family’s tragedy! I’m there to be nosy. I felt like such a vulture! This wasn’t like the 18 wheeler that high-centered in the Wal-Mart parking lot. This wasn’t like covering the sentencing of a criminal in court. This was a family in pain at Christmas. These were KIDS. I wanted to help, not… Take PICTURES.

I called my then-boyfriend having a total meltdown. I was in tears, just sick over it.

“I can’t do this!” I cried. “I want to help, not be a vulture!”

Life flight was brought in and someone loaded up from the car… While I just stood there. I felt like the worst person ever. It was my job, yes. It was a job I loved and was excited to have and study. I hang my degree proudly still. I learned a lot working at that newspaper, and my degree plan offered so many electives I was able to really branch out what I studied but in that moment… in that moment I wanted to be compassionate and help.

I turned in my two week notice a week or two later. I still think about doing some freelance work. And I might in the future. I love to write and I am still a total newshound. But being a stoic reporter? That’s not me. And I long ago realized that is okay.

faith, motivational, optimism

A year of beginnings

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Going into this year, I said time and time again how the new year had to be better than the last. Moving would be forcing us to make big changes, and it would also give us a new place from which to leap into the year.

Here we are, 12 days into the new year, and as I talk to friends (or as I skim Facebook) I find that a strong majority of my friends and family are also using 2011 for new beginnings.

I know of at least four weddings this year, if not five. I know of several pregnancies. Friends are also packing up and making big moves. Still others are looking for new jobs. Some have even opted to go back to school.

Everywhere I look, I see everyone with something new… even if its simply a new life motto. It’s almost as if we all took 2010 to try to “fix” things, while 2011 is instead a reboot for us all.

As I look around me, I still see so very many problems in my country and in the world. But I’ve always believed big change happens after individual changes are made. It only takes a spark to start a fire, after all.

And perhaps, instead of trying to fix problems, or instead of looking at the big picture and how “dismal” things are (because, c’mon, last year we looked at the big picture a LOT with government deficits, etc.), if we all just take the initiative to fix things individually and internally, we can start to see some changes to the big picture. Even a forest grows one tree at a time, after all.

I don’t know! Maybe my optimistic self is starting to bounce back these days, but I am really feeling hopeful for this year. Not just for myself, but for all of my friends and family. For everyone who is making changes, no matter how big or how small. Dream your dreams. Make your new goals. Make those crazy changes you’ve been afraid to make. You’ll never know what kind of positive change it could be until you try.