Musician's Widow

The other night, on our way home from downtown, I (admittedly out of the blue) went, “I am so happy with my life.”

My husband was happy to hear that, but at the same time was rather baffled by my statement. Where did it come from?

It came from taking a step back for awhile, and taking stock of things. I looked around at other’s lives and realized I am where I am supposed to be. I’m in no way knocking anyone else’s life!! No, don’t get me wrong there. If anything, I could be accused of, now and then, watching others and thinking, “Why am I not doing that?” or, “Man that looks like fun.” or, “I want that.” Face it, we all do that. There’s that whole grass is greener thing that happens to us all.

But that night, I sat back and realized how happy I am to just be me. To be married to my husband. To be living where I live. To do the work I do. To dream the dreams I dream. To have the friends I have. To have a wonderful family. I am thankful for all I have to show for what I’ve done in my life. I’m thankful for the places I can show you where I’ve thoroughly screwed up… because those are lessons that have also helped shape me and my life.

I am right where I am supposed to be for me right now.

There is a wonderful peace in that realization. There’s a wonderful happiness in it. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. For every thing I take for granted, there is quite possibly someone else who is wishing for that same thing.

Love the life you have. Live it to its fullest. Strive for the next big thing, but also be completely be happy in the moment you are in right now.

I sure am.

If anyone noticed my post last week looking for technical help, you know I’ve been having some serious laptop woes. It seems to either be a driver issue or a bad CD drive. Either way, my month-and-a-half-old laptop seems to have decided to fail me.

My biggest frustration has lain with the company the laptop was purchased through. Visits to local stores *cough*Office Depot*cough* left me annoyed. Either no one knew what to do, or — in one visit — wouldn’t even look at the laptop at all. It was pretty much a big case of, “Oh well that stinks. Good luck with that.” I was poised to write a nasty blog post about the entire ordeal.

However, yesterday, corporate stepped in and made it all right. I’ll be returning this laptop (they’re coming to pick it up from me at my house!) and getting a whole new one. I’m thankful. Finally, an end to this whole ordeal is in sight.

So, I went to the closest store to me one more time… this time to look at the computer options once again, and to pick up an external hard drive. I’ve only needed one for… ohhh… ten years. But I never had the money or that final push to get one. Moving all my data again was my push, and I happened to have enough money left over from my Lightroom purchase.

After looking that laptops, I grabbed the card for the external drive that I wanted. I took it to the counter to check out. The drive, with a 2-year protection plan, and Tennessee’s high tax rate came out to $74.53. So I handed the girl $75 in cash. (Sidebar: there is something crazy-satisfying to be able to pay with cash.) She reaches in her own pocket… HER OWN POCKET… and pulled out 50 cents. She asked if I had 3 pennies, that way she could just give me $1 in change.

I was dumbfounded.

To her it was just 50 cents. To me, it was a sign of kindness I feel you never see any more. I think I thanked her a dozen times. I tucked the $1 in my wallet with one more thank you. I was, and am, amazed still.

I reviewed The Chocolate Diaries yesterday. One story in that book that stood out to me was one about the author’s friend who took to buying the car behind her’s Starbucks order. The little random act of kindness that made her feel good, and that hopefully gave the other car a smile.

I kind of felt like that happened to me today. It was just 50 cents…

…it was a priceless gesture.

Last night, I “worked the door” at the bar I work at downtown Nashville. That just means I checked IDs (GUH! 1990 = 21. I feel so OLD.) and attempted to beckon people in the door.

Knowing I would be the first face they’d see at the bar, I decided to take a little extra care in how I dressed versus my typical bartender outfit of tank top, jeans and comfy shoes. I wanted to present the bar well (and actually DID bring a few people in based on my appearance because, “you make this look like a respectable place!”) and beyond that my allergies have still been going nuts, and dressing nicer makes ME feel better and gives me drive to keep going.

Now, working the door isn’t my favorite job at the bar. I don’t mind it, but I’m not the best at yelling out to random people, “No cover! Live band! Come check us out!” I’m too much of a people watcher. I can easily sit for hours on end, just watching the people pass. And within that, I’ve gotten pretty good at predicting ahead of time which bar a person is going to want to enter based on their dress, attitude, etc.

And boy! Let me tell you… dress, attitude, etc. is all over the board sometimes. I love the diversity! TV can never give the entertainment or variety of just sitting back and watching others interact with each other and their surroundings.

It just so happened, a large group had just come out of the bar I was at, and they’d come to a stop in the middle of the alley. I looked down at my phone to check the time, when a maroon purse and gold-ish (not gaudy gold, but gold toned) heels caught my peripheral vision. I could tell a woman was trying to get around the group.

My head snapped up to look as this woman walked away. And I’ll be honest. I was mesmerized.

Walking away was an elegant, sophisticated and confident black woman. Without missing a beat, she slung her purse over her shoulder, and she walked with a stride that never faultered. Her maroon dress hugged her curves just right, showing off a perfect hourglass figure without a single piece of skin needlessly being revealed. Her tall heels complimented her toned legs. Her hair a perfect round halo around her head, which was held high.

It was a little like something you’d only see in a commercial.

I couldn’t stop staring in admiration. I knew nothing of this woman. I hadn’t even made eye contact with her. And yet everything about her screamed confidence. Nothing she wore was flashy. She had not gone out of her way to be noticed. It was just her confidence in herself that caught my attention. Her confidence in herself burned itself in my mind.

After crossing paths with hundreds of people tonight, as I left to go home it was that one woman and her confidence that continued to stick with me. It’s kind of like reading a dozen blogs in one day, but only bookmarking one. This woman has inspired me to want that kind of confidence just radiate out — in what I do and in how I present myself. Deep down, I’ve been looking for inspiration lately. I just never expected it to come to me as a woman in a maroon dress walking down an alley.

I’ve been an avid viewer of What Not to Wear on TLC since season 1. Yup, I even remember long-haired Wayne of season 1. I love the show, and I’ve learned so much watching it — both about style and about self confidence. More on that later…

When I say I’ve been an avid viewer, I should clarify: I WAS an avid viewer. Until TLC moved it from Friday night to Tuesday night. Now, I only see it if I just happen to stumble upon it as a repeat later in the week. (Read: never.)

Friday nights were a tradition with my Mom! We’d watch together sitting on the couch, then after I moved to Nashville we’d watch together via AIM. The mother/daughter time was a wonderful bonus to one of my favorite shows!

Then… then it moved to Tuesday night. The one night a week I can’t watch. Mom and I find other shows to watch together, but none of them are our original What Not to Wear. None stand up to the high bar we’d set with that show.

Last night, however, I was actually free and I got to tune in for two episodes back-to-back. Mom and I chatted online through the show, discussing the style, attitude and the ending reveal of each participant. I was reminded how much FUN it is, and I was also reminded why I love the show so much.

It’s not just about fashion. Anyone who thinks that has never watched an episode, never REALLY watched it. Most style issues for the participants are a result of a deeper seeded issue that has led to a lack of self confidence. Often its a case of worrying so much about everyone else that the participant forgets to take care of themselves. Granted, sometimes its a case of just not knowing any better. Whatever the reason, though, you most often see not only a change in appearance, but a change in attitude and confidence.

The show makes me want to take more care in my appearance. The show reminds me how I present myself not only can change how people interact with me, but also how I think of myself. It reminds me that when I take extra care in my day’s appearance, I often have a more productive and better day.

I wish TLC would move it back to Friday, but since that won’t be happening, I’ll just have to wait until I get another Tuesday free. I look forward to the time with Mom, and I look forward to that kick in butt to step up and take better care of myself.

The video of the band Sidewinder covering the Adele song “Rolling in the Deep” comes courtesy of an anonymous Twitter feed run by a man who goes by the Twitter handle @areyousuprised. He says he’s stationed in a “Sandbox, Middle East” and he uses his Twitter feed and YouTube videos to “build up the courage to come out to family, girlfriend, friends, and coworkers,” once “don’t ask, don’t tell” ends. It’s not clear whether he’s one of the members of the band, but he did sent the video into a viral tailspin he hadn’t quite expected. “My latest video is getting blown up like crazy,” he wrote.

The band members did not expect it either. Staff Sgt. Angie Johnson, of the 571st Air Force Band, 131st Bomb Wing, Air National Guard, only found out about the viral video when Carson Daly contacted her on Twitter. In short order, Mark Burnett and NBC’s the Voice reached out as well. “ Totally can’t believe I’m tweeting with you right now. Jaw.On.Floor,” Johnson wrote.

Air Force band’s Adele cover goes viral
By Melissa Bell

Jaw on floor is exactly what happened to me when I saw Angie post on her Facebook page that Carson Daly was trying to reach her. I couldn’t wait to tell my  husband, who met Angie while overseas performing for the troops himself. He always said, “It is only a matter of time before she’s discovered.” His respect and amazement at the entire Air Force Band is one he’s never hidden. They are incredibly talented individuals who take it a step further by choosing to serve their country.

YouTube sensations happen every day. You never know what its going to be… a skateboarding dog… some crazy trick shot in any given sport… or recently, a barking cat. But its one of those things that happens to strangers. Watching it happen to a friend is… crazy!

Now, I’ll be the first to admit, my husband and I don’t “run around with” Angie and her husband, and I haven’t actually seen her in a couple years. She isn’t on speed dial — I’m not even sure I actually have her current phone number. But I keep up with her via Facebook and Twitter. I still deeply regret missing her wedding, but her posts about enjoying her home, or spending time with her husband, always make me smile. We do the, “We need to get together!” game, but sadly never actually do. Just a couple weeks ago, she posted a series of photos of her in a box as a prank while overseas in an undisclosed location. I admit I giggled and shook my head. I admire her; she doesn’t even know how much of a joy her posts are.

Living in Nashville, I am not for want for amazing singers. Some stand out more than others. But across the board, it baffles and saddens me how many get passed up by record labels for any reason or for no reason. So many great singers that the world will never know. So many who ache to just sing their songs for a living, but instead waitress or work as mechanics. So many that live on the tips they earn downtown, praying they don’t have their cars repossessed, cell phones turned off, or maybe just hope to get to eat tonight. Talent undiscovered all over the place.

Seeing Angie be discovered in such a random way in this crazy business amazes me. She wasn’t found anywhere here in Music City. She was found via YouTube while entertaining our troops somewhere out in the sands “over there.” It just reminds me to not give up hope of dreams coming true in the most random and unlikely of ways.

Good luck, girl!! You deserve it!

I could easily be called a sunset girl. Being a night owl, I rarely see a sunrise, unless I am on my way home from a particularly late night at work. But sunsets I embrace. The way the sky turns from a brilliant day-time blue to hues of purple, pink, yellows, oranges and sometimes brilliant reds. It beckons the end of a day, and it heralds in a peaceful quiet night.

However, I’ve chanced to see a few sunrises lately for one reason or another. Today was one such day… I stayed up to take first my husband to the airport, then a friend who had a flight an hour or two later. Some would grumble about this, but for me it worked out nicely. I stay up until the early morning hours anyway (consider it a side effect of being married to a musician as well as part-time bartending until the early AM hours), and it afforded me the chance to witness another gorgeous sunrise.

This one:

Sunrise over BNA

There is something so gorgeous about a sunrise. Oh sure, from this photo you could easily say it could be a sunset OR a sunrise. But trust me when I say this was one gorgeous sunrise. It filled me with such a sense of renewal. Such a sense of hope for a good day.

Back in college when I’d see sunrise regularly, I wish I’d taken time to truly appreciate it as I do today. To appreciate the beginning it brings… a new day with new chances to succeed and embrace life.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day… I sure plan to.