Tag Archives: humor

about-me, humor

I’m a little slow sometimes

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I have a college degree. I have a piece of paper that basically says, “I’m smart.” (Signed by Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, thank you very much.) But lets face it. I can be pretty slow sometimes, too. I make up for it by being really good at faking that I know what’s going on… I like to say I have my BS in BS.

In the last few weeks, though, I’ve had TWO instances of having lived years clueless and FINALLY figuring something out. Moments when the light bulb clicked on and I went, “Ohhhh!” to no one but myself.

The first was listening to the song, “Song of the South” by Alabama. I’ve lived in Nashville for over four years now. I’ve heard the song countless times in life and since I moved there.

I only JUST last week figured out what the line, “Papa got a job with the TVA” means. I’ll be honest, as a kid, I thought maybe it was, “Papa got a job with the TV, hey!” because TVA meant nothing to me. Then it hit me. Out of the blue. Ironically while I was laying on my bed in Texas. TVA… Tennessee Valley Authority. Where I get my electricity! DUH!

Then, when I was going through things to throw out in our move, I stumbled upon old journals from when I was a teenager. My journalism class in high school started, every day, with writing in a  journal. It was fun to go back and read what was important to me back then!

I stumbled upon the entry from when OJ Simpson trial finally ended. “The juice is loose.” I wrote. Because everyone else was saying it. I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand that line. All I knew was that was what headlines and reporters were using to kick off reports of his acquittal.

Yeah, about two days ago, when I wasn’t even thinking about anything other than if I had time to flatiron my hair, suddenly I said to my reflection, “Oh duh. OJ. Juice. The juice is loose. I’m slow.”

Please someone reassure me that I am not the only person who puts things together years later for NO REASON. Its like my subconscious mind was chewing on it. Like a piece of old gum. And suddenly it went, “Oh hey, this gum is peppermint flavored! Time to spit out and get a new piece.”

Yeah, its a cheesy analogy but its all I’ve got right now. I’m still exhausted from all these moments of sudden understanding. I’m a little slow sometimes. I admit it. But, hey, at least I entertain myself with it.

general-post, humor

Jury summons

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I got a jury duty summons.

And I laughed at it.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not against doing my civic duty and all that jazz. (Even though its not really high on my list of “things to do.”)  It’s because it came to my parent’s house.

In my hometown.

Where I do not live.

Oh I am here working, sure. But home is Nashville, TN. I have the driver’s license, voters registration, and even Social Security statements to prove it! Vehicle registration, too. Tax return. Legal documents. Insurance documents. Everything! Heck, I can’t even go to the doctor here and expect insurance to do much of anything, because I DO NOT live here.

And I haven’t lived here for four and a half years!

On top of it, they sent it to me with my maiden name on it. Which I changed over four years ago as well!

Needless to say, we all got a good laugh from this court mix-up, and I filled out the card explaining I don’t live here and that they even had my name wrong. I dropped it back in the mail to the court clerk; I’m pretty sure I’m safely exempt from it. Heck, chances are I’ll not even be here working on the date of the summons… they’d literally have to fly to Tennessee to find me. At home in my bed. With my husband and cat.

However, it was also rather disconcerting. I know I’m from a small town and all that, but you’d think after four years the system would have caught up to them. Literally, the only thing that was still coming here for me under my maiden name was a couple credit card statements… and those are currently in the process of being discharged.

I wonder if they ever send out jury summons to people who have passed away? How do you arrest someone for not appearing at court because they are dead?

Anyway,  mistakes happen and I got a good laugh from it. But it did make me question what kind of database they use for juror selection, and why is it so far out of date? Anything like this ever happen to anyone else?