Musician's Widow

I always try to sit by the window on a flight, because I love to watch the scenery pass below...

The first time I ever flew on an airplane was January 5, 2004 from Austin, TX to Nashville, TN. Since then, I have logged more than 134 hours in the air on 62 flights.

I like to think I’ve become something of a pro at flying, even though I know I’ve not flown even half as much as someone like my husband has flown.

My longest flight was from Atlanta, GA to Honolulu, HI in 2006. It was 8.5 hours on a plane, but obviously the end result was worth it. Crystal clear blue water. Drinks served in pineapples. Leis at the airport. Spam on the menu — even at fancy restaurants. July 4th spent with the military. Memories that I can’t even begin to list in any sort of coherent or concise manner.

The flight back from Honolulu to Atlanta ranks as one of my worst flights due to a stomach ache half-way through the flight. It’s not funny to have a cramping stomach when your right in the middle of a row of four or five seats, and you still have about four hours to go in the air.

My absolute worst flying experience occurred in 2005, when I was flying from Nashville to Austin, and I’d opted to have a layover in Houston, TX at Hobby Airport.

First off, Hobby is probably my least favorite airport of all that I’ve flown through to date. For one thing (and San Diego, CA comes in a close second for this very same reason), I will never understand why an airport would ever be set up to where, when you change planes you have to come out of security and then back through security. Luckily, both times for me, it was just an annoyance. For others, like in San Diego, I watched full bottles of wine purchased as a keepsake behind security at one airport being thrown away because they couldn’t take it BACK through security to change planes. At least  all I did was lose time and almost be late for my flight. For others, they lost a lot of money.

A vast majority of the time, I fly Southwest. If I fly a different carrier, its because Southwest didn't offer a flight that worked for me.

However, Hobby became my least favorite airport when I got stuck there, due to bad weather, for around six hours. It wasn’t the weather that was frustrating for me. It was the total lack of information from the ground crew as to what was going on that day. We were constantly told our plane would be arriving shortly, when in reality it wasn’t. Going to get something to eat, or even going to use the restroom, became a gamble. Would our plane arrive when we were gone? Or are we being fed another line?

Its absolutely the only time I’ve had a “bad” experience with Southwest Airlines. Its absolutely the only time I’ve had to deal with airport personnel that really didn’t have a clue what was going on around them. It’s been four years, and I’ve not flown through Hobby since. It just left me with that bad of a taste in my mouth for air travel.

I’ve never had a bad experience flying due to fellow passengers. Perhaps the only “annoying” experience was when my husband and I took a somewhat last minute trip up to Oregon to see his family. We booked our flights late and the only seats we could get together were one behind the other.

The first leg of the trip, a young man happily traded seats with my husband so we could sit together. The second leg of the trip, however, the ladies around us practically turned up their noses and snapped, “No!” when we asked if they would trade. I grumbled and in my mind I pretended to put a curse on the rudest one that someday someone would refuse to let her sit near her husband on a long flight, too.

On a whole, though, my flying experiences have been good. I’m always braced for the day my luggage gets lost, or my flight gets diverted somewhere else due to weather or a plane malfunction. (I did once get stuck on the tarmac for about half an hour due to an engine issue, but that was pretty mild of an experience.) I’ve really gotten pretty good, though, at being prepared for as much as one can be prepared for when flying.

I prefer to sit as close to the front as possible. It means a quicker exit afterwards, and for some reason, I just like the way the plane feels upon assent sitting up front.

My top tips to novice travelers:

– grab a drink in the airport before boarding. While most flights do offer drink service, its usually a good half hour into the flight before that happens. You’ll probably get thirsty before they get you your drink.

– chewing gum has been a life saver for me in the past when cabin pressure changes. So have these earplugs called Earplanes. They make a HUGE difference if you have sensative ears for any reason.

– if you’ve got sinus issues, try to re-book your flight. I’ve had to fly with sinus pain and pressure, and it was the WORST flying experience ever. The last half hour of my flight was pure torture, and I had one ear plugged for several days after. It would have been worth it to reschedule my flight a couple days later.

– don’t get upset if your bag gets chosen to be searched. They’re just doing their jobs. If you’ve got nothing to hide, you’ve got nothing to worry about. They see super-sexy underwear and other unmentionables every day. You’re not unique in this, and they aren’t going to remember you from all the other bags they see in a day. (The only thing I still get heckled up about is when they search my bag and leave it in total disarray. That does grate on my nerves.)

– if you have an item that MUST get there, pack it in your carry-on. While a majority of the time, your luggage will arrive the same time you do, the chances of a lost bag when you need that bag most seem to double. Bridesmaid’s dress? Uniform? Medication? Favorite team’s jersey for the game? Put it in your carry-on.

– this goes for your expensive jewelry, electronics, etc. Unfortunately, things like that have been known to mysteriously disappear out of checked luggage.

– fly Southwest. I don’t work for SWA; I’m just a fan. The last six times I’ve flown with them, they’ve been between 5 and 20 minutes early to arrive. Their staff is friendly (and most really funny, too!) and professional. They don’t charge for your bags, still offer free drink and snack service, and they have the easiest procedure for changing your flight of any airline I’ve used. Last week, they called my cell phone while I was going through security to notify me of my gate changing in the last five minutes! THAT really blew me away.

Sunset from the sky... beauty you only see from a plane.

I am going to close here with some of my favorite airline travel sites.

– Flight Memory: Lets you keep track of flights you’ve taken and flights you will take. It gives you your stats on all your flights, and it is just an all-around interesting site. (For example: I’ve flown 53,892 miles, and my average flight is 869 mi, 2:10 hrs.)

– Flight Explorer and FlightAware: Track any flight as it progresses. These sites are really handy when you are waiting to pick someone up at the airport. It shows what path their flight took, their altitude, speed and projected time of arrival. I use both as sometimes, as weird as it sounds, a flight will be on one site, but not on the other.

– Seat Guru: Everything you want to know about what kind of seat you’re getting on your flight. Leg room, whether the seat reclines or not, etc. are all taken into account while rating a seat. Check it out ahead of time to decide if you will even have room for that pillow, or if you need to make sure you can stow your carry-on above (versus under the seat in front of you.)

"Drive Dunk, Get Nailed" cars are popping up around Nashville...

This week has been one for the record books for me. Simply due to how “different” it really was from beginning to end.

Many probably don’t know that I work at a hot dog stand in a bar in downtown Nashville for extra money. It’s a fun job and I get to listen to amazing live music, have a drink if I want one, and meet all kinds of interesting people. Not a bad day at work!

However, the week was kicked off with a strange Sunday in which the downtown in general was just dead. Not even Broadway could boast much of a “crowd.” And adding to the strange quiet of downtown, our full band didn’t start until midnight! Ultimately, I think those of us working agreed that we should have just closed early and cut our losses. Surely Monday would be better.

Monday, however, simply upped the strange factor.

A torrential downpour left my husband and I doing 20 mph on the Interstate as debris from trees swirled through the air, and our ability to see ahead of us was diminished down to a few feet. Once the storm cleared and we were able to go again at a normal pace, a woman in an SUV pulled out in front of us. She merged onto the Interstate, crossed two lanes into our lane, doing maybe 40 while we were going 70. It was physically impossible for us to slow fast enough to not rear end her, and I’m still thankful the next lane over was empty and we could swerve around her. Its not the first time that’s happened on a Nashville interstate to us (apparently checking to see if a lane is clear is not necessary, and turn signals don’t come standard on vehicles here) but it never ceases to leave my heart pounding wildly.

That evening’s highlight was getting to have dinner with my husband at his lodge meeting before going to work. THAT was a treat. Work, however, was simply bizarre again. Downtown was once again pretty much dead, but the city’s homeless were moving around a lot.

The night ended with a homeless woman rushing into the bar demanding that I call 9-1-1, because “he’s laying on the steps bleeding! He’s all beat up!” The woman said she and this man had only been in Nashville three days. However, she could not tell us who or where “he” was. My husband went with her to look, but came up with no one.

About half an hour later, the lady came back hysterical again to call 9-1-1. This time, my husband and the lead singer of our night’s entertainment went with her together to hunt for her friend. They did find the man this time, looking like he’d been beaten up and passed out in an alley.  My husband called for help, and soon three police cars, firetrucks and an ambulance appeared to help the man. I do hope the man and woman are all right, but I also hope to not go through that scavenger hunt again any time soon.

Things looked up come Tuesday. My husband sold a piece of gear and a roadcase he’d been trying to sell for awhile. I got the oil changed in my truck for a better price than I had anticipated it costing. And we arrived downtown for my husband to play the late shift to discover a music video being filmed outside the bar. The bonus was that I got asked to be an extra in the video! Definitely not your typical night out! Everyone has their list of things they want to do someday. A deep secret dream of mine has been to be in a music video. Now I can say I have!

Wednesday was gloriously normal. Thursday, I flew to Texas for a visit with my family. My husband jumped in a tour bus and headed north to Iowa and Wisconsin. Definitely a case of our going opposite directions! Not the first time. Nor will it be the last. (I can’t leave out that Thursday was also the day that Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson both passed away, leaving the news world spinning as well.)

Now, I’ve lived in Nashville just shy of three years, and in that time my ability to handle cold weather has gotten better, and my ability to handle hot weather has diminished. So not only was my Friday swim date with my nephew and niece a priceless period of time with my two favorite kids in this world, but it was a nice reprieve from the 100+ temps!

To round out the week came Saturday. I had tickets, thanks to a friend, to see a Texas artist do a show in Waco. However, I was not aware it was an outdoor show until the night before. My parents and I went, but ended up not staying. The heat was just too much for all of us. (I suppose on my part, it also doesn’t help that I’ve admittedly gotten a bit spoiled to having a cool tour bus to hide out in at outdoor shows when I go see my husband play a show!) The inside of the club was reserved for VIP ticket holders, and with General Admission tickets we couldn’t go inside. So without reprieve from the heat, we left not long after the music had started.

Strange for me to not stay for a concert! But this year’s summer in Texas is setting record highs… and I suppose that in and of itself tops out a very different week for me. One for the books.

Or atleast for this blog.

When I was in high school and college, I used to joke that I was “a tax season orphan.” Today, my husband could rightfully call himself “a tax season widower.”

My parents have owned their own bookkeeping and tax preparation business for over 20 years. It’s perhaps pretty obvious and natural that I’d work for them through the years, and despite the fact that I majored in Journalism (and my passion lies in the arts) I continue to work the family business. And I truly do enjoy the work I do for them. It can really be a lot of fun!

The last few years, my work time has been focused on that final push of the season. The time when we have people in and out of the office constantly, and the time when the most returns are being completed a day. This year, I’ve alternated three weeks in Texas, one/two weeks in Nashville, then back to Texas another three weeks. I arrived back this last weekend to finish out the season.

Meanwhile, I am actively planning Muster for the Middle-Tennessee A&M Club. Everything, so far, seems to be falling into place beautifully. Which, I admit, makes me a little nervous. When it all falls together this well, I don’t feel as prepared for any “disasters” that could occur the day-of the event. Then again, I feel like I’m getting really good at planning things, so maybe its falling together just because its becoming old-hat to me? Who knows. Nonetheless, I am VERY excited for it all. I so love the tradition of Muster. It is without a doubt my favorite tradition of them all.

Easter is approaching!! I’m excited Craig will be down to spend it with us. THAT will make the day complete. Counting down for it, for sure.

The warmer temperatures of Spring are already making me itch for Summer. Actually, I wouldn’t mind skipping Spring just to avoid the tornado outbreaks that have already begun. I may have grown up dealing with them, but I will never be used to it. How can you be? They’re terrifying, how random they are.

But as I said, summer is approaching and that means… Craig will be on road a majority of the time. I get home in time for him to head out for work. That’s just the way it lands… bummer! We’ll make the most of our time as we have it, of course. We always say that we appreciate our time together more due to all the time apart, and we most definitely do. We don’t LIKE being apart as much as we are, but we make it work. It’s just the way our life rolls.

And honestly… I love my life. More than I can say.

Last Christmas, I made my husband a promise. We would go to Oregon to spend the Christmas holiday with his family. It was a promise I was determined to keep.

As Christmas drew nearer this year, and the economy started to slump, I grew more and more stressed about how we’d make it to Oregon. In the end, I have to admit. The promise was kept, and a credit card is getting horribly abused.

However, as I told Craig last night: time spent with family is priceless. You simply can’t put a pricetag on this time spent. Flights. Rental car. Hotel. Christmas gifts. Gas. Food. In the end, its all just numbers on a piece of paper. Its the moments in time that you can never recreate that mean something.

Living in Tennessee, with my family in Texas and his in Oregon, we obviously are one of those families that have to struggle with, “Who do we go see this year?” We try to split it every other year, but sometimes life does change those plans. And even as I say, “its all just numbers on a piece of paper” I do admit that those numbers have dictated that we do see my side of the family more often that we see his side. ($200 round trip driving 13 hours to Texas is easier on the pocket book than $600 at best for 8 hours flight time to Oregon.) So, any time we spend in Oregon I take very seriously. I want to make sure we see everyone we can, but at the same time spend the most of our quality time with those closest to us.

Yes, here it is Christmas and I do indeed miss my family. But, I can call them any time and my Mom is GREAT about taking pictures and filling me in on the things I’ve missed by living (or just being) far away. A big part of my heart will be in Texas on Christmas Eve night when my family gathers for church and on Christmas Day when they open gifts.

However, even with that said, I couldn’t be more happy or grateful to be right where I am with my husband and his family — who have most definitely become my family as well.

So, come Christmas day, I know I will be surrounded by a lot of love, seasoned with good food, laughter, and I am sure many stories being shared by all.

For me, every Christmas is a day I wish I could just place in slow motion and make last. Hold the day close and savor every second. Because it’s definitely not about the presents under the tree. It’s about the feelings in your heart. It’s about the intangible. The things you can’t put a price tag on. The things that once they’re gone, they only exist in pictures and in memory… never to be relived the same way again.

Merry Christmas to all… I hope and pray everyone finds themselves surrounded by love and laughter on this day. Whoever you may be. Whatever you may believe and celebrate. We all deserve and need this day every year to remember what truly matters most.

Each other.

** For more photos from my Christmas trip to Oregon, visit my Flickr site. **

I took my first flight in 2004, and since that time I have racked up over 114 hours of flight time on 53 flights. Not many for some people (ie, my husband), but a lot more than others. I like to consider myself pretty much a pro at it at this point.

Security is a necessary evil, and I don’t mind the hassle so much. The liquid rules have proven to be a frustration sometimes, and I always wear either flip flops or boots to fly due to the fact that you have to take your shoes off going through security. Books, gum and the ipod are blessings on a long flight. My poor laptop battery just won’t hold enough of a charge to be much company, though.

However, I sincerely enjoy flying, and even though I do get this “what if” fear in the pit of my stomach just before I board, I know its a safer mode of transportation than driving. Besides, whether you fly at night or during the day — the views are breathtaking!

I’ve discovered something on my last few trips that were strictly for “vacation.” I’ve discovered that I understand my parents a lot more than I once did.

I remember as a child, any time we’d go on vacation, as soon as we got to our hotel room, I couldn’t wait to go DO something. The worst torture was when we’d go to Dallas to go to Six Flags!!! Those roller coasters! They called out to me! And yet Mom and Dad wanted to stay at the room for awhile. I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t comprehend. Nap when so much fun awaited???

Now? I understand. I find myself thoroughly enjoying time spent in a hotel room with my husband. No cats begging for food. No laundry to do. No dishes to watch. I may bring some work along with me to do on the computer, but I can do it on my own time at my own pace. It’s definitely a “getaway.” Why rush off to do something that will be there later, when a nap beckons to me? It’s the beauty of vacation. No rushing.

Right now, I write from beautiful Portland, Oregon. Snow and rain seem to be our weather companion this trip, causing some concern as to when we head over the mountain to the coast. However, it’s also an absolutely gorgeous sight to this Texas-born Nashvillian. I’m excited to see friends and family, but I’m also enjoying the leisurely pace we have set for ourselves by planning a longer-than-usual stay. No cramming things into a few days. We have time for ourselves… time we can spend out sightseeing or snuggled down in our hotel room.

Yes, traveling can be very stressful and tiring. However, the end result — the destination — most often makes it all so worthwhile.

There is one really big perk to having a husband that is a traveling musician: you DO get to do things you’d never do otherwise.

For example, two years ago I had the opportunity (which I took!) to go to Hawaii over the 4th of July holiday. Would we have gone otherwise? It’s possible, but also fairly doubtful. Honestly, I’d have never in a millions years thought I’d go there. Growing up, I never even listed Hawaii as a place I wanted to visit, simply because I knew it would never happen…

And then… it did. So beautiful! A wonderful trip! I’d love to go again some day, and who knows… we might. But, if we don’t, it’s okay, too. It’s a memory I will never, ever forget.

I also went to Las Vegas to see my husband do a show, and then just countless venues around Texas and, now, various locations close to Nashville. It’s a nice “perk” to the life. We spend so much time apart while he is on the road, but we do get advantages of getting to go and do things we’d never do otherwise. Occasionally, the random show sponsor will provide band members with gifts, or we’ll end up with the random CD of new music. It doesn’t make up for the time spent apart, per se. But, its a nice little bonus of sorts.

This last weekend, when everything went haywire due to a last-minute show being added, we again landed on things coming out better. Plus, we got to once again do something we’d otherwise have never done.

I drove up to Indianapolis, IN, for their show. Now, being from Texas, its still very strange to me to be able to drive to another state — much less through a whole state into yet another one! — for a concert. The 5 hour drive wasn’t bad at all. It was actually a very pleasant and beautiful drive.

The show was great, and we had friends there who we got to have fun with after the show. Due to checking in to our hotel so late, we ended up actually having our room through Monday! We discussed it and decided to stay an extra day.

I would have never known that Indianapolis was such a fascinating and beautiful city! We got to explore downtown, and I just could not get over how much there was to see. I sent my parents a cell phone photo of the skyline, and they too were amazed we were where we were… doing what we were doing. Heck, we discovered we enjoyed the city so much, we want to go back when it is warm so we can explore on foot! (It was SO cold and we had not packed for it, thinking we were going straight back home on Sunday.)

I plan to travel South soon to another show, and I will get the chance to explore some Southern history… whereas in Indiana there were such old buildings from a more Northern perspective. (Duh, right?) I have my fingers crossed my husband will soon get to fulfill one of his life-long dreams of played an awards show, and that I’ll get to come along to see that. I spoke with one of the crew’s wife and she plans to go with them on an upcoming California trip.

California would be so wonderful to get to come out to see them. I have friends there that I am itching to see again. However, funds will keep me grounded for this run. But, perhaps some day! You never know. All things are possible…

Coming from a girl who grew up in a small town, that has been quite the lesson learned. Often small town minds don’t see beyond their city limits. But there is a whole world out there to explore. And so many things that seem impossible, ARE possible. And I am forever grateful to the things I have gotten to experience…

Like I said… its difficult to be “a musician’s widow,” and its not a “job” many are cut out to handle. But, if you’re willing to put the faith, trust and belief in your marriage out there… it does come with its perks: both tangible and intangible.